It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us. 

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Resistance to Healing

resistance “I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.” – Chinese Proverb

Do you believe that if you intellectually understand Inner Bonding without practicing it, change occurs?

Think of it this way: If you read a lot of books about working out, but you don’t actually work out, will your body get into shape?

If you read nutrition books but don’t change to a healthy diet, will you get healthier?

If you read about playing an instrument but don’t practice the instrument, will you learn to play it?

Inner Bonding is no different. It is a practice.

Resistance to Practicing

If you are resistant to practicing, there are good reasons for it. Actually, exploring your resistance is part of the practice. Here are some of the reasons you might be resisting the practice of Inner Bonding:

  • If I open to my feelings, they might overwhelm me.

If this is your fear, then you need to do some groundwork first. You might need some trauma therapy, such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or SE (Somatic Experiencing) to de-escalate the intensity of your feelings and help you learn to regulate them.

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5 Hits

LOVE is in Your Mirror

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For decades I admired the wisdom of the late Louise Hay and looked up to her as an icon of emotional healing and spiritual growth.

I loved her fierce courageousness, her willingness to do and say the right thing with the causes that called to her, and her joie de vivre always inspired me.

More than 30 years ago I sat with her to do her groundbreaking mirror work and it was a life changing day.

Louise held a mirror in front of my face and told me to look into my own eyes and make a series of positive statements to myself including “I love you.”

It was hard because I really felt like I was lying to myself. Somehow, I got through the process and then, with a daily practice of mirror work, I came to know that not only did I really love myself, but that I was also loveable!

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81 Hits

The Power of Asking For Help

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When we are pursuing our dreams and goals, we must ask for help! Nobody has ever achieved their goals by themselves.

Why are we afraid to ask for help?

It is often because we are too proud or we see it as a sign of weakness. It is the opposite. Asking for help shows strength. When you ask for help you give that person the gift to give you service. You're helping them too.
  66 Hits
66 Hits

How to Define Your True Self-Worth

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Do you believe your self-worth is in your looks and performance? If you do, is this working for you and bringing you joy?

Marilyn asked in one of my webinars:

“I’ve noticed there are times I define my worth in a way that seems not good. For example, if I see a picture of myself and I like it, I’ll define myself as cute or thin or something positive like that. If I don’t like the picture, I will define myself as frumpy or unattractive. So, while I’m defining my worth, it seems dependent on how a picture comes out. The picture is just an example. I may do the same thing with how I feel after interacting with someone. If it’s lively, I’ll see myself as social or interesting. If the interaction doesn’t go well, I may see myself as boring or awkward. So, while I’m defining my own worth, it still seems not quite right. Any suggestions for me?”

The problem is that Marilyn is defining her worth externally – by her looks and performance – rather than intrinsically by her enduring soul qualities.

 

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151 Hits

Self-Confidence

Self-Confidence

Today we are going to talk about confidence: Self-confidence … being comfortable in the skin you’re in … learning how to feel secure in who you actually are.

I would like to start by just asking you: Does confidence hold you back in some area in your life? Do you feel that if you were more confident you would do A, B, C, D, E ________ (fill in the blank)?

What does it hold you back from? And what is confidence? What does having confidence mean? What does “being comfortable in the skin you’re in” mean to you?

Is it a way that you feel? Is it a way that you look? Is it an experience that you would have, or wouldn’t have? What does that actually look like in your life experience right now? 

I really like this quote by ee cummings: “Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”

I love that! Once we believe in ourselves … I think a lot of times what does hold us back is the lack of self-confidence and overcoming the fear.

And what is the fear … and how do you overcome the fear? Well, fear oftentimes is “I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy. I can’t do it.  I’m not ever going to be able to do it.” And so, the key answer to the question is you’ve got to work on your self-confidence. You’ve got to work on your self-esteem. You’ve got to work on your value. You have to begin to put more attention towards what’s good and what’s working in your life, than what you’re afraid of, what you don’t know, what might not be good enough, or where your struggles have been.

So, I want to share a few ways that you can start to gain self-confidence. Each one of these could be a whole topic in and of itself. But I want to list a few here now and have you begin to see which ones jump out to you … and those could be the inspiration to make a little shift for yourself going forward … and allow you to gain some momentum to live more fully in what you want in this upcoming year.

I don’t believe confidence is about the external: the way you look, or your comparison to other people. I DO think confidence is much more about the story we tell ourselves. It’s so much more about our internal dialogue … and we use the external clues, people, experiences, events to prove to ourselves externally what we’re telling ourselves internally … which is usually “I’m not good enough. I’m not going to add up. It’s never going to work. I can’t get there.”

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79 Hits

Feathers Aren’t What Make You Fly

flock-of-birds

We don’t control
The reflections in a mirror
Only our interpretations

We live best
With birds of a feather

Be with
The ones with
Joy
The ones with peace
The ones in harmony

Not the flock
Who have plucked
All their feathers
To prove they are not worthy
of flying

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  124 Hits
124 Hits

Three Secret Ways To Start Your Live Out Fresh

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Here are three new and true beginnings you can start with today that will put you in the right place for leaving old self-defeating choices behind you for good.

 

  1. Each time you find yourself face to face with some overbearing man or woman who in some way intimidates you, dare to make this new and true beginning: act toward that person in exactly the way you want to act, and: not in the way you think he or she expects you to.

 

Within the guidelines of being kind and true, speak to that person as though you are completely free to say what you feel, for you are. What any individual may think about what you have to say is not your concern. So let this false concern go.

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  163 Hits
163 Hits

How To Let Go of Self-Judgment

nomoreselfjudgement
Stop judging yourself. In this video, you'll learn how to let go of it. We are constantly beating ourselves up. It reinforces who we were in the past and we sabotage our present success and happiness to punish ourselves from our past.

You don't have to be a slave to your past. Use every experience for your growth and learning. Identify the lessons learned rather than judge yourself. Based on who you were you could not have made any other decision so there is no reason to regret.

You are not your behavior. Your soul is complete and good. Love yourself. Love now.

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180 Hits

Let’s Talk About JOY

Joy

Spirit has been talking to me about reminding people about their joy. So … let’s talk about JOY.

First off, in whatever time frame you are reading this … Have you at this point today, laughed yet? Laughed. Have you laughed yet today? Have you done something today that has gotten you excited, made you kind of giddy, have a big smile on your face, and feel joyful from the inside out?

How many of you know, feel, recognize, understand that you need more of that? You need more laughter. You need more joy. You need more play. You need more fun … that you desire happiness, light-heartedness, connectedness.

Do you recognize that? Even if you’ve had it, do you invite more joy, more play, more fun into your life?

It is the highest expression of love there is.

I want you to think about the ways we were taught to express love and the way that you experienced joy as a child. You might not have been allowed to have joy. A lot of people didn’t.

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190 Hits

Is Self-Love A Pre- Requisite To Soulmate Love?

Self-Love

Self-Love is the hot topic in the personal growth movement these days and when it comes to finding soulmate love, there are a lot of myths that until you love yourself first, you won’t be able to get anyone else to love you. Can this really be true?

My experience has been that most women and some men (at least in the Northern hemisphere) live with a negative, critical voice in their heads that is often filled with ugly, shaming thoughts, self doubt, and brings with it feelings of never being “good enough.”

And, I began to wonder, do you really have to eliminate that persistent voice in order to find true love? Do we really need to be 100% in love with ourselves to experience Big Love?

I don’t think so.

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103 Hits

Your Ego Puppy Will Be In Distress When You Try This

ego-puppy Your Ego Puppy Will Be In Distress When You Try This

Did you know that when you judge someone else your unconscious mind applies that same judgment to you?

So the more you judge others, the more you are really judging yourself.

And by constantly seeing the bad, you actually train your mind to see more of the bad.

Wow! How stressful is that?

This increase in stress weakens your immune system, causes high blood pressure, fatigue depression and anxiety. 

It’s easy to find fault in yourself and others, but it often takes real effort to find the good. 

Can you go a whole week without judging yourself and others?

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  192 Hits
192 Hits

“How Do I Ask For What I Need?”

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In a healthy, loving relationship, partners ask each other for what they need, and generally receive a caring response. But sometimes this can get tricky – depending on whether it is your loving adult asking, or your wounded self. This dilemma is expressed by Julie in the following question:

“How can I express to my partner that sometimes I need the time and attention he gives to other people without sounding jealous or selfish.”

While this might seem like a simple question, it has many subtle aspects to it.

Julie, the first question I would suggest you ask of yourself is, “Why do I need the time and attention that my partner gives other people?”

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267 Hits

Relationships: “Why am I Struggling After All My Healing?”

sad-lonely-woman-outdoor-in-winter-picture-id917929642 “Why am I Struggling After All My Healing?”

I can’t tell you how often I hear from my clients that “I should be further along in my healing process,” especially when it comes to relationships.

Sophia is struggling with this:

“I’m finding my new relationship extremely challenging. After three years of being single, I thought I’d be further along with self-esteem challenges, but no! I can so easily find myself feeling needy with my partner AND abandoning myself – behavior that feels frightening and shameful. Suggestions on how to soothe myself in the moment? I do EFT and Heartmath exercises that help, but am still really struggling. Thanks!”

Sophia may have done much inner work during the three years she was single, but being in a relationship triggers old fears of rejection that likely never got triggered in the three single years. You can do a ton of work on yourself – learning how to take loving care of yourself in many different ways, but taking care of yourself in a relationship is a whole other thing.

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279 Hits

How to stay Empowered in the Presence of Bullies and Psychos

notobullies

One of the major human lessons today is learning to take our power back and reposition ourselves above the bullying and abuse that exists in the world.

Bullies and psychopaths are not just in the movies, they are real personality types. Manipulation and control are as addictive as heroin to these people. While they make horrible spouses and BFF’s, they are amazing spiritual teachers!

If a person has low self-worth or is lacking in self-respect they will attract these types of people and will probably get into a close relationship with them. They will keep these people close until they have learned the lessons they need to be more self-loving and self-respecting.

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163 Hits

Caretaking Others Prevents You From Knowing Yourself

couples-hand-tied-with-metal-chain-picture-id1176189249 Is your addiction to caretaking stopping you from knowing yourself?

“I have had to parent my whole life, never really able to be a kid from my childlike mother to my son-like husband. Everything seems to depend on me doing the right thing and staying on the straight and narrow. My husband is saying he is going to leave for many years and I know it is the right thing, but I’m scared of facing ME, I don’t even know Loretta. What is one thing I can do to let go? After 18 years with my mother and 21 with my husband, dysfunctional relationships are all I know, despite my years of therapy and self-help books.”

If you were brought up in a codependent family system and learned to be a caretaker, it is likely that you do not know yourself. Despite years of therapy, this is the position I was in when our guidance brought us Inner Bonding, and this is the position Loretta is in:

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308 Hits

When to Say Enough Is Enough

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When you first fell in love with your partner, the future was bright. You dreamt of doing everything together and creating memories for decades. In the months or years since, life threw challenges at you that made you reassess your future.

If your relationship doesn’t seem to have a path forward or you don’t feel fulfilled, the next step will be difficult, but not impossible. Read about when to say enough is enough so you can face potential heartbreak and exchange it for more happiness.

1. Frustration Replaces Joy

Everything’s easier when relationships begin, so it’s normal for that bliss to fade when your new love becomes your new normal. Even when you’ve been with your partner for years, your relationship should still bring you joy. When things aren’t going right, frustration could become a daily occurence.

Frustration often comes from a communication breakdown. Think about how you connect with your partner and look for healthy communication characteristics, like curiosity about each other and strong teamwork skills. What you find could point out why you feel frustrated with your relationship and current place in life.

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452 Hits

The 7 Golden Rules of True Self-Fulfillment

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The following 7 Golden Rules of True Self-Fulfillment are not the same as the laws that govern this world; nor are they what govern the lives of the vast majority of the men and women who crawl upon it. As is true of all creatures, these individuals have the life they serve; by law, their nature is their experience. 

These 7 rules are for those who wish to know, to be one with the Divine Life that is the unseen source of all that exists—so that by choosing, consciously to align with its immutable laws, and making whatever sacrifices that obedience calls for, they not only fulfill the needs of this Living Goodness but, by agreeing to do so, also fulfill their own highest possibilities at the same time. 

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345 Hits

Mark Nepo's Weekly Reflection: One More Time

Wilfried-Santer Fragrance of peace

Every day, we are challenged to love what we’re given as much as what we want. We don’t have to like the things we’re given, but we need to find a way to accept them. And love is the surest way to deepen our acceptance. And so, we must stay devoted to getting up one more time than we fall down. To waking up one more time than we fall asleep. To being sensitive one more time than we are blunt and cumbersome. To listen one more time than we speak. To hold one more time than we drop what we’re holding. To aspire to be clear one more time than we are confused. To open one more than we close. And to lean into life one more time than we are pushed away. We may not always land in the open, but when we do, the tenderness we find is the earned fragrance of peace.

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188 Hits

Infuse the world with your love.

infuse Infuse the world with your love.

The more we are here everyday, the more I know how divinely orchestrated all of this really is. I may sound like a broken record because I am continually reinforcing certain messages that have not been heard or have not been allowed to land. 

I love you. I don’t just love the parts of you that you put on display. I love the parts that you have an aversion to or that you resist. My loving you, at some point, has to translate into your ability to cultivate an inclusive relationship with yourself. 

You have been falsely led to believe that there are certain aspects of you that are wrong or bad. And, as a result, you have invalidated yourself from receiving. When I wrote the book You Are Enough, I didn’t write it purely as a self-help book, I wrote it as a way for humanity to get itself out of every impending challenging scenario and situation that I knew we were about to face. 

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292 Hits

How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

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Former president Theodore Roosevelt once said “Comparison is the thief of joy.” What I say is, “Comparison is the fast track to misery.” I want you to take a minute and think about this. Have you ever compared yourself to someone else and came out exactly even? I doubt it. It never or rarely happens.

Today I’d like to teach you how to stop comparing yourself to others so you end up feeling great about yourself and what you do have in your life, instead of bad about what others have and you don’t. 

Comparison is Natural

We almost always compare ourselves to someone that we think is better, smarter, thinner, taller, shorter, more attractive, better dressed, more popular, more famous, wealthier, or more successful.

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258 Hits