4 Things Holding You Back From Greatness

Fear is the single biggest thing that holds people back from achieving their goals and dreams. It’s one of most common reasons why people procrastinate on taking action toward their goals.

We fear failure, loss or rejection. We feel fear of being embarrassed, of being disappointed of getting hurt, or fear angering other people. So we play it safe and avoid taking risks or trying new things.

That’s why today, I want to discuss how you can overcome those fears that are holding you back from greatness.


Where Does Fear Come From?

Fear is natural. It comes from us – from our own minds and imagination.

It’s important to remember that, as humans, we’ve evolved to the stage where almost all of our fears holding us back are now self-created.

We scare ourselves by imagining negative things are going to happen in the future. But just because we imagine these things happening, that doesn’t mean they WILL happen, or that they will be as painful as we think.

F.E.A.R.

That’s why psychologists like to say that fear stands for ‘Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real.’ Because fear is all about what we think or imagine MIGHT happen – not what WILL happen.

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Transmuting Fear

You’ve heard that before. Love is the only answer. It is the answer.

So today what we’re really going to talk about is love. Fear is the focus so many people have had lately … it is the fear of _____  … and then just fill in the blank of whatever the fear has been.

But what I want to talk about is Love.

Yes, the energy of the world is swirling in the fear, and the anger, and the overwhelm, and the lack of knowing what to choose, and what to do, and what not to do, and the judgment, and the criticism.

Have you seen any of that at all, by chance?

The reality of it is that, yes, there are a lot of people that are in that place … and that is a really unhealthy place to be because it just perpetuates the negativity. It just perpetuates the fear. It just perpetuates the anger, the judgment, the criticism. And what we know about judgment and criticism and anger and pain and hate, and all those things, is that if you are projecting it outward, there’s something inward. There’s something that you are avoiding, don’t like, are angry with, are judgmental, or critical of within yourself. And we look to other people and we put the blame on them. It isn’t always the same thing, but there’s a lot of projecting that’s happening.

And now more than ever we need to re-visit what we are DOING to shift that.

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Triggers: Acting Out or Acting In

Most of us have at one time or another been ‘triggered.’ A trigger is an event, situation or interaction with a person or group of people that activates the fight, flight or freeze stress response. A trigger is usually related to a past event, interaction or situation that was very painful or traumatic

One of the eventual results of practicing Inner Bonding is that, over time, we develop a strong loving adult self – capable of being aware of when we are triggered, rather than acting unconsciously in response to a trigger. Our consciousness of when we are triggered gives us the choice to act in rather than act out.

 

Acting Out

When we act out in response to a trigger, we do what we naturally do when the stress response is activated: we get angry, blaming, agitated, impatient, annoyed or irritated, or we shut down, withdraw, numb out, go away or disassociate. These are the natural actions of the wounded self during a threat to survival.

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The Four Ways To Dealing With Regret In Your Life

“Your past does not have to determine your future. Forgive yourself and set yourself free.”

As human beings, we can feel judged by others, especially by ourselves, for the "bad decisions" we made in the past. Ultimately, regret is a waste of time. Listen to this episode to learn the 4 keys to getting out of the mental loop of feeling tormented by your past mistakes, and being able to face your reality with a new perspective that helps you evolve and accept yourself as is and live more authentically as you.

Tips to living in your natural state of peace

To be in a state of peace we need to be in harmony with the energy frequency of peace.” ~Codebreaker

Peace is your natural state. However, we are all experiencing stress and frustration in these challenging times.

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Tips for Overcoming Fear That You Create

Fear is the single biggest thing that holds us back. Overcoming fear is an essential step in achieving our goals and dreams.

“Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.”  – Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s one of most common reasons people procrastinate on taking action toward their goals. We fear failure, or rejection, or being embarrassed, or disappointing or angering other people, or getting hurt.

So we play it safe and avoid taking risks or trying new things. That’s why today, I’m going to provide you tips and strategies for overcoming fear and overcoming negative thoughts with ease.

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Let’s talk about loss

Let’s talk about loss. I would say the majority of the planet right now is experiencing loss in a variety of different ways, right? Loss of their independence, loss of their jobs, loss of their connection to their families or their friends, loss of their ability to be out in the world, loss of their identity because they’re not working – so now they don’t know who they are, loss of relationships – many people have been challenged to maintain relationships during this time, loss of even some of people’s beliefs – like their faith …  loss all over the place.

If we dig in just a little bit more, I would say that we’re grieving. We’re grieving the losses.

So, we’ve experienced the loss. We felt the loss and now people are having grief, right?

You’re experiencing the grief from the loss and grief shows up in a lot of different ways for different people.

One of those ways is anger. One of those ways is shutting down or disconnecting. One of those ways is to deny it or ignore it or pretend that it doesn’t exist. And, eventually, we come around to acceptance and oftentimes come back full circle into a place of appreciation. But that isn’t always like in a week or in a month even – sometimes it’s in a decade.  I don’t think there has to be a right and wrong amount of time for that process to happen.  But it is important for those things to happen.

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What To Do When You Feel Like Giving Up

We all go through those moments when we feel like giving up.

Whether you are facing a tough time in your relationship, struggling financially, or facing repeated failures in the pursuit of your dream…. Life can be challenging at times.

But anything worthwhile takes patience, perseverance and effort. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. On the path of greatness, everyone is invited, but only a rare few have the courage and dedication to stay the full course.

If you are going through tough times right now, remember that it is a season, and no season lasts forever. Even your most difficult time will pass.

Trust.

Your challenges are gifts in disguise sent by the Universe to strengthen your character. Your dreams chose you for a reason. And your dream will take you on a journey of having to become the person who is capable of fulfilling the vision.

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The Truth About Anger and Hatred

To be angry and hateful is to suffer. It doesn’t help anyone to get angry. Anger hurts whoever is angry. It burns. Anger ruins relationships, causes heartache and regret, and devastates health. And yet, in spite of all of these facts, when we are angry it feels right. Somehow, in some unseen way, anger proves to whoever is experiencing its heated feelings that he or she is right even though, in the eyes of reality, nothing could be further from the truth. 

How can something so wrong seem so right? Feelings of anger and hatred feel like they’re in your best interest because, at the time of their intrusion into your life, they temporarily fill you with a powerful false sense of self born out of fierce but lying feelings that can only exist without your conscious consent or awareness of it being there. This negative-self’s interests are not in your best interest. This conjured-up temporary identity is nothing but a self-of-suffering.

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How to Overcome Fear of Rejection and Achieve Success

Learning how to overcome fear of rejection is a critical part of reaching your goals pursuing your dreams.

Nobody enjoys asking for something and being told “no.” But rejection is an inevitable part of life for all of us, and is usually a good thing, even if we can’t see it at the time.

I’d like to give you some tips on how to overcome fear of rejection and achieve the success you deserve.

Fear of Rejection is Natural

For some, rejection may come if the form of not being picked for the team or don’t get the part in the play. Or when you don’t get the job or promotion you wanted, or your manuscript is turned down by a publisher, or you get laid off or fired.

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Spiritual Unrest

By Anjie Hosley, The Spiritual Doula penned from Writefully So

These are unprecedented times in which we are living. During this pandemic of COVID-19, people around the world are getting to witness systemic racism, oppression, and killings that have plagued people of Color for centuries, and I find myself in a state of spiritual unrest.

I live, move, and have my being in two very unique worlds which I toggle between like multiple tabs on my internet browser. I grew up in Metaphysics believing that we are all created in the image and likeness of God. I wholeheartedly believe in the interdependency of Oneness. I’ve been taught all my life that I am a spiritual being, living in a spiritual world, governed by spiritual laws that is having a human experience. I am also a Black woman who has been discriminated against and called “angry” for my passion and “aggressive” for my persistence. Nevertheless, I describe myself as Love and Law. My mother used to advise me to be like water…gentle enough to nourish you and strong enough to wear down the toughest of surfaces. Her advice and charge for me was to learn how to be a gentle, refreshing mist and when to be a tsunami.

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The Jaguar Leaps Into Action!

An inherently fascinating and deeply personal story that is as informed and informative as it is thoughtful and thought-provoking, Touching the Jaguar: Transforming Fear into Action to Change Your Life and the World is an extraordinary contribution to our on-going national dialogue and an especially recommended addition to community and academic library collections. It should be noted for the personal reading lists of students, academia, environmentalists, social/political activists, governmental policy makers, and non-specialist general readers.
– Midwest Book Review

June 16, 2020 was the official publication day of Touching the Jaguar. Therefore, it seemed fitting to open this newsletter with that quote from a publication that is very influential among libraries, colleges, academics, and in other literary circles. I know I am boasting a bit – and yet I hope it is appropriate since today is a day to celebrate a book that includes the ideas and lives of many people and organizations. Although it is partly my story, it is far bigger than that. 

During this time of a virus pandemic, climatic cataclysms, racial tensions, species extinctions, terrorism, political upheavals, and countless other crises we ask ourselves: 

What can we do? What can I – each one of us – do?

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Stay Out of the Places That Steal Your Happiness

It is important to understand what it means to be in the wrong place. The right place isn't just where your body is sitting. Have you ever been in the right place physically, paid a lot of money to go there, and then sat there resenting the fact that there was pulp in your orange juice? You can be in the most exquisite spot in the world and at the same time be inwardly in the most exquisite fear, worry, or pain, despite what you have put together for yourself. When we're in the wrong place inwardly, it simply doesn't matter where we are outwardly. 

What is it that must take place in our life so that we can begin the process of recognizing the simple truth of that idea? The most beautiful truths, are the simplest ones. Our problem is that we just don't know when we're in the wrong place. We can be in the wrong place even while thinking we're in the right place. 

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Racism and White Privilege: The Hard Look

It’s hard to look unflinchingly at the full extent of racism in the U.S.; it’s ugly, brutal, inhuman. The knee on the neck that chokes the breath out of a living person, the lynching rope that has choked the life out of generations of African Americans. White people have looked away, not wanting to see that cold-blooded brutality or the systemic racism built into American institutions created by white men and slave-owners. Black people don’t have that choice, that privilege; they face racist reality full-force every second of their lives. Parents have to instruct their children how to behave when they encounter a police officer (“hands up”). The adults carry fear in their hearts just living an ordinary life because they know they could be killed no matter what they do or don’t do (George Floyd, Breonna Taylor). Black lives have never mattered in the history of this country; the inability or refusal to see that is white privilege. This is the harsh reality of racism in America.

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The Challenge of Not Being Reactive

How do you generally react when another is being unloving? How do you wish you could respond?

“When Eddie blames me, I react so fast, before I have a chance to get my loving adult onboard. I’m explaining and defending before I can even take a breath,” Lori told me in one of our sessions. I knew exactly what she was talking about, as I had struggled with this same challenge for years.

Most of us learned early in our lives to react to any kind of rejection – blame, anger, withdrawal, judgment, criticism, or being ignored – with some form of reactive behavior. I had learned as a child and adolescent to react to any form of rejection by explaining, defending, crying, blaming back, getting angry, complaining or giving myself up. Even today, if I’m overly tired, I might go right back to these protective, controlling behaviors.

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Why Did This Happen?

Why did this happen? Why did that happen?

Why is it still happening?

Why do I feel this way?

Why does anyone do anything?


I have an answer to the question, WHY?

Why?

Because I chose an answer for myself.

A foundation to my answer is,

EVERY INTENTION IS FOR GOOD

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Stop Making Yourself Powerless

Once upon a time, there was an eco-tour guide in Africa who was considered the safest guide in all of Africa because virtually no one got hurt on his tours. You would think that people would flock to this eco-tour guide because of his safety record, but he had a certain reputation. It wasn't just that he was the safest, but he was also the sternest. People didn't want to go on a tour with a stern guide. They wanted to go on a tour with somebody that was fun!
 

Just prior to one trip, the eco-tour guide sits his guests down and says, "Before you start your trek, I have a few simple rules." With that, his friendly demeanor became somewhat stern. In not such a gentle voice he said, "Rule #1: When climbing slippery hills, you have the power to not grab onto a snake because you've mistaken it for a rope. Rule #2: In the heat of the day,you have the power to not take a cooling swim in the part of the river where the signs say Warning: Man-eating Crocs. Rule #3: When approaching the campsite after a long day's walk, you have the power to not walk through the quicksand swamps in order to take a shortcut back to your tent."

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You Are Enough – Awareness

“When you start to be present for yourself and feel what there is to feel to completion, you begin to embody higher frequencies, and you become lighter, freer, and more at peace.”

For too long, you have been frenetically racing around to mend a self that you believed was broken. You’ve read countless self-­help books, talked through your issues numerous times, and completed a slew of workshops. But most of this was focused on changing your thoughts or building up an impressive repertoire of nice spiritual concepts. The process we are discussing is an experience of energy changes within you. It is less about knowledge and more about living in connection with your authentic self in each moment.

At first, it can be hard to just be with yourself, as you are awash in internal discomfort. You are so trained to get somewhere, to have or create a point for everything. You are a professional human “doing,” programmed for high performance, low maintenance, and fast delivery.

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How We Heal, Change and Grow

Discover what creates true healing and lasting change for you.

I have worked with many people who sought me out after years and years of talk therapy without finding the healing they sought. I’ve also worked with people who have spent years in various forms of emotional release therapy, such as Primal Therapy, without finding the healing they seek. I myself had years of both forms of therapy without finding the inner peace and joy I was looking for – until Inner Bonding.

Peter A. Levine, in his excellent book, “In An Unspoken Voice,” states that

“…feelings accessed through body awareness, rather than emotional release, bring us the kind of lasting change that we so desire.” p. 345 

In my experience, it is not an either/or situation – either we access our feelings by being present in our body, or cry or pound in emotional release, or talk about it.

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Share The Calm, Dampen The Panic

In order to combat the Fear Virus and negativity that can be so prevalent, I’ve been making it a practice to think about positive aspects of our current situation. Not to downplay the very real struggles that people are having, but in order to put myself in a space where I can bring my best to those around me. 

One of the things that I’ve been thinking about is how we’re now using tools like technology in new ways. I just read this article in Wired magazine about this very thing. The global challenges we’re all facing have forced us out of “life as ordinary” and made us find new ways of being, including new ways of communing. 

And that’s exactly what the founders of the Internet had envisioned: The idealism that we could use this extraordinary tool for positive social connection, for support, for enhancing each other’s lives. Isn’t that so much better than just using it to have political flame wars on Twitter? (Don’t get me started on Twitter…!) More and more of us are now using these tools to build something positive, something helpful, something uplifting. 

This time has also helped me personally evaluate the role I want technology to play in my life. I can’t just say, “I’m not going to go online.” It’s an essential part of our lives, especially right now. While we can’t spend all day online — that’s just not healthy! — we can be very intentional about what we choose to allow into our environment. For instance, I have no tolerance now for negativity. None. My goal is to create a collective community where everyone feels safe and supported, and that is positive and meaningful. 

That doesn’t mean we don’t make space for people who are hurting and are scared. You are so welcome here. I’m sending you a huge virtual hug. I want you to know that you are not alone. 

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30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

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