“You are not enough”.
“You will never make it.
“You are too fat!”
We have all had negative voices in our heads……
If you listen to those voices they can be crippling and will rob you of your power, freedom, and dreams.
You are not the voices in your head.
You are not your thoughts.
Just because your mind tells you something doesn’t mean it’s true.
Your inner critic is that part of you that talks negatively to you.
To be free you must learn to develop a relationship with your inner critic.
Have you ever noticed that you get rid of one person in your life, and you get somebody just like it? Amazing! But you didn’t get somebody just like it. You got you again! That’s the lesson, isn’t it? We should be so tired of pointing our fingers at other people.
So, then what happens? Here I am, fighting with my past, revisiting and revisiting how I was abused, or how somebody broke my heart – trying to get over what happened. And I fight, and I fight to get the condition to go right until at some point, I realize I’m fighting with the wrong thing. I’m trying to make, in my own heart and mind, a reconciliation from a set of conditions that I believed I was apart from.
Toxic relationships create ripples throughout our mind and our body. In a toxic relationship, our mind reads cues and our body responds in ways that are effective coping mechanisms for that relationship. However, these responses to social cues are often not effective or helpful in a new relationship or when trying to heal from a dysfunctional and toxic partner.
Our body responses, emotional regulation, and even the fear response to social cues are controlled by the vagal nerve. Depending on our experiences and the specific situation, we may have different responses than others around us, which is important to understand in healing after the trauma of experiencing a toxic relationship.
Although falling in love is perhaps the most intensely blissful experience anyone will have in a lifetime, this hasn’t worked to promote love as a way of life. Falling in love is temporary, and soon the real world returns, imposing all kinds of demands that seem impervious to love. Turning the other cheek doesn’t work in wartime. Feeling compassion for a mass murderer defies human nature. Loving someone who hates you hardly makes sense.
Inner Bonding is a powerful process for healing the fear and false beliefs that cause our pain, and it's also a process for developing and enhancing our passion, productivity, and creativity.
A loving parent does not just attend to a child when he or she is crying or angry. Loving moms and dads enjoy holding and playing with their children when they are peaceful, laughing, and learning.
Is something missing in your life; maybe you are constantly feeling the pull to search for something more? This feeling can range from a vague feeling like you misplaced something, to a very strong feeling of being abandoned. If this resonates, keep reading and discover how to reclaim the lost and unloved pieces of you.
Over a decade ago, I booked a private tour that shared sacred spots on the island of Kauai. It was really interesting. I could feel the powerful energy of the ceremonial stones. The same woman offered a private session to reclaim pieces of my fragmented soul.
Central to our wellbeing is knowing that we are okay - that we are worthy, adequate, and lovable. Feeling that we are okay can come from two different sources:
Codependency is the term used to describe the addiction to feeling okay through others.
Like the old song says, breaking up is hard to do. The aftermath of a dissolved relationship provokes a strong emotional response that can even have physical consequences.
You should treat yourself gently during this time and take care to nurture your emotional well-being. Here are five mental wellness tips for when a relationship ends.
As someone who has written 12 books, had a big career as a book publicist and a literary agent, I’ve been deep in the publishing world for most of my life.
Yesterday I was talking an old friend who was interviewing me for an article she is writing for a major publication about becoming an author in your later years, and I had an epiphany:
No matter how gently I offer it, sometimes the information is very difficult for the person to hear, such as, "Right now, you are pulling on everyone for love and approval. You have handed your inner child to everyone around you to take care of you. There must be a good reason you are doing this. Are you open to exploring this?" or "There must be a very good reason that there is no loving adult present here. There is just a wounded child. Are you willing to open to learning about this?" or "I cannot feel you when you cry like this. This pain is the pain of a victim, trying to get someone to take care of you. This is pain that you are causing by your own self-judgment and self-abandonment. This crying is a pull on others to take care of you. You hope others will feel sorry for you and have compassion for you because you have no compassion for yourself. There must be some very good reasons that you are abandoning yourself right now. Are you willing to open to learning about this?"
They think I am judging them rather than offering them a truth. They do not get that truth is love - authentic radical love. Without knowing the truth about their intention and their behavior, they cannot heal. The truth opens the door for them to start loving themselves instead of spending all their energy trying to get others to love them.
We are often told that it's important to speak up for ourselves, but we have few role models for what this looks like.
Gwendolyn asked the following question about this topic:
You may ask yourself this from time to time. Not just in reference to a particular place but also here on Earth, in this life. The answer to both is the same: Love. You are here to love—every person, event, experience, and complicated nuance in your life. Why? Because love is who you are at your core; you were born out of love, human and divine, and to express it is part of the human and planetary design. It is as natural as breathing, and as essential to life. Love is woven into the fabric of everything, and it is renewed and enlivened by our expressing it on a daily basis. Without that living manifestation of our core essence, we and the planet would shrivel and die.
Sometimes the path of purpose can be hidden, seemingly impossible to find, but it’s really quite simple. We aren’t here to make lots of money or a name for ourselves, to accumulate possessions or stocks and bonds. Those are distractions, side events that eventually we see through and move on from. The human course is not necessarily self-evident, but gradually our life experiences awaken us to who we really are at the soul level. We finally see the truth that George Bailey did in the classic film It’s a Wonderful Life: No one is a failure who has friends, and kindness and generosity made him the “richest man in town.” Without his presence, no one else in his life would have fully lived who they came here to be. Same with each of us. You affect many more people than you know.
Whatever you are going through right now, know that you are always the one in full control of your life. The law of attraction is true to its meaning: all thoughts turn into things, eventually. Like attracts like, so to speak. In other words, the energy from our thoughts, be it positive or negative, attracts experiences of the same energy to come into our lives or manifest. This kind of mindset is imperative especially when confronted with the underlying challenges in your life. Acknowledging your emotions, especially any feelings of guilt, shame, hopelessness, insolvency, and gaslighting is the first step towards rebuilding one’s sense of acceptance and self-love.
Self-love is something many people do not consider because we tend to put the needs of others first before ourselves. However, it becomes important for you to care for yourself first, otherwise, you may not be able to care for others.
Is it possible to feel great being single? Yes, of course it is! There are many people who love being single. However, not everyone likes it.
Lorna is struggling with this issue with her wounded self:
People often forget that the most important person in their lives is themselves. You are the most significant person in your life, and you need to start acting like it. You need to be kind to yourself, take care of your needs, and always be gentle. If you don't think you are doing those things, today is the day to make a change.
Start living in the moment and see how your future changes for the good. Even the small changes are good, and you can make them one day at a time. And don't get overwhelmed because you don't have to turn your life upside down to make it count.
Are you feeling unneeded pain?
The Practice:
Minimize painful experiences.
© © Copyright 2019. Dr. Rick Hanson
“Let’s keep in touch,” she said breezily, as the evening ended. And I thought to myself that could get expensive for me, what with the therapy bills and all.
Been there? Ready to stop comparing yourself to others? Here are three things to keep in mind:
As I mentioned in my earlier article, The Rise of the Divine Feminine,our world is experiencing a profound energetic shift. The Divine Feminine is rising and changing the very fabric of life, affecting the way we work, make money, relate to one another, and more.
The old, primarily masculine way of operating in the world is no longer working. Years ago, hard work used to get us what we wanted. Nowadays, the harder we push, the less things flow. If you want to create abundance, love, and joy, it’s important to get in touch with your Divine Feminine energy.
Take a moment to think about Leo Buscaglia's quote. Have you ever thought about love this way – that you actually miss living your life if love isn't what your life is about?
An open heart is the key to a happy and successful life. If you want more love, passion, abundance, and joy in your life, it starts by opening your heart.
Opening your heart leads to deep, meaningful, authentic love with yourself, your partner (if you have one), family, friends, community, and life. When you open your heart, life becomes magical! It helps you feel turned on for life!
