Divorce is difficult enough for everyone in the family - particularly the children. They are experiencing significant turmoil and desperately want their parents to get along and not fight. They need them to not fight. This will help them overall feel safe and feel as though things will be okay, even if it does not feel that way in that particular moment. The disruption that comes as a result of the divorce is difficult enough for them to work through much less the fighting. It can be too much.
However, divorce can also open up new doors and another chapter in your life filled an opportunity for growth, change, and renewal. It can be a very empowering time in your life. Most people experience glimmers of hope that like a new season, provide the signs that the tide will soon turn and life will create an upswing of positivity after living through months of turmoil and uncertainty.
Opportunity Knocks- The Silver Lining!
1.) Improved emotional well-being. You are the captain of your ship when it comes to your emotional well-being. It may not be happy and pleasant all the time, but here is an opportunity to really get to know yourself. Accept the roller coaster ride. It's a great teacher of strength, wherewithal, and tenacity. You will come to understand and accept how strong you really are. Maybe you didn’t feel that way before. Maybe you were unsure. Over time, you will be able to manage your emotions better and make decisions that are more logical and rational, less emotional. This will change the direction of your life - profoundly.
2.) Self-reflection. Doing the inner work that is necessary, will help you grow and heal. You will start to understand yourself in very different ways. You will have the time and space to examine any relationship patterns that might be holding you back from getting the relationship that you want and deserve. Take the time to be introspective of yourself, your marriage, and past relationships - and do this with your eyes wide open. Accept what is yours and discard the rest.
3.) Financial decision-making. All too often, many women were not in a position that afforded the opportunity to share in financial decisions or short or long term planning. Maybe you felt shut out or limited in what you could or could not do. Here is your opportunity to do something different. Own your financial direction. Become more knowledgeable in financial areas of interest if you weren't able to do that before.
4.) Improved self-esteem. Although at the onset of divorce you experienced fear because your world was turned upside down and was cloaked in uncertainty. However, eventually you will find energy you didn’t know you had because much of your energy was directed towards trying to save your marriage or figure out how you would leave your marriage. And that became a lot energy. By taking this back, you will feel empowered and have a more take charge attitude. This new energy will springboard you in a positive and eye-opening direction.
5.) Healthier friendships. You can choose wisely now. You are able to cultivate the friendships and relationships that are beneficial and healthy. Divorce has a way of letting us know who your friends are and who are not. The ones who have your back and stand the test of time will rise to the top. They are your true friends, your support system, the people you need and want. And if you were friends with someone because of your marriage but didn’t want to be, here is your opportunity to decide how you want to manage those relationships.
6.) Feelings of greater independence. You and you alone will be answering to yourself and creating a new life, with new experiences, new traditions. What will you discover? What are your untapped resources? Trust me - you will discover how capable you are in areas of your life that you felt you would never be able to manage on your own. All the small victories add up to feeling better about yourself. I remember the first time I figured out how to buy and use my very own first lawn mower. It was empowering!
7.) Changes in how you raise your child/ren and parenting. No longer in an unhealthy relationship with your spouse, you can make decisions that are best for you and your children. You have a greater emotional and mental ‘band width’ to put that energy towards your children.
Where there are challenges, there are also opportunities - if you are able to change your mindset, pivot, and see the trees beyond the forest. It's all for your taking on your timeline. We all have our own journey. Divorce is NOT the end of the road - but a new path, with a new direction, and the start of something amazing in your life!