It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us. 

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The Vast Difference Between Aloneness and Loneliness

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Often, when I ask my clients what they feel, it’s obvious to me that they are confused between loneliness and aloneness.
 

Aloneness

Aloneness is an inner feeling of being all alone in the universe, and feeling empty inside. Aloneness indicates that there is a lack of love inside. But, contrary to what most people assume, it’s not another’s love that’s missing – it’s your love that’s missing.

The feelings of aloneness and emptiness are the result of emotional self-abandonment – of ignoring your feelings, judging yourself, using addictions to numb your feelings, and of making others responsible for you feeling loved, safe, and worthy. When you emotionally reject and abandon yourself, your feeling self – your inner child – feels alone and empty inside. When you emotionally abandon yourself, your heart closes and you can’t feel the love and comfort of your higher guidance, which leads to feeling alone in the universe. This is a very sad way to live, yet this is how many people live. 

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171 Hits

Stop Trying to Overpower What Disturbs You

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It isn’t this world that threatens or disturbs us. We are dominated by our own thoughts and feelings. We are taken over by our own reactions. This is painful for us because our original nature, our True Self, longs to be free and unencumbered by self-limiting, self-defeating, compulsive thoughts and feelings.


The problem is, at our present level, we believe that another person or event is causing our unhappy feelings. We want power over them in the hope that it will give us power over our punishing feelings. Can you see that this approach to self-command is doomed from its ill-conceived beginning?


So where do we look for the power we need to be happy?

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167 Hits

What Do You Do When You Have A Broken Heart?

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Most individuals believe that people or circumstances cause their emotional pain. They say, for example, “He broke my heart.” They make themselves victims. Creating authentic power shows you that you are not a victim. You discover that your emotions are created by dynamics inside you. When you focus outside yourself, these dynamics remain intact to be activated again. Each time, they generate the same or similar emotions in you.

You have experienced these painful emotions in other places and times with other people. The individual you believe is causing them now is actually the latest in a series of individuals who have activated this dynamic in you before. When you focus on the activator, you miss what got activated.
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191 Hits

How To Love Your Body

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Your body is beautiful just because you have a body.

No other reason needed.

It is a living work of art. A masterpiece and magical expression of the Divine.

But how often do we really appreciate and love our bodies?

We have been conditioned and brainwashed by the media to believe that “You are not enough as you are”.

This is a lie.

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220 Hits

The 3 Love Blocks and How To Shift

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Love is what you are. It's your essence. It's not something that you need to get.”


How have you been limiting your love? At our very essence, we are love. Love is not limited. And when you are committed and dedicated to loving fully in your life, you can move through anything. Listen to this episode and learn how to overcome your love blocks to enable you to love more authentically without blocks or barriers and propel you to the next level of your life.

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Do You See Your Essence and The Essences of Your Children?

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One of the things I loved doing as a child was making creative things for my parents. I would spend hours designing and building wonderful cards with little poems in them, and make special pieces of jewelry for my mother. The only problem was that, while my mother would receive her gift graciously, she never received it with her heart. She would smile and tell me how lovely it was, but I never felt her love coming back to me. My mother did not know how to open her heart, how to smile at me with love and cherishing in her eyes. My father would never even notice his gift.

I wanted to connect with my parents, to share love with them, to know their hearts, but their hearts were hidden. Sadly, my mother died at the age of 86 without ever being able to share her heart with me. My father died at 92 and his heart was always closed.

Your children need to feel your heart and soul. They need you to take the time to stop what you are doing and just be with them. They need you to really see them – to see who they are beneath their outward ways of being.

One of the greatest gifts we can give to our children is to see their essence, their true Self, the individual expression of Spirit within them. When children are deeply seen and valued by their parents, they learn to see and value themselves. All children need this profound mirroring from their parents to feel intrinsically lovable and worthy.

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425 Hits

How To Radically Accept Yourself

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Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be truly free of your past? To accept and love yourself fully and not see your life through the lens of your baggage?

This is the liberation that’s possible with radical acceptance. 

Radical acceptance means taking life on life’s terms. Surrendering to what it is without judgment – the good and the bad – and taking responsibility for the parts we need to work on. When you look at yourself and your life with this kind of honesty, you’ll experience true freedom and you’ll find the path to self-acceptance and deep self-love. 

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217 Hits

3 Signs That You Might Have Imposter Syndrome

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How to Erase Self Doubt and Embrace Your True Greatness

You may have never heard of the term “imposter syndrome” before, but chances are, you or someone you know has suffered or is currently suffering from this debilitating psychological phenomenon. 

According to a recent study published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, about 70% of all people will experience symptoms of imposter syndrome at some point in their lives.

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231 Hits

The Easiest Way To Transform Relationships Into A Loving Piece Of Your Life Story

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Our life experience can be easier then many of us imagine. Much of humanity has chosen to believe, even embrace, stories of pain and grief instead of love and joy. This is a betrayal of our true compassionate nature. I’m going to share the easiest way to transform relationships into a loving piece of your story.

Recently I was enjoying conversation with a Vedic astrologer from India. I asked him about possible challenges leaving his home country and family. San Jay shared he focuses only on how he feels now. He is able to speak with his family by phone and walks by their side energetically. He has removed the past challenge from the possibilities in his life and enjoys his everyday experience that includes an energetic closeness with his family.

In my own life I decided to reconnect with my brother that died of suicide years ago. I needed to let go of the grief and confusion I held in my heart and mind. I had been holding onto my brother’s life story, not reaching for his soul’s energy. I touched the uncomfortable and complicated thoughts and called his spirit to me. I did this in several meditations.

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175 Hits

Pandemic Parenting 101: Don’t Forget to Prioritize Your Own Wellness

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It has been a long road through this pandemic reality, and even with some very promising corners turned, we are not through it yet. Many parents have been navigating these strange days simply by doing all they can to keep their children’s lives on track — even if that means neglecting their own well-being. If that sounds familiar, this article is for you. Your wellness matters, and putting yourself last all the time isn’t ultimately doing anyone any favors.

We all want our kids to be happy. We want them to thrive, and we want to protect them from undue strife or struggle any way we can. But here’s the thing: If we all lived by that saying, “You’re only as happy as your least happy child,” we’d doom ourselves to a lifetime of limited joy. Until we take our happiness into our own hands and unhook it from our kids, we won’t experience the grounded sense of peace and joyfulness we crave with any consistency.

4 Ways to Set Your Happiness Free with Mindfulness

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279 Hits

How To Forgive

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It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. ~Maya Angelou


Forgiveness IS one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves, but how do we genuinely get there?

Many people believe that if they just decide to forgive someone, they have actually forgiven them, only to discover anger or resentment emerging over and over. So how to forgive?

Alyce wrote me the following question:

“Dr. Paul, How do I sincerely forgive my soon-to-be ex-husband of 32 years for infidelity committed prior to him even asking me for a divorce? I feel angry, hurt and jealous that he would give another woman the affection that he denied me. I know I must forgive him in order for me to heal and move on, but how to forgive?”

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256 Hits

Let's Get Angry

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“Anger is often an exuberant expression. It is the force that injects energy, intensity, and urgency into battles that must be intense and urgent if they are to be won.”
 —Rebecca Traister

I've Been Thinking...

A couple of years ago, I did a story for TODAY on author Lisa Taddeo and her best-selling book Three Women. The book was an instant best-seller and launched a nationwide conversation about women and desire. In fact, it’s fair to say that it blew the lid off a topic that was once taboo.

Now Lisa is back with a new book called Animal. This time she is writing about another taboo subject: women and anger. I, for one, couldn’t be happier to be jumping into this conversation because it’s one that needs to be had! That’s right. Women and anger deserve their own conversation, and we need permission to have it out in the open without fear of judgment or outrage.

Just like women want and need to talk about desire, we also want and need to talk about anger (or at least I do). I don’t say that just because there is a lot to be angry about these days (an assault on voting rights, a continued debate on who gets to decide what we can or cannot do with women’s bodies, gun reform, and a lack of support for child care, elder care, and family leave—to name a few). There is a lot to be angry about that’s never really been spoken about: a woman’s role in the church, women’s fight for equal pay, and the status (or lack thereof) of women around the world.

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380 Hits

The New Rulers Of Earth

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Through all the tyranny and injustice which plague the earth on this day and in these times, one Thing, one Fact, one Truth remains and that is: There Is Only One Reality, The Original Creation of the Divine Mother’s Love in full manifestation and expression on this Earth and on all Earths and Star Systems throughout Eternia.  

Love is, was and Will Always Be the only true and absolute Ruler of this Earth, as Love is the creator of Earth and the Ruler Of All Creation by Divine Edict. Love is the Infinite wanting to Gift us Life. Love Is and will always be, the only, the ALL, the ONE. 

The Master told us, “The meek shall inherit the earth.” His promise is a statement of fact now being realized by those with eyes to see. Through the rubble and clouds of misinformation and intentional trickery, the Divine Light of God’s Eternal Truth, emerges triumphantly, shines brightly, and speaks loudly in the Heart as a Still Small Voice yearning to be heard. 

For in each and every situation we encounter, like water rising to seek its own level, so Love, and the Light of that Love becomes a beacon shining out as the highest point in any given occurrence, and all the forces surrounding that Love are Awakened and Empowered and Up Lifted and Transformed by that Love. 

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Summon Self-Compassion

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We are suffering more than we are meant to. Chronic stress. Loneliness. Isolation. Anxiety. Depression. We are overwhelmed by pain because we’re alienated from the basic understanding of who we truly are. What if we recognized that we are made of infinite energy emanating from a source of unimaginable creative power? Suffering wouldn’t linger as much as we allow it to now.

Here are three suggestions on how to become a positive thought warrior. 

Mindset Shifts to Summon Self-Compassion 

  1. Become aware of your self-talk.
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Learning to Live in Pure Joy

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We must remember that we all deserve love and joy, and all that is good and beautiful. If we keep this thought in mind, life will naturally tend to be beautiful.

Most of us deep down within, could be feeling they don't deserve a lot they are gifted with, also our socio-cultural environment has taught us this spirit of sacrifice and we are inevitably taught to deal with a lot of guilt regarding our personal belongings.

This is most specially relevant if you come from a wealthy and affluent family. You are given the message time and again that you do not deserve this abundance and you need to give it up or give it away as you have no right on what you have not worked for. Of course sharing is a very noble part of the human existence,  but sharing from a space of guilt is incorrect. We need to share from a space of love.

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293 Hits

Where You’re Stuck, You’re Blessed

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Where you’re stuck, believe it or not, you’re blessed. Because here is where you can meet the alchemy of self-love and a whole new level of progress. 

When I’m frustrated, an inner dark knight moans, “You are broken and there are a thousand armies to hold you back.” This ancient foe covers the sun, chills the air. You will always feel this way. You will always be stuck. And yet this dark knight crumples immediately before the magic of willingness. 

Here is the willingness I have used to change my life:

I am willing to walk past my resistance. 

I am willing to believe that something will shift or give way. 

I am willing to stay true to my love.  

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Copyright

© ©2019 Tama Kieves. All rights reserved.

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Unworthiness

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What is unworthiness? Of course, it is the awareness of a part of your personality that says to itself, “I am unworthy,” for example, I am unworthy of the love that I have in my life, or the wealth that I have, and more commonly, I am unworthy of the happiness that I feel. Thoughts such as “It’s too good to be true, and “This can’t last forever because it is too good” are experiences of unworthiness. You feel unworthy of what the Universe has given you, that you do not deserve it, that the other shoe will fall, and it is only a matter of time before you will get what you really deserve, which will be painful.

Unworthiness is all these things and more. It is the inmost frightening thought that you do not belong, no matter how much you want to belong. That you are an outsider and will always be an outsider. It is the idea that you are flawed and cannot be fixed. It is wanting to be loved and feeling unlovable, or wanting to love and feeling that you are not capable of loving. It is the feeling that no matter what you do, it is not enough, that you are incurably inadequate, intrinsically and permanently flawed. It is the fear of people seeing you as you really are, the belief that if they did, they would not want anything to do with you. All this is the experience of unworthiness, and beneath all of this is the experience of powerlessness – of feeling powerless to be a real part of Life, to love, to be loved, to affect the world, to be heard, to be worth hearing or to have something worthy saying. It is self-loathing, self-hatred, and no matter how difficult this idea is to even consider, it will not leave you somewhere deep inside, and it is excruciating. It is the most painful experience in the Earth school, and everyone shares it. This is the pain of powerlessness.

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465 Hits

Loving Yourself When Your Partner Shuts You Out

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What do you do when your partner shuts you out?

Do you know that being shut out and stonewalled is even more hurtful than being yelled at? Children would rather get yelled at or even hit than ignored. This is why the worst punishment for prisoners is solitary confinement.

Yet, along with overt anger, withdrawal is the most common form of controlling behavior in relationships. Just as the fear of anger keeps partners from addressing issues, so does the fear of a partner’s withdrawal.

Loretta is struggling with this issue.

“I’m in a two year relationship. My main problem is how can I raise an issue without him turning his back on me and walking away? I have to follow him to get my feeling across only to have him ignore me. He says I am never happy with what he does and feels frustrated that he can’t make me happy. The ignoring makes me feel unloved and rejected. I have told him how it makes me feel but he still does it.”

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Can You Be Fierce and Feminine?

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Traditionally the word feminine has been defined as having qualities traditionally ascribed to women, such as sensitivity, gentleness, being demure, modest, or delicate.

This seems so limited and last mid-Century to me.

In my coaching I often come across women who don’t believe they have the right to ask for what they most want, need, and desire, feeling that if they do ask, they will either be rejected or seen as too aggressive.

This happens in both their business life and romantic relationships.

Oy.

I believe that part of the problem comes from being raised on a diet of books and movies with the theme “let’s all become princesses” as we hope that someday Prince Charming will magically arrive and kiss us out of our comas.

Ugh.

Ladies, don’t you think it’s time to embrace your “Inner Queen” and step into your power and fierceness?

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177 Hits

12 Ways to Improve Your Relationships. . .Including Your Relationship With Yourself

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Our most fruitful field for self-discovery and life-enhancement is also the one we least understand or know how to use. And yet, virtually every moment offers abundant chances to benefit from it. What is this highly valuable field of opportunity? Our relationships.

Consider these truths: It is within relationships that we grow as individuals in everything valuable, because it is through them that we become stronger and wiser, allowing us to realize a love that transcends our unseen self-limiting self-interests. Yet, even though we may acknowledge the existence of this path to self-perfection, the essential mystery of exactly how to use this endless resource remains obscured.

How do we use our relationships to change the balance sheet of our lives so that for every measure of impatience and intolerance there may be at least an equivalent sum of compassion and consideration? And how do we learn to use our relationships with others to realize a new kind of relationship with ourselves so that we can discover the beautiful fact that who we really are is all we need to be?

Our willingness to work our way through the following twelve special practices -- to strive to use these higher ideals in our relationships with others -- will reward us with the Real Life our hearts longs for. 

The main purpose of these special practices is to show us how to use each developing moment in our relationships with family, friends, and coworkers to consciously change our relationship with them, and more importantly, with ourselves. 

If we are honest we will admit that, with few exceptions, the usual focus of our attention and interactions with others is centered on our selves and the fulfillment of our desires. "How do I feel about you?" "What do I want from him?" or "When will she realize that I know best?" In other words, the mindset of this largely unconscious self, under most circumstances, is: "Me first."

By forever placing its own considerations before considering any other, this self-serving nature remains the master of its own universe, even if all that revolves through it is its own imagined importance.

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227 Hits