Stephen King once wrote, “The most important things are the hardest things to say.” He also observed that expressing big thoughts and feelings brings them down to size instead of the monsters they often seem when you keep them in your head.
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When we fell into the stream of days,
my eyes were cleansed, your ears worn free.
At first, it was an assault
but what we’ve seen and heard since
has made us thank the storm
for its scouring.
It’s changed how we care, hasn’t it?
Letting each other stay under
so the stream and storm
can do their work—
not letting each other drown.
A Question to Walk With: Tell the story of a friendship you have and how it has changed you over time.
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Eight ways to increase your trust, vulnerability and ability to receive.
There is one sacred ingredient in all great relationships; it transforms connections into a spiritual journey. Keep reading, and discover the art of receiving and watch everything improve, including the relationship you have with yourself.
What is Receiving?
What exactly is receiving? I’m referencing the ability to be vulnerable and truly receive love or even care from another. This open-heart experience cannot happen without being fully aware of the moment and fully connected with the other person’s heart energy. This in itself is rare. Frequently we are multi-tasking and not connected to the moment, or even the person.
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“Yesterday a child came out to wander…”
—Joni Mitchell, “Circle Game”
Last month, a friend I’ve known most of my life passed away after a recurrence of cancer. It was not entirely unexpected, but it happened suddenly and was deeply shocking. I thought she would always be there—an unspoken assumption many of us probably have about close friends or family. We never imagine that they won’t be in our lives. Yet she was gone. And even the most profound spiritual beliefs about life after death cannot entirely prevent the initial heart pain of losing someone you love.
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The deep irony of my life as a teacher is that I travel all over to affirm that there’s nowhere to go but here. And I’m happy to do it. For every place we arrive at unravels to the same timeless moment in which we are each other. This is the path of lasting friendship: trying to go somewhere, only to land in each other’s arms. The harder we try to run from ourselves, the more certain it is that we will boomerang into the heart of our unanswered question. There, we will find each other.
If, upon such meeting, we accept the truth of our journey and the ways that we have run from life, then we will form an unbreakable bond. If we deny our attempts to escape what is ours to face, then we will push each other away.
I have done both, but I am here to affirm that there’s nowhere to go but here. There is only one, timeless place of truth under every there. The way the same nectar waits in the center of every flower, no matter how it opens. All the friends I’ve been blessed to have know the taste of this nectar. It’s how the spirit of friendship keeps us alive.
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Music always gave me comfort through challenging times. Music was my constant companion and soundtrack to life. I consider junior high the cruelest time of life. Surviving bullying and the rhythm of growing up and falling down.
At age 17, after graduating high school I moved to Santa Monica, CA with my best friend Mike to become a Graduate Gemologist.
We lived in a small apartment so we couldn't listen to music too loud without disturbing our neighbors. We made an agreement that we both had our "Loud Song". If our favorite song came on the radio we could turn it up as loud as we want for that one song.
My loud song was "Roll With The Changes" by REO Speedwagon and Mike's loud song was "Dream On" by Aerosmith.
A year after we got home to Minnesota, Mike was killed in a head on car crash. His spirit continues to stay with me, knowing he lived his life by his loud song. Somehow his song made the deep loss easier for me.
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“People will treat you how you teach them to treat you.”
If you don’t know,
then ask the moon in the sky.
—Yuanwu
Trying to prove that all things
are connected is like piling up
snow in a silver bowl.
As soon as you bring it inside,
what you’ve gathered will vanish.
For truth like the ocean is hard
to see once in it.
I can only say that the things that
matter are always there like stars
in the daytime.
Kindness sleeps in our heart
the way flowers are compressed
in their seed.
Everything is waiting for the right
moment to break ground.
I am always here for you.
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I fall in love
With your essence
And then unwrap
The story
That reveals
All your beauty
I love who you are
But I also appreciate
The life that made you
I only need to know
Enough
To love you
Which isn’t very much
Enough
To love you
Which isn’t very much
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We don’t control
The reflections in a mirror
Only our interpretations
We live best
With birds of a feather
Be with
The ones with
Joy
The ones with peace
The ones in harmony
Not the flock
Who have plucked
All their feathers
To prove they are not worthy
of flying
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Are you missing family and friends? Have you lost loved ones close to your heart?
There is a simple Heartful way to feel connected with everyone I love.
While developing the HARMONY REFRESH, I discovered a profound attribute of hearts to connect with love.
A Harmony Refresh of feeling your heartbeat, being aware of your breath and relaxing into calm are the first three skills of the Seven Skills of Harmony. Click here for more info.
My father passed away over 40 years ago. I still miss him but a few years ago I realized, grief is not about getting over loss, it is honoring the love that is eternally shared in our Source.
It’s easy to think an attachment to the past maintains a connection to love. Longing for someone you love whether in or out of a body comes in two tones of emotion, the agony of loss and the joy of gratitude, both come from love.
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Why do we have cheerleaders?
The Practice:
Don’t rain on the parade.
Why?
Let’s say you’ve had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, or thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you’re not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. Then what?
If a family member or friend responds in a neutral or positive way, even if they also raise some practical questions, you likely feel good, supported, energized. But if that same person were to lead with a mainly negative response, focusing on problems, constraints, and risks – no matter how valid they are – you’d probably feel at least a little deflated, and maybe misunderstood, put down, or obstructed. Take a moment to reflect on how this may have happened to you, as a child or an adult.
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Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020 was a very emotional day for many of us. The news, rallies and campaigning, had created high expectations of revolutionary paths to justice and freedom. Many of us were excited for a new beginning, a fresh start… but… the uncertainty and wait began. As the day continued my reaction to the perceived disrespect against women, minorities and various other groups, clouded my mind and stressed my body. I reconnected with a deep Karmic relationship; an old wound, in need of debridement. It was here I struggled to find the peace that honors our connection to each other and God.
In the middle of the day, I received a call from a person of trust in my family’s life. The conversation stirred up uncertainty and anger. In a raised voice, the caller made some very harsh comments. I listened, until I reacted.
The insane conversation created the perfect alchemy, for a lesson in karmic relationships centered around respect and trust.
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What’s up with these people?
The Practice:
Give them what they want.
Why?
Research shows that relationships are built from interactions, and interactions are built from moments. A critical moment in an interaction is when one person wants something from the other one. (“Wants” include wishes, needs, desires, hopes, and longings.) The want could be simple and concrete, like “Please pass the salt.” Or it could be complex and intangible, such as “Please love me as a romantic partner.”
Wants can be communicated in many ways. Gaze, touch, tone, facial expression, posture, and action speak volumes. Whether verbally or nonverbally, some people express their wants clearly, but many do not. The more important a want is, the more likely it will leak out slowly, or be expressed with a lot of distracting add-ons and emotional topspin.
Now what?!
Think of a significant relationship. How clearly have you expressed your own wants in it? How do you feel when the other person makes a sincere effort to give you what you want?
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It’s hard to believe we’re now in our sixth month of quarantine life. Just the notion of this is getting us more antsy and anxious. The new school year has begun and our worries are compounding, whether it’s centered around the safety of our teachers and students heading back into the classrooms or how much longer we have to wait before some normalcy comes back into our lives.
But while your outside world is full of uncertainty, there is one resource you can always rely on, one constant force that will throw you a lifeline and keep you afloat during these chaotic times—your Soul!
Your soul is always connected to a Higher Source. (When I talk about “Source” I mean God, the Universe, or a Higher Consciousness – call it what you will.) This is the power that will move you beyond feeling trapped, constrained, unfulfilled or alone.
I know that many of you are concerned about what’s going on right now in the world and in your own life. Whatever it may be: fear, uncertainty, injustice, intolerance, financial worry, relationship troubles, or health concerns. Maybe you’re feeling like you don’t belong anywhere or you’re losing hope. Maybe you want some answers to the many questions filling your head: What can I do? Why am I here? How do I get out of this mess? It’s important at times like these to remain connected to your soul. When you are connected to your soul – you are linked to a higher power.
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As a fire needs wood, the soul needs care to burn strong and bright. And just as it doesn’t matter what kind of wood is given to the fire, the soul doesn’t value one form of care over another. Any act of care will make the soul come alive through us. And since all things are worthy of care and in need of care, any ground of experience we devote ourselves to will brighten our aliveness—in us and between us. Simply and profoundly, as a fire needs wood, the soul needs care to thrive.
A Question to Walk With: Describe a form of care that feeds your soul. What role does this have in your life?
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It has been scary, upsetting, inconvenient, and disruptive all at once for so many of us. Thank goodness we humans have one another for support and friendship through it all. That is such a gift. We are in this together and together we will get through this as well.
Let us first send extra prayers to all people around the world who may be struggling with a coronavirus infection itself. We are so sorry that you must face this challenge. We ask the Holy Mother Father God and Loving Light of the Universe to surround you, above, below, front, back, side-to-side, and rain healing vibrations upon you without ceasing until you are fully restored to excellent health.
Let us also pray for all our scientists, health care workers, and support people who are working tirelessly to save others. We send our deepest gratitude and support for your devotion, courage, persistence, and generous love for humanity. We, your fellow humans, pray daily for your inspiration, safety, and health, as well as that of your family, and people whom you live with. Thank you for being our heroes. We owe a debt of gratitude to you that simply cannot be fully expressed.
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What do others want?
The Practice:
See good intentions.
Why?
Hustling through an airport, I stopped to buy some water. At the shop’s refrigerator, a man was bent over, loading bottles into it. I reached past him and pulled out one he’d put in. He looked up, stopped working, got a bottle from another shelf, and held it out to me, saying “This one is cold.” I said thanks and took the one he offered.
He didn’t know me and would never see me again. His job was stocking, not customer service. He was busy and looked tired. But he took the time to register that I’d gotten a warm bottle, and he cared enough to shift gears and get me a cold one. He wished me well.
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Another phrase for ‘squid’ is ‘energy vampire.’
“Squid is my word for people who seem to be missing their backbones but possess myriad sucking tentacles of emotional need.” —Martha Beck
When your intent is to get love, rather than to be loving to yourself and share your love with others, you are a ‘squid.’ When you are not in the moment-by-moment process of learning what is loving to yourself, and taking loving action for yourself, you are abandoning yourself and creating an empty hole within. This empty hole needs love, and you will try to get it from others in any way you can.
The Neediness Creates An Energy Pull
Others might not be fully conscious of the energy pull from you, but they will generally back off nevertheless – as your pull unconsciously feels yucky to them. Of course, you might find someone who is such a caretaker that they stay and let themselves be drained by you, but you need to know that people who allow themselves to be drained and used by you have strings attached to what they give. They have a huge expectation – expecting you to love them and fill their emptiness as well. Both of you will inevitably be very disappointed.
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Dating is an integral part of socialization for single adults of all ages. The sudden escalation and impact of coronavirus around the world have created a challenge for those who are just starting in a relationship or those who perhaps have finally made the decision to start dating again.
There are some very important issues to consider with the very real presence of the coronavirus. Experts in public health and epidemiology recommend social distancing is a key factor in not only preventing contact with the virus but also in limiting the spread of the virus throughout the population.
Social distancing is particularly crucial for those in high-risk groups or individuals living with or working with people in high-risk groups. The high-risk groups identified currently include those over 65 years of age, anyone living in a nursing home, people with chronic health issues, those immunocompromised from cancer treatments, organ transplants or other diseases, and those with pre-existing health issues related to lung disease, heart conditions, diabetes, or chronic types of illnesses.
Family members of these individuals or those who provide healthcare or daily care services for these groups need to be especially careful. The general public also has to be very aware of how their interactions with each other increase the risk of the high-risk groups being exposed to one or more people carrying the virus.
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