The Universe is giving to you in every moment. Air is giving you life. Nature is giving you beauty. The sun is giving you light and warmth. So be bold and dare to ask for what you want, rather than silently suffering, thinking those around you should be psychic and know what you need. In this episode, I’ll share about the power of asking for what you want and the amazing gift in how to receive it.
While still very much an extrovert, I’m an observer by nature, and recently I have been watching the emotional triggers I see happening around me. I get that not one ounce of what’s happening right now is fun or funny, but here’s what’s important: we have to start moving into a place of empowerment despite the circumstances.
We can do this by continuing to dig in and find what is healing and nurturing to ourselves. Understanding your emotional triggers are hugely important if you want to live a life of alignment and real wealth.
Understanding Emotional Triggers
I wrote my first book, The Emotion Behind Money, because I was noticing that the things happening around money really had nothing to do with money itself. It had way more to do with the emotions behind our money. This massive discovery became part of my message, ultimately leading me down this rabbit hole now 15 years later where I have really started to pay attention to the emotional side of money… and people’s emotional triggers.
Don’t get me wrong, I love John Lennon and I love the Beatles, but their song “All You Need is Love,” a lovely sentiment to be sure, is also far from the truth.
The wild and wonderful state of “being in love” is natures greatest trick to get us to keep the species going, but it’s no predictor of a long term, happy, satisfying relationship.
We need more than just love to make love work.
I like to call being in love “the socially acceptable form of insanity.”
Feeling LONELY and feeling ALONE.
Any of you felt either of those?
The conversation that I wanted to have today is around the difference between being alone and being lonely.
Being alone means that you are solitary. You are by yourself. You are isolated, you are in a solitary space. There are no people around you.
Being lonely is a feeling of sadness or abandonment or disconnectedness.
Sometimes people use a word that does not really fit what they are trying to describe.
Alone is being by yourself.
Lonely is a feeling that you have.
You can be lonely and be at a big party. You can feel lonely when you are with somebody that you love. My point is that loneliness is the feeling and being alone is the physical-ness of being solitary.
However, you are never actually alone.
We all have angels and we all have guides that are always with us. So, we are never actually alone.
So, if you are struggling with loneliness, that is something that is a feeling versus when you are feeling alone.
And I just want to make sure you understand that distinction.
When the shelter-in-place and quarantine mandates were implemented due to the COVID pandemic, I began offering Free BodyAwake Yoga sessions online to help people stabilize and ground the energies present during this uncertain and challenging time.
Recently this past week, as turbulent energies and upheaval are spreading across the United States, I’m even more dedicated to offering this sacred practice at a time when it’s needed more than ever.
In yoga, one often hears the phrase “Namaste” spoken at the beginning or end of each class. Namaste is a traditional Indian greeting, meaning, “The Divine Light in me recognizes and honors the Divine Light in you.” The term literally translates to “I bow to you.”
Another phrase for ‘squid’ is ‘energy vampire.’
“Squid is my word for people who seem to be missing their backbones but possess myriad sucking tentacles of emotional need.” —Martha Beck
When your intent is to get love, rather than to be loving to yourself and share your love with others, you are a ‘squid.’ When you are not in the moment-by-moment process of learning what is loving to yourself, and taking loving action for yourself, you are abandoning yourself and creating an empty hole within. This empty hole needs love, and you will try to get it from others in any way you can.
The Neediness Creates An Energy Pull
Others might not be fully conscious of the energy pull from you, but they will generally back off nevertheless – as your pull unconsciously feels yucky to them. Of course, you might find someone who is such a caretaker that they stay and let themselves be drained by you, but you need to know that people who allow themselves to be drained and used by you have strings attached to what they give. They have a huge expectation – expecting you to love them and fill their emptiness as well. Both of you will inevitably be very disappointed.
I don’t know about you but lately it seems that everyone I know is totally stressed out – not just from their own lives but from the “frequency in the field.”
From the racial tensions and the horrific killing of African American men, women and children, to Covid-19 and the global pandemic, along with the economy and money worries, most of us are stressed to the max.
Even if you are safe, and your life is peachy right now, chances are you are picking up on the energies of those around you.
It’s almost unavoidable.
This is why I am such a big advocate for all of us to become daily “pleasure puppies” and find ways each day to consciously choose to reduce our stress levels and add more pleasure.
Today I thought we would talk about how to listen to your body and how to pay attention to what your body is saying. Or maybe the other side of that is … how to know that your body is saying something because you are not paying attention.
Have you had experiences where you know your body is trying to get a point across … and maybe you’re not listening very well, or maybe it just keeps getting just a little bit worse and a little bit worse and a little bit worse?
30 years ago, I read a book that kind of turned my mind around on the separateness between our bodies and our spirits. It was called You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. She talked about how all these different physical manifestations meant something on an emotional level … and that you could discover what the emotional level was … and if you worked through those things, then the physical manifestations would be released out of the body.
I've Been Thinking...
Just a few months ago, I was sitting at Kobe Bryant’s memorial service in LA listening to one speaker after the other talk about Bryant’s role as a “girl dad.” My eyes welled up with tears as I listened to them reflect on how his embrace of that moniker had affected how they viewed their own daughters and roles as fathers. In the weeks after the service, it seemed like everywhere I turned, men were proudly owning that title.
I couldn’t help but reflect on my father at that time. He, too, was a “girl dad,” but when I was growing up, being a “girl dad” wasn’t a thing.
I grew up as the only girl surrounded by brothers, and the message I often got was to be like a boy. Be as tough as a boy. Be as competitive as a boy. Be as athletic as a boy. Be as competent as a boy. The "in thing" was to be a "boy dad."
Even though I went to an all-girls school, dads weren’t applauded the way they are today for showing up and being present in their daughters’ lives. I say this not to bemoan or complain, but to celebrate this moment and to illustrate how much things can change in one person’s lifetime. I know we have a long way to go before parenting roles are equal, but I think it’s an awesome thing for men to be encouraged in their fathering—not just for their own kids, but for so many others in need of fathers as well.
Studies show dads who are present in their child’s life make a difference. Engaged fathers produce more confident daughters. Evolved, kind fathers show their sons a new way forward. Loving, nurturing, encouraging fathers show their daughters what manhood can look like, and what to expect in a man if she chooses to be with one.
Today, I am in awe when I see fathers pushing strollers, dancing with their daughters or doing their hair, standing with their sons while they cry and telling them it’s ok. I am moved when they proudly tell others that they took paternity leave or stand up and fight for it for others. I’m so happy that we have come to this place.
Who are you, deep down?
Know you’re a good person.
For many of us, perhaps the hardest thing of all is to believe that “I am a good person.” We can climb mountains, work hard, acquire many skills, act ethically – but truly feel that one is good deep down? Nah!
We end up not feeling like a good person in a number of ways. For example, I once knew a little girl who’d been displaced by her baby brother and fended off and scolded by her mother who was worn down and busy caring for an infant. This girl was angry at her brother and parents, plus lost and disheartened and feeling cast out and unloved. She’d been watching cartoons in which the soldiers of an evil queen attacked innocent villagers, and one day she said sadly, “Mommy, I feel like a bad soldier.”
“When you can meet yourself without expectation and just relax into who you are here and now, others are freed to do the same thing.”
When was the last time you got lost in a good book? Or baked an apple pie “for no reason” and then savored each hot sweet bite? Or spent time in nature … Or sat down at the piano … Or played racquetball … Or consciously did whatever it is that makes you feel a sense of connection and pleasure?
In all likelihood, you were not conditioned to make your well-being a priority, to extend love and respect to yourself. You may have learned to give all your love and kindness to others, making their happiness the barometer of how worthy you were of that same love and kindness.
Love is not about having, needing, controlling, achieving, or getting something. It is about the direct experience of the Essential Self. When you access that internal reservoir, it can extend outward to others with simplicity, compassion, and warmth.
Once there was only one ball, and it hypnotized us. It seemed to cause our joy and pain and our pleasure and misery. It seemed to cause everything, and everything depended upon it. That ball was the world.
Now another ball has appeared, and it has become the new star of the show. The show is human evolution. This new ball is our interior experiences. Previously we did not pay attention to them until they became too painful to ignore, for example, our rage, jealousy, or grief. We never thought about them in the context of our evolution. On the contrary, they hindered our ability to evolve – to manipulate and control ball one (the world). Now ball two (our interior experiences) is more important to our evolution than ball one!
Covid 19 and the murder of George Floyd have changed our world forever.
Not just in North America but around the globe. Billions of people are experiencing these shared traumas. We literally are all in this together.
No one knows when (or if) it will be safe again to sit shoulder to shoulder at a Broadway play or a concert or attend sporting events that once had as many as 70,000 crazed fans cheering on their favorite football, baseball, hockey or soccer teams.
What we do know is that life goes on and we will find ways to adapt to a new normal.
For those of you who are single, and have been quarantined alone, wishing you had a soulmate, life partner, best friend, lover and safe place to land person to share it with, I have some good news: it’s never been easier to manifest your soulmate than right now.
In these challenging, expanding, painful and hopeful times, what can YOU do?
If you are feeling the fear, the sadness, the pain, not knowing what to do, how to show up, what to say or not say … I hear you.
When I went within and asked Spirit to guide me … when I asked Love what it would say, this is what I received. This is my message to me … and I thought it might be of service to you too.
Ask yourself this question: “What Would LOVE Say/Do?”
- Be the Change you wish to see – no excuses. Embody it! Whatever that change is, be it.
- Look within your own thoughts, mind, and heart. Observe your judgments, fears, and anger. Dig into why and where they came from and do what YOU need to do to release and heal them. Get educated, own your errors, step up and help.
- Create Connection, Unity and Oneness. Separation and division are the absence of connection. We as Human Beings are all connected. We are one and we need to stand together and BE ONE! What hurts another, hurts the whole.
- Focus on the actions as despicable, unacceptable, and deplorable; not the person. We each must consider our own past behaviors and know that they don’t define who we are today. This is the same for everyone else. Give some grace and know that we, as a human race, can do better.
Your parents may not be perfect human beings, as they too are souls on this journey of life and are here to learn lessons like you.
But what if you have the perfect parents for your soul’s growth and evolution in this lifetime?
Relationships with parents can be some of the most challenging and difficult to navigate.
Ask yourself: What are the lessons that your soul is seeking to learn with them?
They give birth to you, raise you, and impact so much of who you become.
They simply did the best that they knew how to do at that time of their lives, even though it may not have been what you wanted.
It’s highly unlikely they woke up each day thinking about how they could cause you the most suffering. Likely, they were in pain themselves.
Hurt people tend to hurt other people, and the cycle continues.
You can break the cycle and take your power back.
People often ask me how they can know whether or not someone they are dating is really an open and caring person.
“He seems open and caring, but how can I know? My last guy seemed really open until we started living together and then he was always angry. I don’t want that to happen again,” said Kiera in a phone session.
“Have you and your boyfriend had significant conflict yet?”
“No, we’ve only been dating for two months.”
“Two months is generally not long enough to know whether or not someone is open and caring. And you can’t really know until you have a conflict and you see how he responds. You need to know if he uses anger, withdrawal, resistance, arguing, explaining, defending, compliance and so on. And, if he does these protective things, how long does it last? Some people get immediately closed, but then in half an hour or so they open and are ready to learn and resolve. Others can stay closed for days, weeks or even longer. Of course, it’s ideal when someone is immediately able to stay open to learning in conflict, but most people haven’t done the inner work to be able to do this. However, if they open sooner rather than later, then things can be worked out. But if they want to sweep things under the rug and act like nothing happened, or stay distant until you apologize, this isn’t good news.”
Dating is an integral part of socialization for single adults of all ages. The sudden escalation and impact of coronavirus around the world have created a challenge for those who are just starting in a relationship or those who perhaps have finally made the decision to start dating again.
There are some very important issues to consider with the very real presence of the coronavirus. Experts in public health and epidemiology recommend social distancing is a key factor in not only preventing contact with the virus but also in limiting the spread of the virus throughout the population.
Social distancing is particularly crucial for those in high-risk groups or individuals living with or working with people in high-risk groups. The high-risk groups identified currently include those over 65 years of age, anyone living in a nursing home, people with chronic health issues, those immunocompromised from cancer treatments, organ transplants or other diseases, and those with pre-existing health issues related to lung disease, heart conditions, diabetes, or chronic types of illnesses.
Family members of these individuals or those who provide healthcare or daily care services for these groups need to be especially careful. The general public also has to be very aware of how their interactions with each other increase the risk of the high-risk groups being exposed to one or more people carrying the virus.
“To bring about change, you must not be afraid to take the first step. We will fail when we fail to try." – Rosa Parks
I've Been Thinking...
It was just a few short weeks ago that I wrote that I didn’t think we were going back to “normal.
At the time, it had dawned on me that the pandemic had uprooted us in ways big and small and that those yearning to go back to the way things used to be were in for a surprise. I had no idea how uprooted we were about to get.
This past week, millions watched as America’s streets and cities erupted across the nation. Huge peaceful protests called for an end to police brutality and for overdue systemic change. For a moment, the message seemed to get drowned out by images of violence and looting, which left people deeply shocked and shaken. Elected officials called in the National Guard and imposed mandatory curfews. Meanwhile, citizens in these cities stepped in to clean up the mess. More importantly, though, citizens stepped up to show us the opportunity and the importance of this historic moment.
Relationships with parents can be challenging. Whether you have an amazing relationship or a difficult relationship with your parents, there are a few things to consider if you want to transform your relationship. In this episode, I’ll share some deep thoughts and possibly a different perspective that will help you live a life that is more joyful and meaningful for you and your relationship with your parents.
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