I once heard a story called Shopping for the Perfect Husband. The tale is set in the “Perfect Husband” super store, a five-story building where women go to find their perfect match.

On each of the five floors there are men with various qualities. The main rule was that once you reached any given floor, you had to select a man from that floor. If you didn’t, you could go to the next floor, not knowing for sure what you would find. The trick was that you couldn’t return to a lower floor unless you planned to leave the store husband-less.

Marianne and Joan, lifelong best friends, set off to find Mr. Soulmate. On the first floor there was a small sign that read:

“These guys love children and have good jobs.”

Joan thought that was great, but she was also curious to see what was on the second floor.
Marianne followed her up the escalator where they found a somewhat larger sign that said:

“These guys are super handsome, love children and have great jobs.”

The relationships we have with others – romantic or platonic – are one of the most sacred aspects of our being. In these close, intimate spaces, we are allowed to become a part of someone else’s life, offering them love and affection, advice and caring, nurturing and a listening ear.

But there are times when these relationships dissolve – for myriad reasons – and the heartache that results can be one of the most painful things to endure. Heartache can turn us into people we’d rather not be. To avoid this, I offer you these 5 ways to heal your heart, and return to love.

What does it REALLY mean to make choices from healthy parts of your personality? It’s not only when you observe that a fearful part of your personality is active (for example, one that is impatient), and you decide to act from a loving part of your personality instead (for example, one that is patient). This is the core dynamic of creating authentic power.

It also means proactively and consciously choosing to act from a loving part of your personality moment by moment – for example, a part that is grateful, or appreciative, or caring, or content, or in awe of the Universe as well as patient. When you do this, you will notice that you are naturally more giving, creative, and curious. You will feel your heart opening, and the joy of opening to others will fill your awareness.

After ten years of swimming, I stopped when Eleanor died. She was one of several dear ones who had left the Earth. There was too much to tend, and part of my heart had stopped, unsure how to continue. Everyone called it grief, but below the name, I felt that the fire in my center was beginning to smoke. I kept my appointments and did the endless tasks, but some part of me felt hollow.

Slowly, over many months, I began to feel the presence of those I lost in simple things: in the sudden sweep of tall grasses, as if Eleanor were whispering something I couldn’t quite hear; in the light on a pigeon in Washington Square Park while someone played a saxophone, as if my father were smiling on a bench just out of view; and in the closed eyes of our new dog Zuzu while asleep, as if our dead, beloved dog Mira were slipping inside her to tell us she was near.

It’s Father’s Day on June 16^th – a time to cherish your Dads and your Granddads or Father figure, whether they are with you or on the Other Side. The next time you find yourself missing your loved ones, try not to think they’re in some faraway place. In reality, they’re with you. They’re not here in a physical body, but they’re with you spiritually. Just remember that in the spiritual consciousness, there’s absolutely no separation at all. To illustrate this point, I’d like to share the following story from a family that I am very close to. It shows that your loved ones are with you through all the bad times, as well as the good times.

Chris and his wife, Claire, stood on the balcony in the Great Hall Meeting Room of Faneuil Hall in Boston. As beautiful as the historic building is, they weren’t there to sightsee but to proudly watch their son Charlie be sworn in as an attorney.

The students’ names were called one by one, and it was soon time for Charlie to stand up and accept his law degree. Just as Charlie’s name was read, Chris began to feel a presence at his side. It felt as if his own mom, who’d passed away years earlier, was standing right beside him. Chris shivered as it dawned on him what was happening. It hadn’t been something he’d wished for or expected to happen, but he felt in his heart that she was there in spirit to support him and her grandson with her love. Never wanting to miss out on anything when she was alive, she clearly wanted to be part of her grandson’s graduation!

As Chris’s eyes welled up with tears, he felt another presence draw close and felt a hand on his shoulder. In his mind, he heard the voice of his dad, who’d passed years earlier,“Son, I’m so proud.”