I spend way too many hours juggling mountains of perceived responsibilities that I willingly place on my own shoulders in an all-out effort to be the good wife, a compassionate and nurturing mother, a healthy, thriving woman, a loyal and trustworthy best friend, a voracious student of life and an ever-evolving spiritual being. It’s a big job with many hats and one that I needlessly complicate with an outdated belief that I have to “do it all” in order to be worthy of the love of myself, my family and the life that I’m living.
There are more nights than I care to admit when I wake up at 3 am under the crushing shame, regret and sadness that I fell short of these lofty responsibilities. I yelled at the kids again… I avoided paying the bills... I neglected my spiritual practice… I forgot to return my friends call for the third time…I was too tired to make my husband dinner… I was so distracted that I ran the car into the stone gate as I pulled into the house. (I used to tell my husband that the car was hit at the store while I was buying groceries, but after the third time, he suggested I update my story or find a safer place to do the shopping!)
I struggle to reconcile the qualities that I need to hone in order to “be love, evolve spiritually and be the best that I can be.” After all, I’m 60 now, and the sands in the hourglass of my life are hauntingly deeper and I so want to get it right while there is still time.
But then I was deeply struck with shattering clarity by author, Anita Moorjani’s newest book, “What if THIS is Heaven?” an exploration of how our cultural myths prevent us from experiencing Heaven on Earth. Moorjani is the New York Times best-selling author of Dying to Be Me, an inspiring account of her nearly four-year battle with cancer that culminated in a moving near-death experience which vastly changed her perspective on life.