It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us.
Today I am excited to share with you a very special guest blog from relationship expert, Carol Allen, who will explain, in great detail, how to deal with your guy when he needs “space.” Her wisdom and guidance are sure to enlighten you!
When it comes to love between men and women, there’s a dynamic that is very painful for both genders…
When men get close, they tend to pull back after a point to “replenish” their male hormones. But being close actually increases women’s hormones, so we don’t need to ever do this.
The closer we are, the better we feel.
In fact, estrogen is the super connector hormone that makes women naturally want to connect with everyone.
While men can be awesome connectors, even the most heart-centered guy will need his “alone” or “guy” time.
So they’ll withdraw. (Which – if you ask any relationship coach or expert – is the #1 complaint women have about men!)
If there’s a conflict, this need to withdraw is even greater.
Why? Because men get more overwhelmed by their emotions when there’s drama, and have higher heart rate, higher blood pressure, and become unable to reason or communicate well (this isn’t my opinion – this has been proven in the most rigorous, long-term relationship study).
They essentially get “flooded” by their own neurology, and this reeeeeeeally makes a guy shut down and go cold.
And then – the dynamic I mentioned kicks in: women get upset.
When women get upset, we tend to respond in one of two ways – we become either needy or angry. (Turning into a Bambi or a Banshee.)
And guess what? These are the two biggest complaints that men have about women – that WE are too emotional!
And so they shut down even more…making us even more desperate or ticked off.
So what’s a girl to do?
How you navigate this “Gap” between you and a man (which will come up – even with the happiest of soulmates) determines if you’ll ever get to your “happily ever after” or not.
Here are my favorite key tips to not let a temporary disconnection lead to a permanent one!
1. Don’t Freak Out…
Many studies have found women to be more verbally aggressive than men. If a man has already indicated he needs space, it’s imperative you not push your agenda or attack him now. But this will make even your soulmate will RUN for the nearest exits.
2. Turn to Support…
The best remedy for disconnection is connection. But don’t look to your guy to provide it now. If they need space, it’s loving and healthy to let them have it. Call on friends and loved ones to fill the gap.
3. Take Care of Your Body…
Eat right, get a good night’s sleep, and exercise. As simple as it sounds, making sure you get proper nutrition (avoid caffeine!), rest, and exercise can make a massive difference. There are holistic sleep aids (supplements and teas you can get at any health food store), and breathing techniques to calm your mind and restore your sanity.
4. Be a Pleasure Pig… (I learned this term in Arielle’s recent book, Turn Your Mate Into Your Soulmate, and just love it!)
Do nice things for yourself that will have the added benefit of releasing “happy” hormones and neurotransmitters in your brain. Take a bath, get a massage, hug a cat. (Just don’t do all three at once…) Making yourself happy will act as a “love magnet” to your mate, taking the pressure off the situation, and allowing them the room to have their process. They’ll thank you for it later!
5. Be Assertive, But Not Passive or Aggressive…
The hardest thing in times of disconnection is not knowing what’s happening, causing us to fear the worst. Thoughts like, “When will we be close again?” “Is he coming back?” can be just agonizing. It’s okay to let the other person know that you need some kind of reassurance or feedback, just be sure to do so in a respectful, loving way.
6. Have Faith…
Feelings are contagious. Believe in your love, and your partner will, too. Do one of Arielle’s “Feelingizations” and visualize the positive reconnection you long for with the outcome you want, while conjuring the feeling of joy in your heart. This will make you believe it all the more, making it much more likely to happen.
If you follow these simple steps, soon your soulmate will no longer be distant, and your challenges will instead be a distant memory… Ahh.
If you could use some support and making sure you don’t let your emotions ruin your relationship, then check out Carol’s upcoming free calltomorrow night, Navigating the Gap – Be Happy Anyway & Lure Him Back. She’ll share more tips and tools for avoiding this painful, sometimes tragic dynamic… and a free ebook, “Return to YOURSELF” she wrote on how to climb out of the Gap if you’ve fallen down into one.
This is the number one challenge couples face – but you really do have the power to avoid this in the first place, or turn it all around and become close again. Carol can help.
Wishing you love, laughter, and magical kisses,