How To Trust The Universe & Release What You What No Longer Serves You!

How To Trust The Universe & Release What   You What No Longer Serves You!

Do you set aside intentional time to reflect on the things that aren’t serving you anymore? 

In our quest for personal transformation and spiritual alignment, it’s easy to get caught up looking for what’s next. We put our attention towards what we want and where we’re going, and we forget that part of forward progress is cleaning house or “taking out the garbage.” 

Think of it this way, if you continued to fill your home with all of the new things you need and want – new groceries, new clothes, new furniture – but you never spent time clearing clutter and throwing out the old, you would be living in a state of disaster! 

The same is actually true for our inner worlds. If we don’t clear out the clutter, we don’t have space leftover for growth, expansion, joy, and a deeper connection to Spirit. 

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The Impact Of Betrayal Trauma Caused By A Narcissist

The Impact Of Betrayal Trauma Caused By A Narcissist

People in relationships come to trust and believe in the other person in the relationship. Narcissists use this trust in a destructive way when they feel that the partner is doing anything that may potentially be harmful to them. However, given that the narcissist sees everything from a very distorted lens, even helpful behavior from the partner can trigger the narcissist to betray the partner in many different ways.

The Cycle Continues
Often adults who are narcissists had a very dysfunctional relationship with their own loved ones. This is often a parent caregiver, typically a mother, who was not there to support the child and who caused damage and harm in that mother-child relationship. The child may experience his or her betrayal trauma in the dysfunctional relationship. Over time, the child may decide that the best way to protect themselves is to leave immediately, attack, distance themselves, or stay emotionally unavailable.

The new adult partner does not realize this dynamic is in play. Instead, they often see a confident, loving, and almost doting partner, at least in the first stages of the relationship. Then, slowly, the exploitive nature of the narcissist begins to come to the surface, often through controlling, verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive behaviors. In some cases, physical abuse may also be present.

The Power of Intermittent Reinforcement 
To avoid the partner leaving, the narcissist often uses a process known as intermittent reinforcement. It is a process that uses random, unpredictable rewards and positive experiences to motivate people to stay through negative experiences. A prime example of the power of intermittent rewards is gambling, particularly for those with gambling addictions. Even though gamblers only win randomly and infrequently, the positive feelings associated with that win keep them at the tables against all odds.

The same is true for many people in relationships with narcissists. Although there is more negative than positive, when the positives occur, they draw the partner back into the relationship. Unfortunately, this sets up the risk of another betrayal trauma as the narcissist reverts to ghosting, abuse, or a combination of damaging behaviors. In this way, the narcissist becomes both the source of the pain (emotional or other) and the solution (brief moments of intense connection).

Typical Signs of Trauma Bonding and Betrayal Trauma
The following signs are indicators of trauma bonding in the relationship or betrayal trauma after the relationship:

• A sense of connection exists – you continue to feel a strong connection to the narcissist despite the overwhelming negativity, control, and abuse.

• Need their validation – not only is there a sense of wanting to connect, but you may also want their approval or that brief period of time when you have hope there has been a real change.

• Accepting the unacceptable – you may find you accept the bad behavior and even minimize it or attempt to rationalize why it occurred, often blaming yourself for their issues.

• You feel sorry for them – the narcissist often creates a sense of being the victim and playing upon your sympathy and empathy.

• Defending the indefensible – you defend his or her behaviors to friends and family, even after they have betrayed and emotionally wounded you over and over again.

Most people find that betrayal trauma is made worse by accepting the narcissist back after being discarded. Often the narcissist comes back with a grand gesture, including stating he or she will go to counseling, only to set you up for another betrayal when they revert to their typical bad behavior.

Tips For Healing  
It is essential to recognize that betrayal trauma is likely to occur in a relationship with a narcissist. They create a trauma bond and make themselves vital to your life, and then they leave.

To begin healing from betrayal trauma, it is important to:

• Seek therapy – a trained therapist can help you to process the betrayal and reduce the impact of trauma on your life. As a licensed psychotherapist, I help clients through somatic experiencing, poly vagal exercises, tapping and other trauma modalities to heal the attachment trauma that occurs after a narcissistic relationship.

• Talk about the truth – it is essential to talk about your reality and experiences in the relationship in an honest way. Do not gloss over, rationalize, or make excuses for their bad behavior.

• Set goals – setting personal goals and working to be the best you is one of the most effective ways to work through trauma.

• Joining a support group such as my online group coaching program Wake Up Recovery.  There is nothing more powerful that not feeling alone after a toxic relationship.

Betrayal can damage your trust in others. Working through the thoughts and emotions around betrayal by a narcissist helps you to process these issues and move forward in your life.

Resources Reviewed 
 

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Enlightened Rebel: THE POWER OF TRUST

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I remember calling my father many years ago and asking him about the time change (Daylight Savings Time).
I wasn’t sure whether I needed to set my clock forward an hour or back an hour. After he so confidently gave me his answer, I questioned him, “Are you sure?” Being the subtle character that he was, my dad said to me, “Why did you call me if you did not plan to believe the answer I gave to you?” This experience has stayed with me most of my adult life, for I reflect about it
in a deeper way now. He was right, of course. Why would I call upon him if I did not have faith and trust in his answer? From various experiences with him in my youth, my father had rarely witnessed my total trust in him. I had seen him respond to so many events in such a reactive and insane way that I could never completely relax, let go, or be myself around him.
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How To Turn Obstacles Into Your Biggest Blessing

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We all go through those moments when we feel like giving up.

Whether you are facing a tough time in your relationship, struggling financially, or facing repeated failures in the pursuit of your dream…. Life can be challenging at times.

But anything worthwhile takes patience, perseverance, and effort. If it was easy everyone would be doing it. On the path of greatness, everyone is invited, but only a rare few have the courage and dedication to stay the full course.

If you are going through tough times right now, remember that it is a season, and no season lasts forever. Even your most difficult time will pass.

Trust.

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Trust Yourself

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Who do you trust?

The Practice:
Trust yourself

Why?

As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself – my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and vulnerable.

Not dangers of violence, as many have faced, but risks of being punished in other ways, or rejected, shunned, and shamed.

So, as children understandably do, I put on a mask. Closed up, watching warily, managing the performance of “me.” There was a valve in my throat: I knew what I thought and felt deep inside, but little of it came out into the world.

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A Reservoir of unlimited power

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Once we realize that only we are responsible for our own happiness, our world changes. We stop playing the blame game. We know and understand that we have the power to overcome our weakness, and fetch for ourselves, a true and genuine state of happiness. 

Many situations come in our lives, which take us to this unimaginably delightful level of happiness, yet no matter how marvellous the experiences are, they never last. They are transitory.
We need to create happiness on a conscious level and there are various ways of training our minds to do it.
 
TRUST THE HIGHER POWER
When you trust in the power and the wisdom of your sub conscious to guide you, and direct your ways, you become calm and relaxed. You radiate peace and joy and become, a conduit of happiness.
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Learning to Trust in Relationships

In a Time of Social Distancing and Social Media, Trust Remains Key In a Time of Social Distancing and Social Media, Trust Remains Key

The pandemic has created new rules for dating, with more people relying on technology to start relationships. When it comes to finding love and maintaining strong bonds, however, one thing has not changed: the need to establish trust.

Whether it’s romantic, friendly, professional, or familial, trust is essential in any relationship. Yet it can be difficult to establish and maintain trust. Many people carry emotional baggage from painful experiences in the past that prevent them from trusting others. Signs of lack of trust may include:

  • You aren’t sure you matter to the other person.
  • You have nagging doubts that your spouse or partner really loves you.
  • When they seem distant, you imagine it must be because of you (even though it may have nothing to do with you).
  • You fear you’ll be dumped at any time.
  • You find yourself fixating on these feelings.


If you have a persistent fear of being left or dumped, this may undermine the foundations of any type of relationship. If you feel lack of trust is a big problem for you that requires counseling, please seek it out. But if you’re simply looking to strengthen a relationship and increase your ability to love and trust, here are some things you can try:

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What To Do When You Feel Like Giving Up

fresh-plant-growing-out-of-concrete-picture-id497518946 What To Do When You Feel Like Giving Up

We all go through those moments when we feel like giving up.

Whether you are facing a tough time in your relationship, struggling financially, or facing repeated failures in the pursuit of your dream…. Life can be challenging at times.

But anything worthwhile takes patience, perseverance and effort. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. On the path of greatness, everyone is invited, but only a rare few have the courage and dedication to stay the full course.

If you are going through tough times right now, remember that it is a season, and no season lasts forever. Even your most difficult time will pass.

Trust.

Your challenges are gifts in disguise sent by the Universe to strengthen your character. Your dreams chose you for a reason. And your dream will take you on a journey of having to become the person who is capable of fulfilling the vision.

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You Are Enough – Trust and Surrender

iStock-1193218253 You Are Enough – Trust and Surrender
“No matter where you are, you feel at home, because that feeling of home is the Divine within you.”

When you are in a state of trust and surrender, you are acknowledging that there is an organizing principle taking care of you. You are accepting the truth that reality is on your side. You are defining your human experience as one in which all that you need will come to you. The more you relax into that receiving, the faster it shows up as a physical manifestation in reality.

Surrender allows you to relinquish your personal will and align with Divine will. Trust naturally arises from within through the gradual surrendering of your individual wants.

Conscious awareness, expanded mindfulness, acceptance, alignment, and harmony are all part of the greater awakening that tells you it’s okay to release your grip. Trust and surrender are whispering to you that you can end your suffering and find peace.

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Enslaved By Your Mind Or Embracing Your Inner Knowing?

spinning-girl-picture-id465353391 Enslaved By Your Mind Or Embracing Your Inner Knowing?
Are you stuck being a slave of your wounded self, or do you trust your intuition?

“Intuition is a sacred gift, the rational mind its faithful servant. Sadly we have thrown away the gift and have become enslaved to the servant.”  ~Albert Einstein

In Inner Bonding, we often talk about who is in charge—your wounded self or your guidance? Most people are enslaved by the thoughts and beliefs of their wounded self—their programmed mind. But the mind is meant to be the servant of our inner and higher guidance, not the master. Why do we too often throw away the gift of intuition – of our inner knowing?

Imagine living in a society where people trusted their intuition—trusted their feelings and their higher guidance. Could people in this society be easily controlled by government, religions, or the media? Obviously not, because when you trust your own inner knowing, you are not vulnerable to others’ manipulations and lies.

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How To TRUST The Timing of The Universe

TrustUniverse How To TRUST The Timing of The Universe

We all go through those moments when we feel like giving up.

Life can be challenging at times.

Perhaps you feel like you should be further along in life or facing repeatedly failures in the pursuit of your dream and feeling like your goals aren’t manifesting quickly enough.

Remember that anything worthwhile takes patience, perseverance, and effort.

If it was easy everyone would be doing it. On the path of greatness everyone is invited, but only a rare few have the courage and dedication to stay the full course and put in the consistent work it takes.

Greatness takes time.

And your patience will be rewarded.

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How to Find Your Calling: The 7 Shifts of Thinking to Practice

business-man-in-suit-with-cityscape-montage-picture-id488536442 How to Find Your Calling: The 7 Shifts of Thinking to Practice

How do you discover or trust your calling? Or live the life you most desire? Maybe the real question is what’s keeping you from everything you’re meant to be?

You may have noticed that we are living in inspired times. The job market and economy are changing; It no longer works to rely as heavily on external security. Still, there is a path of deep security. It’s your calling or passion. You were born to excel in your gifts. It’s exhausting to deny your inborn desires, your love, and quest for true expression. When you have a peacock inside you, you won’t be able to feed with the finches for long.

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Where Is God in This?

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When things aren’t going well, or the situation seems dire or extremely painful, we can call ourselves back from the cliff edge of despair with the simple inner question: “How is God present in this?” There are no coincidences, and our lives play out with our soul’s wisdom and God’s overview. Everything was chosen for our greater soul evolution before we even came into this lifetime. God is the midwife and helpmate in each situation. Actually, we are God, in the deepest part of our being. Everything that happens is meant to bring us to greater awareness and move us further along on our soul path. If we didn’t experience the poignancy of life, we wouldn’t be able to recognize and relish the joy. They are both part of the miracle of being alive on this Earth in the middle of a whirling mysterious cosmos, which at its heart is God as well.

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How? The one word that stifles manifestation

happy-couple-of-kids-dream-of-a-home-picture-id859254286 How? The one word that stifles manifestation

Someone asked me today what my “secret” to manifesting is, and quite simply the answer is “I remember that at the quantum level what I’ve asked for IS already mine.”

In the “field” we are ALREADY connected to that which we desire.

When you spend your time in a state of deep gratitude, for whatever it is that you seek, you are affirming and living as if in such a way that it manifests more quickly into the 3-D world.

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Trusting Who We Are (audio)

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The sign of spiritual freedom is a deep trust in our essential nature, and in the light of awareness that lives through all beings.  This talk explores the conditioning that entraps us in a trance of separation and believing in a limited self.  We then explore the evolutionary shift in identity that is possible as we deepen our attention and presence to the life that is here, and the loving awareness that is the source of existence.

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Fear of Flying—Let Go, Let God

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I used to be the classic “white-knuckle flyer.” I was in such a terrified state that I would clutch the armrests and tightly squeeze my partner’s hand to the point of cutting off her circulation. And this wasn’t only during episodes of turbulence; it was at every takeoff and landing and throughout the flight. Anti-anxiety drugs like Xanax or Valium had little effect. Wine only made me sleepy. Visualizations and positive affirmations couldn’t touch the core of my fear. I was convinced I was going to die at every sound or movement of the plane. It took courage to keep flying in the face of that, but I did. Still, no matter how I tried to reframe airplane travel, I remained stuck in my mind’s perceptual prison of danger and unease.


That is, until I met Panache Desai. It wasn’t just the expansive spiritual framework that he introduced me to. It was the experience of God that I first had through his programs and in his presence. The terror of infinity/eternity I had felt since childhood (which was probably feeding my fear of flying) gradually softened into tentative trust in something greater than my own singular life—and finally faith. I began to experience infinity as God, as a peace-filled spaceless space, which, if I surrendered to it, completely enfolded me in its loving embrace. It was an experience of the soul not the mind. That is what changed everything, slowly but monumentally.


I gradually began to fly without fear. At takeoff, I would relax into the power of the energy that was lifting me into space. It was exhilarating instead of terrifying. When the plane floated downward toward the landing strip, my consciousness floated with it. During the flight, I started to look out the window to see the worlds we were passing through instead of staring straight ahead or sitting rigidly with my eyes closed. Prairies and mountains, rivers and lakes, constantly changing clouds, sunrise and sunset, all were visible beyond the plane’s windows, and I had refused to look for years. Suddenly, I couldn’t stop looking, and I began to request window rather than aisle seats. I was Alice stepping through the looking glass into the full magic of life on (and above) Earth.

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Show Up, Be Open

Show Up, Be Open
At times we approach our lives with reluctance, dragging our feet. Attached to the past, apprehensive about the future, we are not fully present to what is happening now. Fear or regret keep us trapped in a repetitive pattern of non-acceptance and non-alignment with the events of life. From the outside, we may look like we’re here, but in truth we are absent. We’ve closed the door to possibility and locked it tightly, believing we are protecting ourselves from disappointment or disaster. However, in shutting down, we lose connection to the threads that tie everything together so perfectly in life’s tapestry. We feel lost and alone. Is it possible to get our bearings and experience connection once again? Absolutely.


In my own life, I find more and more that if I’m willing to be open to whatever is unfolding, that openness transforms my experience in completely unexpected ways. There is a magic that occurs when you just show up in life moment to moment without an agenda, a to-do list, or any preconceptions. In the stillness of Nature, this is easy, but recently I experienced it in one of the most crowded, noisy places imaginable: New York City.

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