It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us.
There is a method you can use to always say the right thing in every situation. To do this, you must practice speaking from your heart, instead of your mind. This method is both very empowering and effective.
Your mind is logical and is constantly trying to guess what the other person wants to hear, based on its perceptions of the other person. Your mind is creating conversation based on a series of guesses about what the other person is about.
Your heart and intuition are rooted in a higher level of intelligence. This part of you has a much deeper understanding of the person in front of you, even if you don't know them yet. This perception goes deeper than a person's appearance.
I'm using TV interviews as an example. Right before somebody says something really wise, they pause, and their eyes shift down for a second before they respond. This is a subtle cue that somebody is switching from logic to heart centered information. They know how to get answers from their hearts. These answers are both graceful, and endearing. Celebrities learn to adapt to this method because a positive personal image is very important to the success of their career.
Most people innately know how to do this. I believe we would have more success in our communications with others if we did it more. I personally make an effort to do it as much as possible. I have been surprised on many occasions on the direction my conversations go, when allowing my heart to dictate the dialogue. I have had spiritual conversations with taxi drivers, and business conversations with psychics.
I sometimes wonder how I am perceived by others, when all they have to go by is jeans and a T-shirt. I believe we all know that there so much more to a human being, than the basic things we can see in the forefront.
Our minds come up with little stories in an attempt to box someone they see into an already familiar category. This strategy helps a person to feel more in control in the company of another person. The problem with this method, is that you're starting a conversation based on inaccuracy. Now you can see how important it is to check in with your heart and not just go off of assumptions.
How to speak from your heart:
Let go of the need to respond to a question quickly. Take a breath first, find your center, and allow your response to rise from the center of your chest. Stay grounded and present. Really listen to what the other person is saying and don't allow yourself to be distracted. Use the 'namaste' approach by viewing the other person is a divine soul, rather than jeans and a T-shirt. This will help the other person to be more open and relaxed with you. This also keeps the conversation fluid and easy.
The approach of speaking from your heart works perfectly every time. You may have to be mindful, and more deliberate as you get used to doing this. Soon it will be second nature, and a way of life. You will be so adored and everyone will want to know your secret.
Empowering Communication in the Face of Potential Conflict
Communication is one of the most important components of a happy and healthy relationship. Often times, people hold things in instead of talking about them. They do this because of their fear of conflict. When things go unsaid, resentment builds up. The other person doesn't know there is a problem because you haven't told them. If you let frustration build up towards another person, it will probably turn into a fight.
Do you have something you need to say to somebody but you're not sure how to say it? Is there something eating you up inside and you don't say anything because you're afraid of a potential conflict? Wouldn't it be nice if there is a way to say whatever was on your mind when you run into a conflict?
Well there is, and it is really simple. The communication super tool that helps you say anything you need to say while creating a well-received delivery, is kindness.
To be able to use this technique effectively, you must change your perception. Instead of seeing two sides to a conflict, you must just see one side. This is the side of love.
Before you are able to be kind, you must make sure you are not angry. Have compassion for the other person and their position. Treat everyone as you would a friend. Ask yourself how kindness would express the problem you're having. Ask yourself how you can phrase your concerns kindly. A kind delivery will not only be heard, but most likely well received. Most people tend to shut down in the face of hostility. Either they shut down, or become hostile themselves, in an effort to protect themselves. Remember they don't know something is wrong yet.
Everyone has different boundaries and expectations they bring into a relationship. Without knowing what these are, the other person may overstep without knowing it. Take this into consideration before you get upset with them.
Someone may go into heavy reaction and anger after you have expressed your concern with kindness. This may be an indicator of a serious emotional problem and potentially abuse through manipulation. If this happens more than once you may want to re-examine the relationship.
We are programmed and taught as children that making a mistake is a bad thing. You don't want to package your concerns like the other person is making a mistake. Kindness allows the person to make a shift in their behavior and view it as a positive improvement. Nobody likes to be in the hot-seat.
It is truly liberating to know you can express yourself freely. This means you'll never again harbor negative feelings inside yourself. This also means that more friendships can be salvaged. So many times friendships end over a disagreement that could have been worked through, if both sides would have been more kind.
This practice may be new to some people. It may take practicing, because you are used to handling things differently. It is worth the effort because you will get better results more quickly.
There is also a misconception that kindness makes you look like a doormat. There is a way to be firm and assertive while also being kind. Hostility and anger really don't yield positive results.
Put kindness into practice as often as possible and it will start to become second nature (if it is not already). Not only will this make your life smoother, but you will stay empowered and harmonius in your relationships with others.
"My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness." - Dalai Lama
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