For those of you that have kids heading to college or moving out … For those of you that have a sense of emptiness and sadness that your child is heading out on his/her own … leaving you to YOUR life. I share this little story from my life 9 years ago. I have recently repeated this experience with my baby … twice. He moved out into the dorms, then back in for a year … and most recently out again. I know that sadness you can feel … but man oh man, what a gift it is to release our children to their dreams, their lives and their creations. I say release very loosely … as if we have a choice. But we do … we can see it from a perspective of pain and loss vs. a place of gratitude and appreciation. – Enjoy it all my friend. – SDJ ♥
Let’s go back to 1989
August 14th 1989, the day I found out I was 3 months pregnant … 19 years ago! That day changed my life in so many ways! I was shocked, devastated, angry, sad, confused, lost and terrified. What were people going to think? What was my boyfriend going to do? And my deepest fear, what were my parents going to say? What was I going to do? How was I going to do it? I never even really liked kids, and now I was going to have one of my own at the age of 18.
Over the next few months, I answered those questions, figured out what I needed to do and how to do it, and raised a beautiful son who is loved beyond words!
Fast forward, August 14th, 2008
My 18-year-old son comes to me … I need to talk with you, he says. I walk over, knowing what he is going to say. “I am going to move out”, he tells us. I knew it was coming because Spirit had warned me in advance a few times. Just the other day as I was taking out the garbage, thinking in my head that I am having to do his job again, and I heard my guides tell me, “pretty soon he won’t be here to do it anyway!” I just ignored it!
So, as my son is telling us his plans, what he was going to do, how he is going to do it, I kept very quiet (not usual for me). His dad and I shared a few thoughts about the situation … he told us we handled it very well, and he went off to bed.
As I was thinking about it, I felt this deep sadness in my heart. My head starts going a mile a minute. Why does he have to move out now? Why can’t he just finish college, save some money, take the easy way. I want more for him than I had. I want him to be able to live and enjoy and have fun … not have all of the responsibility that I had at such a young age. My head was full and my heart was hurting. My mind kept running through things I said that might have made him feel like he needed to move out … maybe asking him to take the garbage out was pushing it, maybe his brother using his stuff did it, maybe his grandma always asking him questions was it, maybe this and maybe that … and as all of these thoughts are racing in my mind (ego), from within I heard a voice say “Breathe Sunny, just breathe”. And I did!
I took a breath, and then another, and then another! And as the tears ran down my face, I realized that I was given a gift, this very same day, 19 years ago. I did not see the gift at that moment, but it was one of the greatest gifts of my life! My son was one of the greatest gifts of my life. He was now telling me, that I had done my job. I had loved and supported him and helped him grow into a man that knows what he wants and intends to create it. And although he didn’t use those words, his choice to move out and live on his own, in his own way, was a validation of the man that he has become and a statement of a job well done!
He may change his mind, decide to stay, or come and go, but the awareness that came through me that evening was an incredible gift. Life had come full circle, and as a friend said to me the other day, he is now birthing his own life! What a gift and a blessing!
PS: He never did come back home. He bought his own house at 18 years old, and has lived in it since. It is a blessing to know that your child had the tools needed to be able to take care of himself. We, as parents, just need to be able to see it that way.