It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us.
The secret to being interesting is simple: Stop focusing so much on yourself.
When you stop trying to be the most interesting person, and you become genuinely interested in others, you actually become more interesting.
The key to charisma is caring.
Much of our suffering happens because we get fixated on ourselves. It’s easy to get lost in your own emotions, thoughts, desires, wants and needs that we get so self-focused.
The other day, my brother Timothy spoke to a packed stadium as he opened the Special Olympics USA Games in Seattle.
As he talked about “taking a stand for inclusion,” everyone in the stadium rose to their feet. Tears filled their eyes. Hearts burst with inspiration. A friend who was there even told me that he left the stadium feeling more hopeful about humanity and our country than he had in ages.
Meanwhile that same night in Los Angeles, my friend Suzanne took her kids and a few friends to an open-air revival of the musical “Grease.” She said that she, too, was struck by the joy that filled the amphitheater. She, too, was moved by how easily everyone came together to enjoy themselves, to be kind to one another, and to be in community.
Someone once said, “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they’re both disappointed.”
If you’re marrying in the belief that it will make your life significantly better, then things probably aren’t great to begin with. Only you can make yourself happy and when you are happy, and you are with your soulmate/life partner, that is the icing on the cake.
That said, there are always ways to improve your relationship, reignite the fun and passion, and rekindle your commitment, especially when you understand the “real purpose of marriage.”
There is one question that many of us, of all ages, are seeking an answer. People want to know if they will experience true love? I believe each of us can find a deep connection with a partner. We are all different and have unique needs. Is there a formula that can be used by each of us that leads to Love? Yes; I am going to share with you a plan that will clearly guide you to true love.
First you need to determine if you are ready to commit. Maybe you are on a path that is of self -discovery. You might be enjoying the sights and sounds with people that are not meant to be long term partners. Our lives are full of different lessons and cycles. Some adventures are for you alone to experience, and later share.
If you believe that you are ready for a partner, make a very detailed list of what you desire. Imagine and describe the physical, emotional, spiritual and social requirements of your dream partner. Don’t spare the details. Sometimes people from your past can help you come up with the details.Sometimes people from your past can help you come up with the details. You might have already figured out what you don’t want. Describe what you do want.
I’ve been thinking about how to make each and every day matter. How to make each and every day memorable and meaningful.
If the last week or so has taught us anything, it’s that people are super fragile. All of us are, at one point or another. It’s hard to know what’s really going on inside the hearts and minds of others, including those we care about most. So, the most important thing any of us can do with our lives — and with the minutes of our days — is to try our best to make them matter for ourselves and for those we care about.
On this particular day, Father’s Day, I’m thinking a lot about my father and the memories we shared during the time we had together. I’m also thinking about all the other fathers I know who are stepping up, showing up, and trying to be as present as possible in their children’s lives. Happy Father’s Day to you!
Like motherhood, fatherhood is the job of a lifetime. And, like many mothers, there are fathers who also doubt themselves and struggle with their role as a parent. They wonder about their importance and their influence on their children. They wonder if they’re getting things right, or if they’re messing up. They ask themselves, “am I better at this than my own father was?” So many men tell me that’s their hope and their desire. They also wonder, “What will my children remember about me after I’m gone?”
By the time you read this, Brian and I will be in Santorini celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary. It’s where we went on our honeymoon and decided it was time for another visit to this gorgeous paradise. I promise to share some photos when we return.
The roar of jet engines erupt and I’m propelled back in my seat as I take off, leaving behind a life I once knew. A beautiful chapter has come to a close, a new one has just begun. My long haul to Europe represents a bittersweet goodbye to a girl I have loved dearly over the past few years, and will continue to love for some time to come. As the world I knew shattered and the ground fell out from underneath me, my first thought was I’d never find my feet again. Now with a bird’s-eye view I can see with clarity that as my relationship began to fall apart, my life was falling together.
Every day we navigate many different relationships, with ourselves, with others, and with our lovers. Our relationships are a journey, an ever changing mirror as the essence of our love and companionship is reflected back to us through the eyes of our partner. If we look closely into the windows of our soul, we can discover who we are, where we’ve been, where we’re going and what we’ve learned along the way. Relationships are markers in a lifelong journey that can provide us greater understanding to the ceaseless transformation of our ever-evolving self.
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Spiritual partnerships are partnerships between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth. They are for intimate couples and anyone who intends to become emotionally aware, self-responsible, and inwardly secure.
Spiritual partners help one another recognize parts of their personalities that come from love– such as gratitude, patience, and caring – and cultivate them by acting on them consciously. They also help one another recognize parts of their personalities that come from fear -such as anger, jealousy, and righteousness -and challenge them by acting from loving parts of their personalities (such as patience) when frightened parts (such as impatience) are active.
Seems like the stars and planets have clustered to bring pain to people’s love lives this past week. I’ve gotten many calls and emails from heartbroken people who are baffled and confused by unexpected “love turmoil.”
I don’t know what the celestial answer is, but I do know what to do and what not to do when the “Sh#t” hits the fan:
1) Don’t immediately react. Keep breathing.
2) Don’t automatically assume the relationship is over.Keep breathing.
3) Don’t assume you did anything “wrong” (unless you did, in which case google the best way to make a proper apology and do it). Simply saying I’m sorry is generally not sufficient.
4) Ask for a time when you can sit down and talk (ideally in person) and then be sure to REALLY listen:
What do you see when you look into the mirror of love?
Yesterday I was out doing errands around town when I looked down and noticed one of those little sweetheart candies in the parking lot near my car. Curious to see what it said, I peered down to make out the faint pink letters. It said: Soul Mate. As I was driving home, I thought about the many soul mates I’ve had in my life (including my amazing husband Marc) and what I’ve learned from all of those relationships. Even in the midst of the letdowns and struggles, my relationships have invited me to take a hard look in the mirror and to grow, heal, and forgive.
All of your relationships are a reflection of who you are and who you could be. So, if you want to improve the relationship you have or find great love, you must take a close look in the mirror, be rigorously honest about what you see and what you’ve hidden and forgive.
T
he wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan this past Saturday was a beautiful, moving and inspiring affair. We got up in the middle of the night to watch it, and I am so happy we did. To know that we were “in the field of love” with a billion (or more) other human beings watching this, was so heartwarming and healing.
Given the crazy times we are living in, I found watching this to be comforting, soothing, and a great reminder that love does and will prevail.
Lack of communication is a core reason relationships suffer. When you aren’t clear about expectations, hopes, fears or what you love and want, you and your partner have little chance to come together or, for that matter, even really know each other. Everyone is always expanding and changing and it is communication that allows you both to continue to ‘know’ the always ‘new’ you.
You are always being pulled into distraction; TV, your phone, magazines, jobs, social events, sports, kids and a million other things you allow to keep you from talking. They are easier than having that conversation that might be uncomfortable or might upset your partner.
Find time alone with your partner, undisturbed, and create it regularly. Turn off your phones and make sure you don’t feel rushed to be somewhere else.
People can be annoying.
It’s just a basic fact of life.
And when we are annoyed, it creates upset and stress in our body, mind and spirit.
Not to mention the trouble we can cause if we get annoyed and then immediately lash out and create even more drama.
It’s taken me years to train myself to allow myself the time to just “be” with the upset, to not react, or overreact to the situation.
As I am “just being,” I give myself the space to try to figure out what I am annoyed about, and then decide whether or not there is something to do about it.
Sometimes a conversation is in order to talk things through, but most of the time, once I ask myself the following question, I can soften and release my emotions.
As my career flourished and my life filled with wonders, a lifelong dream of producing three inspiring videos about awakening, animal communication, and miracles was close to realization. There was one hitch in my emerging success. My DVD footage was being held hostage. I did not have the ransom funds. Sounds like a movie! But it's a true story. I was so angry that I went outside kicking my feet as I sought peace under the night stars. My heart felt crumpled into a paper ball. Alone in my despair, I sat a moment by the compost pile, feeling a desire to be transformed into something more fertile.
I got up, walked a ways, then made a left turn, unsure of why. I just followed my senses in the same way I follow what beckons. There, late at night, under stars, sprawled below me, no longer alive, was one of my best friends, the hawk.
There had been three hawks that spent lots of time with me. They called to me each day, circled around me, attended my seminars in circles above, and guided me into the place where heart and sky were the same. What happened to this one?
I could not understand. I blamed myself. My negativity over this matter of the DVDs must have killed the hawk, I thought.
"That is not what happened," said the hawk, who was right above me, though her body was on the ground. "Please go inside, sleep, and listen," she continued. By passing the feelings in her own heart into mine, she was able to give me this message.
Despair was literally extracted from my body in that moment. I felt comforted by the presence of my loving friend. Following her guidance, I went to bed. Lying awake most of the night, I felt flown. My heart was lifted into lighter and lighter contentment. Everything but love disappeared. I experienced myself flying in waves of blissful peace.
So often, we get trapped in a relationship with ourselves that doesn’t reflect who we truly are. We build lives that may start off with good intentions, but after a while, we find ourselves drifting through life as someone we don’t even recognize. If you’ve ever taken a look at yourself and your life and asked “Who is this?” or “How did I get here?” or “How am I going to get out of this?” you probably know what I’m talking about.
Usually, when talking about relationships, we’re talking about something that happens between two people. However, the most important relationship we can have is internal—between our own authentic spirit and us.
The most important relationship we can have is internal…
Building a good relationship with your authentic spirit starts with a few questions: Does your life reflect who you really are, or who you want to be? Are you allowing your true self to show? If not, you might want to consider making some personal changes.
A soul can know a soul. An ego cannot know a soul. But souls like Maharaji, for example, draw out your soul, and then you see him. Otherwise, you see an old man without a blanket. Am I saying it right? I have discovered this when I visit sick or dying people.
When I used to do it like, “I’m a kind man who’s visiting sick people, so therefore, you must be a sick person,” I was caught in my role, and therefore, all I did was keep them caught in their roles. When I stood outside the bedroom door, and felt myself to be a soul, and then I went into the room, I was able to see it clearly. I went in and massaged the sick man’s feet. And there we were as soul friends. He didn’t find my mind reinforcing his model of himself, so I thought, “Hey, you can fluff a pillow or put a blanket over someone and you are helping people.” But Krishna in the Bhagavad Gita is, “Do what you do, but put the flowers at my feet.” It’s doing God’s work, doing these things. So when I went to see that fellow, characterizing him as a spiritual person, I felt I was doing God’s work. Maybe that’s just psychotic.
You see, I was a Freudian, and that’s a bad place to be in relation to mothers. Sometime after I had been with Maharaji, I was having a darshan and he said something to me: “Your mother is a very high being.” Now my mother had died. So I perceived my mother in a new way. I had seen her as a Jewish middle-class woman filling the role of mother with all her personality things. But that person is all gone. So he said that about her, and I asked the translator to clarify whether he meant to say “is” or “was.” So, the translator went back over, and Maharaji got angry and said, “Is!… Is!”
If you are with another human being and you want to awaken and get free, you can do it by dealing with the people around you without expecting that they will also want to get free. But if you’re lucky, you’ll get to be around people who also want to get free. In Buddhism it’s called Sangha, and in Hinduism it’s called Satsang. Every religion has the fellowship, the spiritual community of people who are seeking together, and it’s very reinforcing to those qualities in you that want to awaken to be around other people who similarly want to awaken. These relationships help remind you of it.
We look for people that are simpatico to those values. The highest one of those is where two people have consciously and intentionally said, “Yes, let’s get free and let’s use our relationship with one another as one of the vehicles for doing that. In order to do that, since we know that in freedom there is truth, let’s be truthful with one another.” That is a very high and very special relationship. It is very rare.
What can you do when there’s nothing you can do?
The Practice:
Love Someone.
Why?
Sometimes something happens. Perhaps your sweet old cat takes a turn for the worse, or there’s a money problem, or your son waves goodbye as he gets on a plane to start college on the other side of the country. Sometimes it’s on a larger scale: maybe there’s been an election and you’re grappling with its consequences (see my last post on this topic: Take Heart.
Or you might be dealing with something ongoing, like a dead-end job (or no job at all), life after divorce, chronic pain, or a teenager who won’t talk to you.
Whatever it is, at first it’s normal to feel rattled, frozen, or unclear about what to do. After awhile, you do what you can to change things for the better. But often there’s not much you can actually change, and sometimes nothing at all.
Still, there is always one thing you can do, no matter what.
You can always find someone to love.
The last few days I have been on fire with Spring cleaning. Suddenly, I am filled with energy and motivation to clear out clutter, clean up old messes, wipe down the baseboards, throw out and give away things that aren’t needed… and it feels great.
As part of your Spring Cleaning to enhance your love life, my friend and Feng Shui expert Shawne Mitchell suggests enlivening the Marriage and Relationship section of your home.
To figure out where this is, stand in your front door (facing into your home) and locate the far right corner of the house (or of your bedroom) and this is it!
Not only does this section represent all love relationships, on a spiritual level it also represents your relationship to yourself.
To enliven this space, add artwork that depicts love and romance, or add pairs of things such as two lovebirds, or swans or any animals that mate, like dolphins.
Include fresh flowers, candles, and crystals (you can hang them from the ceiling on red or pink ribbons.)
Join Panache Desai every morning and for support in reconnecting to the wellspring of calm and peace that lives within you and that has the power to counterbalance all of the fear, panic, and uncertainty that currently engulfs the world.
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