While this might seem like a simple question, it has many subtle aspects to it.

I can’t tell you how often I hear from my clients that “I should be further along in my healing process,” especially when it comes to relationships.

Sophia is struggling with this:

“I’m finding my new relationship extremely challenging. After three years of being single, I thought I’d be further along with self-esteem challenges, but no! I can so easily find myself feeling needy with my partner AND abandoning myself – behavior that feels frightening and shameful. Suggestions on how to soothe myself in the moment? I do EFT and Heartmath exercises that help, but am still really struggling. Thanks!”

Sophia may have done much inner work during the three years she was single, but being in a relationship triggers old fears of rejection that likely never got triggered in the three single years. You can do a ton of work on yourself – learning how to take loving care of yourself in many different ways, but taking care of yourself in a relationship is a whole other thing.

One of the major human lessons today is learning to take our power back and reposition ourselves above the bullying and abuse that exists in the world.

Bullies and psychopaths are not just in the movies, they are real personality types. Manipulation and control are as addictive as heroin to these people. While they make horrible spouses and BFF’s, they are amazing spiritual teachers!

If a person has low self-worth or is lacking in self-respect they will attract these types of people and will probably get into a close relationship with them. They will keep these people close until they have learned the lessons they need to be more self-loving and self-respecting.

“I have had to parent my whole life, never really able to be a kid from my childlike mother to my son-like husband. Everything seems to depend on me doing the right thing and staying on the straight and narrow. My husband is saying he is going to leave for many years and I know it is the right thing, but I’m scared of facing ME, I don’t even know Loretta. What is one thing I can do to let go? After 18 years with my mother and 21 with my husband, dysfunctional relationships are all I know, despite my years of therapy and self-help books.”

If you were brought up in a codependent family system and learned to be a caretaker, it is likely that you do not know yourself. Despite years of therapy, this is the position I was in when our guidance brought us Inner Bonding, and this is the position Loretta is in:

Today I wanted to share a wonderful message I came across in that vast storage receptacle we call the Internet 🙂 The author of the following is unknown, but the message is powerful, nonetheless. Check it out:

We don’t meet anyone by chance. We meet the souls we were always destined to meet … we may take a different route at times, but pathways that are destined to cross, will always end up crossing. There are 5 types of soul connections that we can encounter through this journey, each with purpose and meaning. Here are the 5 types of soul connections. See if you have encountered any, or all…

When you first fell in love with your partner, the future was bright. You dreamt of doing everything together and creating memories for decades. In the months or years since, life threw challenges at you that made you reassess your future.

If your relationship doesn’t seem to have a path forward or you don’t feel fulfilled, the next step will be difficult, but not impossible. Read about when to say enough is enough so you can face potential heartbreak and exchange it for more happiness.

1. Frustration Replaces Joy

Everything’s easier when relationships begin, so it’s normal for that bliss to fade when your new love becomes your new normal. Even when you’ve been with your partner for years, your relationship should still bring you joy. When things aren’t going right, frustration could become a daily occurence.

Frustration often comes from a communication breakdown. Think about how you connect with your partner and look for healthy communication characteristics, like curiosity about each other and strong teamwork skills. What you find could point out why you feel frustrated with your relationship and current place in life.

The following 7 Golden Rules of True Self-Fulfillment are not the same as the laws that govern this world; nor are they what govern the lives of the vast majority of the men and women who crawl upon it. As is true of all creatures, these individuals have the life they serve; by law, their nature is their experience. 

These 7 rules are for those who wish to know, to be one with the Divine Life that is the unseen source of all that exists—so that by choosing, consciously to align with its immutable laws, and making whatever sacrifices that obedience calls for, they not only fulfill the needs of this Living Goodness but, by agreeing to do so, also fulfill their own highest possibilities at the same time. 

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2020 was a very emotional day for many of us. The news, rallies and campaigning, had created high expectations of revolutionary paths to justice and freedom.  Many of us were excited for a new beginning, a fresh start… but… the uncertainty and wait began.  As the day continued my reaction to the perceived disrespect against women, minorities and various other groups, clouded my mind and stressed my body.  I reconnected with a deep Karmic relationship; an old wound, in need of debridement. It was here I struggled to find the peace that honors our connection to each other and God.

In the middle of the day, I received a call from a person of trust in my family’s life. The conversation stirred up uncertainty and anger. In a raised voice, the caller made some very harsh comments. I listened,  until I reacted.

The insane conversation created the perfect alchemy, for a lesson in karmic relationships centered around respect and trust.

What’s up with these people?

The Practice:
Give them what they want.

Why?

Research shows that relationships are built from interactions, and interactions are built from moments. A critical moment in an interaction is when one person wants something from the other one. (“Wants” include wishes, needs, desires, hopes, and longings.) The want could be simple and concrete, like “Please pass the salt.” Or it could be complex and intangible, such as “Please love me as a romantic partner.”

Wants can be communicated in many ways. Gaze, touch, tone, facial expression, posture, and action speak volumes. Whether verbally or nonverbally, some people express their wants clearly, but many do not. The more important a want is, the more likely it will leak out slowly, or be expressed with a lot of distracting add-ons and emotional topspin.

Now what?!

Think of a significant relationship. How clearly have you expressed your own wants in it? How do you feel when the other person makes a sincere effort to give you what you want?

Every day, we are challenged to love what we’re given as much as what we want. We don’t have to like the things we’re given, but we need to find a way to accept them. And love is the surest way to deepen our acceptance. And so, we must stay devoted to getting up one more time than we fall down. To waking up one more time than we fall asleep. To being sensitive one more time than we are blunt and cumbersome. To listen one more time than we speak. To hold one more time than we drop what we’re holding. To aspire to be clear one more time than we are confused. To open one more than we close. And to lean into life one more time than we are pushed away. We may not always land in the open, but when we do, the tenderness we find is the earned fragrance of peace.

The more we are here everyday, the more I know how divinely orchestrated all of this really is. I may sound like a broken record because I am continually reinforcing certain messages that have not been heard or have not been allowed to land. 

I love you. I don’t just love the parts of you that you put on display. I love the parts that you have an aversion to or that you resist. My loving you, at some point, has to translate into your ability to cultivate an inclusive relationship with yourself. 

You have been falsely led to believe that there are certain aspects of you that are wrong or bad. And, as a result, you have invalidated yourself from receiving. When I wrote the book You Are Enough, I didn’t write it purely as a self-help book, I wrote it as a way for humanity to get itself out of every impending challenging scenario and situation that I knew we were about to face. 

Former president Theodore Roosevelt once said “Comparison is the thief of joy.” What I say is, “Comparison is the fast track to misery.” I want you to take a minute and think about this. Have you ever compared yourself to someone else and came out exactly even? I doubt it. It never or rarely happens.

Today I’d like to teach you how to stop comparing yourself to others so you end up feeling great about yourself and what you do have in your life, instead of bad about what others have and you don’t. 

Comparison is Natural

We almost always compare ourselves to someone that we think is better, smarter, thinner, taller, shorter, more attractive, better dressed, more popular, more famous, wealthier, or more successful.

The kind of control that actually blocks our ability to access spirit is when we try to control what we can’t control – such as others’ feelings and actions, and outcomes of events. We also block our access to spirit when we try to control our own feelings with our various forms of self-abandonment – staying in our heads, judging ourselves, turning to addictions, and making others responsible for our worth and safety. All these attempts to control lower our frequency and make it very hard to access our guidance. We cut ourselves off from the ongoing flow of love and truth when we lower our own frequency through our own unloving thoughts and actions.
I often hear from clients that they have a hard time connecting with their spiritual guidance, and they wonder why. They also get confused about when controlling creates a problem and when it doesn’t.