You are free when you realize that you don’t have the power to MAKE another person change.
You suffer when you spend your time trying to control the lives of those around you to be what you want them to be.
People don’t change unless they really want to change. You only have the power to share your perspective, wisdom, and invite them to consider a different way of doing things.
When someone changes simply to make you happy, rest assured, it doesn’t last.
They must not only want to change but must be committed to it. They also must be open to your help. We sometimes try to change people that are not asking for help and end up trying to control them to fit our ideal.
Welcome, 2021!
We have so many hopes pinned on this new year. It will take us a while to process and implement the vast need for social change and healing illuminated in 2020. Maybe in the past we’d say “that’s it” for last year and be quite glad to see it in our rear-view mirror. But this paradigm shift will require us to pause and take a deep respectful breath of hope knowing there is still a lot of patience and work still ahead as we traverse the in between time from what was to what will be.
The old way is being dismantled and being cleared away, and even if we’re not 100% where we hoped we’d be, we are still making room for more love, creativity, courage, compassion, hope…and joy. This and that will be true!
And, if there is one thing I know for sure.
How we consider and integrate the past has a huge impact on how we experience our future. “If we do what we did we’re gonna get what we got!”
Tell me if you can relate… Are you feeling stuck in a job that isn’t satisfying, perhaps one that’s not taking you anywhere you truly want to go? Maybe you don’t know what to do about it or how to change? Do you find yourself hating your work and feeling stuck there?
I encounter this a lot in my own work, and believe it or not, it’s not only people who are financially strapped with stories similar to these. No matter the amount of money in a 401k and other savings, any one of us can look up one day to find ourselves decades-deep in a less-than-desirable job situation without a clue for how to escape.
The job landscape is transforming before our eyes, forcing a lot of people to take jobs they don’t love simply to get by financially. Others of us are staying in jobs we don’t like to maintain a lifestyle we were once convinced we wanted, but now all this “just getting by” is making us feel like another drone in the system.
It can be so hard when you see someone you love and care for stuck in patterns that aren’t working or are not healthy.
From the outside, it’s easy to clearly see what they are doing wrong or need to change. It can be even more frustrating especially if they are someone you are very close to like a family member.
Realize this: You don’t have the power to make another person change. People don’t change unless they really want to change. You only have the power to share your perspective, wisdom, and invite them to consider a different way of doing things.
When someone changes simply to make you happy, rest assured, it doesn’t last.
The comedian George Carlin once said, “The caterpillar does all the work and the butterfly gets all the publicity.” I am fan of caterpillars, those who are dissolving their own skins to become who they are meant to be. We who continue to grow, perpetually enter the goop of change, or butterfly soup. It’s incomplete. It wouldn’t look good on a photo shoot.
As you move along your path, you may feel angry, held back, sad, unseen, or empty. It takes so much courage to be developing or undoing or daring. Yet please don’t let the in-between space convince you that you lack anything. Being in transition doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re breaking away from the old, an identity, maybe a set of assumptions or an understanding or a world that no longer fits you.
It’s easy to sit on the sidelines in the lounge chair of life and be a spectator, or a critic of those who are facing their lives head-on. But I’m a sucker for those of us who are daring to make something of this time on earth. Real life is always taking place in the middle of things, not just in the polished perfection of an illusion of the end goal. How you live in the middle really is the quality of your life.
In these challenging, expanding, painful and hopeful times, what can YOU do?
If you are feeling the fear, the sadness, the pain, not knowing what to do, how to show up, what to say or not say … I hear you.
When I went within and asked Spirit to guide me … when I asked Love what it would say, this is what I received. This is my message to me … and I thought it might be of service to you too.
Ask yourself this question: “What Would LOVE Say/Do?”
- Be the Change you wish to see – no excuses. Embody it! Whatever that change is, be it.
- Look within your own thoughts, mind, and heart. Observe your judgments, fears, and anger. Dig into why and where they came from and do what YOU need to do to release and heal them. Get educated, own your errors, step up and help.
- Create Connection, Unity and Oneness. Separation and division are the absence of connection. We as Human Beings are all connected. We are one and we need to stand together and BE ONE! What hurts another, hurts the whole.
- Focus on the actions as despicable, unacceptable, and deplorable; not the person. We each must consider our own past behaviors and know that they don’t define who we are today. This is the same for everyone else. Give some grace and know that we, as a human race, can do better.
“To bring about change, you must not be afraid to take the first step. We will fail when we fail to try." – Rosa Parks
I've Been Thinking...
It was just a few short weeks ago that I wrote that I didn’t think we were going back to “normal.
At the time, it had dawned on me that the pandemic had uprooted us in ways big and small and that those yearning to go back to the way things used to be were in for a surprise. I had no idea how uprooted we were about to get.
This past week, millions watched as America’s streets and cities erupted across the nation. Huge peaceful protests called for an end to police brutality and for overdue systemic change. For a moment, the message seemed to get drowned out by images of violence and looting, which left people deeply shocked and shaken. Elected officials called in the National Guard and imposed mandatory curfews. Meanwhile, citizens in these cities stepped in to clean up the mess. More importantly, though, citizens stepped up to show us the opportunity and the importance of this historic moment.
That is the question that people are asking me? Well, for most people, they are doing what they’ve always done … and that is why the fear, anger, judgment, and pain just continues to manifest in our lives, in our world.
If nothing changes, nothing changes.
In this time of unprecedented fear, the way we have learned to manage or “deal” with our feelings is obviously not working. We MUST do something different. This is my response to how we do it differently.
I hope you will take a few minutes to look within and listen to what Spirit has to say to you after you watch this short video.
I love you my friend
Click Here for the Video
I have worked with many people who sought me out after years and years of talk therapy without finding the healing they sought. I’ve also worked with people who have spent years in various forms of emotional release therapy, such as Primal Therapy, without finding the healing they seek. I myself had years of both forms of therapy without finding the inner peace and joy I was looking for – until Inner Bonding.
Peter A. Levine, in his excellent book, “In An Unspoken Voice,” states that
“…feelings accessed through body awareness, rather than emotional release, bring us the kind of lasting change that we so desire.” p. 345
In my experience, it is not an either/or situation – either we access our feelings by being present in our body, or cry or pound in emotional release, or talk about it.
“Life will always bring you the circumstances you need in order to move into your highest expression. Your job is to run toward the experience.”
If you’ve attempted to effect change by trying to control your mind, only to wind up tired and frustrated, you are not alone. Creating change solely through mental techniques is impossible. It is like treating only the surface of an open wound when the infection is deep inside. It’s only when you address the underlying energy holding these thoughts and beliefs in place that you can effectively create transformation.
Vibrational transformation is a powerful internal process that addresses embedded, unresolved vibrations—dense emotional content and conditioning—and changes them from a dissonant vibration into a harmonious vibration through the conscious acceptance of the root cause of the unconscious dissonance.
You are free when you realize that you don’t have the power to MAKE another person change.
You suffer when you spend your time trying to control the lives of those around you to be what you want them to be.
People don’t change unless they really want to change. You only have the power to share your perspective, wisdom, and invite them to consider a different way of doing things.
When someone changes simply to make you happy, rest assured, it doesn’t last.
They must not only want to change but must be committed to it. They also must be open to your help. We sometimes try to change people that are not asking for help and end up trying to control them to fit our ideal.
The one thing in life that never changes is change, or so people say. But in reality we all experience a struggle between accepting change and resisting it, trying to make things different and yet feeling an anxious need to keep things the same. This struggle is what makes personal change so difficult. We can’t make up our minds once and for all how we feel about changing.
If change is so difficult, how can there be personal transformation, upon which the whole movement of human potential is based? It takes vision and commitment to believe that such a thing is even possible. Most people have mixed feelings about how their lives are going. “Taking the bitter with the sweet” is an old saying in English dating back to the 13th century, but it expresses a universal experience in every society.
I am always pretty much in sync with everyone else by the end of January still considering change and transformation as a bit of a sport I might actually win. Yes, I have learned how to make change into a game since I am not always successful in avoiding the pitfalls of the myriad threads of old storylines to prove my essential unworthiness. You know what I mean, 3 weeks of pure bliss on a new food plan and anti-aging Goop-approved weirdness, then face plant without noticeable cause into a giant vat of cream cake. Who me? Not I!!
You might identify with being sick and tired of being sick and tired, or raring to go and get a brand new you, or realizing nothing is actually broken, you just aren’t where you want to be… yet. This brings up the “mindful of remaining in the moment and being with what is” existential dilemma.
Oh, what a hairball!
At the beginning of every year, there’s an energy that’s palpable where you feel such huge promise for newness, in every way. Yes, we all get to start again! YAY. Yoga, Pilates, promises to yourself to change your diet, let go of the old habits that messed you up the year before, start a prayer and meditation practice and quit sugar/alcohol/(fill in blank) for real this time, take some interesting classes you’ve always wanted to do. Everyone is raring to go. Success by design is inherent just in the words “new year”. The failures of yesterday can be erased on Jan 1. That is a big fat promise.
But not so fast. These are all worthy intentions but what if your old self, the one you’re trying to change is not willing to do the list in your hand. What if your old self is so invested in your identity of feeling shitty, lonely, hard done by, angry, etc. that it thinks your new ideas are just phooey and is determined to prove it to you?
They say the ice caps are melting, the earth is heating up and the world economies are cooling down. Maybe some part of you is frightened by the unprecedented fluctuations. But another part of you, a light gobbling super freak, is clapping its eternal hands in joy. These are the times we came for. This is what we trained for. We’re in times of the greatest changes, to help us make our greatest changes.
It’s evolution’s love song to itself. It’s the necessary forest fire to clear out dead wood and encourage new growth, a stronger strain, to flourish. Where do you want to grow right now? Where is the sap rising in you? It’s time to follow your gut and become a change agent, one who can affect the course of humanity, by changing who you think you are, and what you think is possible. The times are ready for you now.
It is said, bad habits are hard to break. But we’re the ones who can undo it making space for other good habits and train our mind to bring the necessary change. Know how to use yoga to control and break bad habits with a holistic approach.
“The secret to permanently breaking any bad habit is to love something greater than the habit.”
- Bryant McGill
Got a bad habit that you can’t just break? Fret not; apply the holistic approach to hack them away.
When we leave our mind to itself, it follows certain habits like a groove. This can be amazing only if the habits are not hampering the body’s balance. In the process of devising certain habits, we often ignore both the emotional and physical need. Certain habits or bad behavior are hard to change. Even after many efforts, most of the old habits are relentless.
Enter Yoga! That makes us aware of our ability to change our mind in order to turn down the habits.
It’s spring!
Just saying those words can make you feel more positive and optimistic about what come.
Spring is a time for new beginnings so remember…
A small shift in your beliefs can create a huge change in your life!
Are your accumulated beliefs uplifting your life or do you need to change your thoughts?
A change in perspective is all it takes for a fresh new start… a beautiful new beginning and a shift in your life… your love… your success and your health.
What shift would you like to make this spring?
There’s one thing for sure, the fastest way to move from where you are now to where you want to be is to raise your frequency and neutralize the old, outmoded thoughts that sabotage your best intentions.
I always hear what’s soft breathing inside what’s hard. I think this comes from my great-grandfather’s family, who hid from the Nazis in Romania, who slept in cemeteries under the blue night and woke with the stories of the dead, which filled them with resilience.
Just today, I heard a woman who’d been tortured softly play a wooden flute. Though she can’t put to rest what was done to her, her softness filled the room, making each of us think of someone who’s loved us more than we thought possible. And there was the minister born to blind parents. He said with a tremble that his father saw him better than anyone. And the burly electrician spoke of his colonel in Vietnam taking his dead friend from him when he couldn’t put him down. And two states away, the stepdad who never knew his father calls his stepson’s father to ask him to stay with them, because he wants his boy to have what he could never find. And just last week I met the nurse who helped me walk after surgery twenty-eight years ago. We cried in each other’s arms.
So if you think someone is brave, tell them. For they might feel frightened and small, and you will change their life. If you think someone is beautiful and aglow, tell them. For they might feel dark and lonely, and you will quiet their demons. When you reach to help someone who is stuck, you might free the flight of their soul. And they will return when you least expect, to bring you something from the sky. Never underestimate the strength of your kindness to suture the torn.