As humans we carry resentment, judgment and guilt from things that we feel we should have been, done or handled differently. So when do we stop resenting ourselves and feeling guilty? How do we forgive ourselves for what happened in the past and move on? Listen to this important episode around self-forgiveness and redefining your feelings, judgments and how you perceive yourself to create a freer you!
My spiritual path began over 35 years ago when I first got clean and forgiveness is the road to freedom. Pain, resentment, shame, and anger can hold us for our entire lives if we never take the time to dive in and find compassion for ourselves and those who have hurt us.
The tricky thing about resentment is that it isn’t about the other person at all. In fact, the person you resent may not even know you resent them! But because you hold onto the stories from the past about people who have done you wrong, you keep an energetic tie to them.
Healing your past hurts begins when you look at your life with radical honesty. You have to take inventory of all of the places where you feel you were hurt, victimized, or taken advantage of and be willing to see your own part in them.
Have you ever suffered from a betrayal? Who hasn’t! Fortunately, you can gain a new understanding of yourself that will both raise your understanding of others, and take the sting out others’ betrayal of you.
To get started, we need the following brief explanation of the inner workings of our personality. Because of our experiences in life, over time different “selves” develop in us. We’re not aware of them. In fact we think we always respond to events as a single, consistent person. But these conditioned selves live within the structure of our personality, and when we experience new situations, they emerge to respond to them. That’s why we might be confident and talkative among one group of people, and shy and quiet with another group. Each environment calls up a different self that’s been waiting within us, and that’s the self that responds. I call this self that responds the TPIC – the Temporary Person in Charge. It’s the aspect of us that takes charge in the moment. It’s not who we really are; it’s just a temporary self that the moment called out.
You're a loving human being and there it’s not worth you wasting another moment of your precious life to be angry or resentful about anything. Bitterness is not a good look for anyone. At some point in your evolution, once you no longer have a problem with being you, you start to encounter generational patterns that you actually agreed to break on behalf of your lineage. These patterns can be emotional traumas, addictions, and they can be behaviors that are unrecognizable to you.
It’s through our relationships with those close to us that we get to work out our spiritual growth — and I am no exception!
My relationship with my mother was a container in which I received some of my deepest hurts and also have experienced the redemptive power of forgiveness, which is our Fourth Energy, Love.
From my earliest days, I had such a love-hate relationship with my mom. She was a very complicated, confusing woman. She was absolutely riddled with contradictions. Like, if someone rang the doorbell and we weren’t expecting company, we had to immediately get away from the windows so no one could see us. But at the same time, she loved to show us off and have us look a certain way, dressed up like little dolls with curled hair and perfect clothing.
She wanted to control everything — and me being me, I wanted to rebel, so we’d butt heads constantly. I was supposed to behave according to her rules. But at the same time, she’d be totally lenient in other ways.
I remember wanting to skip school because I hadn’t studied for a test. She made up an illness for me and let me stay home. She was both my friend and tormentor — the definition of “frenemy.”
When our family finances fell apart, the whole family fell apart. We were all a mess, emotionally and financially and spiritually. I was deep in my addiction to drugs and alcohol, and nearly lost my life to my addiction. I was out of control and out of balance in so many ways, including in respect to my fourth energy center, where love, compassion, and forgiveness reside.
Creating a Balance of Love and Compassion
You must know that as a soul, as a sacred being, as a Divine entity, you are placing yourself in certain circumstances, situations, and conditions in every given moment of your life for a particular purpose and reason.
It’s also important to understand that pain (both physical and emotional) can, in fact, be bidden. It actually can be wanted. It’s hard to believe, I know, but it is, in fact, true that it can be welcomed for any one of a number of reasons.
Yet if the Mind thinks that a particular pain is “unwanted,” it will not abide it. It will violently or strenuously fight against it, and that’s precisely what creates the experience of struggle and suffering in one’s life.
Underneath this truth lies a deeper one: Nothing that ever happens is “bad” for you. If it were bad for you, it wouldn’t be happening. Life is incapable of producing an event or condition that does not carry you to the next place in your evolution or that is not designed for your next expression of Divinity. Since the expression of Divinity is the reason you are here, you can be sure that everything is placed before you to serve this Divine purpose; in other words, to serve your purpose because your purpose is the Divine purpose.
Life offers you repeated chances—literally millions of chances —to respond differently to conditions and events should you choose to, and by that process to re-create yourself anew. Indeed, it is the nature of life to seek greater and greater expressions and experiences of what life is and how it is when it flows through you, in you, as you as a means of evolution.
And yet, there has to be way to evolve, to expand, to grow without the suffering and struggle.
At the beginning of a new year we always feel the excitement of moving forward into a time where you have the opportunity to be happier, healthier and to have a better year than the last.
All the resolutions under the sun will not get you there - only your commitment to becoming the best version of who you are will reap the rewards of a better, more vital and rewarding life.
Forgiveness is the lynch pin upon which we all build our inner peace muscle.
If there is anyone in your life you have not been able to forgive yet, try sitting quietly for a moment and become mindful of how you feel when you think of that person.
Any emotion that takes you out of love has an adverse effect on your health and well being.
It is enlightened self-interest to place a forgiveness template into your heart and from the depths of the love that you are, forgive anyone who has pushed your buttons over the past 12 months.
How do you forgive and what do you do if you've been hurt and you really want revenge?
You know folks in life as human beings. We have all been hurt at some point and many times you may have loved big and gave your heart and soul to friends, family and relationships.
You’ve pulled your resources, your energy, your time, your trust. Nothing hurts more than loving someone, trusting someone and giving them everything, and maybe they didn’t appreciate you. Maybe they didn’t honor you. Maybe they betrayed you.
As human beings, this human experience and relationships can be difficult and challenging in moments. They’re never easy and can be complicated.
Do you bear a grudge?
Transform Ill Will.
Goodwill and ill will are about intention: the will is for good or ill. These intentions are expressed through action and inaction, word and deed, and-especially-thoughts. How do you feel when you sense another person taking potshots at you in her mind? What does it feel like to take potshots of your own? Ill will plays a lot of mini-movies in the simulator, those little grumbling stories about other people. Remember: while the movie is running, your neurons are wiring together.
“Your past does not have to determine your future. Forgive yourself and set yourself free.”
As human beings, we can feel judged by others, especially by ourselves, for the "bad decisions" we made in the past. Ultimately, regret is a waste of time. Listen to this episode to learn the 4 keys to getting out of the mental loop of feeling tormented by your past mistakes, and being able to face your reality with a new perspective that helps you evolve and accept yourself as is and live more authentically as you.
“To be in a state of peace we need to be in harmony with the energy frequency of peace.” ~Codebreaker
Peace is your natural state. However, we are all experiencing stress and frustration in these challenging times.
Are you your own worst enemy? Do your regrets and pains run through your mind like a broken record? Are you still beating yourself up for saying the “wrong” thing, getting a parking ticket last month, or eating that tub of ice cream last night? Do you know how to forgive yourself?
There is so much information about the healing powers of forgiveness but do we take the time to forgive ourselves? Of all the emails I’ve received from my audience over the years, self-forgiveness and how to practice it has been in the top 5 of all topics. And, it seems that almost every reading I’ve done, especially mediumship touches on something that the person has to forgive themselves for.
Here’s a great question to think about:
What if you treated your most cherished friend just as you treated yourself?
Forgiveness, peace, love and joy…
How good would it feel to immerse yourself in these high frequency codes?
Imagine how different this week might be if you could wrap yourself in a white light blanket of peace…
A cozy comforter of forgiveness and love enveloping you at every moment…
How would that change this week for you?
How would that change your entire year?
Think about that for a moment.
Are you ready to feel it? You can!
Take a few deep breaths…imagine a column of white light coming in and down, filling your whole body. This is your True Self, the perfection that you are.
We often hear people talk about why we should forgive but rarely do they explain the how. Forgiveness! I’ll be the first to admit that forgiveness is sometimes a struggle for me. I just completed seminary school and during my studies, every time we had to randomly pick a topic in class…I would pull forgiveness. But, I firmly believe that all things always work together for my highest good and greatest joy and this journey of forgiveness has taught me some things about life, myself, and allowing this Divine Energy and Essence that I call God access into the inner most parts of myself. The Rev. Johnnie Colemon, used to say…lessons are not taught they are caught. Which means experience is the greatest teacher.
So what is forgiveness…have you heard that it’s to give for…for example…give up hate for love...give up fear for faith. That’s a simple way of explaining forgiveness.
It's painful and natural as human beings to want to get revenge to pay them back, to show them, to prove to them, to crush them.
But realize, when someone does something negative to you, when someone trespasses against you, to simply return the same energy is to simply bring yourself down to that level and nothing ever gets truly resolved by going down to that level.
Not only do you pull yourself down to that level, you keep yourself stuck.
It may sound strange and improbable, but this short article explains how it’s possible to actually change your past, and let go of any painful experience that wants to haunt you. The secret lies in awakening a little-known skill that every person is given at birth, but that few ever realize they have: the ability to start life over any time we choose.
It’s true: today is the first day of our life; but this truth is only of use to us if we know how to turn its power into something practical that can free us from the painful regrets and disappointments carried over from our past.
It may seem at first like starting life over every moment is a daunting and impossible task, but there is a simple method of bringing this power within our ready grasp. Here’s how we get started winning our new life: we must learn to allow every movement in our life – every unwanted memory, every emotion, every thought, and every relationship we have with whatever moves through us – to have its own life.
The overall theme that the cards reveal this week in the Weekly Oracle Card Guidance and Lesson is forgiveness. Who or what do you need to forgive?
I know forgiveness may seem like one of those intangible ideals that’s just out of reach or a waste of time. But, it’s not. You can make the choice to forgive. And by taking that decision, you not only move forward on your path, but you also open the door to Spirit’s messages.
Resentment, anger, shame, and regret all keep you focused on the past and block you from accessing the realm of connection. In addition to robbing you of the present, lack of forgiveness feeds your ego mind, your Goblin, and keeps you in a “Me Bubble.” Forgiveness is one of the greatest keys to strengthening your intuition and making positive changes in your life.
I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for forgiveness. After years of abusive relationships, drinking, and trying to numb my pain, I had a spiritual epiphany in which I realized that I had to forgive if I wanted to move forward. Through giving up the need to be hurt and to hate, I’ve been able to finally have the amazing, healthy relationship I’d always wanted.
Rumi invites us to find the barriers we’ve erected against love, and a universal one is blame. These three talks are an invitation to relax those barriers, and to open our hearts to our inner life and to all beings. Part I focuses on chronic self-judgment; Part II on the places of deep self-condemnation, and Part III on where we have locked into anger, blame or hatred of others. Each includes guided reflections that can support us in directly awakening beyond the confining thoughts and feelings of blame.
“Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find
all the barriers within yourself
that you have built against it.” ~ Rumi
My whole life, I had been my worst critic. I was my own judge, jury and executioner. I strove for perfection, sought validation and felt that I have to compete for everything in order to deserve something. This is a result of people — most especially my family— criticizing me, telling me in many different ways how I was not good enough and how I need to be different and do better. Undoing that damage is neither easy nor quick. The solution was both simple and complicated but I am now peeling away the ugly layers that covered up my true self.
Growing up, I was constantly ‘teased’ about my flaws. My skin was too dark. My smile was too gummy. My lower lip was too thick. I was too skinny, too shy, too weak, too clumsy, too slow. There was a never-ending list of things that’s ‘wrong’ with me. And those were mostly from my own family — cousins, uncles and aunts, grandparents, siblings, and my mom. For who I was and whatever I did, I was simply not good enough. I felt like I could never measure up to standards set by those around me.
One of my first memories were of my parents broken up. I don’t remember them being together at all. Before my father died when I was 17, I remember seeing him only twice. I guess, this is where it all started, as a little girl asking, “Why doesn’t he want to see me? Am I not good enough for him?” That feeling of being unwanted by him didn’t leave me until I was about 18. Did I have daddy issues? Perhaps. I’ll leave that to the experts. But I honestly think that this is not the only culprit that eroded my self-worth.