What do you notice in people?
The Practice:
See the good in others.
Why?
Many interactions these days have a kind of bumper-car quality to them. At work, at home, on the telephone, via email: we sort of bounce off of each other while we exchange information, smile or frown, and move on. How often do we actually take the extra few seconds to get a sense of what’s inside other people – especially their good qualities?
Central to our wellbeing is knowing that we are okay - that we are worthy, adequate, and lovable. Feeling that we are okay can come from two different sources:
- Others' attention and approval
- Our own loving adult connected with our spiritual guidance.
Codependency is the term used to describe the addiction to feeling okay through others.
One of the key characteristics of narcissism is a sense of grandiosity or a sense of being superior to others. In addition to just thinking they are better than everyone, including their partners, the narcissist constructs a fantasy world where they are always on center stage, regardless of what is happening around them.
What puts people at ease?
The Practice:
Give no one cause to fear you.
What do you want?
The Practice:
Hold wants lightly.
Why?
Getting caught up in wanting – wanting both to get what’s pleasant and to avoid what’s unpleasant – is a major source of suffering and harm for oneself and others.
First, a lot of what we want to get comes with a big price tag – such as that second cupcake, constant stimulation via TV and websites, lashing out in anger, intoxication, over-working, or manipulating others to get approval or love. On a larger scale, the consumer-based lifestyle widespread in Western nations leads them to eat up – often literally – a huge portion of the world’s resources.
Similarly, much of what we want to avoid – like the discomfort of speaking out, some kinds of psychological or spiritual growth, standing up for others, exercising, being emotionally vulnerable, or really going after one’s dreams – would actually be really good for oneself and others.
Is there really such a thing as good luck? Why do some people have all the good fortune, while others seem to miss it? Is there some sort of secret formula for drawing luck into your life?
Let me set you straight! There’s a force that works through your soul determining what’s possible or impossible, showing you the difference between success and failure and above all, helping you discover who you are. This force has no limits to what it can do for you—it’s the power of your belief.
If you were provided with an opportunity to deepen your self-love, would you do it? Would you say yes, to creating a sacred ceremony that required vows to cherish and love yourself?
I am in the middle of a three-month intentional focus on increasing my self-love, respect and experiencing healing in the process. Lately my mind has traveled the many paths of how we show love and commitment to others. I have noticed we are lacking in social and cultural ways of celebrating true self-love.
I began to contemplate the power of words in marriage vows and all the traditions that are woven into one big, beautiful moment, where we promise to honor and care for another person. What if we created a similar ceremony that recognized the union of your higher self, physical self and one’s soul?
Why do you fear connecting to others? Have you noticed that your life is more enjoyable when you stay in your comfort zone and never put yourself out there? I know you might be wondering how to overcome your fear of connecting to others.
I'm here to help! First, let's start by defining this fear and what it means for your life.
Fear is a natural human emotion that can protect us from danger or hurt. It helps us avoid situations where we feel vulnerable and unsafe, but sometimes it tends to go hand in hand with anxiety.
Fear can be defined as a "powerful emotion that makes you afraid or anxious about something harmful, unpleasant, or threatening." When we feel fear, our heart rate increases and adrenaline flows through our bodies. This feeling in the body is a natural response to danger.
The problem with fear is when it becomes an overused reaction to situations. Because of this, many people have developed post-traumatic stress disorder. They are being exposed to too many trauma-related stimuli without time to process their feelings about them.
As a boy, I was the one who saw things differently; I was the one who felt and heard things that others didn’t seem to notice; and I was never really understood. As I got older, I began to realize that I wasn’t that different after all—in fact, there were others like me! Some chose to speak up, while others tried to hide it and push it away in a vain attempt to be normal. But being psychic or intuitive is normal. It’s something that we’re all born with to assist us while we’re here on this planet.
So, what’s the deal about being psychic and what does it really mean? Put simply, as spiritual beings, we are able to access, receive and transmit information that reaches beyond our physical body and our natural five senses.
Throughout history, cultures all over the world have honored their spiritual principles and maintained a deep belief that human beings consist of more than just physical bodies. Traditions were created with rituals (such as chanting, dancing and meditation) that are still used to this day to remain connected to Spirit and to fully utilize spiritual abilities.
What is compassion but drifting in the immensity of life with an open heart? We bump into and pass by so many torn and budding lives along the way. Some are like us, many are not—on the surface, but under it all, we remain the same ounce of spirit carried in skin and bone. One of our jobs, then, is to learn how to relate to the cascade of others that rise and fall around us. The practice of compassion is how we learn that we are each other. And the practice of expression is how the heart knows itself.
Early on in life, there is an initiation into the practice of compassion through the commonality of our experience with others. If I have suffered and healed from a broken heart, then when I witness your heart breaking, I can easily identify with what you’re going through. If you’ve lost your job and come into my life when I’m laid off, we can easily meet in our common struggle through adversity. If I’ve felt betrayed by a friend or loved one and I’m with you when you are betrayed, we can quickly form a bond that will help each other through. This sort of compassion, based on our common experience, is an ongoing apprenticeship that never ends.
One of the most important aspects of Inner Bonding is opening to a compassionate intention to learn. I think a lot about love and compassion. Compassion is often more than people think it is.
Compassion does include the standard definition: the ability to feel empathy with another or others who are suffering, to be moved by the suffering and to want to help alleviate it.
But compassion is so much more…
It’s my experience that like love, we don’t generate it within ourselves; we open to it. Compassion, like love, peace, joy, grace and true wisdom, are gifts of spirit that we experience when we are open to learning about loving ourselves and others. These gifts are what the universe is. Compassion is a bright, light, loving energy that deeply connects you with yourself, others, animals and the planet.
There is one essential ingredient missing in most of our relationships -- one that is definitely required if we wish to continue in our own development and help others to do the same. What is this powerful catalyst that only we can provide for each other? Room in which to grow.
We can help others reach higher by simply agreeing, consciously, to give them space to go through their changes even when these changes may challenge our sense of self and its well-being. As just one simple example of how to help in this way, we must each learn to keep ourselves quiet when the actions of someone close to us start to disturb us. Why is this new kind of self-silence so important for the growth of both parties involved?
“When you can meet yourself without expectation and just relax into who you are here and now, others are freed to do the same thing.”
When was the last time you got lost in a good book? Or baked an apple pie “for no reason” and then savored each hot sweet bite? Or spent time in nature … Or sat down at the piano … Or played racquetball … Or consciously did whatever it is that makes you feel a sense of connection and pleasure?
In all likelihood, you were not conditioned to make your well-being a priority, to extend love and respect to yourself. You may have learned to give all your love and kindness to others, making their happiness the barometer of how worthy you were of that same love and kindness.
Love is not about having, needing, controlling, achieving, or getting something. It is about the direct experience of the Essential Self. When you access that internal reservoir, it can extend outward to others with simplicity, compassion, and warmth.
Do you ever feel unlovable? Does it ever feel as though true love eludes you?
You see others who are happy but you can’t seem to find that same happiness for yourself.
If you ever feel unlovable or undeserving of love, you may have an unconscious program running that says you are not worthy of love.
This unconscious program affects your operating code which will inevitably attract situations that prove it.
We all live by codes
Without exception, everyone operates by one of these two basic codes.
Can finding common ground with others help us find peace?
Who's outside your circle?
The Practice: Common Ground
Why?
As we move into 2019, here are my top five inner practices for helping this year be a good one for you and others:
- Drop the stone
- Let it flow
- Learn as you go
- “Us” all “thems”
- Open into awe
By “us” all “thems,” I mean finding common ground with every person—especially those you fear or are angry with or who are simply very different from you. These days this practice is more important than ever.
For most of the past 300,000 years, our human ancestors lived in small bands of about 50 people in which they survived by being good at caring about and cooperating with people inside the band —with “us”—while also being good at fearing and aggressing upon people outside their band: “them.” And for 2 million years before that, our hominid ancestors lived and evolved under similar pressures.
As people we are fundamentally wired to want to help others. It is an experience that has the power to open our hearts and raise us up. That is why I find working in the service industry is so gratifying. I find every opportunity to help others in any capacity to be a catalyst to more joy and contentment. I also make it a point to serve selflessly when ever possible.
There is a gap between the good intentions for helping and the physical follow through. These are two very different things that may get confused as the same during the beginning stages of helping another.
With today’s busy lifestyles and constant communication stimulus, it is easy for our words to lose meaning and our promises to lie empty. The cause of this is partially the fact that we are multi-tasking and not grounded. i.e. Noticing a text while driving and forgetting that it ever happened and never responding because driving safely is much more of a priority. We are not being present with our communications.