Confidence: Quite simply, it means Freedom from Doubt, A Belief in Yourself and Your Innate Abilities. What I like to call ‘your Genius’.

Now, I think many people believe that confidence is…

• Elusive

• Genetic (you had to be born with it)

• Only available to those that are attractive or fit

• An attitude that is gifted to you

• Something your parents were supposed to teach you

• What you feel only when everything is right and perfect in your life

• Based on where you live or went to school or what degree you hold

• Only for the wealthy

I’m going to challenge all those beliefs because I say confidence comes from knowing who you are and what you are here to share. Knowing what you do well that brings benefit to yourself and others. It could also include clarity around the message you are sending out to the world.

When you know how to communicate what you want, what you care about, what your innate gifts are and what you have to offer, then there is no doubt. To spin that in a positive way, there is CONFIDENCE.

Today we are going to talk about confidence: Self-confidence … being comfortable in the skin you’re in … learning how to feel secure in who you actually are.

I would like to start by just asking you: Does confidence hold you back in some area in your life? Do you feel that if you were more confident you would do A, B, C, D, E ________ (fill in the blank)?

What does it hold you back from? And what is confidence? What does having confidence mean? What does “being comfortable in the skin you’re in” mean to you?

Is it a way that you feel? Is it a way that you look? Is it an experience that you would have, or wouldn’t have? What does that actually look like in your life experience right now? 

I really like this quote by ee cummings: “Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”

I love that! Once we believe in ourselves … I think a lot of times what does hold us back is the lack of self-confidence and overcoming the fear.

And what is the fear … and how do you overcome the fear? Well, fear oftentimes is “I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy. I can’t do it.  I’m not ever going to be able to do it.” And so, the key answer to the question is you’ve got to work on your self-confidence. You’ve got to work on your self-esteem. You’ve got to work on your value. You have to begin to put more attention towards what’s good and what’s working in your life, than what you’re afraid of, what you don’t know, what might not be good enough, or where your struggles have been.

So, I want to share a few ways that you can start to gain self-confidence. Each one of these could be a whole topic in and of itself. But I want to list a few here now and have you begin to see which ones jump out to you … and those could be the inspiration to make a little shift for yourself going forward … and allow you to gain some momentum to live more fully in what you want in this upcoming year.

I don’t believe confidence is about the external: the way you look, or your comparison to other people. I DO think confidence is much more about the story we tell ourselves. It’s so much more about our internal dialogue … and we use the external clues, people, experiences, events to prove to ourselves externally what we’re telling ourselves internally … which is usually “I’m not good enough. I’m not going to add up. It’s never going to work. I can’t get there.”

I Feel Pretty Film & the Law of Attraction

We just went to see Amy Schumer’s new comedy, I Feel Pretty, which is touching and funny, and I highly recommend it.

The premise of the film is that an ordinary, pudgy woman, Renee, of just average looks, wishes to be breathtakingly beautiful.

Renee falls off her bike at Soul Cycle, hits her head, and when she awakens, she looks in the mirror and sees the beauty she always hoped to become.

Find Your Ground

What can you do when you're shaken?

The Practice:
Find your ground.

Why?

I've been to New Zealand, and really respect and like it. There's a Maori term - turangawaewae (link is external), "a place to stand" - that I've come back to many times.

I'm sure I don't know the full meaning of the word in its cultural context. But at a basic level, it's clear that we all need a place to stand. A physical place to be sure - hearth and home, land and sea, a bed to curl up in - but also psychological or spiritual places, such as feeling loved, a calm clear center inside, knowledge of the facts, compassion and ethics, and realistic plans.

This is our ground, the place we rest in and move out from . . . even under the best of circumstances. And when you're shaken by events at any scale - from changes in your health to changes in your country or world (here's a recent post you may find relevant: Take Heart (link is external)) - then it's especially important to find and hold your ground.

How?

Start with the body, and the feeling of being here. The sensations of breathing . . . heart beating . . . going on living . . . feet on the floor, back against a chair. Whatever is true now can never be taken from you.

I spent 13 years as an actress and in that time I learned that it wasn’t my job to make sure the auditors or audience was loving my performance. My job was to live in the moment and focus on my craft.  

What did that mean?