Each year brings new lessons and opportunities for growth.

Each year you are given is a precious gift from the universe.

Each year is a new canvas that you get to create, a work of art that is your life.

It’s not the change of year that makes the difference but who you are being and what you bring to it.

So what will you bring to 2020 that was different than the year before.

And who will you be differently this year?

One of the most important aspects of Inner Bonding is opening to a compassionate intention to learn. I’ve been thinking a lot about compassion, and I’ve realized that compassion is often more than people think it is.

Compassion does include the standard definition: the ability to feel empathy with another or others who are suffering, to be moved by the suffering and to want to help alleviate it.

Loneliness is one of the “problems” with growing. Sometimes, in order to connect with yourself, you have to separate from what you’ve known. The aliveness of love will ruin your chances of stagnation. It will call you out. Success demands loss.  Sometimes, we have to let go of waning definitions, circumstances, or relationships that no longer reflect us so that we can blossom wide…

I’d Rather Lose a Friend, than Lose Myself

So I’m moving on. I’m taking that love with me. I’m no longer looking for support where it’s not. I’m also not making myself wrong for wanting support. I don’t care how brilliant you are on stage, how many trophies line your walls, or how much money you sock away in investments, this I know. We are all fragile, especially if we’re courageous. Those of us who continue to grow, continue to step out onto new ledges. We continue to move beyond what we have known into the beckoning of uncertainty.

Is love on a global scale, for oneself and others, possible? I believe it is, despite evidence to the contrary. Let’s face it. The current planetary paradigm that we inhabit is based in limitation. From a very early age, we are taught to curtail our heart’s desires for fear they will be crushed within a skewed social matrix that does not allow universal self-fulfillment and growth. Most social constructs in our world are organized on a top/bottom basis. Whether you are at the bottom or top, your life is limited by the very fact of inhabiting a limited paradigm. What would it take to shift that paradigm, to make it inclusive instead of exclusive? How about a complete transformation in global consciousness? Because until the collective consciousness changes, we are all caught in a web of limitation.

There is joyousness. Our beloved Baba has left his body, and he is no longer in pain. He has been released from this storyline.  

There is sadness. We no longer get the warm embrace of his loving awareness in the human form. The feeling I got when our eyes locked was that of pure liquid love. It was too much for me most of the time, I almost always wound up looking away before he did. But I will miss it dearly. I will miss him dearly.

When I heard the news last night, I immediately had to sit and meditate. As I settled into my first round of “Ram, Ram, Ram,” I felt tears streaking down my face. A thought popped right up into my head, “Well, I didn’t think I’d be this sad.” I thought I was ready for this; I’m sure many of us thought we were. 

The holidays can be so much be fun!

Trimming the tree, old familiar traditions and the warmth of our family and friends. Those are the holidays… in a perfect world.

But, how many people live in a perfect world?

During this time of year, many are overworked trying to create the perfect holiday.

Shopping, cooking, cleaning, juggling in-laws and traditions that feel never ending… and when the whole thing is over you’re left feeling tired, empty and unappreciated.

Does this sound familiar?

It’s important to remember that when family comes together, stress is often sure to follow.

Let’s put an end to that this year!

Do you know how to enjoy the holiday and remain stress free in your natural state of love?

The key is to take radical responsibility for YOUR OWN happy holiday!

Imagine what an impact that would have on your entire family.

When your spouse or love of your life sees you in a relaxed state of love, imagine what they will feel.

And what about your children and grandchildren? When they see you truly enjoying the season, imagine how much better the holiday will be for them.

Have you ever flown in an airplane and listened as they tell you that in the event of a crash, you should put your own mask on first?

The same principles apply here. If you’re not consciously living in your natural state of love, you can’t help anyone else live in theirs!

Taking radical personal responsibility for your own Happy Holiday will have far reaching effects.

You’ll feel more relaxed and appreciative of the beauty of the season and so will those you love most.

Let’s get started:

Have you ever seen a child fall and is urgently warned “Be careful” when it is already too late, the accident has happened?

To be careful, often sends a message to be cautious but be responsible for a future you cannot control.

Be careful, is telling you there is some danger and something you should do but not what to do.

More useful phrases give clear guidance. “Please watch where you are going.” or “Hang on to the railing when you walk up the stairs.”

It was too late to say be careful, when I found myself, kneeling by the side of my bed, braced on the nightstand for support. My lower back was in immense pain after sitting at my computer for 12 hours. I was afraid to move.

~~~

I allowed my body to find harmony, I gave my body time to restore balance.
I became aware of a sense of equilibrium.

Surrendering in the moment.

I had a beautiful revelation,

“I AM GENTLE WITH MYSELF.”

Slow with awareness is different from careful.

I am gentle with myself, is in the moment. It is caring, not careful

I care for myself when I am gentle with myself.

Gentleness is patient. Caring doesn’t rush. It is, simply
with what it loves.

Grace is soft
Grace is caring
Caring is kind

Be Gentle
With
Yourself

There are certain moments in life when you know that you need to have a difficult conversation and share a deeper truth.

Difficult conversations require more of you. They require that you dig within yourself and access a part of you that might have been dormant.

It’s not always easy sharing the truth of how you really feel with another. But it’s essential if you are to grow, be fulfilled and have real relationships.

Honest communication frees you and frees the other. When you withhold, it creates a blockage in your relationship and deeper intimacy is blocked.

We often hold back having difficult conversations because we are afraid of how others will respond and the resulting conflict.

Or we are afraid to cause harm to someone we love.

Or we fear the end of our relationship.

“My inner child is lonely and wants to be in a relationship, but relationships are too hard. I feel like I don’t want to work that hard,” Karen told me in a phone session.

“Are you ready to fully accept the loneliness of never being in a relationship?”

“No, that sounds too sad and awful. But why do relationships have to be so hard? I’ve worked on myself for years, yet even relationships with close friends are hard. It shouldn’t be that way.”

“Karen, they are hard because most of us come from families where we did not see our parents or other caregivers being open to learning with each other, especially during conflict. We saw them get angry, give in, withdraw, resist and turn to various addictions. So this is what most of us learned to do. Relationships challenge us to give up trying to control each other and instead open to learning with ourselves and each other, so we can share love. When two people are open to learning, relationships are not hard. What’s challenging is reaching the point where we can stay open to learning in the face of conflict.

Everyone I’ve spoken to this week has told me how overwhelmed they feel. They are, of course, talking about the holiday season and not the impeachment hearings (which would overwhelm even a constitutional scholar).

To each of them, I said: “Believe me, I get it.”

I tend to feel overwhelmed at this time of year, too, which is why I’m going to share a personal story this morning that I hope might ease what you’re feeling and carrying with you right now. It might just reveal that the perfect holiday gift is closer than we realize…

So, there I was early Monday morning in the TODAY show makeup room, chatting away with Laura and Mary (two talented hair and makeup magicians), when a text popped up on my phone.

It was short. Three words to be precise. “This is you!” it said. It was accompanied by something to download, but no surprise, I couldn’t figure out how to download it, so I just went on gabbing.

Then Hoda burst into the room.

“Did you hear the song I sent you?!” she squealed with delight.

After I explained that I couldn’t download It, she insisted that I stop everything and listen right then and there. “It is you!” she repeated.

Hoda pulled up Idina Menzel’s new Christmas song, "At This Table,” and as it played, my eyes welled with tears, and goosebumps formed on my arms.

There is no doubt about it. December is the time of year that is synonymous with giving. Whether it is to family, friends, co-workers, charitable organizations, or the people who make our lives better, we all have our lists and are checking them twice!

Most of us love to give – and when we do so, we feel good about ourselves, abundant, and alive.

But what about receiving? Most people feel very uncomfortable about receiving.

Whether it is a gift, an act of kindness, help from others, or even a compliment, we have a difficult time receiving.

For many, our awkwardness around receiving started at an early age. We were brought up hearing messages like, "Tis better to give than to receive" or "Give more than you get." We decided, consciously or unconsciously, that people who receive are greedy, selfish, weak, or needy – and since we didn't want to be any of those things, we made receiving wrong. When I first looked at my inability to receive, I realized that I had a belief that if I received something from someone, then I would owe them something in return. For me, being beholden to anyone was a loss of control and a very scary place, so receiving became taboo.

Your body is beautiful just because you have a body.

No other reason needed.

It is a living work of art. A masterpiece and magical expression of the Divine.

But how often do we really appreciate and love our bodies?

We have been conditioned and brainwashed by the media to believe that “You are not enough as you are”.

This is a lie.

This creates so much shame, judgment, non-acceptance of our naturalness. We end up hating our bodies, disconnecting from it’s innate intelligence, and comparing ourselves to others.

We base our self-worth on being the perfect shape, weight, or size.

You are worthy and lovable just because you ARE.

Today I am sending all of you a virtual pair of Big Girl panties as you embark on a New Year – a year to be filled with love, laughter and the meeting of your soulmate/lifepartner.

I want you to close your eyes and imagine you are putting them on now.

The purpose of these Big Girl panties is to be a constant reminder that you deserve Big Love.

The fact that you have the desire for this is PROOF of its fulfillment.

Your soulmate/lifepartner is out there seeking you!

It is your job to be open, ready, available and VISIBLE so you can find each other. And, you can make this process FUN!!!!

“There's nothing you can do that can't be done. Nothing you can sing that can't be sung ... All you need is love, love. All you need is love.”  -The Beatles


I've Been Thinking...

At the beginning of the week, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to write about this morning. I had been thinking a lot about how unscripted the world feels, and how it sort of mirrors my own life’s trajectory.

What I mean is that I feel like I’m basically making things up as I go these days. And where I’m going is shorter than where I came from. That feeling can either be very anxiety-inducing or freeing, depending on the day.

But then, a few things happened that made me want to write about love instead. I wasn’t called to the topic just because I had finished binge-watching “Modern Love” on Amazon (a TV show based on the NY Times column, both which I recommend). No, I was called to write about love because, in a deeply profound way, I think it’s our common denominator. It’s our common desire. It’s the feeling that we all want more of, and that we (and our world) desperately need right now.

A fight between two people (lovers, spouses, family members) is a kind of psychological battle often filled with personal attacks, accusations, and dredging up past mistakes. When both parties are exhausted, or one grudgingly concedes, the fight ends—for the moment. But nothing has changed; resentment has just gone underground until it’s dug up again, and hostilities soon resume.

But it needn’t be this way. There’s a little known “magic” that can stop any fight in the moment and helps prevent the next one from getting starting. It’s the result of what we can call “relationship jiu-jitsu.”

Jiu-jitsu is an ancient Japanese martial art based in “the art of yielding.” The combatants use special “moves” to turn an opponent’s energy back on them. But here, I’m using the term psychologically, where the opponent isn’t a person you’re fighting. The true “opponent” to be overcome is a negative, lower level of consciousness in each of you that blames the other for the punishing pattern you’re both caught up in.

What happens when you look at someone?

The Practice:
See beings, not bodies.

Why?

When we encounter someone, usually the mind automatically slots the person into a category: older, younger, your friend Tom, the kid next door, etc. Watch this happen in your own mind as you meet or talk with a co-worker, salesclerk, or family member.

In effect, the mind summarizes and simplifies tons of details into a single thing – a human thing to be sure, but one with an umbrella label that makes it easy to know how to act. For example: “Oh, that’s my boss (or mother-in-law, or boyfriend, or traffic cop, or waiter) . . . and now I know what to do. Good.”

This labeling process is fast, efficient, and gets to the essentials. As our ancestors evolved, rapid sorting of friend or foe was very useful. For example, if you’re a mouse, as soon as you smell something in the “cat” category, that’s all you need to know: freeze or run like crazy!

Long, long ago, I thought if I just took the right workshop, read the right self-help books, or found a magic wand, I would find happiness and peace of mind.

And, doing all of those things helped a bit.

It certainly gave me some relief as well as insight and understanding as to how and why I had my issues.

But, after thousands of dollars, countless hours of various practices, I finally figured something out: Getting rid of the problem isn’t the best goal, and in a lot of cases, with core wounds, not even possible. Having worked closely with many of the biggest names in personal growth, here’s what I observed:

Are you feeling unneeded pain?

The Practice:
Minimize painful experiences.

Why?

Painful experiences range from subtle discomfort to extreme anguish – and there is a place for them. Sorrow can open the heart, anger can highlight injustices, fear can alert you to real threats, and remorse can help you take the high road next time.

But is there really any shortage of suffering in this world? Look at the faces of others – including mine – or your own in the mirror, and see the marks of weariness, irritation, stress, disappointment, longing, and worry. There’s plenty of challenge in life already – including unavoidable illness, loss of loved ones, old age, and death – without needing a bias in your brain to give you an extra dose of pain each day.

I grew up in a family that constantly used guilt as a form of control. Sometimes the guilt was somewhat subtle, such as “Fine, do what you want,” said with a blaming tone. Other times it was blatant, such as my grandmother (who lived with us) saying to me, whenever I didn’t do what she wanted, “How can you do this to me? You are so selfish.”

As an adolescent, if I came home five minutes after my curfew, I would hear my mother hissing at me from their bedroom as I tried to tiptoe into my room, her voice dripping with anger, “You’re late again. You know I worry about you.” My mother had many ways of making me responsible for her feelings – from her intense anger to her victim tears. I was always to blame.