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Shifting from Blame to Love: 3 Practices for a Wise Heart

shiftblametolove Shifting from Blame to Love: 3 Practices for a Wise Heart

Evolution has rigged all of us with a negativity bias—a survival-driven habit to scan for what’s wrong and to fixate on it. In contemporary society, a pervasive target is our own sense of unworthiness. We habitually fixate on how we’re falling short—in our relationships, our work, our appearance, our mood and behaviors. And while self-aversion is our primary reflex, we also fixate on the faults of others, how other people are letting us down, how they are wrong or bad and should be different. Whether we are focusing inwardly or outwardly, we are creating an enemy, and imprisoning ourselves in the sense of a separate, threatened self. 

While the negativity bias is a key part of our survival apparatus, when it dominates our daily life, we lose access to the more recently evolved parts of our brain that contribute to feelings of connection, empathy and wellbeing. What helps us to de-condition the negativity bias? How do we shift from limbic reactivity to “attend and befriend? Here are three ways that help us awaken our full potential for natural presence and caring.

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49 Hits

Do You Want More Love In Your Life?

love-valentines-day-or-wedding-concept-picture-id626256232 Do You Want More Love In Your Life?

Do you ever feel unlovable? Does it ever feel as though true love eludes you?

You see others who are happy but you can’t seem to find that same happiness for yourself.

If you ever feel unlovable or undeserving of love, you may have an unconscious program running that says you are not worthy of love.

This unconscious program affects your operating code which will inevitably attract situations that prove it.

We all live by codes

Without exception, everyone operates by one of these two basic codes.

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82 Hits

How To Overcome Fear of Commitment In Love

committment How To Overcome Fear of Commitment In Love

“Do you REALLY love her?” I asked.

“Yes, but I am afraid, I just don’t know if I can commit to her”.

How many times have you heard this, or said this to yourself?

Many of my friends have recently expressed to me that they are afraid of committing to a relationship.

Ponder this:

The real commitment is to Love itself.



When you commit to love itself, it’s then that you are truly free. All forms will change. Your lover will change. They won’t be the same person that they were when you met them. You will change. You will grow, mature and evolve.  The relationship itself will also change.

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140 Hits

Lady Gaga Has Changed Me

ladygaga Lady Gaga Has Changed Me

We recently went to Las Vegas to see Lady Gaga perform her “Jazz” show.

It was a beautiful mix of classic American standards (many she had sung on an album with Tony Bennett) and a medley of her pop hits.

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55 Hits

The Power of Love to Move Us Forward

abstract-heart-background-picture-id601140524 The Power of Love to Move Us Forward

“The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.”  — Victor Hugo

I have to say, there were more than a few times last week when I thought, “What is happening in our world?”

The way Jeff Bezos took on the National Enquirer made me gasp for all sorts of reasons. But I love what he said: if someone in his position can’t fight back against blackmail and extortion, then who can?

I also found myself shaking my head during the State of the Union. I was upset by the visible division in our country and how it was on full display in the room. You could have turned off the sound and still fully seen and understood how one half of the room felt about the other. (I must say, though, I was inspired by the guests in attendance. Their inspiring life stories give me hope.)

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92 Hits

Declare Yourself A LOVE Philanthropist

Belove Declare Yourself A LOVE Philanthropist

My dear friend Marci Shimoff taught me the phrase Love Philanthropist, and every time I say it, it makes me smile.

Just as I’ve learned that tithing not only makes me feel good, and does good for others, it also brings me more abundance.

Being a Love Philanthropist brings more love.

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90 Hits

Three Ways to Fulfill the Beautiful Purpose of All Your Relationships

realationships Three Ways to Fulfill the Beautiful Purpose of All Your Relationships

All of our relationships, particularly with those we love, exist for a single beautiful purpose that expresses itself in two different ways. First, our partner – whether spouse, that “special” someone, or even a would-be companion – is in our life to help us grow; to provide just the conditions we need to become that better, truer person that they see in us, just waiting to be brought forth. But the other and equally important half of this same purpose and promise – without which the first part can’t be realized – is as follows: our partner is also there in our life to help us see everything in us that now stands in the way of our realizing this same higher possibility.

Here are three ways to use difficult situations with your partner to help you fulfill the true purpose of your relationships.

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352 Hits

How To Stop Being Over Responsible For Others

responsibletoothers How To Stop Being Over Responsible For Others

Everyone has their own unique soul’s journey.

You may not understand it, and you may not agree with it.

It’s O.K.

It’s their soul’s journey.

Perhaps, you love and care for your child, grandchild, spouse, friend so much that you don’t want them to suffer in any way. And so you end up doing way too much to help them.

Or feeling over responsible for them, where you have a tendency to take on and do for them what they should be doing for themselves. In doing so, you think that you are helping them, but you really are not.

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145 Hits

Breaking Out Of The Cage of Fear!

Blog-012919-Header-Generic

On a daily basis I encounter people who are frozen in fear. 

  • They want to date but fear getting hurt. 
  • They long to quit their day job to pursue their passion but fear failure. 
  • They yearn for connection but fear rejection.
  • They want to speak and live their truth, try something different, ask for a raise at work, take the next step in their relationship, go to a movie by themselves, or try a new exercise class but their fear of being embarrassed, what other people might think, judgment, or just plain not being good enough keeps them clinging to their comfort zone, unable to embrace or navigate change.
 
No matter the situation or area of their life,
they remain captive under a dark cloud of always desiring and never doing.
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407 Hits

Think in a New Way About Your Relationship

relationshipmagic Think in a New Way About Your Relationship

Being renewed by love, and beginning your life all over again, are one and the same interior action. It starts with becoming aware of, and then bringing a conscious end to all lingering relationships you may have with old thoughts and feelings that want you to keep seeing your life through their eyes. Ending these connections with wrong parts of yourself is key to starting over in your relationships with those you love.

A student once wrote to me that she felt as if she was stuck in a kind of purgatory. She explained, “I’ve just entered into a relationship with a wonderful new man, and I want to embrace this opportunity – love him – as fully as I know I'm capable of doing. But, I'd have never met this man if it weren’t for a real jerk crushing my heart less than a few months ago. I can see I’m afraid to let go and trust my new partner, but I know that if I don't, then our love will have no way to grow.”

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166 Hits

Best Ways To Be Your Biggest Cheerleader

bestway Best Ways To Be Your Biggest Cheerleader

They say we teach what we most need to learn and lately that has been true for me. I have decided to tackle a new project…I am calling it my “creative challenge,” and it is SO BIG and so intimidating to me that I am not sharing it with anyone… just yet.
Every day, as I carve out time to work on this project, I am confronted by a ton of thoughts of why I can’t do it, why it’s impossible, etc., and then I spend a bunch of time diving into my spiritual tool kit to off load the negative thinking. 

Needless to say, the project is moving at a snail’s pace.

It’s so easy to let the negative monkey mind chatter take over and I’ve had enough of it so here is my new commitment.

Today I am reminding myself of three very important things I seem to have forgotten:

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215 Hits

Take Resentment, Regret, and Blame Out of Your Relationship Equation

lion Take Resentment, Regret, and Blame Out of Your Relationship Equation

We are not meant to keep accounts with others, to fill ourselves with blame about where they failed to meet our demands. Nor are we created to carry around with us the cruel and careless remarks of others, and this includes our regrets for where we may have done the same. We can learn to exchange this nature of resentment, that lives to revisit disappointments, with a new and higher understanding that can no more feel punished by the sleeping actions of others than does a mountain feel pain in the midst of a thunder storm.

Here are three examples of how to make the exchange from resentment to higher understanding:

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131 Hits

Improve Your Relationships! 3 Steps for Better Communication

coupledistractions Improve Your Relationships! 3 Steps for Better Communication

Does the idea of communicating with your loved one involve idle chit chat while gazing at the T.V. or glossing over your mobile device? Are you struggling with conflict and disagreements internally that show up as passive-aggressive behavior in yourself or others? What about with colleagues at work or even with whom you interact with on social media?

You’d think they are all different- that close relationship should count more, but why is that? Truly, anyone you communicate with deserves respect, kindness, and authentic dialog. No one needs to accept anything less.

Good communication is essential to having a loving, harmonious relationship. But, most of us were never really taught the art of relationship dialogue. Sure, we read magazine articles about finding the right moment to express our needs and how we need to learn how to compromise, etc. We try to keep trying to get them to hear our point of view and then get frustrated when our partner, colleague or friend doesn’t seem interested.

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102 Hits

Experiencing Life With A Supple Heart

child-love_orig Experiencing Life With A Supple Heart
Years ago while driving my daughter through icy streets, she shared something interesting. She felt time standing still. Sometimes she watched for the pause while I drove. Chloe would pick an area in front of the car and then close her eyes. When she reopened her eyes, everything outside and inside the car was exactly the same. Logically she should have seen a different part of the road. I’m sure there is an easy explanation. I choose to think the reason is part cosmic and part scientific. 
 
I inquired if she still saw colors around people. Her response was, “Yes, when I think about it”. I understand this. All it takes to connect to an expanded world, is to think about, and feel the expansion. When she was much younger she was afraid there was something wrong with her eyes. She saw colors that other people did not. Eventually she shared with me the colors of her world.

She is not alone; many children experience the ability to easily live in an expanded, or more supple world. They may see images or hear sounds that others can’t. Gradually some children loose this ease of connection. Our adult understanding of the world shadows over their sweet version of life.
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81 Hits

How To Let Go Of a Relationship

dearjphnletter How To Let Go Of a Relationship

“It’s not just how long you stay together that determines the success of a relationship, but the depth at which you love.”


Letting go of a relationship can by scary and painful. Particularly if you still love the other person. It is easy to stay out of fear or familiarity, even when things are no longer working out. However, it often takes more love to let go than to stay in a stagnant relationship.

Listen to this insightful episode to learn why ending a relationship is not a failure, but a sign of growth.

Some things you will learn:

  • Why we stay in relationships way longer than is healthy.
  • The reason you should not get attached to the person you are in a relationship with.
  • How you can still love your ex.
  • How a relationship is a blessing, regardless of how it ends.
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446 Hits

What Are You Consciously Walking Toward?

walkingisle What Are You Consciously Walking Toward?

I hope you are feeling energized by the possibilities of 2019!  As you may or may not know, I am getting married in 2019! It seems hard to wrap my head around, but after 15 years of being single, I will be “walking down the aisle.”  Planning a wedding as a 58-year-old bride has been interesting, especially when I compare it to the experience I had as a 28-year-old one:

  • Salespeople and vendors tend to do a double-take when they realize that it is me and not one of my 20-something year old daughters who is the bride. 

  • Instead of feeling compelled to follow protocol or formalities, you quickly realize that you are in a situation where “no rules apply.”


And the biggest and most profound difference is that this time the most important aspect of the whole event is the walk down the aisle and the person and life I am walking toward. And here’s what I truly find so fascinating. Even though I thought I was I pretty aware person, this imagery of walking down the aisle has provided a huge breakthrough in terms of all aspects of my life and being truly cognizant and conscious about what and whom I am walking toward.

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126 Hits

Turn Heated Exchanges Into Healing Turning Points

realtionshiphealing Turn Heated Exchanges Into Healing Turning Points

Regardless of our certainty as to whether we or our partner starts or rekindles a quarrel, the real cause of the continuing conflict between us lies elsewhere. Which is why, as strange as the following insight may seem at first, the importance of working to see the truth of it simply can’t be overstated:

Despite any appearance to the contrary, it’s not our partner, nor is it we who strikes the first blow in any dispute: it’s pain that picks the fight.

No doubt this last idea challenges most of our familiar notions, especially when we’re sure we’ve been wronged and feel that it’s our right to seek whatever “justice” we might. But, putting all this aside for a moment, as we quietly study the secret cause of our struggles rather than being caught up in them, we should also be able to see, and agree to the following:

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96 Hits

Is Self Love A Pre- Requisite To Soulmate Love?

selfloveheart Is Self Love A Pre- Requisite To Soulmate Love?

Self Love is the hot topic in the personal growth movement these days and when it comes to finding soulmate love, there are a lot of myths that until you love yourself first, you won’t be able to get anyone else to love you. Can this really be true?

My experience has been that most women and some men (at least in the Northern hemisphere) live with a negative, critical voice in their heads that is often filled with ugly, shaming thoughts, self-doubt, and brings with it feelings of never being “good enough.”

And, I began to wonder, do you really have to eliminate that persistent voice in order to find true love? Do we really need to be 100% in love with ourselves to experience Big Love?

I don’t think so.

What is required is to learn how to “talk back” to that voice and create strategies to love yourself more and better. This includes a big dose of self-awareness so that when the “voice surfaces” you kick its butt!

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228 Hits

What Are You Afraid Of?

afraidof What Are You Afraid Of?

The low frequency blocker to Love is fear.

Fear undermines love and thus your entire PLATINUM beingness.

Fear blocks love’s presence and fear happens when you don’t have trust.

When you’re in the high frequency state of love you’re in a truly expanded place and a state of acceptance.

You’re not afraid of anything, you’re just loving…hate and fear cannot exist in this state.

If you’re not in a state of love you have conscious or unconscious fearful thoughts blocking your ability to have and be the love that is your true essence.

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202 Hits

The Greatest Love of All

greatestlove The Greatest Love of All

I can remember it as if it was yesterday, although more time than I can account for has passed since that telling moment. My voice had been persistently hoarse, a feature I’d made peace with due to my rigorous teaching schedule. However, given that it seemed a little worse than usual, I made an appointment to see an ear, nose, and throat specialist.

The doctor’s office had the same smell as every doctor’s office I’d ever visited, and walking in to it made me want to walk out of it at first whiff. But, at this point, I knew that wasn’t an option. So, after waiting the usual thirty to forty minutes, I was led to another, smaller room, where I waited again for the doctor who, as it turned out, was very kind.

After he used some special equipment to capture detailed images of my vocal cords, my wife and I waited for him to review the results. It was one of those moments when you know – just by looking at him – that he would rather not have to tell you what comes next. Sure enough: I was diagnosed with an early stage of cancer. Shock gave way to devastation.

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170 Hits

30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

Join Soulspring for conscious insights...

...on all things life, wellness, love, transformation and spirituality...

 PLUS! Get your FREE Guide: 12 Mindfulness Practices to a Peaceful Mind