The partner you attract in a relationship is a mirror manifestation of yourself. When you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, you look to your partner to give you a sense of validation. This leads to feelings of insecurity and suffering. Listen to this episode to learn 7 simple, yet powerful keys to improve your relationship with yourself and overcome feelings of insecurity.
Some Questions I Ask:
- How often do you really connect with who you are?
- Have you ever felt insecure in your relationship?
- Do you like the partners you are attracting into your sphere?
- How do you deal with the fear of losing your identity in your relationship?
- How often do you look in the mirror? Do you like what you see?
- Have you noticed the voice in your head that criticizes you?
The overall theme that the cards reveal this week in the Weekly Oracle Card Guidance and Lesson is forgiveness. Who or what do you need to forgive?
I know forgiveness may seem like one of those intangible ideals that’s just out of reach or a waste of time. But, it’s not. You can make the choice to forgive. And by taking that decision, you not only move forward on your path, but you also open the door to Spirit’s messages.
Resentment, anger, shame, and regret all keep you focused on the past and block you from accessing the realm of connection. In addition to robbing you of the present, lack of forgiveness feeds your ego mind, your Goblin, and keeps you in a “Me Bubble.” Forgiveness is one of the greatest keys to strengthening your intuition and making positive changes in your life.
I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for forgiveness. After years of abusive relationships, drinking, and trying to numb my pain, I had a spiritual epiphany in which I realized that I had to forgive if I wanted to move forward. Through giving up the need to be hurt and to hate, I’ve been able to finally have the amazing, healthy relationship I’d always wanted.
Our stressful, pain-filled experiences are not caused by people or events but by our reactions to them. And yet, if we will honestly examine the way we presently question our defeats, here’s what we see: we are still desperately seeking answers that serve only to correct the surface or exterior conditions. We are still blaming circumstances for crushing us. The direction of our questions proves that we are still thinking incorrectly about our problems.
This is supremely important to grasp if we wish to change our inner and outer world. By their very nature, our old questions tend to make and then keep us victims. They imply that someone or something outside of ourselves is punishing us. No human being is a victim of any punishment outside of their own undeveloped life-level from which their inner reactions are seen as outer attacks. This is why we must learn to turn our questions into tools for developing self-wholeness instead of letting them lead us off in the wrong direction.
Yes, there is such a thing as being stuck in a karmic pattern that no longer serves you.
These patterns are the result of unconscious programs that trigger false beliefs and perpetuate stories that age, weaken and diminish life…
and, blocks your ability to know the truth.
You are a perfect divine being whose essence is LOVE!
Having worked with thousands of people worldwide, we’ve discovered universal thought processes running through humanity.
“I don't deserve love!” “No one will ever love me!” “Love is dangerous”
These programs have been locked in your DNA and effect the way your genes express. In other words, your thoughts control your energetic frequency and that frequency either repels love or is a magnet to love.
You might not think this is relevant to you, however, the sneaky unconscious mind stores past events, emotions and decisions that surface as negative life patterns.
How do you know if you are on this karmic merry go round blocking love?
Look at how much love you’ve allowed into your life. That will tell you whether or not you are free to love yourself, your family, friends, your beloved and God.
The relationships we have with others – romantic or platonic – are one of the most sacred aspects of our being. In these close, intimate spaces, we are allowed to become a part of someone else’s life, offering them love and affection, advice and caring, nurturing and a listening ear.
But there are times when these relationships dissolve – for myriad reasons – and the heartache that results can be one of the most painful things to endure. Heartache can turn us into people we’d rather not be. To avoid this, I offer you these 5 ways to heal your heart, and return to love.
Regret is a killer.
It robs you of your peace in the moment and limits your ability to create a fresh future.
Regret is that feeling when you look back from your future and wish you had done it differently.
We have all done things that we felt bad about and judged ourselves for from the past.
Whether it was:
Bad relationship choices.
The way you handled a break up.
Unwise financial decisions.
What are you still judging yourself for?
What regrets do you still have?
Maybe you have been holding yourself hostage, thinking you are a bad person or that God is judging you?
My amazing friend, Sheri Salata, is a deep, loving, soulful woman who had the career of her dreams for 21 years including titles as Executive Producer of the Oprah Show and co-CEO of OWN network. When she decided to move on and “produce” her own life she was one hundred pounds overweight, no man in site, and nearly 57 years old. Today her book, The Beautiful No, arrives in stores, and I’ve invited her to be a guest blogger on the topic of
What I Know About Love.
Did you grow up being taught that feeling and expressing your feelings is wrong or bad – especially your painful feelings?
I often have the experience with my clients of hearing them apologize when they start to cry. “I’m so sorry that I’m getting emotional,” they often say to me.
“It’s okay to cry,” I tell them. “Crying is a natural way of expressing feelings and releasing pain.” When they are trying to be very quiet about it, I often say, “It’s okay to cry out loud and allow yourself to make noise.”
Self-care and self-love are necessary parts of a happy, healthy, and balanced life. So often, we find ourselves taking care of everyone else, attending to their needs while ignoring our own. Whether it is a matter of time and energy constraints, self-esteem issues, or deep-seated feelings about our worth in the world, being good to yourself is something that we all deserve and are worthy of.
Summertime gives us myriad opportunities for self-care. The sun simply feels divine. Summertime treats such as a simple popsicle can offer a much-needed boost in mood. And the opportunity to be around friends, neighbors, and loved ones outside at a campfire or an outdoor party breathe new life into our daily existence.
What can you do when there’s nothing you can do?
Sometimes something happens. Perhaps your sweet old cat takes a turn for the worse, or there’s a money problem, or your son waves goodbye as he gets on a plane to start college on the other side of the country. Sometimes it’s on a larger scale: maybe there’s been an election and you’re grappling with its consequences (see my last post on this topic: Take Heart).
Or you might be dealing with something ongoing, like a dead-end job (or no job at all), life after divorce, chronic pain, or a teenager who won’t talk to you.
Whatever it is, at first it’s normal to feel rattled, frozen, or unclear about what to do. After awhile, you do what you can to change things for the better. But often there’s not much you can actually change, and sometimes nothing at all.
Still, there is always one thing you can do, no matter what.
What do you do when the bottom falls out?
It takes heart to live in even ordinary times.
By “taking heart,” I mean several related things:
- Sensing your heart and chest
- Finding encouragement in what is good both around you and inside you
- Resting in your own warmth, compassion, and kindness; resting in the caring for you from others; love flowing in and love flowing out
- Being courageous, whole-hearted and strong-hearted – going forward wisely even when anxious, knowing your own truth and as you speak it
When you take heart, you’re more able to deal with challenges like aging, illness, trauma, or conflicts with others. You’re also more able to take advantage of opportunities with confidence and grit.
The world is not holding you back. You are holding the world back. You are holding back your strength and your strength can make a difference at this time. You have a power in you that can move mountains, and, better yet, people. But you’re still allowing others to tell you what’s possible or right.
Maybe you’re still chasing kudos to glue some sequined wings onto your hobbled back. But no amount of approval will ever set loose the inspired potential that you already possess. You have the power to shed your ordinary skin. You have the power to turn pain into hope, disconnection into union, and this moment into a balm to some section of humanity. You are holding back the floodgates of your own wild ride.
Wild success is not about what the world can give to you, but what you can give to the world.
Aging is a natural process occurring for each of us, although it’s one we’ve been taught to resist. With the numerous serums, health products and procedures promising to help win the battle against aging, many are caught up in this constant “fight” against aging and left desperately looking for the next miracle product to stop or even reverse the natural effects of time’s passing. In fact, so pervasive is this growing resistance to the aging process that, according to Orbis Research, “the global anti-aging market is estimated to reach $331.41 billion by 2021.”
The fact is, there is no miracle product or serum. Aging is going to happen, but it doesn’t have to be a struggle. When it comes to our views on aging, there is a deeper truth we can embrace, and one which would benefit us greatly as a society.
Currently, our culture places our value on external appearances. We obsess about how we’re perceived, how we get ahead by the way people perceive us, if we’re going to be respected, or if we’re going to get the attention that we need, etc. It’s a focus that leaves us constantly looking for validation and our worth from the outside in.
However, in a time not too long ago, there was more value placed on the internal aspect of our life. The wise old sage was the most coveted individual in the tribe. He or she was the leader of the people, the most respected, and the one whom everyone looked to for guidance.
Unless you are in a dark place of self-loathing (in which case please find a professional counselor to help you work through it), I know that the fastest way to love yourself more is to be in a healthy, happy, love relationship.
I have come across so many people who tell me that they are “working” on loving themselves, and once they do THEN, they will begin dating.”
I believe you can do both at the same time.
The good news is that working on yourself is a great thing and you can find strategies to be more loving and kind and accepting of yourself and you need to know that the critical voice in your head can be lessened but folks, honestly, you’re never going to eliminate it entirely.
As a career and success coach, I hear my fair share of wanting to bulldoze through change, especially when life seems to throb like a toothache, turn into the life you never thought you’d have, or slow to a crawl through the rubbery land of powerlessness.
Everybody wants to rush through transition like it’s a bad root canal. But transition is a threshold. It’s a sacred life appointment—the crossing from one world to another. You will reclaim yourself here, be infused with messages you could receive no other way. This is not just positive mumbo jumbo. I am describing to you a possibility that exists for you, right now, right here, and will not come again, at least, not in this way.
I know, maybe, you’d still rather the root canal.
It’s natural to feel this way. Sometimes, growth can make us feel helpless.
When life becomes uncomfortable, we are being invited to explore our own personal power and dormant capacities. We have the opportunity to turn “scared” into “sacred” and experience a universe of expansion instead of contraction. But it’s up to us. It’s a choice. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. But only if we consciously choose for it to be that way.
“The more you can celebrate and bless the success of those around you, the more you open yourself to receive blessings in your life.”
In This Episode You Will Learn:
- 3 keys to overcome the feeling of jealousy.
- Why we sometimes feel jealous of others.
- How comparing yourself to others changes your energy.
- Why scarcity is an illusion.
- Why celebrating the success of others is good for you.
Whenever I have the privilege of leading transformational workshops, I am always in awe of what an honor it is to be invited into people’s lives and have them share so openly about their past as well as the honest and raw feelings they have about themselves and their lives. I expect to feel the same sense of awe and privilege at my upcoming workshop ‘The Body Shadow: From Self-Loathing to Self-Loving’ hosted by Omega in June 2019. Of course, we are also seeing so much of this in today’s culture – people, especially women, coming forward and sharing about the assaults, attacks, abuse, and secrets that they have not wanted, been able, or felt ready to share.
Although I am always very mindful of never assuming I know or can even comprehend what someone else feels, since I never want to diminish someone else’s pain by comparing or making sweeping assumptions or generalizations, I think it is fair to say that most of us have endured situations that felt off, wrong, or were just downright soul-crushing. And, in order to deal with or manage the pain or to just do what we need to do to get by and function, we learned to manage it, push it down, remain silent, numb ourselves, or stay busy and try to forget about it.
Although all of our stories are personal and unique, whether it comes from what we are seeing in the news, the #MeToo movement, how we feel about our bodies, or the stories I hear from the people I have the privilege of working with, I am always so present to the insidiousness of the shame we all carry.
Two men stroll down a leaf-covered wood lot path on a clear, brisk autumn morning. Jeff and Mark have been friends for years. They enjoy their Saturday morning walks and talks together. Yet, something’s different about Mark today. Jeff senses there’s a problem. But he says nothing.
Two minutes later, Mark stops walking and turns to Jeff. His eyes are searching for a place to begin. Then, following right behind his slowly spreading smile, these words spill out: “Jeff, are all these voices that are arguing in my head bothering you too?”
A second later, they both break out laughing. The spell Mark had been under was suddenly broken. He had been the captive of a dark inner dialogue.
What’s a dark inner dialogue? Just what it sounds like: A negative tug-of-war in the unseen recesses of your mind where you’re the only one pulling on both ends of the rope. Still more to the point, being in a dark inner dialogue is finding yourself losing a heated argument when there’s no one else in the room with you!
You have no control of what other people think about you.
The only control that you have is over yourself, and how you respond.
Your responsibility is not to make others happy but to be yourself fully.
People’s opinions of you reflect more about themselves than about you. So don’t take it personally. Just because they judge you a certain way, or have a negative opinion of you, doesn’t mean it’s true.
It’s just their opinion. It’s their perception, and perception is not reality.
Our perception is a projection based on our current level of consciousness which is determined by our conditioning and experiences.
So make peace with who you are, and who you aren’t. The more you love and accept yourself, the less you will seek it from others.
Let's start with why have a spirit in the body? Why not be the spirit?
If you're just a spirit, what does chocolate taste like? It takes energy to make visual pictures, to make sound, to taste. So when you get into the suit you can see, smell, touch, taste, feel. Back to what does love feel like?
I can have a conscious idea as a spirit. Love is nice. But what does love feel like? Well, get into a body and release dopamine. Oh, that's what love feels like. The body converts our reality into sensation so that we can experience physical things. But you also have choices of where you want to go and what you want to do. It's not just the feelings going in and going back to Source, it's the Source with information of what to do coming into the body like a two-way street.