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Who’s got them? My guess is most of us. They come and go over time, sometimes with more intensity and sometimes less. Why? This comes from our past conditions in the families and communities we grew up in. We learned emotional response systems from those we started our lives with and continue to attract those that reinforce those belief systems. We’re more stuck in our daily groves, with the appearance that it is harder and harder to change the more time flies by.
I’m here to tell you, anything can happen, no matter what age you are, how many failures you’ve had or how many people are counting against you. All you need is the real you to show up…and to recognize why these patterns keep persisting in our lives.
Think of it like this; years ago, I was watching a cooking show. Not one with a huge celebrity chef but a show that brought in everyday people to share their family favorite recipes that had been passed down for generations. This young woman in her early 20s was picked and she was so excited to share her great grandmother’s baked ham recipe. As she prepared the food on live TV she was very methodical going through things step by step. The host that day asked her, “Why are you cutting both ends off the ham before you put it in the oven?” The young woman responded, “I’m not sure, that’s just how we’ve always done it in our family.”
As she continued preparing the ham to go into the oven, the host was still perplexed as to why she cut off the two ends of the ham, and then tossed them into the garbage. The host challenged the young woman. She said, “Can we call your Mom and ask why you cut off the edges and throw them away?” Of course, the young woman agreed. They called mom and she said, I’m not really sure, let’s call grandma. “Grandma, can you tell me why we always cut off the ends of the baked ham when we do our family recipe?” Grandma stated, “I don’t know, that’s just how my mother taught me.” Her great grandmother was still alive and the host asked if it would be ok to make this third phone call to great grandmother to solve the mystery.
Great grandmother was happy to take the call, at age 92, and said, “Oh sweetheart, I cut the ends off the ham because the pan I used for years was too small to fit the whole thing.” Can you believe it? Really! Four generations this recipe got passed down and they were cutting off the edges of the ham and throwing them in the garbage all because great grandmothers’ pan was too small. Crazy!! This is a simple example of how patterns stick in our lives and we don’t even know why and ask if the reasoning is even relative to today.
So what does this have to do with our financial fears? Our fears are the same way. The conditioning that we have learned from past generations stick with us and most of it isn’t our stuff to begin with, but this is how we learned to emotionally respond to the world and how we handle our financial world daily. Some cultures don’t believe in banks, they use currency exchanges to cash their checks. Some cultures like to keep wads of cash in their house because they lived, or their past relatives, lived in a period of time when it was not safe to put money in the banks, particularly in eastern Europe during the communist phases of history. And I could go on and on about how these fears have impacted behavior in many other cultures and how it impacts how we interface financially today.
Realize our financial fears really don’t come from our money. Money is one way we act out our unprocessed, unfelt, emotions. Remember, Einstein proved that energy is neither created nor destroyed it just changes form. So, if you have an emotional charge about something, a fear, and you don’t directly address it at that moment in time, the energy either gets stored in your body or exits your energy field some other way. The level of debt in our world today is the proof in the pudding that we are NOT processing our emotions in real, present time. We’ve been taught to be polite, don’t do this, don’t do that, be politically correct and all this stuffing in, is acting out with our spending. We are creating debt, and huge levels of it. You see this on the personal financial level, corporate, non-for-profits, and governmental financial levels, it’s everywhere. We are in over our heads and this too will come to a striking halt at some point if we don’t address why it’s being created in the first place. So much of it is fear driven. Fear of not having what someone else has. We are expressing fear of being rejected, and not being accepting by society’s norms, regardless if it’s really important to us or not. We’re caught up with what is outside of us, instead of focusing on what is true for us in the inside.
You may have convinced yourself that you only have “good debt”. Debt is like a venereal disease, never really actually good and once in the cycle, it never really ever goes away. I have plenty of financial experts in my field that would completely argue with me on this point. They would say something like, well, if I’m paying 3% on my mortgage and after the tax deduction on the interest, I’m really only paying out 2%, why would I not put more of my extra cash into something that makes more return? From a pure financial standpoint, this is correct, but if we don’t look under the hood what motivated to have that debt in the first place, you will stay in a trap that is really hard to get out of, it becomes a debt living lifestyle. We keep upgrading our houses, buying more expensive cars as we age with more bells and whistles, etc. When you create too much debt, whether it be student loan debt, mortgage debt, car loan debt, credit card debt, etc, you get stuck in your financial past decisions. This doesn’t allow you the space to be nimble to live in the present moment or change the trajectory of the future you want to create easily. This is how our fears get reinforced in our limiting belief systems for our past conditioning.
Wow, that’s a mouthful… let me say it again. When we make financial decisions that are conditioned from those who taught us and the influences of our personal experiences, we are responding in a way that is primarily fear based in most situations. You can see this when you keep having negative outcomes, or not expected outcomes in your financial life. The goal is to start to become the observer of your financial life. Don’t judge where you’re at financially. Just look, just observe. What do you see? It’s ok to look, it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to get so pissed off that you punch the wall, ok, that may be a bit extreme, but you get my point… get those emotions up and out so we can heal those financial patterns that we being recreated over and over again that don’t support the “you” of today.
Money is energy. To overcome your financial fears once and for all, you have to tactically start to move your money into the directions that really support the new you. Become financially fearless!!
Now don’t go being a recluse, don’t be extreme because that is never sustainable. Bite size pieces. When I say become the financially fearless version of yourself, that means, have the courage to change. Perhaps that means you decide to leave that crappy job that is not feeding your soul. You know, that one that is giving you a paycheck that you feel you can’t walk away from, but yet you can if you have a plan. It’s about just start being willing to visualize yourself in the future you desire. Join me in my next blog where I’ll share a story of someone who faced this job situation head on.