Conflict is an essential part of life. It happens to us in every situation, whether it is within us or in our external zone. We are constantly bombarded with conflicting situations. Relationship conflict is what we are going to talk about, it could be with a friend, a relative, your child or spouse.

ONGOING CONFLICT

The conflict happening in our lives could be an ongoing situation, gnawing at the inside and creating a level of stress that continuously keeps mounting. This can affect health negatively and even affect longevity.

UNRESOLVED STRESS

This type of conflict can lead to resentment and further on to more unresolved conflict.

Most of the time, people tend to suppress their anger or their conflicting feelings, they simply go along with the others, to keep peace within their sphere of life. This doesn't really help. It just keeps brewing under the surface.

UNRESOLVED FEELINGS

People have a habit of shutting down a conversation, the moment it gets heated. They feel that by simply keeping quiet, things will get resolved. But we need to realize that by suppressing feelings, it does not lead to any answers.

Stress is something we all feel from time to time but it shouldn’t control your life.

In fact, you can take control of the stress by taking radical personal responsibility for the way you react to that stressful situation.

First of all, it’s vital to act out of integrity and silence the ego mind’s rantings, blaming everyone else for the pain and confusion.

Next, remove yourself from the situation if at all possible. Even stepping away temporarily has tremendous benefits.

We are all creatures of our own kind, unique to each experience. We react to situations according to our individual perception. We can actually say that we each one of us respond to stress in our own unique fashion.

Although most of the responses seem to have a universality about them, as basic human nature remains the same, yet I feel that our personal identity which reflects the uniqueness of our own persona also impacts our stress response in a given particular situation.

I think and feel that the most fascinating part of the human species is the individual status of each one of us. Of course in the lesser aware and lesser educated beings a commonality of thought does exist, but it is only the uniqueness of a person that truly impacts society and social norms.

With exams around the corner, I have so many students and parents coming in with their stress related queries, that I feel addressing this issue, by giving a general overview of this type of a stressful situation is imperative.

Most students on a survey reported that they felt completely overwhelmed by stress. In today's fast track competitive world, they feel their stress levels are definitely exceeding their ability to cope with stress. They felt their lives completely negatively affected in terms of their sleep patterns, eating habits, and their exercising habits.

A study conducted by the American Psychological Association found that much of the college stress had it's origins in high school. Chronic stress persists and continues to travel with them to college years and leads to academic disengagement and in some cases even mental health issues.

High school students of course carry immense pressure due to trying to make career choices and other important life changing plans for their futures. The main issue they are battling of course is competition.

We are getting into February and still thinking of the New Year in terms of rejuvenating, here I feel that the mind, body, spirit connect is essential.

Earlier for me, the evolution of the mind and soul seemed to be of the utmost importance, and my "divine love" seeking spirit, spent every iota of my breathtaking Self, in evolving at that level only. But I feel now that, as my own Consciousness and awareness changes, it is very important for me to share with my readers, the importance of improving our physical bodies.

It's time to step into February, as the concept of the newness of the year has already receded into the background and we are well entrenched into our many wayward ways which slowly start weaving their stress laden tentacles into our freshly rejuvenated spirits.

I would just love to laugh this off as a passing thought. A wave of the hand and a total ignore of a state of mind. I wish i could let such a level of comfort take over for the moment.

But we do realize that as the initial euphoria of our resolutions wears off, the chinks start appearing, and the slow rise of small stresses begins to show up, we need to start using our skills to take charge of our lives.

Of course all of us over the years have found various paths according to our temperament, of stress relief. We all develop skillfully our own innovative ways of dealing with stress.

Research has shown that the most successful way of finding stress relief, is found by people who keep their journey on the Spiritual path.

With the newness of the new year settling into our system, we are learning to become comfortable, not only within ourselves, but also with our environment and our social scenario. 

Everything around us is changing constantly, but of course it does not imply that we must change with it. If the change occurs as a part of our own level of consciousness, it is of course desirable, yet if it is only on the periphery or on the surface it becomes meaningless and actually a negative hindrance to our own level of self growth.

Stress can never completely disappear from our lives. We cannot just definitely say, Abra ca dabra, clap our hands, and the stress is gone. No, this is a constant, ever moving process. We cannot even say that it will disappear completely. Sometimes we need to strike a truce with it.

"I Wish" is enough of a statement. As we step into a New Year, we always have mixed feelings."I want this" "I wish I could have this" "My this year's resolutions" "My this year's activities "

Each one of us comes up with our own Wish List and our own unique ideas on what the New Year holds for us. Which direction do we choose, or do we choose at all. In today's world I feel every thinking individual does like to believe that he is giving himself a chance for the better, in every which way.

Each one of us is geared towards getting the maximum from their own lives in terms of happiness and success.

According to me, I will give my readers an insight from my own personal perspective on which direction they should take, and how to go about achieving a happy and stress free life.

We are all getting geared to step into the New Year. The thought of any kind of stress getting carried into the next year is really not very exciting. . I am going to suggest a few things we need to change about ourselves in order to step into a happy new year.

We do keep hearing this phrase very often, and I do believe in it, the fact that "Change is the only constant." But I also believe that the change must be positive. This of course is only in our own hands. We have to keep the focus of our minds and our thoughts running in the right direction.

EXAMINE YOUR EMOTIONS

I think its very important for us to be aware of our emotions. Negative emotions like anger, most specially disturb our equilibrium. They tend to give us acute stress in spurts, which if it turns into a habit, turns into chronic stress.

Last week, I found myself getting open, honest and vulnerable with a colleague. She then did the same. It was amazing, really. It was a moment of unexpected intimacy between the two of us. Our interaction was candid and real. We both needed to vent out stress over a situation. I’ll spare you the details, but it made me wonder why we don’t question our beliefs and perceptions more?

When I was a kid, I questioned everything.

Why do I have to? Where am I going? How do I know that’s true? Why can’t I do it differently? If I do this, why does that happen? Why, why why…?

And what we learned from the answers to these questions formed our map of life.

Being busy seems to be the norm of today. Earlier, yes it was an exception but in today's world,  the rules of life seem to have changed. Being overwhelmed by this situation is clearly not an option, you will just be tired and on a low energy platform, and go into a chronic stress situation.

THE IMPORTANCE OF STRESS RELIEF

We do realize that in order to keep a balance in our day to day life, stress relief is very important. We need to take on newer habits and discard old ones. We need to circulate the energy within. Stuck energy is stagnant and does not allow positive growth. We just need to move our energy.

In late November, I had an odd sensation in the night of not being able to breathe properly or easily, especially when lying flat. Upon going to urgent care, I was told that I had a small amount of fluid on my left lung. This led a three month fall into a dark hole of worry, as the common causes of fluid on the lung are serious: congestive heart failure, a pulmonary embolism, or the appearance of lymphoma, just to name a few. My doctor sent me to the emergency room which ruled out these serious conditions. Though I kept getting better, no one could find a cause. It took five weeks before I could sleep lying flat again.

In early March, I went to a pulmonary specialist to follow up. He was very kind and a thorough listener. After many questions, he brought me beside him to look at all my medical films through the years. Then, he quietly said, “I don’t think you ever had fluid on your lung. The abnormal shape of your left lung is the result of scar tissue from your rib surgery thirty years ago.” His best guess was that I contracted something viral that had passed its course.

For 11 months out of the year, we focus our energy on working, raising the kids, maintaining our relationships – both romantic and platonic, and trying to live as balanced a life as possible.

In the midst of juggling all of these responsibilities, we go through periods of neglecting and/or feeling neglected by our significant others; feeling under-appreciated by our immediate family; emotionally and physically distanced from our closest friends; disappointed with what’s going on at work; and disconnected with the most important person of all: ourselves.


Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, we find ourselves adding time, energy and money exponentially to all the people we didn’t get to spend as much time with as well as the ones who are the most important. We celebrate the season with countless holiday parties, grab bags and Secret Santa gifts. Ugly sweater parties and “catch up” drinks with friends we rarely get to see.

We seem to realize over time that, every few days we need to rejuvenate in order to keep our lives on track. The environment, our lifestyles, our relationships, our day to day nitty gritty activity, they all seem to take a toll on us. We need to re assess everything that is going on within us and around us.

Once we have done this initial assessment, then we need to plan on how we spend our time. The key factor here is, how we commit our time so that nothing is wasteful. We are intrinsically being true to ourselves and to the world around us.

COMMITMENT WITHIN

Stress only accumulates when we are giving too much of ourselves to the world around us. We need to know how to balance ourselves. Our commitments should be within the boundaries of our own inherent temperaments.

Each one of us is born with a certain nature which is inherent within us. We need to constantly keep in touch with ourselves, to be aware of our own inner level of awareness.

INTRINSIC SELF AWARENESS

This will control the unnecessary use of our mind stuff on petty tasks that did not require our attention, and give us unnecessary uncalled for stress. 

Here we are! The “almost” end of the calendar year, stepping into the last month of 2018 and winding down to regroup again for 2019. This is holiday party- gift-giving- peppermint schnapps snorting- eggnog and cookies snuffling- too much of everything time etc. etc. And, even if you are all gung-ho for the festivities, if you are a highly sensitive person, or an empath this is not the easiest energy for you to manage.

What? You don’t like to be at the mall surrounded by crowds of people grabbing for sale mittens and toaster ovens and that wrong cologne you thought your other half liked? It’s true some people can handle the holiday rush but others- not so much!

If you are like many sensitive people, going shopping amongst a throng of busy frantic people might be emotionally and energetically debilitating. And, because sensitive people have porous boundaries, turning into sponges and soaking up the energy of the world whether you can see it or not could make even going to the grocery store a huge anxiety event. Ever walked out of a store because you got too overwhelmed by all the stuff? I have to say even at the quietest times of the year I still can’t handle the big home specialty store (starts with an “I” and ends with “kea” hint hint) well. I always have to have a nap after the hours of hypnotic Swedish named gadgets turn my brain to mush and because I need to clear off the energy of the shoppers that feel like invisible invaders creeping under my skin with feelings that are unlikely mine own. What on earth? Whose yucky energy did I pick up in the sofa section? OMG, I got lost following the floor arrows.

Am I shy of being myself or am I wary of projecting who I am truly from within?

Is social acceptance such a huge issue with me that it makes me wear a mask all the time?

Keeping up appearances does inevitably take a toll on us. These are questions we need to constantly keep asking ourselves. There are answers we are constantly seeking. We need to first and foremost accept our ourselves, if we are seeking true happiness. We need to not be embarrassed about feeling differently from the crowd.

SOCIAL CONFORMITY

We normally just remain in an agreeable mode, just going along with the tide.
We can sense an inner sense of rebellion but we tend to quieten that voice as a sense of social conformity exists at a very high level within us.

ASSERTIVENESS

This can actually be explained as an ability to express oneself, to not allow our inner selves to be inhibited. To be appropriately open and honest. To project one's own persona objectively.

This feeling also comes to us with an increased feeling of self awareness, due to honest self acceptance.
To some people assertiveness comes naturally, but with some, those who are more shy and inhibited, it can be a learned skill.