It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us. 

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Minimize Painful Experiences

Minimize Painful Experiences Minimize Painful Experiences

Are you feeling unneeded pain?

The Practice:
Minimize painful experiences.

Why?

Painful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish – and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time.

But is there really any shortage of suffering in this world? Look at the faces of others – including mine – or your own in the mirror, and see the marks of weariness, irritation, stress, disappointment, longing, and worry. There’s plenty of challenge in life already – including unavoidable illness, loss of loved ones, old age, and death – without needing a bias in your brain to give you an extra dose of pain each day.

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Copyright

© © Copyright 2019. Dr. Rick Hanson

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You Don't Have to Live With Guilt

guilty You Don't Have to Live With Guilt
Do you know that it is completely possible to heal your guilt? I did it and so can you!

I grew up in a family that constantly used guilt as a form of control. Sometimes the guilt was somewhat subtle, such as “Fine, do what you want,” said with a blaming tone. Other times it was blatant, such as my grandmother (who lived with us) saying to me, whenever I didn’t do what she wanted, “How can you do this to me? You are so selfish.”

As an adolescent, if I came home five minutes after my curfew, I would hear my mother hissing at me from their bedroom as I tried to tiptoe into my room, her voice dripping with anger, “You’re late again. You know I worry about you.” My mother had many ways of making me responsible for her feelings – from her intense anger to her victim tears. I was always to blame.

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Forgive

Forgive heart Forgive

Are you holding onto feeling wronged?

The Practice:
Forgive.

Why?

Forgiveness is a tricky topic.

First, it has two distinct meanings:

  • To give up resentment or anger
  • To pardon an offense; to stop seeking punishment or recompense

Here, I am going to focus on the first meaning, which is broad enough to include situations where you have not let someone off the hook morally or legally, but you still want to come to peace about whatever happened. Finding forgiveness can walk hand in hand with pursuing justice.

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Owning Your Sensuality Mindset

horsebackriding Owning Your Sensuality Mindset

My brilliant friend, Susan Bratton, is the trusted hot sex advisor to millions and an expert on all aspects on how to improve your sex life, which for many women, begins with improving your “sensuality mindset.” Please enjoy her wisdom on this topic.

Just recently I spoke at an all women’s sexuality event. Before I took the stage, I went around speaking to each individual woman. As we chatted, I asked them privately what they were thinking about when they decided to attend? What were they hoping I’d talk about? What issue was on their mind?

As I listened to the stories, the struggles and the desires of these beautiful women my mind filtered the meta-conversations into four main categories of interest. These women wanted to hear first about what kinds of treatments, procedures and technologies were available and effective at keeping their lady parts in good working order. They wanted to know how to keep their libido high as they aged. They wanted my tips on solo pleasure. And they wanted to hear about female pleasure potential — what was possible for them and what were they missing out on that they didn’t even know might be available?

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Turning The Tables on Turkey Day Trauma & Trepidation

thanksgiving Turning The Tables on Turkey Day Trauma & Trepidation

Can you believe it’s almost Thanksgiving? 

What happened to Fall?

Although the song says "Oh, there's no place like home for the holidays," the fact is that most of us experience a sense of dread as we envision our upcoming holiday gatherings and being around our family.

Feelings of resistance, anxiety, and resignation start to bubble up as we anticipate the drama and dis-ease that will undoubtedly accompany the candied yams and pumpkin pie. As we contemplate the upcoming holiday, our minds naturally drift back to Thanksgivings past and any hope of warm and fuzzy feelings turn cold as we think about our family dynamic and the scenarios that consistently cause trauma and trepidation at our Thanksgiving table. Situations like: 

  • How do I once again try to explain to my family why I have to bring my own food since I eat vegan or gluten-free? 
  • What can I do to appease my parents and in-laws, who are all divorced but expect us to show up and make their Thanksgiving meal the most significant one? 
  • How should I handle it this year when, at the last minute, my sister-in-law once again decides to invite four more people to dinner? 
  • What do I do when Uncle Bob inevitably brings up politics?
  • How do I not get pissed off at my family when they stay glued to the television as I do all of the work in the kitchen?

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Can I Be Responsible For Myself And Still Be Free?

responsible Do you have some false beliefs that taking responsibility for yourself limits your freedom?
Do you have some false beliefs that taking responsibility for yourself limits your freedom?

A client asked me the following question:

“During my Inner Bonding process today, I uncovered a feeling of reluctance to commit to being there for my inner child. I felt like I didn’t want the responsibility, like it would limit me and tie me down. Part of me was saying “I want to be free.” Where do I go with this now?

This question indicates a huge false belief about taking responsibility for herself.

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7 Surprising Benefits of Pleasure for Health, Happiness, and Work-Life Balance

pleasure17 Surprising Benefits of Pleasure for Health, Happiness, and Work-Life Balance 7 Surprising Benefits of Pleasure for Health, Happiness, and Work-Life Balance

Are you overworked and under-pleasured? Do you spend a lot of time giving to your career, business, or family?

Helping others is important for a fulfilling life. However, are you making time for your own joy, pleasure, and sexuality?

In our busy world, our to-do lists are often a mile long, filled with obligations, responsibilities, text messages, phone calls, plus caring for our families, home, job, and others. 

Growing up, I saw my parents working hard and rarely resting. As an adult, I found myself doing the same thing. I placed my own pleasure and free time at the bottom of my to-do list. 

However, over the years, this strategy failed me. As I passionately poured my heart into my work, I did not take time to refill my cup, and I became exhausted, stressed, sad, and sick. Since my own pleasure and self-care were last on my to-do list, I never got around to them.

Not surprisingly, since I wasn’t slowing myself down, the universe forced me to slow down through a serious health crash 4 years ago. During these last 4 years, I discovered a new strategy, which I now call “Prioritize Pleasure.” As I made time for my own health, pleasure, and even sexuality, I regained my health and became a much happier, stronger person, which meant that ultimately, I had even more energy to give to my work and the people I care about.

If you are making the all-too-common mistake of “too much work and not enough play and pleasure,” the tips below will inspire you to bring back your sanity through sensuality.

What Exactly is Pleasure?



According to the dictionary, pleasure is “a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment.” Pleasure helps you enjoy life and stay happy and healthy!

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Bursting the Super Woman / Super Mom Bubble

whoops-i-stained-myself-mommy-picture-id1063651740 Bursting the Super Woman / Super Mom Bubble

Wake up. Work out. Make breakfast (for everyone). Drive the kids to school. Drive yourself to work. Take the kids to all their activities. Bring them home. Make sure they’re doing their homework. Make dinner (for everyone). Be a mom. Be a friend. Be a daughter. Be a lover. Go to bed. Repeat.

Okay, so maybe not everything on this list applies to you personally, but I’m sure there are some others that are unique to you that you could swap in – and then some. As women, we are often expected to do ALL. THE. THINGS. And let’s be honest: our families, coworkers, and others learn to expect this from us because we are so darn good at making it look like we really can do it all! The reality, though, is that with so many balls in the air, something is going to drop. 

When something does inevitably drop, what’s your reaction going to be? And perhaps even more importantly, how are you going to react on a daily basis to the juggling act you’ve got going on?

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Wabi Sabi Love

floating-candles-in-a-zen-environment-picture-id185116314 Wabi Sabi Love

Some say the hardest part of life is dealing with the other humans.

Unlike most cats and dogs, people behavior is often not predictable. (or sometimes too predictable and that can also be maddening!)

Figuring out how to manage my feelings and judgements about people, and myself, has been a long-time mission and when I discovered Wabi Sabi, that made a big difference (most of the time).

The ancient Japanese practice of Wabi Sabi is about finding the beauty and perfection in imperfection… in all things old, worn, imperfect, and impermanent, from broken pottery to driftwood and beyond.

In my world, I expanded it to be Wabi Sabi Love, to find the beauty and perfection in behavior and things that make us crazy.

It’s essentially about finding the gold in the dark.

Shifting your perception.

Changing your story.

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Addiction to Story-telling

storytelling Addiction to Story Telling
Being able to tell great stories, and being addicted to story-telling, are two very different things.

I was at a social gathering speaking with Robyn, a woman I had just met. At first, it sounded like she was a very interesting person and a good storyteller, but after a few minutes I noticed that we were not speaking WITH each other – she was speaking AT me.

I also noticed that I was unable to connect with her, and I started to feel very bored. Being used to noticing and acknowledging my feelings, I thanked my inner child for the information she was giving me – my boredom – which was telling me that Robyn was likely addicted to story telling.

Robyn was using story telling as a form of control to capture my attention and drain my energy. She was counting on the fact that she thought I would be too polite to walk away in the middle of her story. She was wrong about my being too polite!

I do try to be polite, but

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Two Decisions That Skyrocketed My Life

womanonrock Two Decisions That Skyrocketed My Life
Do you have the courage to make these two life-changing decisions?


I’ve discovered that there are two subconscious decisions many of us make – often early in life – that greatly limit our joy and sense of freedom. When I became aware of having made these decisions, and changed my mind about them, my joy, emotional freedom, and ability to manifest my dreams skyrocketed.

I was brought up to be a caretaker – to put everyone’s feelings and needs before mine. Can you identify with this? Are you trying to be a good and loving person by sacrificing yourself, hoping that if you give enough to others they will love you?

Except, that hardly ever happens. Instead, you give and give and they take and take, until you feel drained, angry, or sick. I felt all three – especially sick. After eating only organic food for many years, I was perplexed regarding why I was so sick. In fact, I was so sick that I knew if I didn’t change something, I would die.

One day I heard my inner voice say to me, “When are you going to start to listen to me? When are you going to even know I’m here? How sick do I have to make you for you to start to taking loving care of me?”

Wow!

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How can we find balance on the path of love?

couplesunset How can we find balance on the path of love?

This is the path of love. The path of the heart. Like all paths, it is fraught with pitfalls and traps, and most of our emotions are either in the service of our minds or our frightening things that overwhelm us and make us afraid so we protect ourselves from them.

So we come through life a little bit like hungry ghosts. We are beings that have huge needs for love, but seemingly it’s like we have some kind of amoeba that doesn’t allow us to digest our food. So, though we get love, it goes through us and then we need love all over again. This conception is so deep within all of us that we’ve built an entire reality around it, and we think that’s the way it is; that everybody needs love and that if you don’t get it you are deprived, and that the more of it the better, and you need it every day from everything. In that sense it’s like an achievement; you see people that are achievers. The minute they achieve something it becomes irrelevant, and their awareness turns to the next achievement because they are addicted to the practice, not to the goal.

The predicament with loving is the power of the addiction of the practice of loving somebody; of getting so caught in the relationship that you can’t ever arrive at the essence of dwelling in love.

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How To Stop Betraying Yourself And Start Loving You

standing-out-from-the-crowd-with-smiling-hexagon-picture-id1126450023 How To Stop Betraying Yourself And Start Loving You

“The more you love yourself just as you are, the less you’ll actually need it from other people.”

One of the greatest fears we have as human beings is not being accepted and loved for who we really are. As children we often learn to behave a certain way in order to fit in and feel liked. That is a betrayal of ourselves, and ultimately no one wins. Listen to this episode to learn 6 keys to stop betraying yourself, start honoring you and set yourself free.
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Sometimes it’s Hard to be a Loving Adult

lovingadult Sometimes it’s Hard to be a Loving Adult
When do you find it especially hard to show up for yourself as a loving adult?

All of us are, at times, challenged in being a loving adult.

Most of the time I can be a loving adult just by deciding to be. But there are times when I find it extremely difficult, and that’s when I need someone to step in and help me. For me, it’s when I’m exhausted due to not having slept well for a number of nights, or when I’m sick – which fortunately is rare for me. At these times, I just can’t get my frequency high enough to connect with my guidance, and without my guidance, I’m lost. I feel like I’m trying to navigate life with a blindfold on.

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Resistance to Being a Loving Adult

Resistance Resistance to Being a Loving Adult
Have you experienced feeling resistance to being a loving adult and taking responsibility for your feelings?


When I first started practicing Inner Bonding, I was in much resistance to taking responsibility for myself. I had spent too many years believing that getting love – and trying to have control over getting love – was the road to happiness and self-esteem, and I was very reluctant to give up this project. I felt resentful that after all this time and effort, I had to do this for myself. It didn’t seem fair. After all, I had spent most of my life taking responsibility for others, so why shouldn’t they do this for me?

While sitting with Carol at a 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensive, I saw myself in her. Carol was stuck in resistance. She knew in her head that to feel happy and full inside, she needed to show up as a loving adult and take responsibility for her painful feelings, but she didn’t want to. She thought that if she opened her heart to herself, as she was being invited to do, she would feel controlled by me – even though she knew that opening her heart was in her highest good. She was determined to make me responsible for how she felt – to get me to give her the love that she didn’t want to have to give to herself, and that she believed she couldn’t do.
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“I Can’t Feel God’s Love for Me”

feelinglove “I Can’t Feel God’s Love for Me”

“When I open to my spiritual guidance, aren’t I supposed to feel loved by God?” asked Tracey in a Skype session with me.

“Yes,” I answered, “but you might have a misconception about how you experience this love. When do you feel love in your heart?”

“I feel the most love when I’m playing with my nephews.”

“So when you play with your nephews, your heart is open – right?”

“Yes. I love them so much and I love playing with them.”

“Tracey, this is what it feels like to feel God’s love. When your intent is to love, your heart opens and fills with God-which-is-love. And the same thing will occur when your intent is to love yourself. Can you imagine wanting to love yourself and take loving action on behalf of the beautiful little child within you the way you love your nephews?”

“I think that’s a problem for me,” she said. “It’s easy for me to want to be present with them and give them love and attention, but it’s hard for me to want to do this for myself.”

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How To Overcome Fear with the Miracle of Love

selflove How To Overcome Fear with the Miracle of Love
Most of us are grappling with only one main issue, that is, how to stay happy. Being calm, focused and joyous, in a world which is constantly drawing us, into its chaos, is definitely a well performed feat. How to keep our mood stable, and our lives in a state of balance, is something we need to work at, constantly. Keeping our wits about us, and our brains and bodies in a state of balance, is an art we need to master. This inevitably doesn't happen on its own, we need to make it happen.

Living a life, which is aware and at a level of consciousness which is constantly evolving, is our prime duty towards our own selves. It is only by living in a state of awareness that we are conscious of our day to day stresses and we have the ability to combat them.

Stress builds up within us because we allow fear to step into the realm of our existence. With no fear, imagine the possibilities. I feel it is only the fear within us that hinders us from stepping into progress.
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It’s Time to Fire Your Inner Critic

owncritic It’s Time to Fire Your Inner Critic

We’ve all got that incessant voice in our heads that speaks up when we do things like try on new clothes, make a mistake, experience a perceived failure, or consider branching out of our comfort zone to try something different. And this internal diatribe occurring inside us tends not to be in the nicest of tones, am I right? This voice is our inner critic.

Often, the voice mimics our internalized version of criticism from a primary caregiver in early childhood. It tries to keep us safe – urging us to avoid pain and disappointment – but not in the best of ways.

If you’re ready to send your inner critic into early retirement, grab a writing utensil and a journal and follow these six steps. (You can certainly do this activity on a mobile device or computer if you prefer, but I find that there’s so much more power and connection in writing important things out by hand!)

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Do I Have To Be Healed To Attract My Beloved?

man-and-woman-sitting-by-the-sea-kissing-at-sunset-at-meloneras-beach-picture-id1124728680 Do I Have To Be Healed To Attract My Beloved?

One of my clients asked me the following question: “Can I attract my beloved if I’m still in the process of healing my inner pain?”

The simple answer is “Yes,” but the actual answer is more complex.

 

Healing is a Process

Healing is an ongoing process of learning to be less judgmental and more compassionate with yourself. Healing pain isn’t just about the past – It’s primarily about how you are currently treating yourself. For example:

  • You judge yourself as not good enough and you feel pain. While you might have learned to do this as a child from others who judged or rejected you, the fact that you are still doing it as an adult means that you are rejecting yourself and re-creating your pain. Your pain will not heal as long as you are rejecting yourself.
  • You avoid your feelings by numbing them with various addictions, or you avoid them by staying focused in your mind and ignoring what is happening inside where your feelings are. This creates a feeling of inner rejection and abandonment, as well as emptiness and neediness. Again, you are re-creating the old pain of not being loved as you were growing up.
  • You tend to make others responsible for your safety and self-worth. They have to approve of you in order for you to feel that you are okay. Your feeling self – your inner child – feels abandoned by you when you give him or her away to others for approval.

As long as you continue to reject and abandon yourself, you will meet partners at your common level of self-abandonment – partners who are also rejecting and abandoning themselves.

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3 Keys To Activating The Flow of Money and Abundance

openeyes 3 Keys To Activating The Flow of Money and Abundance

Abundance is not about what you have, it’s about how you feel about what you have.

… And how you feel about who you are.

You see it’s not about what you have or not, but your relationship with ALL of it.

Just because you have a lot of money doesn’t make you abundant.

Money is material. It comes and goes.

Real abundance includes but is also beyond the material, it is a state of consciousness.

Abundance is your Being.

The more you access who you really are, the more you experience the abundance of your BEING.

Your being is one with everything and the source of life. Connect to that which you are, and you tap into an inexhaustible stream of energy beyond yourself. There is no lack there.

There is no scarcity in the INFINITE.

You can have the world but if you don’t have you, the REAL YOU, you are poor.

If you have millions of dollars but you live gripped in fear of losing it, you are poor.

If you accumulate masses of wealth but are too afraid to share it, you are poor.

If you are so attached to the things you own that they in turn own you, and you live in fear, you are poor.

If you have everything but don’t appreciate and enjoy what you have, and life’s simple miracles, you are poor.

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