It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us. 

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Be the Light

Julie-Murphy-7-7-2020-blog The World Needs Light

There’s so much going on around us these days. Does it feel like we’re almost in this surreal experience? An out-of-body experience? I can only imagine what it’s like for those who are feeling all of this anger and sadness about what’s going on. As with most of us, it’s been a challenge for me to know the best way to navigate this time but there’s something I’m super clear on…


Anger Comes from Sadness

I learned from one of my teachers that anger is a deeper version of sadness, and that rage is a deeper version of anger… which is also sadness. I experienced a lot of anger and even rage as I was going through the last parts of my marriage, which  actually seems really small compared to what's going on today, but I think it can help us understand a little. 

I really learned that this anger and rage I was feeling was telling me something. It was revealing how sad I was. So if you’re feeling a deep sadness or you’re in a place of rage and anger and you’re super triggered… ask yourself, “Why am I sad?” Don’t simply live with anger and rage. Question yourself, “Why am I sad?”

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176 Hits

What Do You Do When Someone Hurts You?

butterfly-mating-in-nature-picture-id1003137420 When someone does something that scares or hurts you, do you lovingly manage your pain or do try to control them?

When I was a very young child, I quickly learned to jump out of myself whenever my mother was angry at me – which was often. Her anger was very scary to me and I wanted to get her to stop. Sometimes I felt so crushed and shattered by her anger that I felt like I was going to die. So I would jump out of myself to try to please her, hoping that this would get her to like me instead of hate me.

Of course, I continued doing this in my marriage, as my husband’s anger scared me just as much as my mother’s. I didn’t realize that any time I went out of myself instead of going inside and tending to my own feelings (which I couldn’t do as a child and didn’t know how to do as a young adult) I was abandoning myself.

Today I’m so grateful that I know how to go in instead of go out. 

I want to share with you exactly what I do now.

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179 Hits

Triggers: Acting Out or Acting In

daytime-thunderstorm-picture-id165823307 Triggers: Acting Out or Acting In

Most of us have at one time or another been ‘triggered.’ A trigger is an event, situation or interaction with a person or group of people that activates the fight, flight or freeze stress response. A trigger is usually related to a past event, interaction or situation that was very painful or traumatic

One of the eventual results of practicing Inner Bonding is that, over time, we develop a strong loving adult self – capable of being aware of when we are triggered, rather than acting unconsciously in response to a trigger. Our consciousness of when we are triggered gives us the choice to act in rather than act out.

 

Acting Out

When we act out in response to a trigger, we do what we naturally do when the stress response is activated: we get angry, blaming, agitated, impatient, annoyed or irritated, or we shut down, withdraw, numb out, go away or disassociate. These are the natural actions of the wounded self during a threat to survival.

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135 Hits

Let’s talk about loss

Let’s talk about loss Let’s talk about loss

Let’s talk about loss. I would say the majority of the planet right now is experiencing loss in a variety of different ways, right? Loss of their independence, loss of their jobs, loss of their connection to their families or their friends, loss of their ability to be out in the world, loss of their identity because they’re not working – so now they don’t know who they are, loss of relationships – many people have been challenged to maintain relationships during this time, loss of even some of people’s beliefs – like their faith …  loss all over the place.

If we dig in just a little bit more, I would say that we’re grieving. We’re grieving the losses.

So, we’ve experienced the loss. We felt the loss and now people are having grief, right?

You’re experiencing the grief from the loss and grief shows up in a lot of different ways for different people.

One of those ways is anger. One of those ways is shutting down or disconnecting. One of those ways is to deny it or ignore it or pretend that it doesn’t exist. And, eventually, we come around to acceptance and oftentimes come back full circle into a place of appreciation. But that isn’t always like in a week or in a month even – sometimes it’s in a decade.  I don’t think there has to be a right and wrong amount of time for that process to happen.  But it is important for those things to happen.

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237 Hits

The Truth About Anger and Hatred

frustrated-african-american-businesswoman-surrounded-by-her-in-picture-id1176305941 The Truth About Anger and Hatred

To be angry and hateful is to suffer. It doesn’t help anyone to get angry. Anger hurts whoever is angry. It burns. Anger ruins relationships, causes heartache and regret, and devastates health. And yet, in spite of all of these facts, when we are angry it feels right. Somehow, in some unseen way, anger proves to whoever is experiencing its heated feelings that he or she is right even though, in the eyes of reality, nothing could be further from the truth. 

How can something so wrong seem so right? Feelings of anger and hatred feel like they’re in your best interest because, at the time of their intrusion into your life, they temporarily fill you with a powerful false sense of self born out of fierce but lying feelings that can only exist without your conscious consent or awareness of it being there. This negative-self’s interests are not in your best interest. This conjured-up temporary identity is nothing but a self-of-suffering.

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453 Hits

Stay Out of the Places That Steal Your Happiness

Stay Out of the Places That Steal Your Happiness Stay Out of the Places That Steal Your Happiness

It is important to understand what it means to be in the wrong place. The right place isn't just where your body is sitting. Have you ever been in the right place physically, paid a lot of money to go there, and then sat there resenting the fact that there was pulp in your orange juice? You can be in the most exquisite spot in the world and at the same time be inwardly in the most exquisite fear, worry, or pain, despite what you have put together for yourself. When we're in the wrong place inwardly, it simply doesn't matter where we are outwardly. 

What is it that must take place in our life so that we can begin the process of recognizing the simple truth of that idea? The most beautiful truths, are the simplest ones. Our problem is that we just don't know when we're in the wrong place. We can be in the wrong place even while thinking we're in the right place. 

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351 Hits

Racism and White Privilege: The Hard Look

IMG_2358-1200x900

It’s hard to look unflinchingly at the full extent of racism in the U.S.; it’s ugly, brutal, inhuman. The knee on the neck that chokes the breath out of a living person, the lynching rope that has choked the life out of generations of African Americans. White people have looked away, not wanting to see that cold-blooded brutality or the systemic racism built into American institutions created by white men and slave-owners. Black people don’t have that choice, that privilege; they face racist reality full-force every second of their lives. Parents have to instruct their children how to behave when they encounter a police officer (“hands up”). The adults carry fear in their hearts just living an ordinary life because they know they could be killed no matter what they do or don’t do (George Floyd, Breonna Taylor). Black lives have never mattered in the history of this country; the inability or refusal to see that is white privilege. This is the harsh reality of racism in America.

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371 Hits

4 Keys to Dealing With Your Anger

4 Keys to Dealing With Your Anger 4 Keys to Dealing With Your Anger
“What you don’t feel and express in a conscious and healthy way will inevitably end up coming out and expressing in unhealthy ways.”

Many times in our culture, we are ashamed of our anger. We run away from our anger and suppress it. But that only leads to energy building up inside, and whatever you suppress will get expressed later in toxic ways. Listen to this episode to learn 4 keys to dealing with your anger, letting go of the past and reclaiming your power.

Some Questions I Ask:

  • What comes up for you when you hear the word anger? What do you imagine?
  • What is your relationship with anger in your life?
  • How often do you allow yourself to feel your anger?
  • Is there some part of you that doesn’t want to let go of the anger?
  • How do you process your anger?

In This Episode You Will Learn:

  • The key reasons we learn to disconnect from our anger.
  • The dangers of suppressing your feelings.
  • How anger can be a coping mechanism and the way to overcome it. 
  • How to get closure, regardless of your past. 
  • The surprising reasons you may have trouble getting over your anger and how to address them.
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462 Hits

Welcome Truth's Light and Make Everything Right for You

Welcome Truth's Light and Make Everything Right for You Welcome Truth's Light and Make Everything Right for You

Have you ever seen rage in yourself? Generally, we don't want to see certain states within us because we've been conditioned to think of them as being morally "wrong" for us. We don't understand that these dark states are part of an interior world that can be changed when the light of awareness is shined upon them.
 

What happens when we see things about ourselves that we don't want to see?

In order to avoid looking at itself, the mind will seize on the rage it has seen, and it will try to explain it. It will take the initial darkness, the negative energy, and because it seems to be basically out of control, the mind will try to make of it something that it can deal with. When we live from a nature that does not want to see its "self," then there's no chance that this level of self, this nature, can ever change. When we hide from ourselves the way we feel, the only thing that we're accomplishing is the assurance that these feelings will return again... only more of them! It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: we condemn and doom ourselves by being afraid of the darkness in us. We have one thing to do with our own states, and that is to see them as they are, to catch the part of us that's afraid of being what we've just seen, and to stop trying to hide anything anymore... because we're on this earth to learn.

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401 Hits

What To Do When People Are Hurtful Towards You

What To Do When People Are Hurtful Towards You What To Do When People Are Hurtful Towards You
It's never pleasant when people in your life, whether they are family or friends, people you love, or maybe just an acquaintance are spiteful towards you. Maybe they attack you, they gossip about you, they're hurtful towards you and no mater what it is, it's painful. 

It's painful and natural as human beings to want to get revenge to pay them back, to show them, to prove to them, to crush them.

But realize, when someone does something negative to you, when someone trespasses against you, to simply return the same energy is to simply bring yourself down to that level and nothing ever gets truly resolved by going down to that level. 

Not only do you pull yourself down to that level, you keep yourself stuck. 
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572 Hits

Coping with Your Angry Self

exhausted-woman-picture-id530311247 Coping with Your Angry Self
All stress is basically arising from ignoring our emotional self.  We seem to be bombarded by information on Self love and Self care. Most of the time, we overlook this as people think Self love is synonymous with selfishness, and this in itself reflects a negative emotion. We need to understand that self love is an essential quality,  and emotional self care, is inherently needed by us. 

It is only when the awareness strikes you, that, you are neglecting a certain part of your innerself, which is leading you towards stress, you pick up on your stance, and start focusing on it,  and then start working towards alleviating it. 

SELF CARE

This in itself is about creating a plan, which you need to customize, to your own requirements, as each one's emotional requirements are different according to his own inherent needs. A self care plan for a student would obviously be different from that for a retired person. 

Assessing and reassessing certain areas in life is very essential. 
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448 Hits

An Appropriate Response: Living from an Awake Heart

man-practicing-karate-on-the-grassy-horizon-at-sunset-picture-id515148008 An Appropriate Response: Living from an Awake Heart

Much of our suffering comes from reacting to stressful situations with fear or aggression, rather than responding with wisdom and care. This talk explores the pathway of shifting from reacting to responding: this includes learning to pause, awakening the wings of mindfulness and kindness, and reconnecting with our deepest intention.

From Buddhist teachings…

The thought manifests the word;
The word manifests the deed;
The deed develops into habit;
habit hardens into character;
and character into destiny.

So watch your thoughts with care,
And let them spring forth from love
Born out of compassion for all beings.

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607 Hits

Beware Anger

anger Beware Anger

Have you been wronged?

The Practice:
Beware anger.

Why?

Anger is tricky.

On the one hand, anger – feeling annoyed, irritated, resentful, fed up, mad, outraged, or enraged – alerts us to real threats, real injuries, and real wrongs that need correcting, and it energizes and fuels us to do something about them. In my family growing up, my parents had a monopoly on anger. So, I suppressed my own, along with a lot of other feelings, and it’s been a long journey to reclaim my interior, including anger, and be able to feel it fully and (hopefully) express it skillfully.

Whether in personal relationships or in the halls of power, people in positions of authority or privilege often tell others that they don’t deserve to be angry, they shouldn’t get so worked up, it’s their own fault, etc. when in fact they have every reason and right in the world to be angry. It is certainly important to know in your heart what is actually happening, how bad it is, what the causes are, and what to do – and decide for yourself how much you want to get or stay angry.

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564 Hits

How does righteousness cut us off from truth?

angerreality How does righteousness cut us off from truth?

When I start to get angry, I see my predicament and how I’m getting caught in expectations and righteousness. Learning to give up anger has been a continuous process.

When Maharaj-ji told me to love everyone and tell the truth, he also said, “Give up anger, and I’ll help you with it.” Maharaj-ji offered me a bargain: “You must polish the mirror free of anger to see God. If you give up a little anger each day, I will help you.” This seemed to be a deal that was more than fair. I readily accepted. And he’s been true to his end of the bargain. I found that his love helped to free me from my righteousness. Ultimately I would rather be free and in love than be right.

If you feel a sense of social responsibility, first of all keep working on yourself. Being peaceful yourself is the first step if you want to live in a peaceful universe.

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529 Hits

How To Deal With Your Anger

relationship-difficulties-picture-id539232336 How To Deal With Your Anger

Anger.

Just the word itself can sometimes feel scary.

In our culture we tend to shy away from it. Often from a young age we are taught to suppress our authentic anger. We are told that it is not OK, it’s not appropriate, it’s not spiritual.

So we learn to disconnect and suppress our anger in order to be loved, and accepted by those around us.

The problem is, what you don’t feel and express in conscious healthy ways will inevitably end up coming out and expressing in unhealthy ways.

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716 Hits

Where Do We Go From Here?

ocean-wave-picture-id477557723 Where Do We Go From Here?
“The ego seeks to divide and separate. The spirit seeks to unify and heal.” — Pema Chodron

I had been looking forward to this past week for months.

My youngest son turned 21 on Thursday, and months ago, I made plans to fly out to see him in Michigan and celebrate. After all, 21 is one of those landmark birthdays. With him being the baby of the family, I was excited to go visit.

First thing Thursday morning, I called to tell him that I loved him. Then, I got on a plane to head his way and ended up spending the entire travel day watching Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and Judge Brett Kavanaugh’s testimonies. It was a day I will never forget.

By the time I landed in Michigan, I felt emotionally and physically exhausted, even though all I had done all day was listen. But, I guess I had also absorbed everything that had transpired. I absorbed and related to Dr. Ford’s terror and her fear. I believed her story and I understood her reticence to step forward. I admired her sense of civic duty, her bravery, her courage and her honesty. I felt her pain. As she spoke, I wept. I wept for her and for all the people who have experienced sexual assault and who continue to deal with its lasting trauma.

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1418 Hits

Part 1: Awakening through Anger – The U-Turn to Freedom

porcupine-eating-on-a-tree-branch-picture-id134535226 Part 1: Awakening through Anger – The U-Turn to Freedom

Anger is naturally triggered when we feel an obstacle to meeting our needs. How do we honor the intelligence within anger, but not get hijacked into emotional reactivity that creates suffering in our individual and collective lives? This talk explores the U-turn that enables us to offer a healing attention to the feelings and unmet needs under anger. Once present with our inner life, we are able to respond to those around us with wisdom, empathy and true strength. (a favorite from the archives)

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Mark Twain

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968 Hits

Dealing With Disappointment When You Feel You Give So Much

respect-and-pray-on-blue-full-moon-with-nature-background-picture-id502257084 Dealing With Disappointment When You Feel You Give So Much

When you feel as though you have given so much to those around you, and you feel that it hasn’t been reciprocated in return, it can feel unfair.

Perhaps you feel disappointed, hurt or betrayed.

You can let it close your heart, shut you down and make you bitter.

But remember this:

You cannot cheat the universe.

Everything you give and every action of loving you have taken is seen by the universe. It is seen even if no one sees it.

When you give, it may not come back to you from the people that you gave to but rest assured it will come back to you, even if from a most unexpected source.

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1326 Hits

Have You Been Wronged? Beware Anger

Have You Been Wronged? Beware Anger Have You Been Wronged? Beware Anger

Anger can alert you to threats, but also harm your health and relationships.


Have you been wronged?

The Practice:

Beware anger.

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  2055 Hits
2055 Hits

How do we remain mindful within our anger and righteousness?

ram-dass-how-to-remain-mindful-in-our-anger-and-righteousness

So it turns out there’s no rule book to take with you in life that says, “When I get into this condition, do this.” My rule is actually really simple, I continually work to quiet my mind, to stay mindful.

I continue to work to soften my heart, to stay ‘heartfelt.’ I work as well as I can to keep the energies moving in my system. I mean this is energy. I am constantly opening and watching and listening and tuning. I am listening my way into the universe. I am hearing my way, not listening actually.

You can feel that when you really listen, you almost start to dissolve into the other person’s storyline. You can feel that when you really listen, you tune your way into the universe, and when the fear arises, you sit with it. I sit with it and I don’t push it away. I don’t grab at it. A know what my limits are, and I often say, “I can’t handle that one just yet,” and I don’t end up feeling guilty about it.

I stopped holding myself to a standard of where I should be as a means of beating myself up when I’m not there.

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1431 Hits