It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us. 

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Best-selling Letting Go author Guy Finley's encouraging and accessible message is one of the true bright lights in our world today. His ideas cut straight to the heart of our most important personal and social issues: relationships, success, addiction, stress, peace, happiness, freedom and lead the way to a higher life. Finley is the acclaimed...

Best-selling Letting Go author Guy Finley's encouraging and accessible message is one of the true bright lights in our world today. His ideas cut straight to the heart of our most important personal and social issues: relationships, success, addiction, stress, peace, happiness, freedom and lead the way to a higher life. Finley is the acclaimed author of The Secret of Letting Go and more than 30 other books and audio programs that have sold over a million copies in 16 languages worldwide.


In addition, he has presented over 4,000 unique self-realization seminars to thousands of grateful students throughout North America and Europe over the past 20 years and has been a guest on over 400 television and radio shows, including national appearances on ABC,NBC, CBS, CNN, NPR, Wisdom Network, and many others. His syndicated weekly radio program is aired on several international networks including Healthylife Radio Network, WorldTalkRadio Network, and Contact Talk Radio International. Finley is Director of Life of Learning Foundation, the renowned non-profit Center for Self-study in Merlin, Oregon, and his popular Key Lesson e-mails are read each week by 400,000 subscribers in 142 countries.


His work is widely endorsed by doctors, business professionals, celebrities, and religious leaders of all denominations. In addition to his writing and appearance schedule, Guy presents four inner-life classes each week at Life of Learning Foundation headquarters in Merlin, Oregon. These classes are ongoing and open to the public. For more information about Guy Finley, and his life-changing work, visit guyfinley.org or http://relationshipmagicbook.com.


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The Truth About Anger and Hatred

frustrated-african-american-businesswoman-surrounded-by-her-in-picture-id1176305941 The Truth About Anger and Hatred

To be angry and hateful is to suffer. It doesn’t help anyone to get angry. Anger hurts whoever is angry. It burns. Anger ruins relationships, causes heartache and regret, and devastates health. And yet, in spite of all of these facts, when we are angry it feels right. Somehow, in some unseen way, anger proves to whoever is experiencing its heated feelings that he or she is right even though, in the eyes of reality, nothing could be further from the truth. 

How can something so wrong seem so right? Feelings of anger and hatred feel like they’re in your best interest because, at the time of their intrusion into your life, they temporarily fill you with a powerful false sense of self born out of fierce but lying feelings that can only exist without your conscious consent or awareness of it being there. This negative-self’s interests are not in your best interest. This conjured-up temporary identity is nothing but a self-of-suffering.

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An Invitation to Outgrow Your Limitations

businesswoman-struggles-to-carry-large-stone-in-office-setting-picture-id927530086 An Invitation to Outgrow Your Limitations

Have you ever noticed how the more negative you get, the more difficult everything about your life becomes, including being able to do the simplest things? It’s like suddenly sinking into dark molasses, where not only can’t you move, but everything you don’t want seems stuck to you! 
 

To the spiritually uninitiated, it feels as if you’ve been dropped into a river of resistance but, in truth, you are being pulled into it by a lower level of self that wants you to look at whatever challenges you in life as an adversary. Its attempt at deception—to negatively alter your perception—is the only power it has to keep you from seeing unwanted moments as they are in reality: an invitation from the Divine to outgrow your present limitations. Regardless of the nature of the trial set before you, it asks, “Would you like to live in a larger world—one without fear? Do you want to be less worried or angry and more at peace with yourself?”

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Stay Out of the Places That Steal Your Happiness

Stay Out of the Places That Steal Your Happiness Stay Out of the Places That Steal Your Happiness

It is important to understand what it means to be in the wrong place. The right place isn't just where your body is sitting. Have you ever been in the right place physically, paid a lot of money to go there, and then sat there resenting the fact that there was pulp in your orange juice? You can be in the most exquisite spot in the world and at the same time be inwardly in the most exquisite fear, worry, or pain, despite what you have put together for yourself. When we're in the wrong place inwardly, it simply doesn't matter where we are outwardly. 

What is it that must take place in our life so that we can begin the process of recognizing the simple truth of that idea? The most beautiful truths, are the simplest ones. Our problem is that we just don't know when we're in the wrong place. We can be in the wrong place even while thinking we're in the right place. 

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Stop Making Yourself Powerless

lioness-standing-on-a-rocky-outcrop-or-hill-looking-forwards-picture-id477691443 Stop Making Yourself Powerless

Once upon a time, there was an eco-tour guide in Africa who was considered the safest guide in all of Africa because virtually no one got hurt on his tours. You would think that people would flock to this eco-tour guide because of his safety record, but he had a certain reputation. It wasn't just that he was the safest, but he was also the sternest. People didn't want to go on a tour with a stern guide. They wanted to go on a tour with somebody that was fun!
 

Just prior to one trip, the eco-tour guide sits his guests down and says, "Before you start your trek, I have a few simple rules." With that, his friendly demeanor became somewhat stern. In not such a gentle voice he said, "Rule #1: When climbing slippery hills, you have the power to not grab onto a snake because you've mistaken it for a rope. Rule #2: In the heat of the day,you have the power to not take a cooling swim in the part of the river where the signs say Warning: Man-eating Crocs. Rule #3: When approaching the campsite after a long day's walk, you have the power to not walk through the quicksand swamps in order to take a shortcut back to your tent."

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The Right Place to Make a New Beginning

traveler-with-backpack-walking-forward-picture-id491297950 The Right Place to Make a New Beginning

If we try to make a new beginning, motivated by an attempt to no longer be where (or what) we once were, we do start out, but not from what is new. On the contrary, we begin our search, and then reach our conclusions as to what we must come to possess to affect this newness, from within the confines of what has been our own past experience.  

In other words, we set out to start a new life for ourselves from a place within us already known and rejected! Can you begin to see the implications of making such a mistake as it concerns knowing the correct “starting” place for making a new beginning? 

Under the conditions just described, we cannot start anything over except the very life we hope to escape! We begin our journey in the wrong place because we have yet to realize that the content of our “new” future to come, however sweetly dreamed, is secretly an unconscious extension of our own unwanted past. 

Unseen, but nevertheless active in our psychology, we carry within us a virtual string of “nots” by which we bind ourselves to our old life! And if we would be free to start life over, we must understand this spiritual truth: what we resist, persists -- and this includes our own past! 

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4 Keys To Starting Over On The Path To Inner Success

young-woman-stands-on-rock-outcrop-and-looks-out-to-sea-picture-id1204226444 4 Keys To Starting Over On The Path To Inner Success

When we first set off on the road to self-discovery, we’re optimistic and excited about this inner adventure. We’re confident that we’ll plant our flag atop the inner mountain, and that whatever presently limits us will soon be a relic of the past. But then we get a dose of reality. Talk about tough sledding! Rather than becoming noticeably better, it can feel as if we’re actually getting worse; like one step up the mountain, two steps sliding back. The bad habit we would break looms larger; frustration mounts; despair sets in; and soon we’re thinking about throwing in the towel.

But things are not what they seem, which is why those of us who aspire to reach and realize our own highest possibilities must gain new self-knowledge, beginning with the following: we have not gotten worse! On the contrary, what’s actually happened is that our effort to be free has made us more aware of our captive condition.

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Stand on the Ground of Your True Self

young-girl-bows-in-meditation-picture-id1215544467 Stand on the Ground of Your True Self

Our sense of self -- the way we experience ourselves -- is very much connected to the widely varying states of emotional energies that come into us and that seem to shape the nature of our individuality. But the fact of the matter is, there is no such separate self, at least not the way we presently experience it. There are just these ceaseless states of energy and the fleeting sense of self they produce as they pass through us. And because these widely varying states don’t belong to us -- in effect, they’re just "passing through" -- the moment their nature moves on, goes with them the sense of self we had derived from their presence.
 

This knowledge has great meaning for anyone who wants to be free of useless negative states and more, including this: When you don't -- when you consciously won't -- express some negative state, you are literally asking for awareness of a higher self. Here's why. As you don't express that state, you become conscious of yourself as the ground upon which it is breaking as well as the presence of that visiting state. In this moment of new awareness there is something there inside of you, with you, that won't change when the state changes.

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The Life of Christ is Now

holifest The Life of Christ is Now

There is one way, and one way only, that any of us will ever know the real meaning behind the life of Christ, and that is... to share in his death. And by this, I do not mean symbolically, or by any other allegory. If our wish is to know the truth behind his seemingly incomprehensible, incomparable act of self-sacrifice -- and the rebirth that crowns this surrender -- there's but one thing to do: we must stop thinking about it... and get down to the business of actually dying to our own lower nature.

Spending one's time wondering why this god-man agreed to lay down his life for the sake of the immortal Self that he embodied... is like hoping to be healed by a medicine that you give someone else to take for you.
 

Let me be clear: it doesn't matter what we say we believe in, or otherwise profess to be true. Belief alone amounts to nothing. To paraphrase and enhance a timeless idea: faith without acts is not only fruitless, but along with being the dangerous root of fanaticism, it is one of the dark seeds from out of which grows the evil of religious intolerance. Comparing the value of our ideals to those of others is not what it means to act truly, anymore than the act of judging someone proves the worthiness of the judge.

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End the Pain of Getting in Your Own Way

perfect-paintbrush-with-pink-heart-on-white-picture-id1156702512 End the Pain of Getting in Your Own Way

You know what it means to get in your own way, don't you? It is a true phenomenon.

Try to picture this: I'm walking down the street and then I run into myself… how can I run into myself unless I'm divided in such a way that in any given moment I’m on my way to do what something in me says is going to make the moment right, then I run into what the moment says will make it right… and I have a crash?


Here’s a little story to illustrate this idea of getting in our own way:

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Use Your Pain to Change

changefrompain Use Your Pain to Change

Most everything that we have to say about life and our relationships with others -- and how we talk about the part of us that wants to smooth things over, keep them from being disturbed -- is a form of saying something nice about what is killing us.

Here’s the bottom line: We just don't want to go through the pain of doing what's right when it's right to do it. That’s the whole shebang.
 

It isn't you I'm afraid of, it's my own pain. It isn't the condition I don't want to get in and mess with. I don't want to get in mess with the parts of me that are going to beat me over the head with threats and all other forms of conditioned reactions.

Everything about your work is bringing you to a point where you understand the need to bear yourself and to do so despite being unable to do it. Then you are upon a cross. Then you go through what is required of you to have your own life.

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Leave the "Victim Level" of Life Behind You

fragile-picture-id1193926857 Leave the "Victim Level" of Life Behind You

When faced with any pain or grief -- past, present, or promised -- the first thing our lower nature, the "me mind," usually asks is: "What's to be done? Who can I speak to about it? What's the best way for me to handle it? Is there any way out?" And at the heart of these complaints, whether detected or not, is the me mind's favorite question: "Why does everything happen to me?"
 

But at the root of each of these fearful questions which seem to seek a way out of the sorrow lies a secret assumption, one that keeps us defeated and going around in sad circles. And the deception in this assumption of ours is so habitual that if it weren't for the existence of a higher order of self, with its powers of higher perception, this subtle betrayal would be complete. What is this unconscious assumption that almost none can see?
 

The deception begins with the assumption that whatever your current pain may be, it must be real. And, more importantly, hidden in this same unsuspected assumption, is the wrong reasoning that since that ache is lodged in your heart -- it must follow that that pain belongs to you.
 

Even if you doubt the existence of a higher, happier life level, the following is beyond all doubt: living from a mind that automatically assumes suffering is real, gives you no choice other than to remain a perpetual victim. This defeated inner condition is the same as being sentenced to a life of perpetual sadness and resentment. Our lives aren't meant to be spent in this wasteful way. Following is a new and much higher way to look at, and solve, this very old problem.
 

The next time any sadness, or worry of any kind, calls for you, slow the whole of yourself down and work to quietly observe yourself.

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Are you struggling with the Quarantine 15?

Are you struggling with the Quarantine 15? Are you struggling with the Quarantine 15?

That’s the 15 extra pounds many people report they are putting on right now due to being stuck in their homes with nothing to do, tempted by the stocks of junk food they tossed into their shopping carts during their final visit to the grocery store.

There’s no question we turn to food for comfort when we’re feeling bored, anxious, and empty. And then we hate seeing the number on the scale rising, with seemingly no power to stop it.

But we do have the power to stop it if we remember certain inner-life truths about eating, and have some simple practices to help keep us from over-indulging.

Let’s start with facts about food.

The first purpose of the food we eat is to provide us with the best possible fuel needed for our interior and exterior work. This is especially important during this time of crisis, which is also a time of great possibility for our inner development. 

The second purpose of food is to remind us that whatever we’re given to nourish ourselves with should always be taken in with a measure of gratitude. Being grateful for our food helps us eat mindfully, instead of unconsciously stuffing ourselves without satisfaction.

The third purpose of food is for the pleasure it can provide. No one would deny the pleasure food provides, but again, mindless eating is not even enjoyable.

So those are three purposes of food, and having them out of order — as they so often are — is one of the chief causes of our physical misery.

There is no question that the kind of food we eat, as well as our relationship to it, when we eat it, impacts us. The body is a factory capable of producing an extraordinary product—however, junk in — junk out. The body breaks down, and the mind loses its capacity to consider even its own condition. Why Is Mindful Eating So Important?

Eating a healthy diet and doing proper exercise is essential for allowing maximum inward possibility. In these days of the pandemic, that means eating healthfully so we can use these unprecedented times to develop our inner strength and understanding.

The more consciously we eat, the more we begin to contact (and be contacted by) higher energy. This relationship is what we really want. It is the source of the inner strength we need now more than ever. Unconscious appetites keep us from developing a love for this one relationship that can actually fulfill our need for love, security, happiness, and peace.

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Stop Animating What Makes You Ache

office-worker-hiding-picture-id166231644 Stop Animating What Makes You Ache

If we see how much of our unhappiness is self-created, through being inattentive to our own interior life, then accordingly, we can learn to re-direct our attention, placing it where we will within what is right and bright. But, there is only one way to realize this reversal: we must work to see how wrongly directed attention works against us.

Perhaps a thought pops into your mind about a problem that’s been bothering you. Appearing with it is some emotional disturbance. Now the thought starts rolling, growing in its demand for your attention. Almost instantly it has defined what needs to be done, or what you are powerless to do. And both states accomplish the same dark end: you’ve unknowingly animated that thought and given it a life -- and the life you’ve given it is your own! Here’s an example of how this scene might unfold:

A man is walking through his office when his boss walks by and gives him a blank look. The thought pops into the man’s mind that his boss is criticizing him or doesn’t like him. Now, as he starts to fear this idea -- a negative picture produced by his imagination -- his mind focuses its attention on this disturbing image. And the more he attends to this dark dream, the further into its labyrinth he descends, strengthening its presence and power to further irritate him. A heartbeat later, he has no doubt: the boss has it in for him! This thought grows in authority for him, tormenting him for the rest of the day and causing him to snap at his family when he gets home. And all of this suffering is born of what? The conjunction of a passing glance and a moment of misdirected attention!

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The First Step in Releasing Negativity

wave The First Step in Releasing Negativity

When things don’t go the way we want them to, our tendency is to turn negative on the spot. It’s as if something in us throws a switch and, the next moment -- like being caught in the surge of a tidal wave -- resistance carries us away. But this unconscious resistance to reality never shows itself for what it is; it can’t, or the show would be over! After all, who sides with something that is perpetually against life?
 

Resistance is the unseen father of all lingering negative states. It derives its power to trick us into embracing its painful presence by a kind of misdirection. It hides behind a host of associated images that always appear with it -- certain thoughts and feelings that promise either to protect us or to provide us with plans to escape our situation. But we must learn to see that the true nature of anything -- whether a newly opened leaf or a fearful thought or feeling -- is inseparable from what it serves. So, regardless of how it may appear, any disquieting state in us that “says” it wants to lead us away from a fear is leading us toward one instead.

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A Revolution of One

beautiful-red-poppy-picture-id535849937 A Revolution of One

There are some things we should all know -- without having to think about it: humanity is headed in the wrong direction. Everyone knows this except for those who believe they can benefit from tearing their own ship apart -- while it's still at sea -- in order to sell its pieces at a profit.

But, much as in the timeless story of "The Emperor's Clothes," where no one would speak the truth of their ruler's nakedness for fear of losing the King's favor, so we continue to deceive ourselves. We hope for a happy ending that never comes...because undetected self-deception never ends. How can it when the only thing we change about ourselves are images that have already proven powerless to change anything? And so it is that blame has become the balm of our suffering. Yet, rather than healing these wounds in our psyche, such fault-finding only makes them worse, and the cycle of pain deepens in the darkness of ourselves. Let's be clear:

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Three False Beliefs That Poison Our Relationships

Three False Beliefs That Poison Our Relationships Three False Beliefs That Poison Our Relationships

Here is a list of three false beliefs that betray our hearts and poison our relationships. The more aware we can become of these long-conditioned false beliefs and how they compromise our ability to have fulfilling relationships, the more freedom we will win from them:


False belief # 1: Our value as a person is determined by how others see us.

If we believe our individual worth depends on how others see us, we live with the fear of being judged by them, where trying to win their approval causes us to compromise ourselves again and again. People sense this kind of weakness in us, causing them to resist us, which in turn, makes us feel even “needier.” The cycle deepens, things get worse. Here’s the solution. Seeing its truth sets us free: we are not in this world to “win” what we believe we must to feel “good” about ourselves, but rather to realize that who we are – our True Self – is already whole, happy, and complete.

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Two Steps to a New Relationship With Your Partner and Yourself

Two Steps to a New Relationship With Your Partner and Yourself Two Steps to a New Relationship With Your Partner and Yourself

In the largely autobiographical film “Peaceful Warrior,” loosely based on the book Way of the Peaceful Warrior by author Dan Millman, we meet a mysterious old man, a delightful character by the name of Socrates who operates a run-down gas station. The story line revolves around the relationship that Socrates develops with Dan. As the plot develops, and Dan learns to trust the old man, Socrates takes him through a series of powerful experiences and challenging life lessons all designed to achieve a single end: to help Dan realize and then release himself from a set of largely self-imposed limitations carried over from his past. At an inflection point in one of their dialoguesto help strengthen the point he wanted to make of a particular lessonSocrates tells Dan:

The secret to change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.”

This idea seems simple enough to understand and, at one level, it is. But hidden within it is also a secret instruction that, once revealed, will help us see the way out of any and all old patterns we may be reliving with our partner. Study the following insight closely; read and reread it as needed until some of its higher understanding reaches the part of yourself able to employ its power.

At the outset of feeling any disagreement about to beginwhether we’re about to go on the offensive, or find ourselves on our heels, feeling defensivewe must have enough awareness of ourselves to realize this very simple truth: in that same moment there is only one of two things that can be causing this conflict. Either an unseen part of us has acted to start this conflict, or some unconscious part of us has been stirred into opposing a similar characteristic in our partner. As long as we remain unaware of this “starting gun” that sets us racing to win the argument, we’ll continue to see everything about the moment from one side only: our side. But here’s the truth, as well as the explanation for why no one can ever win such a race:

Both of these actions—whether an unseen part of us steps up to initiate the pattern, or steps back to resist an equally unwitting action instigated by our partner—are a part of the overall pattern. In other words, the real reason this negative pattern keeps being resurrected is that, over and over again, we identify with one side or the other of these opposing forces. Take away either one of these two sides and well, you’ve heard the old expression: “what if they gave a war, and no one came?” This is why as soon as we catch the smallest hint of impatience, a mounting frustration, or any sense of resentment gathering steam we must actdecisivelyas outlined here in the following two steps.

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Dismiss These 3 False Beliefs About Your Partner That Drag You Both Down

man-and-woman-holding-hands-picture-id1075564988 Dismiss These 3 False Beliefs About Your Partner That Drag You Both Down

Inside all of us is a confusion of ideas and expectations that have been built up over the years through our experiences, books we’ve read, movies we’ve seen, opinions of people who seemed to be “in the know,” and endless other sources.
 

Much of this “information” is distorted, irrelevant, or just plain wrong. Nevertheless, these are the ideas that precede us into any situation, coloring what we see, and making us compare and judge reality against the picture in our minds.

 
These false beliefs shape the world we experience so that old pains and problems are reseeded into every new moment; their unseen influence is one of the reasons why we find ourselves so often re-living certain unwanted experiences over and over again. We may blame some outside condition for our discontent, but the fact is most of what troubles us about life, does so because we “believe” it’s not supposed to be like that!

 
All of this is particularly true when it comes to our human relationships. Our relationships with others, especially with our partner in life, are fraught with expectations, need, and false beliefs.

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10 Ways to Escape the Painful World of Self-Judgment

selfdoubt 10 Ways to Escape the Painful World of Self-Judgment

It would seem – given the speed and ease with which most of us judge others (including ourselves) ­– that there’s something natural, even good about it. After all, just about every time our eyes alight on someone or something, we judge it as good or bad, all based on how it stacks up against some inner ideal we have of how things should be.

Why is she wearing that? He’s so clueless. OMG: I look terrible today. The inner comments never stop, and often come out in complaints we express to others. But we don’t see them as complaints. To us they are nothing less than our intelligent observations of life around us.

We also don’t see how this endless stream of judgments hurts us. When we impose a negative view on things and people based on the past conditioning we bring to the moment, we can’t experience life directly, or see the good it may be offering. We can’t see the beauty in what we’ve summarily cast away.

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Rediscover the Power Of Love

rediscoverlove Rediscover the Power Of Love

The reality is that each and all of our relationships stir in us a host of strong feelings that, prior to their being awakened in us, we had no idea lay sleeping in our consciousness. These emotions range from deep delight to darkly disturbing, but to strengthen the point: whatever someone awakens in us is... our feeling. Which brings us to the next three important points. The more you’re able to see how they are secretly connected, the stronger will become your connection to a new order of love that can’t be shattered by any storm.

  1. Everyone in our life has a definite role to play in how we experience ourselves each moment; that’s their part, as much as it is ours to play a similar role in their life. However, they are not responsible for our negative reaction to what we see in ourselves when we’re in their company.
  2. On the other hand (and this isn’t to say that we’re to excuse others for their misguided treatment of us) but it’s not our job to make anyone else see where he or she is “wrong.” Which leads us to the last of the three points.
  3. If our wish is to discover a new and higher kind of love – the only one that can empower us to transcend our differences with our partner –then we must begin to see our old excuses for finding fault with him or her as...faulty!
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