It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us.
Does that list seem way too ambitious for little old you to ever attain?
Well, my darling… all these things are already part of you. You just need to learn how to access your seventh energy, that we connect to through Higher Thought.
It is through the seventh energy that we make our unique and purposeful connection to Spirit, to the Conscious Universe, to our Higher Power, God, or whatever name you use.
This truth can cause much confusion because so many people have grown up steeped in religiosity, and shame. If you were taught that guilt was the path to God, or that the Great Spirit lies outside of yourself, your seventh energy may be out of whack!
When you’re unbalanced in this center, you can become blind to your inherent and innate connection to the Divine. You don’t see how magical you truly are, and how all of life is infused with divine spirit. Instead, you can tell stories about how you feel like a disconnected victim, over worked, doing everything “all by myself” rather than a co-creator in partnership with Spirit.
Hear me when I say, being spiritual does not depend upon how “good” you are, or how successfully you are at obeying dogmatic rules. Instead, a connection with the Divine is your innate gift, simply for being alive. You cannot be separated from God, the Universe, Gaia, whatever name you choose, because all is One.
If you feel distant from Spirit, unworthy, or otherwise rejected — I can relate!
I grew up with lots of confusing experiences around church and religion, and as time went on, and I struggled with drugs and alcohol, I lost touch with my connection to Spirituality altogether. It wasn’t until my mid 20s when I hit bottom and got clean and sober that I slowly, surely found a way back to a life interwoven with Spirit.
Here’s the revolutionary thing: It didn’t involve working harder, being different or “more” than I was, or otherwise changing myself, other than opening my heart to healing my perception of being separate from Spirit. Spirit simply asked me to show up as I was, and embrace who I was created to be.
So let me take you back to my childhood. I was unknowingly the daughter of a Jewish mother whose father was murdered in a concentration camp, and who pretended to be Christian to survive the war. I had no idea I was Jewish until my 20s!
As a young child, I went to an Anglican church every Sunday and attended an Anglican school. I loved it. I sang in the choir, I had friends there. Lots of rituals. This church was our social life! The whole church experience always made me feel good. I just felt at home there.
My parents didn’t like the teacher for Grades 3 and 4, so I enrolled in a Catholic school. That was just fine with me — I made friends, got voted as vice president of my 4th-grade class, and loved the whole thing. But what seemed like a beautiful innocent way of worshipping God, quickly became confusing.
One day, I was excited because the class president was sick, which meant I got to lead prayers in chapel. When it came time, I jumped up to read – but all of a sudden, Sister Bertille, one of the nuns, grabbed me by the arm really hard and dragged me back to my chair – she actually hurt me! – and she said, “Sit down! You are not Catholic!” … and I was totally shocked!
It was my first experience of realizing… wait, so all of our Jesuses are not the same?? I was only 8 or 9, so I couldn’t comprehend what the big deal was. How could God not be the same God? What difference did it make if I was Anglican or Catholic or something else? I was totally confused and hurt, that somehow I didn’t fully belong.
Things got even more confusing when I came home from school one day and told my mom that I wanted to be a nun and marry Jesus. I mean, what could be better?
But, SURPRISE, my mom wasn’t on board with that idea. She pulled me out of the Catholic school IMMEDIATELY, and I was never allowed to speak about the idea of becoming a nun again. Now that I know our family history, I understand why. But at the time, it was just another way I was told that what I wanted was somehow wrong or bad.
So back to the Anglican school I went. My relationship with God started to get even more complicated in those years. To add some more spice to the mix, my dad decided he wanted to introduce us to his religion and his cultural Slavic heritage, so we started going to this dance troupe at the Serbian Orthodox church.
On the one hand, I loved learning the traditional folk dances and history and getting to know the culture… but there was this weird chauvinism there too. In the church, the men sat on one side and the women on the other. And you could just feel that women were second class citizens there… and that really didn’t sit well with me.
At the same time, things in my home life and my family were getting harder and harder. I was navigating a difficult relationship with my mother, and eventually, my parents losing all of their money… I was going through a lot of personal, internal turmoil. And with it, I started separating myself more and from God and religion.
What I understood about God was a weird mix of different religions, and add in some divination taught to me by my Scottish nanny, and my Dad, and you can see how mixed up I was! I felt like I didn’t belong here, there, or anywhere.
Always on the outside, looking in. Looking back, I realize I was looking for spirituality and a High Power always and everywhere and I always have been.
Talk about being out of balance. Wisdom, knowledge, ego transcendence… forget it! I was too busy getting drunk and high and running away from myself. There just wasn’t any room for God in my life. I figured God looked at me as one big mistake. And I kept pulling further and further away.
Acceptance was the farthest thing from my experience!
Until I learned that Spirit transcends all religion.
My “aha!” moment didn’t happen in a church or a temple or a Buddhist monastery. Basically, I had a spiritual awakening in the bathroom of my drug dealer’s basement after a multi-day bender. I was a mess.
I was holding onto the dirty sink, staring in the mirror – I was so thin, my eyes were jaundiced and my teeth were loose in my mouth, gums bleeding. I had become a cocaine addict and finally seeing myself exactly as I was, all of a sudden, I just hit bottom.
I looked at myself and I just remember saying, “Help me, God.”
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