Use Every Relationship to Uplift Your Life

The greatest, most abundant resource on planet Earth is also its least understood and utilized. Its unlimited supply is found virtually everywhere, anytime, and under all circumstances, even though few recognize its real value. What is this most precious collective resource? It is our relationships.

Consider these truths: It is within relationships that we grow as individuals in everything valuable, because it is through them that we become stronger and wiser, allowing us to realize a love that transcends our unseen self-limiting self-interests. Yet, even though we may acknowledge the existence of this path to self-perfection, the essential mystery of exactly how to use this endless resource remains obscured.

What do we have to do to change the balance sheet of our lives so that for every measure of impatience and intolerance there may be at least an equivalent sum of compassion and consideration? How do we learn to use our relationships with others to realize a new kind of relationship with ourselves where we are able to discover that who we really are is all we need to be?

Our willingness to work our way through the following twelve special practices -- to strive to use these higher ideals in our relationships with others -- will reward us with the Real Life our hearts longs for.



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Don't Squabble

You know you're squabbling when you find yourself getting irritated.

The Practice:
Don't squabble.

Why?

It's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels.

Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing—but it's a different matter to get so caught up in your position that you lose sight of the bigger picture, including your relationship with the other person. Then you're quarreling.

You know you're quarreling when you find yourself getting irritated, especially with that sticky feeling that you're just not gonna quit until you've won.

Quarrels happen both out in the open, between people, and inside the mind, like when you make a case in your head about another person or keep revisiting an argument to make your point more forcefully. We quarrel most with family and friends—imagine that! But also with people on TV, or politicians and groups we don't like. We can even quarrel with conditions in life (such as an illness or tight money) or with physical objects, like a sticky drawer slammed shut in anger.

However, they happen, quarrels are stressful, activating the ancient fight-or-flight machinery in your brain and body: a bit of this won't harm you, but a regular diet of quarreling is not good for your long-term physical and mental health.


Plus, it eats away like acid on a relationship. For example, I was in a serious relationship in my mid-twenties that was headed for marriage, but our regular quarrels finally so scorched the earth in our hearts that no love could grow there for each other.

This week, try not to quarrel with anyone or anything.

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Are You Really There?

I want to share with you the following special story of a dad’s love, in showing that he really is there for his son and family.

Just this week, I gave out two of my books that had ‘sand dollar’ connections. I was out enjoying the day in the beautiful town of Newburyport, MA and came upon an artist who was displaying her creative work using real sand dollars. She had jewelry, night lights, and colorful plaques. With each item there was a story of the sand dollar and how they relate to the five doves that visited the three kings on that special night in Bethlehem. I told her that they also had a special meaning to someone else I know. I told her the following story below and said it was in a book. She said: “Now that's a book I’d read!”

That day in Newburyport was also a day I decided to do what I've often done in the past, which was to leave my latest book : Bridging Two Realms – Learn to Communicate With Our Loved Ones On The Other-Side in a random place for someone to find. I trust that the right person will find it and it could be just when they need it. I didn't even have to leave it somewhere, as I felt the urge to give it away right then and there! I reached into my bag and gave this woman a book. She offered to pay me, but of course I refused the money. The book was meant for her!

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Giving Yourself and Others Room to Grow

There is one essential ingredient missing in most of our relationships -- one that is definitely required if we wish to continue in our own development and help others to do the same. What is this powerful catalyst that only we can provide for each other? Room in which to grow.

We can help others reach higher by simply agreeing, consciously, to give them space to go through their changes even when these changes may challenge our sense of self and its well-being. As just one simple example of how to help in this way, we must each learn to keep ourselves quiet when the actions of someone close to us start to disturb us. Why is this new kind of self-silence so important for the growth of both parties involved?

To begin with, the disturbance that we feel in these moments is caused by a tremor in us. This is to say that our shaky sense of self is an effect of some picture we have held of this person as it hits the ground and shatters. Apart from our children, whom we must guide through their developing years, we need to learn to leave people alone with their decisions and corresponding actions. There is already a truth, a wisdom that supports this conscious course of action.

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What it Takes to Stay Married: Creating a Conscious Partnership

Are you one of those people who would rather be right than loved? Here’s the chance to choose differently.” –Jan Desai

I’m a statistic: twice divorced and almost ten years into my third marriage. If you’re a numbers person, the statistics are stacked against me.

In the U.S., fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce with 67 percent of second and 73 percent of third marriages ending in divorce.

It appears that happily ever after really doesn’t exist.

But this time around I’m committed to something different. I’ve learned a thing or two about navigating the bumpy roads of relationships and I wish to share my greatest discovery in ensuring that the statistics don’t get the best of me… or you!

It’s called conscious partnering.

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We all Share the Same Emotional Pool

Compassion for others starts with the understanding that every human being on the planet looks different from us – because physically we are different – but inwardly we all live in the same pool.

We all have pain and pleasure, we all share emotions that move in waves through that pool. People may live on the east bank of the pool so that the waves they know are different from the waves we know on the west bank, but if we look close enough, we can see that we share east bank waves in us as well.

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "How could that person be like that?" and then by the grace of God, discovered that you had done the same thing before, only called it something different? This is a beautiful realization because it proves to you that it is intended for those of us who would have a higher life to use everyone's life for our own development.

We Help Others When We Don’t Take Part in Negativity

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The #1 Tool to Radically Shift Your Relationship!

“He/she never listens to me.”

“No matter what I do, it’s never good enough!”

“I can’t trust him/her to follow through.”

“What about my needs?”

 

On a daily basis, I hear stories from people about their relationships.

They are somewhere on the scale of feeling frustrated - fed-up - frozen - finished.

They are not sure if the relationship will make it or not and whether they truly want it to or not.

They question what is best for themselves, their partner, and their kids.

They have tried talking, therapy, and yelling, as well as silence and separate bedrooms.

As they share their stories about all of the things their partner is doing that causes them pain or drives them crazy, I let them get it out for a while before I jump in and ask,

“What if it’s not about them?
What if this is happening for you instead of to you?”
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The Love Potion Enhanced by Art & Music

Prolific artist/musician Sharron Katz has an inspiring soulmate manifestation story that I just had to share with you.

Now, at age 61, she is happily with her beloved, Mike, 66, and together they are sharing a juicy, creative, open, honest, musical and artistic life together.

But it almost didn’t happen.

After a 15-year marriage and a super bad divorce, Sharron had big doubts if she would ever find real love.

Thank God she trusted her intuition, and she was willing to do the deep work on herself and of course, followed The Soulmate Secret manifestation steps.

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Are Relationships Spiritual Lessons For Us?

Did you know that relationships are mirror images of your own life? Relationships are affected by what's going on in your life. It's all about how you feel and treat yourself, as well as how you react and respond to different situations and people that are around you.

All relationships (whether they’re on an emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual level) are all part of the learning process and should nurture and enlighten your soul. No matter what category a relationship falls into, it acts as a teaching tool for you to understand the lessons that your soul needs to learn at that time in your life. While you may not necessarily understand why you enter into a new relationship at the time, it can help you to understand, change, or enhance your individual qualities.

Do remember, that every relationship is an opportunity for soul growth. Different types of relationships have an uncanny way of showing you what you need to work on in your life. At times, they can reveal your vulnerabilities and insecurities, or your need for attention, approval, and acceptance. Equally, they can identify where you may be stuck in a rut, or even where you need love, peace, healing, or joy in your life.

Relationships of all kinds are really about you, even in the hardest situations. As I've said: “They’re meant to be mirrors for us, always reflecting back what we need to see. The question is: Do you want to look in this mirror, and be open to what you need to learn, or simply pretend it's not there and pass it by?”

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Do Not Put Yourself Or Others Out Of Your Heart

What is an open heart?

The Practice:
Put no one out of your heart.

Why?


We all know people who are, ah, . . . challenging. It could be a critical parent, a bossy supervisor, a relative who has you walking on eggshells, a nice but flaky friend, a co-worker who just doesn't like you, a partner who won't keep his or her agreements, or a politician you dislike. Right now I'm thinking of a neighbor who refused to pay his share of a fence between us.

As Jean-Paul Sartre put it: "Hell is other people."

Sure, that's overstated. But still, most of a person's hurts, disappointments, and irritations typically arise in reactions to other people.

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Speak With A Softer Tone

How do you talk to people?

The Practice:
Try a softer tone.

Why?

When our kids were little, I’d come home from work wanting some peace after the daily roller-coaster and often walk into a living room full of stuff—toy trucks, tennis shoes, bags of chips, etc. At the time, the arrangement my wife and I had was that I’d be primarily responsible for income and she’d be primarily responsible for taking care of the kids, including getting them to pick up after themselves. When we were both home, we divided the housework and child-rearing evenly.

Sometimes I’d get irritated about all the clutter, and the first words out of my mouth to my wife would be: “How come there’s all this mess?!” After a day chasing children, Jan would feel criticized and sputter back at me. Then there’d be a quarrel or a chilly silence. Not good.

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Are You 2 Degrees From Your Soulmate (or your next BIG dream)

Commerical airline pilot Lisa could easily be called an adventurous woman. In addition to flying jumbo jets, she has gone on many solo journeys from mountain trekking in Peru to dog sledding in Iceland.

A student of my seven-week online course (see more info www.soulmatepassion.com), Lisa was dedicated and did her feelingizations on a regular basis, wrote and released her wish list, sent me her “letter from the future,” and completed the other exercises and rituals.

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Principles for Perfecting Relationships

Have you ever been so upset, so disturbed by someone, that if you didn’t lash out at them, you were sure the whole world would come crashing down on you? When you and I get upset with someone, our attention is instantly glued onto the source of our irritation. All we do is think about the irritation we have and how it’s connected to what someone else has done.


When you’re upset with someone or something, you have no consciousness of yourself at all. You are only conscious of what you say he, she, or it is making you feel. You are
completely outwardly oriented in order to justify your inward agitation.


At the moment you see a person or an event as being responsible for this irritation, what you are actually seeing is your experience of the moment. So really what you’re experiencing isn’t the person, but the content of your own past experience in its narrow confines.

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The Power of Relationships

Love. It’s that four-letter word that makes our world go ‘round.

Artists sing about love. Writers write about love. Painters paint about love. Protestors take to the streets carrying placards that plead for more love. And, every once in a while, a political leader stands up and speaks about the importance of leading from a place of love. (I wish this happened more often than it does.)

I believe in love big time. I also believe that we can all get better at loving ourselves and loving each other.

Love is easy and love is hard. Even if you’ve been burned by it, you still want to put your heart back in the fire. It’s just that good. It’s just that necessary. It’s just that vital to your health.

Because love is such a big topic, I talk to my kids about it a lot. I talk about what I’ve come to learn love is, and what it isn’t. The truth is, I don’t think we talk enough about the reality of everyday love. So often it presents itself to us in small moments, but we’re too busy to stop and notice that it’s there, much less give gratitude for it.

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A Miracle Story

Late last summer, Gabriel Jebb had a long conversation with his sister that ended with her telling him that he would be a great father and maybe it was time for him to look into adoption or finding a surrogate. Instead, he dove into online dating where he quickly encountered health coach Kerry Tepedino and was blown away to discover that she came with a bonus of an awesome son, Grayson.

After their first dinner, they immediately knew that they wanted to see each other again, but it wasn’t until the second date, at a U2 concert, that the sparks really started to fly. That’s when Kerry knew that there could be something really special between them because Gabriel was wildly fun, extremely energetic, not to mention pretty darn handsome.

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How To Be The Most Interesting and Charismatic Person

The secret to being interesting is simple: Stop focusing so much on yourself.

When you stop trying to be the most interesting person, and you become genuinely interested in others, you actually become more interesting.

The key to charisma is caring.


Much of our suffering happens because we get fixated on ourselves. It’s easy to get lost in your own emotions, thoughts, desires, wants and needs that we get so self-focused.

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The Power of Community

The other day, my brother Timothy spoke to a packed stadium as he opened the Special Olympics USA Games in Seattle.

As he talked about “taking a stand for inclusion,” everyone in the stadium rose to their feet. Tears filled their eyes. Hearts burst with inspiration. A friend who was there even told me that he left the stadium feeling more hopeful about humanity and our country than he had in ages.

Meanwhile that same night in Los Angeles, my friend Suzanne took her kids and a few friends to an open-air revival of the musical “Grease.” She said that she, too, was struck by the joy that filled the amphitheater. She, too, was moved by how easily everyone came together to enjoy themselves, to be kind to one another, and to be in community.

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The REAL Purpose of Marriage

Someone once said, “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they’re both disappointed.”

 

If you’re marrying in the belief that it will make your life significantly better, then things probably aren’t great to begin with. Only you can make yourself happy and when you are happy, and you are with your soulmate/life partner, that is the icing on the cake.

 

That said, there are always ways to improve your relationship, reignite the fun and passion, and rekindle your commitment, especially when you understand the “real purpose of marriage.”

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Welcoming Your Ideal Partner

There is one question that many of us, of all ages, are seeking an answer. People want to know if they will experience true love? I believe each of us can find a deep connection with a partner. We are all different and have unique needs. Is there a formula that can be used by each of us that leads to Love? Yes; I am going to share with you a plan that will clearly guide you to true love.

 

First you need to determine if you are ready to commit. Maybe you are on a path that is of self -discovery. You might be enjoying the sights and sounds with people that are not meant to be long term partners. Our lives are full of different lessons and cycles. Some adventures are for you alone to experience, and later share. 


If you believe that you are ready for a partner, make a very detailed list of what you desire. Imagine and describe the physical, emotional, spiritual and social requirements of your dream partner. Don’t spare the details. Sometimes people from your past can help you come up with the details.Sometimes people from your past can help you come up with the details. You might have already figured out what you don’t want. Describe what you do want. 

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Making Memories That Last a Lifetime

I’ve been thinking about how to make each and every day matter. How to make each and every day memorable and meaningful.

 

If the last week or so has taught us anything, it’s that people are super fragile. All of us are, at one point or another. It’s hard to know what’s really going on inside the hearts and minds of others, including those we care about most. So, the most important thing any of us can do with our lives — and with the minutes of our days — is to try our best to make them matter for ourselves and for those we care about.

 

On this particular day, Father’s Day, I’m thinking a lot about my father and the memories we shared during the time we had together. I’m also thinking about all the other fathers I know who are stepping up, showing up, and trying to be as present as possible in their children’s lives. Happy Father’s Day to you!

 

Like motherhood, fatherhood is the job of a lifetime. And, like many mothers, there are fathers who also doubt themselves and struggle with their role as a parent. They wonder about their importance and their influence on their children. They wonder if they’re getting things right, or if they’re messing up. They ask themselves, “am I better at this than my own father was?” So many men tell me that’s their hope and their desire. They also wonder, “What will my children remember about me after I’m gone?”

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30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

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