“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” —Viktor Frankl

As a young journalist and mother, I often heard that I should pursue “balance.” It was the holy grail. Being told to achieve balance while juggling four young kids, a career, a marriage, and aging parents left me feeling anything but. What I felt instead was unbalanced, unsuccessful, and unseen.

“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them, humanity cannot survive.”   —Dalai Lama

I've Been Thinking...

I didn’t finish writing this column until the end of the week. I found myself struggling to put into words everything I’ve been hearing, noticing, thinking, and feeling lately. I’m sure you’ve found yourself in the same position. 

Everywhere I look, I see grief. I see pain, heartbreak, confusion, and disbelief. In fact, almost every interaction I had this week involved someone saying, “Wow, the world is really crazy right now, isn’t it? I mean, what the hell do you think is going on?”

Good question.

I’ve thought a lot about what’s going on. I’ve also thought a lot about what the possible solutions might be to address what’s going on. But every time I speak about possible solutions or ideas, someone tells me that they won’t work. They immediately jump to blaming and to othering. Things get heated really fast.

—John F. Kennedy

I've Been Thinking...

There is so much to say right now, and yet at the same time, I have no words. There is so much that has already been written about what happened this week. People have cried, raged, and expressed every emotion under the sun. Politicians have stepped out of line, and others have toed the line. If it feels like we have been here before, it’s because we have. And yet, this time also feels different.

I've Been Thinking...

Some weeks I have no idea what to write for my essay here in The Sunday Paper. Some weeks I just sit down and start writing, not yet knowing where my mind will take me.

This is where it took me this week.

I've Been Thinking...

The other morning I was watching a story on the news about a passenger who had to take over for his pilot midair after he suddenly became incapacitated. The young man had never flown a plane before, but luckily when he put on the headphones in the cockpit, an air traffic controller who also happened to be a flight instructor responded and navigated him to the closest airport.

I've Been Thinking...

I cannot help but think of my own mother. In fact, I’ve been thinking about her all week. I’ve even been talking to her all week. Yes, I have. Even though she has been gone more than a decade, I still turn to her for guidance. 

This Uncertain Moment Is Your Gift | Maria Delivers Commencement Address to University of Michigan

Good morning, Michigan! I’m really excited to be here today in the Big House to celebrate YOU, the class of 2022!

Now, let me be honest: I initially said no to the invitation to be your speaker. I said I had a scheduling conflict, and that I was already planning to be here next weekend for my son Christopher’s graduation. He was part of the class of 2020, the only class in Michigan history to not have a graduation ceremony. Thank you, Covid! But now, finally, his class will have their own moment to shine right here next Saturday!

This past week, a woman named Mallory McMorrow—a straight, white, Christian, married mom (her description, not mine) stood up to hate and said, “not on my watch.” McMorrow, who also happens to be a state senator from Michigan, said no to vile, hateful language. She said no to a character assassination from a fellow Michigan lawmaker, who also happens to be a mom herself.

McMorrow’s speech was a passionate one. It was a speech that went viral and that captivated millions, myself included. Now, why did it resonate so deeply with people? Well, in my humble opinion, I think it’s because McMorrow spoke up for her beliefs, and also for the beliefs of millions of other Americans who are also feeling the weight of hate on our society. She spoke up on behalf of others who feel maligned and mischaracterized, those who are tired, exhausted, and fed up with what is going on in our politics, in our schools, and in our social media feeds. Good, hardworking, honest people have had enough. They’ve had enough of the hate, enough of the slander, and enough of the different kinds of war that’s happening in plain sight.

This past Sunday was Palm Sunday, a day I really looked forward to as a child. When I was growing up, I loved the end of each Palm Sunday church service because it meant I would receive a palm. I would spend the rest of that day trying to turn it into something it wasn’t.

Those of us with creative minds enjoy turning a blank canvas into something new. I’ve always had an active imagination, and I’ve always loved looking ahead, imagining what could be, and then working towards making that dream a reality. Sometimes it’s as small as trying to turn a palm into a crucifix, or a garden into a meditative space, or a cluttered room into a streamlined and peaceful oasis. Other times it’s a grander goal. Regardless of the size of one’s dreams, I believe everyone’s mind is capable of imagining what can be. I believe everyone can envision something to make our world better than it is today.

Today, we are constantly inundated with advice urging us to be more, do more, and accomplish more, as if we aren’t enough already. So, we bend ourselves trying to become someone who others will admire. We try to mold ourselves into people we think will be loved. We try to keep up. I think we do this because we don’t believe in our own divinity. We do it because society leads us to believe that we are not enough on our own.

I've Been Thinking...

There was a lot to think about this past week. There was a lot to listen to, a lot to process, and a lot to try and understand.

When a lot of noise is swirling around, I’ve learned that it’s often wise to take a beat. It’s good to take the time to reflect, then wait to see what you’re left thinking and feeling at the end of the week. I always have to remind myself that waiting is good.

I've Been Thinking...

I write to you this week from what I call my “reverence time.” That’s my name for the early hours of the morning when it’s dark and still outside.

I’ve written to you from this place before. I’ve also written about how important it is to me. It’s my hope that you can craft your day in a way that allows you to experience reverence time as well, even if it’s just for a few minutes. 

I've Been Thinking...

A friend said to me the other day, “You know, Maria, some people are deeply committed to their unhappiness. They don’t want to change, and there is nothing you can do about it. It is what it is.”

Wow, I thought to myself. Is that really true? Are there people out there who choose to be unhappy? People who have resigned themselves to believing that joy and happiness are out of reach for them?

I've Been Thinking...

It was dark when I woke up. I made my coffee in silence, then sat down to do my morning meditation. I’ve come to notice that it’s in these early hours when it’s still that I can feel the most. I'm able to make sense of life for a bit when it’s quiet. The stillness allows me to just be.

As soon as I closed my eyes the other morning, the tears started to flow. They came slowly at first, then picked up steam. Within moments, I felt overcome. 

I felt overcome with the heaviness of what is happening an ocean away. Overcome by the heartbreak, the sadness, and the brutality of what we have been witnessing. Every image has pierced my heart. Every story has brought me to silence. Watching women my age and older walk for miles in the freezing cold, holding their purses, falling and getting back up, and charging ahead as they fight back tears. Watching children hold their parents’ hands with looks of confusion, fear, and sadness on their faces. Watching men put their hands up to train windows as they say goodbye to their families leaving, while they stay home and fight to defend their country. Watching loved ones cradle those who lost their lives—weeping and wailing with emotion.

I've Been Thinking...

I came across the above quote and it really stuck with me. Feeling lonely is one of the worst feelings in the world. It’s different from feeling alone, but they often can go together.

I've Been Thinking...

I read the above quote by Warsan Shire at the beginning of this week, and the notion of the world speaking its pain really struck me. I felt it deeply in my heart.

I've Been Thinking...

“I am out with lanterns, looking for myself.”

I love those words written decades ago by the poet Emily Dickinson. Her words resonate deeply with me on so many levels.

“I greet you from the other side of sorrow and despair, with a love so vast and shattered it will reach you everywhere.”

I've Been Thinking...

One of my oldest and dearest friends is moving. My great friend Carl is leaving Los Angeles for Costa Rica (!), and this past week we held a goodbye lunch for him in my office. It was a sweet send-off with hugs, laughs, and toasts to a man and a friendship that everyone described as otherworldly.

I've Been Thinking...

The other morning while I was still in New York City, I met up with my cousin and her husband for coffee. We got to reminiscing about the past—back when we were younger, when our kids were still little (her daughter just had a baby), and when life just felt, well, simpler.