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Do You Judge Your Feelings? Here is What to Do Instead

Did you grow up being taught that feeling and expressing your feelings is wrong or bad – especially your painful feelings?

I often have the experience with my clients of hearing them apologize when they start to cry. “I’m so sorry that I’m getting emotional,” they often say to me.

“It’s okay to cry,” I tell them. “Crying is a natural way of expressing feelings and releasing pain.” When they are trying to be very quiet about it, I often say, “It’s okay to cry out loud and allow yourself to make noise.”

Did you know that you have a sacred relationship to the creative force within you? Even if you don’t consider yourself “creative” you are actually doing it all the time. You create emotional scenarios to experience, you reinforce patterns of the past, and dream your intentions into the fabric of reality whether you are aware of it or not.

You are the artist that stewards reality forward on behalf of the Great Artist- the Conscious Universe that is the primal Source of everything- visible and invisible. If you’ve ever felt the pull of inspiration or the call to make something new of yourself you are in a dance with that integral part of you.

Philosophers have waxed poetic about this relationship for eons. I think the Greeks had the best idea when they explored the creative impulse as a sacred relationship between us and the Muses – the daughters of Zeus and the goddess of memory- Mnemosyne. These minor goddesses were birthed to represent the spirit of the arts, science, and literature to help us forget the sadness and darkness in the world.

Most teachers of Spiritual Elevation get to it: Surrender and your life will transform.

But doesn’t Surrender mean Giving Up? ‘Cos that doesn’t sound like something I want to do. For example:

“One path we shall never choose, is the path of surrender, or submission.”  –John F. Kennedy

Or:

“If you fall behind, run faster. Never give up, never surrender, and rise up against the odds.”  —Jesse Jackson

In fact, we’re talking about a different kind of surrender. It’s commonplace to say; but (I have found) it can
be difficult to do. “Let Go, Let God”…”Go with the Flow”…Or:

”All of our reasoning ends in surrender to feeling.” –Blaise Pascal

One of my favourites is: “Don’t Push the River.” That comes from the patriarch of Gestalt psychology, Fritz Perls. One of the reasons I like it is that it “flows” naturally into what for me is the clearest analogy for this, the kayak and the river.

I like having a handy image that explains Surrender, as it’s something I think of a lot.

I have always been under the belief that “self love” is selfish…this is not true!   I was brought up in a family of 7 which included my parents and I tended to the younger siblings quite often as my Mom always did for everyone else but not herself.  I am sure this contributed to my belief system  of putting  yourself first is selfish.  I also was under the influence of the church that it was better to give than receive and I felt quilty when I did receive.  Most of my life I would seemingly  put other peoples needs before mine.  I  believe the resentment I have felt was because I didn’t nurture myself, but I was an expert at nurturing others.  After all it is much easier to tend to others than yourself!