The path of awakening is not one where we are eternally feeling good. Along it, it is inevitable that we move through moments and periods of not feeling good at all. As unsettling and disconcerting as this may be ultimately, as the spiritual beings that we are, we have not come here to feel eternally good but to get eternally free.
Awakening is not about adding anything onto us. It is not really about learning anything new either. But it is about releasing, letting go and unlearning. Inherently, we already are all that we will ever be. We already are as awakened as we will ever be. We already are as spiritual as we will ever be. The Divine is already inherently within us, and nothing can ever be added onto it to make it more or bigger.
However as we incarnate onto this planet we learn to create stories and fantasies about reality. Some are of our own making. Some we have inherited from the world. From our parents, relatives, guardians, society, culture. These oftentimes are stories that keep us small and limited.
The ego's mantra is: I am not enough and there is not enough. And so, most of the stories we buy into, arise from that perception. It is a limited perception keeping the inherent Divine Light from shining brightly.
Rarely are these stories that we have been told, or are telling ourselves, about how great and magnificent we are. Seldom do they speak of how beautiful, loving and abundant Life is.
And so they do not serve us. Rather they inhibit us and they dis-empower us.
Which is why it has been said that all of spiritual growth and awakening is all about releasing and letting go. Of small and limiting perceptions, paradigms, beliefs and conversations.
That the Divine Light that we all are may shine and glow through us unencumbered. Unhindered. Just like it shines and glows from the sun. Or a flower or a bird or a slug or a tree or any other form of life.
It is during these periods of sweet release that we sometimes are not feeling too good. But the path is blessed as it leads and guides us to toward freedom. True freedom. As the spiritual beings that we all are, we have not come here to feel good, but to get free.
The thing is that before we can release and let go of anything we first need to embrace and allow it to be fully as it is. And before we can embrace and allow anything to be fully as it is, we first need to become aware of it's existence.
In other words, all those small and limiting beliefs and perceptions have to come to the surface of our awareness. They have to rise up, like bubbles of air in water. It is then and only then that we truly may lovingly let them dissolve into the no-thing-ness from which it came.
And so, as we, as spiritual beings, walking along the path of awakening. As we pray, meditate, engage in sacred service, high conversations and fellowship they will begin to rise to the surface of our awareness. All our fears, worries, perceptions of lack, unworthiness and scarcity will be pulled into our field of awareness.
Some of them have most likely been there all along, but we have not been consciously aware of them. We have simply been run by them. But now, as we begin to realize that we are spiritual beings. Now that we have consciously chosen to venture along the path of freedom and awakening, we begin to see them from another angle. From a different perspective.
And so they will come up, and as they do they are oftentimes accompanied with not feeling good.
Although it may be disheartening and discouraging to gradually become more and more aware of how much fear has run us. Of how much scarcity and lack has been the order of our day. And of how separated from God we may have felt. Becoming aware, is the only way forward if we want to keep walking the path of awakening.
We may not always feel good, but we are becoming increasingly sane. Increasingly awakened. Freedom is emerging. And that is what the spiritual path is all about.
And so, as these limited beliefs, perceptions and points of view, begin to rise to the surface, due to our spiritual practice of meditation (which allows us to keep one foot in the eternal while walking the planet) - we learn to discern that which arises from the ego from that which arises from our heart and soul.
A level of separation here increasingly emerges; between us and that which we experience. We begin to realize that we are not our thoughts, nor our emotions. We begin to realize that it is perfectly possible to experience thoughts and emotions, without being pulled in by them. Without having to identify with them and become them.
This is where freedom begins. As we gradually become more and more aware of the small and limiting paradigms, points of view, perceptions, opinions and beliefs that we hold on to. Perceptions that are keeping us from seeing the truth about ourself and about Life. The more we become consciously aware of them, the higher our ability to respond to them. Which simply means that we may choose to not let them run us.
When we become willing to release and let the old go, confusion arises within us. As we are temporarily blinded by the old dying and the new emerging, incongruence emerges from within us. Incongruence that may give birth to us feeling restless or unsettled or fitful or agitated. In other words less harmonious than we perhaps used to.
This is all good - because it simply means that we are growing. The old and familiar is dying. It is dissolving. And the new and unknown is arising. But since we don't know what it is that is arising we feel bad.
We are venturing into new territories, into uncharted lands. This gives rise to unease.
As this happens it is important that we remember that sometimes feeling bad is good in progress. It is not a tell tale sign that something is wrong. But oftentimes it is imply us moving through some fog as we are ascending to new levels of consciousness and awakening. Sort of like a mountain climber that has to climb through the clouds to get to the top.
And so we seek to gratefully embrace and allow even the not feeling good to be as it is. Knowing that is truly is a blessing that is taking place.
There is nothing we need to to about it. There is nothing wrong and so there is nothing that needs to be fixed. We don't even have to talk about it or express the details of it to another.
All we need to do is to simply gratefully recognize and acknowledge that we are having a bad day, knowing that we are in the process of sweet release.
We are growing and unfolding. And so we may go about our business to the best of our ability. Seeking to allow God's Love and Light to flow through us, even when we are not feeling too good.