Attracting at Our Common Level of Woundedness

I have often stated that we attract each other at our common level of woundedness or our common level of health, and people often ask “What exactly does this mean?”

Our level of woundedness is the level at which we abandon ourselves, while our level of health is the level at which we are loving ourselves. In any given relationship, the way each partner abandons him or herself may be different, but how much they each abandon themselves within the primary relationship is similar.

Why Is Nothing Changing or Healing?

Len contacted me for Inner Bonding facilitation while he was going through a divorce. He had discovered Inner Bonding through a Google search and realized that what he was struggling with was self-abandonment.

Len was diligent in having sessions with me and in reading everything he could about Inner Bonding. Within a couple of months, he could spout Inner Bonding with the best of them, and had even started to help various friends and relatives with Inner Bonding. He was keenly aware of the taker role his wife had adopted in their marriage, and completely understood the caretaking role and level of self-abandonment that had been his end of their codependent system.

But Nothing Changed…

However, nothing was actually changing is his relationships with others – because all this information was in his mind, but not in his experience. He was not actually practicing Inner Bonding. He believed that if he understood it, then somehow something would change.

Accepting What You Can’t Control, Controlling What You Can

I frequently receive questions about what to do in situations where someone is behaving in an unloving way, or a way that’s painful for them. For example:

• My co-worker never answers emails, making it very hard for me to do my work, as I need his input.
• My wife never wants to make love.
• People often ask me intrusive questions that I don’t want to answer.
• My husband is often late and never calls to let me know he is going to be late for dinner.
• My friend got together with a bunch of our friends for lunch and didn’t invite me.
• My parents are forever criticizing me.
• I often feel invaded and demanded of by family and friends.
• My husband sits at the table when we go out to dinner absorbed with his phone instead of talking with me.
• My children are disrespectful toward me.
• My wife has a male friend whom she talks with all the time and sometimes meets for lunch, even though I’ve told her I’m uncomfortable with their relationship.
• My wife often wants to talk about what I’m doing wrong.

Two Healthy Choices in Conflict

5 Ways You Can Think You Are on a Spiritual Path, But Not Be

"...The form our faith takes is less important than the love it imparts....The bedrock of spirituality is to learn about love."
--Judith Orloff, M.D. Second Sight, p. 166-167

The spiritual path is a path of love. There are many people who claim to be devoted to a spiritual path, yet love seems not to be a part of their path. What are they doing that they claim is spiritual if learning about loving themselves and others is not their highest priority?

1. Some people attempt to use religion and prayer as a form of control - hoping to have control over getting what they want if they pray "right," or believe the "right" thing. Often, they are very judgmental toward others who don't believe as they do, which certainly has nothing to do with love.
    
2. Some people use prayer and meditation as an addiction - a way to "bliss out" and avoid responsibility for their feelings.
    
3. Some people believe that being "selfless" and just giving to others is the path of love, but without loving themselves and sharing their love from a full place within, they may have an agenda of getting others' love or approval - or getting God's love - attached to their selflessness.
    
4. Some people get fascinated with things like learning to leave their bodies, or the power of crystals and precious stones, and forget that the important part of the spiritual path is about love.