What is the importance of investing in family?

Over time we have ended up with a lot of confusion in ourselves about our roles in relationship to our families.


So why would you invest in the family?


You would invest in the family because you understand that part of your incarnation and part of being in the way of things is to find your function within family. Now it doesn’t mean lockstep, it doesn’t mean that every mother is the same mother or every father is the same father. You have to hear your unique way through, but unique doesn’t necessarily just mean personality desire. What is appropriate in view of my skills, opportunities, needs of the family, economics, political situation, and so on?

When you’re poor, and a family of six is living in one room, it’s a very different set of roles and demands than if you’re living in a situation where everybody has their own room they can go in and lock the door. It’s hard to face, because we think we won that affluence which has given us the privacy to have our own rooms, but it’s really a mixed bag. It’s given us the privacy to become very isolated and cut off from each other and very private and very secretive and very ashamed and very embarrassed and very uncomfortable, with a whole lot of stuff to carry around with us.

Continue reading

Stand Up to Bullies

Is anyone being pushed around?


The Practice:

Stand up to bullies.


Why?


Humans are the most social species on the planet. Most of us spend most of our lives working, eating, sleeping, and playing in groups that range in size from two people all the way up to nations and humanity as a whole.

Woven through the tapestry of our relationships are several major threads. One of these is power, which plays out in almost every group of any size. The only question is, do we use it for good or ill?

Like a hammer, power itself is neutral. It can be used justly and wisely for beneficial purposes, such as the necessary authority of a loving parent, a child’s popular friend protecting her from mean kids, a physically stronger spouse helping a more vulnerable one, or a government defending a country being invaded. Power can also be used unjustly and unwisely for harmful purposes, such as a parent beating a child, a big kid picking on a little one, domestic violence, or a government jailing its critics.

Continue reading

7 Ways to Painlessly Discuss Finances – Part Two

In Part One of this article, I talked about some of the very real, and very serious, problems that I had when it came to talking about money in my own relationship. I also gave you the ground rules that my husband and I agreed to use so that we could talk start about money in a transparent, non-judgmental, and open environment.


Here in Part Two, I’d like to tell you about seven techniques that you can use in your own relationship to talk about money, financial goals, spending, and saving for that rainy day in a peaceful, loving, and productive way.

 

Action Step 1: Start with What’s Working

Start with an easy discussion about what is currently working in your financial life – individually and together. Strive to find the common ground. Most financial discussions come about when something isn’t working, and that turns into blaming and arguing. So start with something positive. Ask your partner what they feel is important financially. By gaining a better perspective on their values, you not only gain a more intimate understanding of who they are, but you can honor those values when you communicate. These may not be the same values that you have – it’s important to realize that that’s okay! So long as you are both heard, respected, and validated, acceptance doesn’t have to equal agreement, but it does help you approach the conversation with deeper compassion and unconditional love. The main objective here is re-learning how to communicate with your partner by realizing that you’re on the same team. This involves some letting-go of control and ego – and believe me, that’s always a good thing!


Action Step 2: Become an Assertive Communicator

Seek to become an assertive communicator. Share your thoughts and feelings respectfully, and listen to your partner with the same respect. As I’ve pointed out before, you don’t have to agree on everything. But you both need to feel heard and validated. It’s one of the best ways to build an intimate bond of trust.


And speaking of trust – a word here about lying about money and secret spending. If this is you, you already know it. And intuitively, you know that it needs to stop. You will relieve yourself of so much guilt if you reveal your secrets and simply move forward into a new mode of thinking and a new goal of acting financially responsible. And if you have a spending problem, an addiction to buying – please get help, my friend. It is a real disease, and you are not at fault.


Action Step 3: Foster Healthy, Positive Financial Communication

Money issues have to be solved if you’re going to have a happy and balanced relationship. Solving those issues means talking about them in detail, and letting go of ego and judgment while you’re in that space (and hopefully, in your entire relationship).


Action Step 4: Focus on Forward Progress

It can be very, very easy to feel defensive and attacked when we discuss spending and finances. Know that this comes more from inside you (internal guilt) than it does from outside of you (your other). Temper your reactivity, and at a separate time when you are alone, examine it to find its roots. That’s a subject for a different post!

7 Ways to Talk to About Money Painlessly Part Two

Continue reading

Small Things With Great Love

Mother Teresa said, “We cannot do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” In my experience, the smallest things require the greatest love. The smallest things we do are the intimate and personal choices we make each moment before we act. These choices are always between the intention of love and the intention of fear – between gratitudecaring, and patience, among others, and anger, jealousy, righteousness, among others.

These choices appear to us as as the smallest of small things, as interior experiences that we alone can enter and alter. Yet with our choices of love or fear we create the consequences of our lives and the contributions we make to the world. These choices are the origins of all things, great and small, they alone animate the one who chooses. You are the one who chooses.

Continue reading

Predictions: Can You Change The Outcome?

The most popular blog I’ve written in the past 10 years is on the subject of predictions. Given that everyone needs some empowering things to think about, I revisited the article and gave it a polish for you to enjoy this week.

Over the past 30 years, I think the most asked questions of me are from people asking for my thoughts on predictions they’ve been given by different psychics and intuitives. Some of the common questions are: What do you do if you get a negative prediction? Are predictions absolute or can you change them? Why hasn’t a particular prediction come true yet?

At this juncture, I’m going to mention that for the first 20 years of my professional life the concept of prediction was very important. It was, as an intuitive, my job to look into the realm of possibility and pull out a probable future. After all, it’s part of my skill set and I had a very high level of accuracy which helped build a solid reputation by word of mouth. Today I am not a fan of predictions, for the main reason that the minute we ask to see the future as an absolute – a place we land that promises us an outcome, we give our power away, and take ourselves out of the grounded moment where we have the power to co-create reality in partnership with the universe.

Why did I change my perspective on this subject? Things began to change as I personally explored the notion of absolute determinism vs free will. I started asking the hard questions. Why is it easy to see the future so clearly and at other times see multiple possibilities? Is it ethical to predict the future? What happens to someone when they hear a prediction that keeps them mired in a compulsive relationship pattern? Isn’t it better to track potentials and probabilities where there is room for course correction?

Continue reading

Just My Luck | Soul Inspirations 269

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to have all the luck and good fortune? If so, have you wondered if there’s some secret or magic formula? If only this was true!

Let me enlighten you with the real truth. The force that works through your soul, that determines what’s possible or impossible, the difference between success over failure, and above all who we are—is the power of your belief.

I full appreciate that some people believe in a higher power than themselves, just as there are some who believe in love and abundance, while others sadly believe they’re alone and believe they are only just meant to survive. Equally, there are some who just walk aimlessly upon this planet, accepting whatever comes their way, with no real sense of purpose or without question. Let me stress …  it’s not about luck. It’s about how and why you attract such conditions in your life.

Continue reading

One Go-to Mantra That Truly Works Wonders

Like many, I take my yoga practice off the mat. I study life in search of greater wisdom and truth. Some people show me what I need to work on and others set an example of where I would like to be in my personal development.


The store I currently work part-time for recently got a new manager. This lady started managing after a long line of her predecessors quit, due to the incredible amount of pressure the job put on them. Every time I work with her she seems to be in great spirits, always smiling and joking.


While I have a great number of skills that will help me to find inner peace, she seemed to have a much greater grasp on it. I often times wondered how she so easily maintained a positive mindset knowing how much work she was responsible for.


It was easy to understand why the others seemed constantly frazzled and stressed. The way this particular business is structured keeps everyone in the fear of losing their jobs and with that their livelihood.
Continue reading

10 Books that Will Spark Your Desire for Sacred Travel

Pilgrimage has long been a topic explored by writers from around the world, from historians to novelists and from poets to travel writers. These writers all explored the figure of the pilgrim, providing insight into the art of pilgrimage and what it means to travel.


We’ve put together a list of 10 books are a great example of this. Despite being from radically different genres, they all discuss pilgrimage in one way or another and will spark your desire to embark on your own sacred journey.



10. On the Road

Jack Kerouac’s classic coming-of-age novel is truly an ode to the young pilgrim. The novel, which was first published in 1957, follows the adventures of Dean Moriarty and Sal Paradise, two young men who crash with artists and poets as they make their way through America on a shoe-string budget.

Continue reading

7 Ways to Painlessly Discuss Finances – Part One

Right from the start of our relationship, any discussion around money created antagonistic gridlock all the way to disproportionate chaos and conflict for my husband and me. At that time, I was turning 50 and had amassed very strong and wildly illogical beliefs around finances. Just hearing the word “money” or “bills” would cause me to emotionally and physically shut down. I would pick fights with him about his work ethic and earning capacity. I would battle over whose money it was and who could spend it. I would point fingers at what I believed to be ridiculous spending habits. And then on those ominous days when bills had to be paid, I would morph into a screaming, crazy woman.

In retrospect, I can tell you these arguments were completely irrational. We were both working hard and making ends meet. Whenever I checked the online banking statements, the money was there. But I never felt abundant. I truly believed that I would die alone and penniless. (The alone outcome scared me far less than being penniless.) It was a story to which I was so attached that through the force of my energy I was bending our reality to almost insure that our finances were a house of cards ready to collapse at any moment. And my staunch unwillingness to meet my husband in a place of mutual respect where we could talk about these deep values was eating away at our intimacy.

You see, when couples fight about money, their respective positions deeply reflect their core values. And as time goes on, this polarization becomes caustic and like a strong acid, it eats away at the very foundation of the relationship. The unwillingness to appreciate and sympathetically discuss your conflicting attitudes and beliefs eventually creates all kinds of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If the arguing persists, one day you will find yourself believing that you’re better off alone than constantly fighting over money.

It took time and introspection, but when I could finally articulate what money represented (safety, security, self-esteem, protection, and ultimately freedom and independence) which translated into me being a SAVER (or as he saw it, a miser); and he could identify all that it represented to him (feelings of competence, power, control, happiness and a celebration of hard work) which translated into him being a SPENDER (or as I saw it a spendthrift). we began to gain a greater appreciation for why we were so conflicted. That compassion and deeper understanding created the foundation for learning how to have the tough discussions in a mutually respectful manner and eventually building a strong financial future together.

Why Couples Have Problems Communicating About Finances

Our opinions and values regarding wealth, abundance, and worthiness almost always stem from our upbringing. That’s why so many couples have issues talking about money. Some of us had lots of direction growing up when it came to money management. And some of us watched our parents struggle with not having enough money to buy sufficient food or clothing. Then there are those who witnessed non-stop conflict between their parents over money, a constant source of strife, screaming and suffering. We bring these emotional artifacts of those experiences into our present attitudes about money.

As adults, we can choose to recognize those artifacts, and we can recognize what’s healthy and productive, and what’s not. We can courageously learn to replace those old artifacts with an increasingly positive mindset where wealth – and worthiness – are concerned. Opening ourselves up to our partner to reveal and release the negative while nurturing the positive is a wonderful experience.

Continue reading

Why People Are Afraid to Truly Experience Inner Peace

Most people really like the concept of achieving inner peace. They enjoy imagining a life without as much stress and inner turmoil. When it comes right down to achieving this experience there are a few issues that get in the way.


True inner peace is not something you can conceptualize with your mind. Is not actually a mind process at all. To access and experience true inner peace you need to be able to drop out of thinking about anything. This is usually the part of the process where people get stuck.


Very simply put, people don't feel they can trust anything that they can't wrap their minds around. Unfortunately this includes inner peace. If there is a topic or an issue that someone feels they don't understand, they no longer feel in control of the situation. When they don't feel in control of the situation they don't feel safe.


When this happens there are usually two major issues involved. The first is that there's some sort of buildup of trauma that perpetually causes them not to feel safe outside of controlling the situation. This is probably the most common. In this case, it is possible to release the traumatic energetic blockages lying in a persons system using the technique of meditation. That is another article for another time.


The other possibility is that they are  caught up and narcissistic programming that will fundamentally stop them from doing anything they don't feel they're in control of. These cases are a little more rare.
Continue reading

Claim Your Life!

This coming weekend, I have the extreme honor of leading The Shadow Process Workshop in Los Angeles. No matter how many of these workshops I have attended, participated in, or led over the years, I am always in awe of the shifts that people experience in the short time span of 2 ½ days. I am also so grateful to Debbie Ford for creating a process that continues to live on and transform the lives of so many.


On a personal level, I am always amazed that even after having experienced this process numerous times, I always take away so many insights and a-has! One of the most powerful concepts that emerged from one of our amazing workshops is that it is up to each of us to "claim our life!"


We all have heard the adage "You teach people how to treat you." Yet what many people might not realize is that it is often your unconscious mind, which is far more powerful than your conscious mind, which tells and teaches people how to treat you and how to interact with you. It is also your unconscious mind that is filled with shadows and shadow beliefs -- all of that internal dialogue that plays in your head and repeats disempowering statements like "I am not good enough." "No one will ever love me." "It is not safe to stand out and shine or be seen." Ultimately, it is your negative internal dialogue that is your inner teacher, instructing the world how to treat you!

Continue reading

Copyright

© Affiliate link entered for The Shadow Process.

The Power of Daydreaming!

Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about advanced manifesting techniques and in the process remembered that some of the EASIEST manifesting comes from daydreaming….


When you are daydreaming, you are letting your imagination run wild, fantasizing about something that feels good, but without any strong attachment or need to “make it happen.” There is no “want” involved, just the sweetness of playing with your imagination.


Let me give you an example: For many years I have often had the thought, “Someday, I’d really like to visit Thailand.” I have never actively sought to make this happen, but when the thought arises, I close my eyes and imagine that I am visiting Thailand and having a fabulous time there. A few days ago my speaking agent called to tell me that I will soon be offered a speaking engagement in Thailand and I am now waiting to finalize the details.


How crazy is that? By indulging in daydreaming, I manifested something wonderful.

Continue reading

Tips on Stress Relief for Highly Sensitive People

Some of us are overly sensitive. Mostly people will talk about themselves by saying, ‘I’m a very sensitive person’. But it is always in context to their own feelings.  They like to ignore the fact that they could be inflicting pain on every other person around, yet they carry this ‘injured’ air around them.

 

Special traits

Highly sensitive people emote on a very different level.  They have some special traits which are very different from the average person. It could also be considered as a positive thing but it has its drawbacks.

 

Highly sensitive

This is actually a trait which brings both strengths and challenges. Sometimes one is just easily offended by people who mean no harm or they could even be trying to be nice to you. Sometimes the reaction to everyday stressors is also extreme. You may be more affected by negative stressors than most people are.

 

Wild imagination

You like to believe that you are being bullied by people who mean no harm and then tend to become over emotionally aggressive. You are more deeply affected by others.  Try to manage your reactions, make it your strength rather than a challenge. 

 

Too intense

There are many things which can get overwhelming and need to be avoided such as:

 

Continue reading

5 Journaling Tips for the Spiritual Traveller

Documenting a trip makes for a great keepsake, but it can also be a powerful tool for self reflection, turning any journey into a spiritual one. In this article we share 5 Journaling Tips for the Spiritual Traveller.

As best-selling author, filmmaker, and tour leader Phil Cousineau reminds us in his book to the Art of Pilgrimage, The Art of Travel: Journal, “by honoring our travel experiences through writing stories, poems, songs or creating sketches or other artwork, we can transform virtually all our travels, whether around the world or around our backyard, and make them more meaningful.”

In this blog we share 5 tips to make a meaning travel journal.

Continue reading

Turn Back the Clock with Positive Thinking

Age is only a number, but if you are empowering it with energy fueled by a negative belief system you are painting a dangerous reality that could deliver exactly what you are most afraid of.

When you think about the word “old,” what images come to mind? Infirmity? Senility? Incontinence? Wrinkles? Chronic illness? Hip replacement? Impotence?

Just a few months ago, when I crossed the threshold of 60, something suspect started happening. For the first time in my life, I started obsessing about myself in terms of my age. And I’m still not entirely clear as to whether I was using it as a badge of courage or an excuse for incompetence.

“I’m 60; I need to get to bed earlier.”

“I’m 60; my clothes don’t fit like they used to.”

“I’m 60, I can’t remember my kids’ names.”

“I’m 60, there’s no way I can drive in a big city.”

“I’m 60, I’m too stiff and sore to have sex.”

None of these issues arrived beautifully wrapped in gift boxes on July 22nd. But this negative self-talk sure did.

Negatively thinking about aging can…you guessed it…actually make you feel older. It can impact your mental perception, your health, your happiness and the way you look.

Continue reading

Integrity in Crisis

Integrity is a word often invoked yet seldom defined.


If you look up its definitions you’ll find predominantly, “having strong moral principles”; the Cambridge Dictionary adds, “that you refuse to change”, worth noting.


It comes from the same Latin word as integrate – specifically, “make one.” This is making all the pieces fit together like cogs in a watch. (You have a digital watch? What way is “clockwise” for you?)


With integrity, you have nothing to fear, since you have nothing to hide. With integrity, you will do the right thing, so you will have no guilt.” ---Zig Ziglar


The whole question goes directly to the heart of Character. The more you’re in integrity, the stronger your character. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., spoke of “the content of [your] character…” Indeed it does have content.

Continue reading

Are We Meant to Push Past Being Stuck?

It is hard to feel stuck and unmotivated. Especially in matters of career and business. Not only are things not progressing but we may also feel like we are letting ourselves down by not taking action.


There is such a thing as being in the flow. This is when we are flooded with inspiration. It flows freely accompanied by the drive to take action. I have found in the past that these experiences come along with bursts of energy. Taking action feels more like a rush or a buzz.


As with many things there is no black-and-white answer to this question. I can only share my experience and hope that it helps someone. I have found that the lull of activity is there for reason. Maybe it's time to take a break or focus on other areas of life.


Pushing against the stagnancy often times leads to poor results. Whatever you come up with during that time is probably not going to be your best work. This, in combination with the lack of productivity can feel very depressing.


I feel that during these times productivity can be found in other areas. Maybe we need to focus on her health or well-being. There's usually some other area of life calling our attention. There could be more information we need before we can move forward in a  successful way.
Continue reading

What Are You Running Away From?

In my last blog post, I wrote about a situation which has been causing me a lot of heartache and how, despite all of the tools and wisdom that I have as a life coach and teacher of transformation, it has been hard for me to find a sustained sense of peace. I shared how after going to healers, therapists, and doing lots of deep work around my core wounds and projections, I was so grateful to read Debbie Ford’s new book Your Holiness: Discover the Light Within because it reminded me that when I feel cut off at the knees, I need to get down on my knees and ask to be shown. Bottom line, I needed some divine guidance to support me in finding resolution, relief, and a deeper understanding of self.

 

Days after working my way through the book and using prayer as a vehicle to connect and receive, I was running outside and heard the words, “Just be with the hurt.”

 

Stunned and amused, I stopped dead in my tracks. I realized that I had been literally running away from my hurt. In my fixation to figure out and fix my pain, I had avoided really feeling the deep hurt that was being triggered inside of me. I was trying to get to the destination without going on the journey. I’d been trying to bypass the feelings in my heart and resolve my pain in my mind, which, of course, was a strategy I developed long ago and even wrote about in The Integrity Advantage.

Continue reading

Copyright

© The affiliate link is entered for The Shadow Process.

How to Dream a New Story for Your Life

What negative story do you tell other people about yourself over and over? Most of the time when we repeat our “shadow narrative” we aren’t aware of it, we can’t see that the telling of it anchors the memory deeper into the universe, making it a part of your current condition.

Take a minute to really think about this.  Do you see yourself in your story as always being disappointed by people you elevate? Do you tell a story of the world as a place you need to rebel against? Perhaps you tell a story about being a victim of other people’s issues, or maybe you tell one of you overcoming obstacles, always having to do everything yourself. Help never comes. (Sigh) Or maybe you tell a story of being pushed out, isolated by others, so you can continue to live in an illusion of being a victim, and so you can enjoy vicious gossip to vent your unprocessed anger.

Continue reading

And the Doctor Said, ‘Go Live Your Life…’

A few weeks ago, I went to visit my friend Nancy.


She didn’t ask me to come, I just went. I went because she told me the doctor (actually, multiple doctors) had told her there was nothing left to be done for her. Her cancer — the disease she had long kept at bay — had finally gotten the best of her.


She looked me in the eye and said, “What do you suggest I do?”


I looked at her. Her beautiful eyes locked with mine and I felt as if my heart were on a magnetic wave with hers. “Good question,” I replied.


What does one do when something like cancer gets the best of you? What does one do when there is nothing left to do, but enjoy what’s left? What does one look forward to when there is almost no forward to look towards?


I asked her, “What do you enjoy? What brings you joy?”


“Being with friends,” she said. “Being by the ocean. Letting the sun hit my face.”


“And so,” I said, “Let’s do that…”

Continue reading

30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

Join Soulspring for conscious insights...

...on all things life, wellness, love, transformation and spirituality...

 PLUS! Get your FREE Guide: 12 Mindfulness Practices to a Peaceful Mind