I like to blog about things related to how we co- create reality, and solutions that can help us become the person we want to be. I am always focused on this and feel it’s important to know there is a spiritual solution for every problem. I also only write about what I know and what I’ve overcome. I share only from experience. I have to keep it real, or you’re going to be reading fluff, and if you’re anything like me you can smell BS a mile away. Not into stinky.
I’ve been watching the trending topic of the #metoo movement that has set fire to Hollywood in recent weeks. To be honest I have taken my time rather than jump in because I think it’s a very sensitive issue, and yes I tend to stay away from hot button issues (like politics and religion too) because they can be divisive, and it’s not why people read my blogs.
I have been called to talk about this regardless.
For those of you that don’t know what I’m talking about in a nutshell it began with movie mogul Harvey Weinstein being called out for sexual abuse, and then an avalanche of women began to share their stories, and then some men came to add their voices too.
In the past few weeks #metoo has been shared millions of times on social media as women and men who have experienced sexual abuse from people in power have spoken out about their secrets and shame, and how the experience affected them.
Make no mistake this form of abuse is soul destroying and will, for some people, create an internal set up, a commitment to maintain all manner of coping behaviors that can take a lifetime to unravel. Not talking about it, keeping it a secret is the first way in which we rob ourselves of our true nature of joy and abundance. Our dignity and self worth depends on sharing and healing.
Last night my husband and myself watched a movie called Wind River and there is a rape scene in the film that brought back so many memories, I knew it was time to add my voice.
I remember the hushed and raging sounds in our home when our mother forbade our male babysitter to return to our house. He and his family moved away shortly after that and all I remember is being afraid to say no to anything. I had an unnatural sense of fear that something bad would happen to me if I said no. I was only 3 years old.
Years later at 19 I was the victim of a group rape. I was so terrified and filled with shame I didn’t talk about it. A couple months after I collapsed on my parents doorstep with a super high temperature because I had a severe infection from the rape. At the hospital my mother told me she had been raped by Russian soldiers in WW2 in front of her father- same age, same month. She was tough about it, and looking back I knew this was how she learned to survive, and she told me when I saw the psychiatrist ordered by the hospital I was not allowed to talk about being raped or anything else about our perfect family.
The next few years was a haze of violence, drug addiction, alcoholism and choices of self destruction. I got clean and sober in my mid twenties- almost 33 years ago and I have looked back every day to remind myself how far I have come. It began in women’s groups in church basements where we could share openly and stay in the solution of the program we all followed and one day at time I rebuilt my life and changed my story.
The point of this sharing with you is not just to say #metoo but to say there is a solution, and a way to heal the damage that shapes the stories we tell ourselves and others about who we are and what we will tolerate to survive.
I came to believe in a Higher Power that was my partner, that if I prayed, and surrendered my story and asked for good direction, to do no harm and to live spiritually clean and I would be shown the way and I was. I stumbled through it all and became the woman I am today. I am a woman with dignity, self respect and a healthy sense of self worth- nowhere near perfect but no one will ever dare abuse me again.
But it all still lives in the cells of my body. I can still have terror attacks when I get triggered and I need to set a boundary but I do it anyway. You learn that courage to choose something healthy and self respecting doesn’t come when there is no more fear or anxiety. You do it no matter what. Eventually the self you want to become is stronger than the self you once were. But there will be echoes, but that is all they are in the end.
One day you may even meet someone who was part of your violation and face them with understanding as I wrote about in my book Uncharted, and actually I talk about all this in various ways in all my books.
Our secrets keep us sick. Speaking out is the key to freedom. My mom was a survivor and never dealt with what happened to her, also countless times. She was a product of a time in our history when women had way less power than we do now. The only way to the solution is to speak then to do something about it.
We can heal but sharing is the essential step to finding and working on the solution. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.
Out of the Silence Comes Dignity and Healing….I hope this blog helps even one person speak up and heal.
Love you all.. Thanx for reading this.