Can I Be Responsible For Myself And Still Be Free?

Do you have some false beliefs that taking responsibility for yourself limits your freedom?

A client asked me the following question:

“During my Inner Bonding process today, I uncovered a feeling of reluctance to commit to being there for my inner child. I felt like I didn’t want the responsibility, like it would limit me and tie me down. Part of me was saying “I want to be free.” Where do I go with this now?

This question indicates a huge false belief about taking responsibility for herself.

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7 Surprising Benefits of Pleasure for Health, Happiness, and Work-Life Balance

Are you overworked and under-pleasured? Do you spend a lot of time giving to your career, business, or family?

Helping others is important for a fulfilling life. However, are you making time for your own joy, pleasure, and sexuality?

In our busy world, our to-do lists are often a mile long, filled with obligations, responsibilities, text messages, phone calls, plus caring for our families, home, job, and others. 

Growing up, I saw my parents working hard and rarely resting. As an adult, I found myself doing the same thing. I placed my own pleasure and free time at the bottom of my to-do list. 

However, over the years, this strategy failed me. As I passionately poured my heart into my work, I did not take time to refill my cup, and I became exhausted, stressed, sad, and sick. Since my own pleasure and self-care were last on my to-do list, I never got around to them.

Not surprisingly, since I wasn’t slowing myself down, the universe forced me to slow down through a serious health crash 4 years ago. During these last 4 years, I discovered a new strategy, which I now call “Prioritize Pleasure.” As I made time for my own health, pleasure, and even sexuality, I regained my health and became a much happier, stronger person, which meant that ultimately, I had even more energy to give to my work and the people I care about.

If you are making the all-too-common mistake of “too much work and not enough play and pleasure,” the tips below will inspire you to bring back your sanity through sensuality.

What Exactly is Pleasure?



According to the dictionary, pleasure is “a feeling of happy satisfaction and enjoyment.” Pleasure helps you enjoy life and stay happy and healthy!

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Bursting the Super Woman / Super Mom Bubble

Wake up. Work out. Make breakfast (for everyone). Drive the kids to school. Drive yourself to work. Take the kids to all their activities. Bring them home. Make sure they’re doing their homework. Make dinner (for everyone). Be a mom. Be a friend. Be a daughter. Be a lover. Go to bed. Repeat.

Okay, so maybe not everything on this list applies to you personally, but I’m sure there are some others that are unique to you that you could swap in – and then some. As women, we are often expected to do ALL. THE. THINGS. And let’s be honest: our families, coworkers, and others learn to expect this from us because we are so darn good at making it look like we really can do it all! The reality, though, is that with so many balls in the air, something is going to drop. 

When something does inevitably drop, what’s your reaction going to be? And perhaps even more importantly, how are you going to react on a daily basis to the juggling act you’ve got going on?

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Wabi Sabi Love

Some say the hardest part of life is dealing with the other humans.

Unlike most cats and dogs, people behavior is often not predictable. (or sometimes too predictable and that can also be maddening!)

Figuring out how to manage my feelings and judgements about people, and myself, has been a long-time mission and when I discovered Wabi Sabi, that made a big difference (most of the time).

The ancient Japanese practice of Wabi Sabi is about finding the beauty and perfection in imperfection… in all things old, worn, imperfect, and impermanent, from broken pottery to driftwood and beyond.

In my world, I expanded it to be Wabi Sabi Love, to find the beauty and perfection in behavior and things that make us crazy.

It’s essentially about finding the gold in the dark.

Shifting your perception.

Changing your story.

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Addiction to Story-telling

Being able to tell great stories, and being addicted to story-telling, are two very different things.

I was at a social gathering speaking with Robyn, a woman I had just met. At first, it sounded like she was a very interesting person and a good storyteller, but after a few minutes I noticed that we were not speaking WITH each other – she was speaking AT me.

I also noticed that I was unable to connect with her, and I started to feel very bored. Being used to noticing and acknowledging my feelings, I thanked my inner child for the information she was giving me – my boredom – which was telling me that Robyn was likely addicted to story telling.

Robyn was using story telling as a form of control to capture my attention and drain my energy. She was counting on the fact that she thought I would be too polite to walk away in the middle of her story. She was wrong about my being too polite!

I do try to be polite, but

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Two Decisions That Skyrocketed My Life

Do you have the courage to make these two life-changing decisions?


I’ve discovered that there are two subconscious decisions many of us make – often early in life – that greatly limit our joy and sense of freedom. When I became aware of having made these decisions, and changed my mind about them, my joy, emotional freedom, and ability to manifest my dreams skyrocketed.

I was brought up to be a caretaker – to put everyone’s feelings and needs before mine. Can you identify with this? Are you trying to be a good and loving person by sacrificing yourself, hoping that if you give enough to others they will love you?

Except, that hardly ever happens. Instead, you give and give and they take and take, until you feel drained, angry, or sick. I felt all three – especially sick. After eating only organic food for many years, I was perplexed regarding why I was so sick. In fact, I was so sick that I knew if I didn’t change something, I would die.

One day I heard my inner voice say to me, “When are you going to start to listen to me? When are you going to even know I’m here? How sick do I have to make you for you to start to taking loving care of me?”

Wow!

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How To Stop Betraying Yourself And Start Loving You

“The more you love yourself just as you are, the less you’ll actually need it from other people.”

One of the greatest fears we have as human beings is not being accepted and loved for who we really are. As children we often learn to behave a certain way in order to fit in and feel liked. That is a betrayal of ourselves, and ultimately no one wins. Listen to this episode to learn 6 keys to stop betraying yourself, start honoring you and set yourself free.
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Sometimes it’s Hard to be a Loving Adult

When do you find it especially hard to show up for yourself as a loving adult?

All of us are, at times, challenged in being a loving adult.

Most of the time I can be a loving adult just by deciding to be. But there are times when I find it extremely difficult, and that’s when I need someone to step in and help me. For me, it’s when I’m exhausted due to not having slept well for a number of nights, or when I’m sick – which fortunately is rare for me. At these times, I just can’t get my frequency high enough to connect with my guidance, and without my guidance, I’m lost. I feel like I’m trying to navigate life with a blindfold on.

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Resistance to Being a Loving Adult

Have you experienced feeling resistance to being a loving adult and taking responsibility for your feelings?


When I first started practicing Inner Bonding, I was in much resistance to taking responsibility for myself. I had spent too many years believing that getting love – and trying to have control over getting love – was the road to happiness and self-esteem, and I was very reluctant to give up this project. I felt resentful that after all this time and effort, I had to do this for myself. It didn’t seem fair. After all, I had spent most of my life taking responsibility for others, so why shouldn’t they do this for me?

While sitting with Carol at a 5-Day Inner Bonding Intensive, I saw myself in her. Carol was stuck in resistance. She knew in her head that to feel happy and full inside, she needed to show up as a loving adult and take responsibility for her painful feelings, but she didn’t want to. She thought that if she opened her heart to herself, as she was being invited to do, she would feel controlled by me – even though she knew that opening her heart was in her highest good. She was determined to make me responsible for how she felt – to get me to give her the love that she didn’t want to have to give to herself, and that she believed she couldn’t do.
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“I Can’t Feel God’s Love for Me”

“When I open to my spiritual guidance, aren’t I supposed to feel loved by God?” asked Tracey in a Skype session with me.

“Yes,” I answered, “but you might have a misconception about how you experience this love. When do you feel love in your heart?”

“I feel the most love when I’m playing with my nephews.”

“So when you play with your nephews, your heart is open – right?”

“Yes. I love them so much and I love playing with them.”

“Tracey, this is what it feels like to feel God’s love. When your intent is to love, your heart opens and fills with God-which-is-love. And the same thing will occur when your intent is to love yourself. Can you imagine wanting to love yourself and take loving action on behalf of the beautiful little child within you the way you love your nephews?”

“I think that’s a problem for me,” she said. “It’s easy for me to want to be present with them and give them love and attention, but it’s hard for me to want to do this for myself.”

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How To Overcome Fear with the Miracle of Love

Most of us are grappling with only one main issue, that is, how to stay happy. Being calm, focused and joyous, in a world which is constantly drawing us, into its chaos, is definitely a well performed feat. How to keep our mood stable, and our lives in a state of balance, is something we need to work at, constantly. Keeping our wits about us, and our brains and bodies in a state of balance, is an art we need to master. This inevitably doesn't happen on its own, we need to make it happen.

Living a life, which is aware and at a level of consciousness which is constantly evolving, is our prime duty towards our own selves. It is only by living in a state of awareness that we are conscious of our day to day stresses and we have the ability to combat them.

Stress builds up within us because we allow fear to step into the realm of our existence. With no fear, imagine the possibilities. I feel it is only the fear within us that hinders us from stepping into progress.
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It’s Time to Fire Your Inner Critic

We’ve all got that incessant voice in our heads that speaks up when we do things like try on new clothes, make a mistake, experience a perceived failure, or consider branching out of our comfort zone to try something different. And this internal diatribe occurring inside us tends not to be in the nicest of tones, am I right? This voice is our inner critic.

Often, the voice mimics our internalized version of criticism from a primary caregiver in early childhood. It tries to keep us safe – urging us to avoid pain and disappointment – but not in the best of ways.

If you’re ready to send your inner critic into early retirement, grab a writing utensil and a journal and follow these six steps. (You can certainly do this activity on a mobile device or computer if you prefer, but I find that there’s so much more power and connection in writing important things out by hand!)

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Do I Have To Be Healed To Attract My Beloved?

One of my clients asked me the following question: “Can I attract my beloved if I’m still in the process of healing my inner pain?”

The simple answer is “Yes,” but the actual answer is more complex.

 

Healing is a Process

Healing is an ongoing process of learning to be less judgmental and more compassionate with yourself. Healing pain isn’t just about the past – It’s primarily about how you are currently treating yourself. For example:

  • You judge yourself as not good enough and you feel pain. While you might have learned to do this as a child from others who judged or rejected you, the fact that you are still doing it as an adult means that you are rejecting yourself and re-creating your pain. Your pain will not heal as long as you are rejecting yourself.
  • You avoid your feelings by numbing them with various addictions, or you avoid them by staying focused in your mind and ignoring what is happening inside where your feelings are. This creates a feeling of inner rejection and abandonment, as well as emptiness and neediness. Again, you are re-creating the old pain of not being loved as you were growing up.
  • You tend to make others responsible for your safety and self-worth. They have to approve of you in order for you to feel that you are okay. Your feeling self – your inner child – feels abandoned by you when you give him or her away to others for approval.

As long as you continue to reject and abandon yourself, you will meet partners at your common level of self-abandonment – partners who are also rejecting and abandoning themselves.

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3 Keys To Activating The Flow of Money and Abundance

Abundance is not about what you have, it’s about how you feel about what you have.

… And how you feel about who you are.

You see it’s not about what you have or not, but your relationship with ALL of it.

Just because you have a lot of money doesn’t make you abundant.

Money is material. It comes and goes.

Real abundance includes but is also beyond the material, it is a state of consciousness.

Abundance is your Being.

The more you access who you really are, the more you experience the abundance of your BEING.

Your being is one with everything and the source of life. Connect to that which you are, and you tap into an inexhaustible stream of energy beyond yourself. There is no lack there.

There is no scarcity in the INFINITE.

You can have the world but if you don’t have you, the REAL YOU, you are poor.

If you have millions of dollars but you live gripped in fear of losing it, you are poor.

If you accumulate masses of wealth but are too afraid to share it, you are poor.

If you are so attached to the things you own that they in turn own you, and you live in fear, you are poor.

If you have everything but don’t appreciate and enjoy what you have, and life’s simple miracles, you are poor.

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Move Your Body - Move Your Soul

You never know when inspiration is going to come knocking at your door.

My colleague and fellow Hay House author Sonia Choquette is one of the most inspiring and motivational speakers I have ever witnessed. I’ve seen her lecture to packed auditoriums all over the world. Her principle is: Move your body – to move your soul. Even the most inhibited people who would never dare to stand up with everyone else and dance, are encouraged to get to their feet, move their hips, and shake every inch of their body!

It’s amazing to watch Sonia call upon a sad soul who has low self-esteem, someone who’s riddled by the fear of being noticed, and how she intuitively tunes in to their positive traits. She exudes a positive belief, and manages to bring them to the front of the stage and then gets them to sing, dance, or even yell at the top of their lungs. People walk away with their soul literally vibrating. If we could all just feel that way, I believe we could change the world.

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Surrendering To The Light Of Conscious Awareness

Self love can be a tricky thing. All too often, we confuse self preservation with love. We feel that we love ourselves because we make the effort to exercise, eat right, and get enough sleep. While these things are certainly necessary to physical well-being, they can become unreliable substitutes for an honest and deeply based sense of love and caring for oneself. So, if you find yourself looking to others for love and approval, here are three steps that you can take to increase your level of self love. Remember, while you may be loved by others, the primary source of all the love in your life begins with you.

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3 Keys To Emotional Independence

Happy Independence Day - the day we celebrate our “unalienable rights” to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and freedom! Now of course there are many ways to achieve living life to the fullest, feeling liberated, and attaining happiness, but I can promise you that if you truly want to let freedom ring, then you must foster emotional independence.   Emotional independence is being able to stand in your power, and to make choices based on what is in your highest versus as a reaction to external circumstances. And the crazy thing is, that even though “unalienable rights” are defined as those that cannot be surrendered, transferred, given away to, or revoked by another, the fact is that most of us give away our power when it comes to emotional independence and let outside sources rob of us our joy, equilibrium, internal knowing, and sense of self.

So, if your day, mood, or reactions are being controlled by: 

  • the way your butt and thighs look in your jeans,
  • whether a person you are dating asks you out for Saturday night or texts you the day after you slept together,
  • a disagreement you’ve had with a family member,
  • someone else’s opinion of you, or
  • your desire to numb out and avoid dealing with certain situations,

then chances are you need some support in fostering emotional independence.




Here are 3 tips to aid you on your path to true freedom.

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Love, Attraction, & Gray Hair!

Gray hair getting you down?

Here’s some science based good news!

Whether you are dating or partnered, according to a joint study between psychologists from the University of St. Andrews and the University of Liverpool, a more mature appearance is exactly what some men find the most attractive. (“Mature” is code for gray hair in this instance.)

The study looked at how likely men (and women) are to be attracted to certain hair and eye color in their chosen partners, and they found that for men, the best indicator of preferences was the hair and eye color of their mothers. When nearly 700 volunteer participants (including 394 men) were asked about the hair and eye color of themselves, their parents, and their partners, they found that overwhelmingly, men were attracted to the same coloring that their mothers had.

The study found that “healthy” hair is more important than hair color unless you have an unnatural color in your hair, in which case it works against you.

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7 Ways To Overcome Feeling Insecure In A Relationship and Be Free

“Your relationship with yourself is the real foundation for your relationship with others.”

The partner you attract in a relationship is a mirror manifestation of yourself. When you don’t have a good relationship with yourself, you look to your partner to give you a sense of validation. This leads to feelings of insecurity and suffering. Listen to this episode to learn 7 simple, yet powerful keys to improve your relationship with yourself and overcome feelings of insecurity.

Some Questions I Ask:

  • How often do you really connect with who you are?
  • Have you ever felt insecure in your relationship?
  • Do you like the partners you are attracting into your sphere?
  • How do you deal with the fear of losing your identity in your relationship?
  • How often do you look in the mirror? Do you like what you see?
  • Have you noticed the voice in your head that criticizes you?
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Set Yourself Free with Love and Forgiveness

The overall theme that the cards reveal this week in the Weekly Oracle Card Guidance and Lesson is forgiveness. Who or what do you need to forgive?

I know forgiveness may seem like one of those intangible ideals that’s just out of reach or a waste of time. But, it’s not. You can make the choice to forgive. And by taking that decision, you not only move forward on your path, but you also open the door to Spirit’s messages.

Resentment, anger, shame, and regret all keep you focused on the past and block you from accessing the realm of connection. In addition to robbing you of the present, lack of forgiveness feeds your ego mind, your Goblin, and keeps you in a “Me Bubble.” Forgiveness is one of the greatest keys to strengthening your intuition and making positive changes in your life.

I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for forgiveness. After years of abusive relationships, drinking, and trying to numb my pain, I had a spiritual epiphany in which I realized that I had to forgive if I wanted to move forward. Through giving up the need to be hurt and to hate, I’ve been able to finally have the amazing, healthy relationship I’d always wanted. 

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30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

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