You're so nice!
"You're so nice!". I hear this phrase at least twice a day, and most of the time I don't mind and reply with the obligatory "Thank you.". Than there are the other times..the times where I do something "nice" that I really don't want to do. It's those times where I spew the words "yes, of course!" like a sweet venom. Sweet for the receiver but concealed with a dose of angst inside of myself about doing it.
I said "yes" to babysitting, and listened to a child whine over the amount of time it has taken me to get the Netflix show he want's on while contemplating why I chose this instead of getting my nails done. I have said "yes" to "loaning" money to distant friends while my gut told me that I would never see those precious dollars I had worked so hard for back. I have said "yes" to dinners with people that suck my energy dry and make me want to repeatedly bang my face into the dish of pasta I'm eating while wailing like a small child. Why? because I'm "nice".
There is a fine line between nice and people pleasing; and days where I question "how nice am I really?" There is a price to pay for being unaligned with your true self and that price comes at a high cost. The cost is your mood, well-being, self-esteem, and resentment toward the people who lovingly complement how "nice" you are. Being your true self may not always look nice to other people. You may lose "friends" who are confused by your now unapologetic no, and this is ok. "No" is a gift to yourself, one where you can walk away knowing that you have not adjusted to anyone's expectation of who you are while comprising the dignity of your soul.
Today I made a promise to myself. The promise is this: "No" is a full sentence that does not need any form of apology or justification. If I lose a few of those affirmative compliments, the world will still go on and I will have more to give to those authentic "yes's" because of it.