Love. It’s that four-letter word that makes our world go ‘round.

Artists sing about love. Writers write about love. Painters paint about love. Protestors take to the streets carrying placards that plead for more love. And, every once in a while, a political leader stands up and speaks about the importance of leading from a place of love. (I wish this happened more often than it does.)

I believe in love big time. I also believe that we can all get better at loving ourselves and loving each other.

Love is easy and love is hard. Even if you’ve been burned by it, you still want to put your heart back in the fire. It’s just that good. It’s just that necessary. It’s just that vital to your health.

Because love is such a big topic, I talk to my kids about it a lot. I talk about what I’ve come to learn love is, and what it isn’t. The truth is, I don’t think we talk enough about the reality of everyday love. So often it presents itself to us in small moments, but we’re too busy to stop and notice that it’s there, much less give gratitude for it.

Late last summer, Gabriel Jebb had a long conversation with his sister that ended with her telling him that he would be a great father and maybe it was time for him to look into adoption or finding a surrogate. Instead, he dove into online dating where he quickly encountered health coach Kerry Tepedino and was blown away to discover that she came with a bonus of an awesome son, Grayson.

After their first dinner, they immediately knew that they wanted to see each other again, but it wasn’t until the second date, at a U2 concert, that the sparks really started to fly. That’s when Kerry knew that there could be something really special between them because Gabriel was wildly fun, extremely energetic, not to mention pretty darn handsome.

The secret to being interesting is simple: Stop focusing so much on yourself.

When you stop trying to be the most interesting person, and you become genuinely interested in others, you actually become more interesting.

The key to charisma is caring.

Much of our suffering happens because we get fixated on ourselves. It’s easy to get lost in your own emotions, thoughts, desires, wants and needs that we get so self-focused.

The other day, my brother Timothy spoke to a packed stadium as he opened the Special Olympics USA Games in Seattle.

As he talked about “taking a stand for inclusion,” everyone in the stadium rose to their feet. Tears filled their eyes. Hearts burst with inspiration. A friend who was there even told me that he left the stadium feeling more hopeful about humanity and our country than he had in ages.

Meanwhile that same night in Los Angeles, my friend Suzanne took her kids and a few friends to an open-air revival of the musical “Grease.” She said that she, too, was struck by the joy that filled the amphitheater. She, too, was moved by how easily everyone came together to enjoy themselves, to be kind to one another, and to be in community.

Someone once said, “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably, they’re both disappointed.”

If you’re marrying in the belief that it will make your life significantly better, then things probably aren’t great to begin with. Only you can make yourself happy and when you are happy, and you are with your soulmate/life partner, that is the icing on the cake.

That said, there are always ways to improve your relationship, reignite the fun and passion, and rekindle your commitment, especially when you understand the “real purpose of marriage.”

I hope you are enjoying the beginning of summer. I am literally moving very slowly into summer since I had a procedure a few weeks ago that has curtailed my normal activity.

Several years ago, I had a pain in the area of my lower abdomen which was so acute that at times I could not sit up straight. After seeing several doctors, they determined I had a growth on my ovaries. At the time, they treated it with antibiotics and made the decision to monitor it regularly. Since the mass continued to grow, this past February my gynecologist suggested I consult with a specialist. Not thinking anything of it, I scheduled the appointment in between my workout and work day. I figured the most the doctor would tell me was that I needed to have the growth removed, which, in my mind, would be a quick outpatient procedure.

Determined not to miss a beat in my day, I arrived at the specialist’s office juggling my iPhone and iPad. Now, I must admit that I was a bit taken aback when I found out that the doctor I was seeing was a gynecologic oncologist, located in the new “Cancer Institute” building of the hospital. However, I shook it off and kept my eye on the prize which was trying to get in and out in under two hours.

Friendliness is a down-to-earth approach that is welcoming and positive.

Friend or Foe?

The Practice:
Be friendly.

Why?

Friendliness is a down-to-earth approach to others that is welcoming and positive.

Think about a time when someone was friendly to you — maybe drawing you into a gathering, saying hello on the sidewalk, or smiling from across the room. How did that make you feel? Probably more included, comfortable, and at ease; safer; more open and warm-hearted.

There is one question that many of us, of all ages, are seeking an answer. People want to know if they will experience true love? I believe each of us can find a deep connection with a partner. We are all different and have unique needs. Is there a formula that can be used by each of us that leads to Love? Yes; I am going to share with you a plan that will clearly guide you to true love.

First you need to determine if you are ready to commit. Maybe you are on a path that is of self -discovery. You might be enjoying the sights and sounds with people that are not meant to be long term partners. Our lives are full of different lessons and cycles. Some adventures are for you alone to experience, and later share. 

If you believe that you are ready for a partner, make a very detailed list of what you desire. Imagine and describe the physical, emotional, spiritual and social requirements of your dream partner. Don’t spare the details. Sometimes people from your past can help you come up with the details.Sometimes people from your past can help you come up with the details. You might have already figured out what you don’t want. Describe what you do want. 

Unconditional Love

It’s never too late to start having the best sex of your life. As we women get older, we may begin to look our age, but we certainly don’t have to act like it – and especially not in bed. This is our time, and it’s the best time to own our sexuality.

Ten years ago, when I began dating a man 21 years my junior, I was terrified in anticipation of how our relationship between the sheets would unfold. I began to second guess my aging body. My breasts are original equipment and with age had lost their firmness and fullness. My poor eyesight meant I was blind to the long black hairs growing alongside my nipples. And my butt… well that piece of real estate looked more and more like the flat spatula I flipped my son’s pancakes with every morning. Truth be told, I had never been a big fan of sex and my body’s responsiveness – or lack thereof – led me to believe I was never built for eye-squinting, soul-shattering sex.

Here’s a big lesson as you build your most authentic life: Never say NEVER! Great sex has nothing to do with your age. It has everything to do with your degree of self-love and the relationship and connection with your partner.

I’ve been thinking about how to make each and every day matter. How to make each and every day memorable and meaningful.

If the last week or so has taught us anything, it’s that people are super fragile. All of us are, at one point or another. It’s hard to know what’s really going on inside the hearts and minds of others, including those we care about most. So, the most important thing any of us can do with our lives — and with the minutes of our days — is to try our best to make them matter for ourselves and for those we care about.

On this particular day, Father’s Day, I’m thinking a lot about my father and the memories we shared during the time we had together. I’m also thinking about all the other fathers I know who are stepping up, showing up, and trying to be as present as possible in their children’s lives. Happy Father’s Day to you!

Like motherhood, fatherhood is the job of a lifetime. And, like many mothers, there are fathers who also doubt themselves and struggle with their role as a parent. They wonder about their importance and their influence on their children. They wonder if they’re getting things right, or if they’re messing up. They ask themselves, “am I better at this than my own father was?” So many men tell me that’s their hope and their desire. They also wonder, “What will my children remember about me after I’m gone?”

You are allowed to outgrow people.

It doesn’t mean that you don’t love them. It just means that you are growing.

Not everyone will stay with you an entire lifetime and that’s ok. Holding back your light to make others feel comfortable is soul suicide.

The greatest gift that you can give the world is to be magnificent. You don’t need to make an excuse for your greatness. You don’t need to hide your light in order to fit in.

You attract people into your life because they were a vibrational match at that particular time. They reflected parts of yourself back to you.

However, as you grow and evolve, unless they grow and evolve, likely your connection will no longer be in alignment.

It can be painful to feel that you and the person that you love have gone in different directions and no longer connect in the same way.

We often hold ourselves back from growing out of false loyalty, over-responsibility and fear.

By the time you read this, Brian and I will be in Santorini celebrating our 20th wedding anniversary. It’s where we went on our honeymoon and decided it was time for another visit to this gorgeous paradise. I promise to share some photos when we return.

The roar of jet engines erupt and I’m propelled back in my seat as I take off, leaving behind a life I once knew. A beautiful chapter has come to a close, a new one has just begun. My long haul to Europe represents a bittersweet goodbye to a girl I have loved dearly over the past few years, and will continue to love for some time to come. As the world I knew shattered and the ground fell out from underneath me, my first thought was I’d never find my feet again. Now with a bird’s-eye view I can see with clarity that as my relationship began to fall apart, my life was falling together.

Every day we navigate many different relationships, with ourselves, with others, and with our lovers. Our relationships are a journey, an ever changing mirror as the essence of our love and companionship is reflected back to us through the eyes of our partner. If we look closely into the windows of our soul, we can discover who we are, where we’ve been, where we’re going and what we’ve learned along the way. Relationships are markers in a lifelong journey that can provide us greater understanding to the ceaseless transformation of our ever-evolving self.

Spiritual partnerships are partnerships between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth. They are for intimate couples and anyone who intends to become emotionally aware, self-responsible, and inwardly secure.

Spiritual partners help one another recognize parts of their personalities that come from love– such as gratitude, patience, and caring – and cultivate them by acting on them consciously. They also help one another recognize parts of their personalities that come from fear -such as anger, jealousy, and righteousness -and challenge them by acting from loving parts of their personalities (such as patience) when frightened parts (such as impatience) are active.

Seems like the stars and planets have clustered to bring pain to people’s love lives this past week. I’ve gotten many calls and emails from heartbroken people who are baffled and confused by unexpected “love turmoil.”

I don’t know what the celestial answer is, but I do know what to do and what not to do when the “Sh#t” hits the fan:

1) Don’t immediately react. Keep breathing.

2) Don’t automatically assume the relationship is over.Keep breathing.

3) Don’t assume you did anything “wrong” (unless you did, in which case google the best way to make a proper apology and do it). Simply saying I’m sorry is generally not sufficient.

4) Ask for a time when you can sit down and talk (ideally in person) and then be sure to REALLY listen:

Not too long ago, someone asked me why I hadn’t published my book, “I’ve Been Thinking…,” sooner. After all, I’ve been writing these essays and sharing them in The Sunday Paper for years, so I could have easily published it a year or two ago.

But, as I told that person, and as I’ve told others on this journey, I honestly couldn’t have put it out any sooner. This book came out when it was supposed to for me. It came at just the right time.

I think so many of us are in a rush these days. We’re in a rush to get on with things. A rush to get over things. A rush to be where we think we are supposed to be.

But, if I’ve learned anything, it’s that stuff happens when it’s supposed to in our lives, not always when we think it should. At least that’s been the case in my life.

What do you see when you look into the mirror of love?

Yesterday I was out doing errands around town when I looked down and noticed one of those little sweetheart candies in the parking lot near my car. Curious to see what it said, I peered down to make out the faint pink letters. It said: Soul Mate. As I was driving home, I thought about the many soul mates I’ve had in my life (including my amazing husband Marc) and what I’ve learned from all of those relationships. Even in the midst of the letdowns and struggles, my relationships have invited me to take a hard look in the mirror and to grow, heal, and forgive.

All of your relationships are a reflection of who you are and who you could be. So, if you want to improve the relationship you have or find great love, you must take a close look in the mirror, be rigorously honest about what you see and what you’ve hidden and forgive.

Problems with sexual compatibility can arise when being honest and authentic with your partner are missing. Not all people who love each other are naturally sexually compatible. Sometime, as a couple, you have to ‘try’ and talk about what you each like – honestly. That is not always an easy thing to do because it exposes a deeper layer of who you are that might be judged by your partner or society.

Sex doesn’t have to be spontaneous. If you both have difficult jobs and 3 kids and community involvement, sex may not be a priority for one or both of you. Set aside time for it, and not when you are both exhausted. Try a morning or get a babysitter where you can drop the kids off (grandma). Mix it up. It doesn’t have to be in bed all the time.

Try something new and talk about it. Test you comfort zones. You have to do this together. You have to experiment together and you have to discuss this together.

Check out  the Free Training form Arielle Ford, Bestselling Author of The Soulmate Secret and Claire Zammit, Ph.D. Founder of Feminine Power: