It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us. 

Join Soulspring for conscious insights... ...on all things life, wellness, love, transformation and spirituality...

And receive this very special audio recording from Panache Desai on Breaking Bad Habits.

Dismantle the Wall Around Your Heart

Tearing down a Heart-Wall can make a big difference in your ability to experience love, for Valentine’s Day and the rest of your life



Valentine’s Day is a time for celebrating love, but what if you have lost someone you love? Heartbreak is not just an expression for the strong emotions we feel surrounding loss. It is a very real condition that can damage your health and even lead to premature death.

You may have heard about a study from the UK a few years ago that found that bereavement doubles a person’s chances of dying of a heart attack or stroke. You can probably remember a time in your life when you thought your heart was going to break. That sensation may have felt like an elephant was sitting on your chest, or that you couldn’t breathe. These are common physical sensations that result when your heart — the core of your being — is suffering from a deep trauma.

Continue reading

A Lifestyle Geared Towards Life & Longevity

For many of you, love has become enabling. I’ve discovered that the more I love myself, the less I put up with or tolerate in my life. So, is love then enabling? Of course the answer is no. Love is not enabling. And we have to stop enabling that which is unconscious and doesn’t serve and that which is not in alignment with harmony. Why? Because that’s an extension of your self-love. 

Continue reading

How To Spot The Love Avoidant Person

These anxious attachment people gravitate to love avoidant people. The love avoidant person is often very similar to the distant, uncarHow To Spot The Love Avoidant Personing, neglectful, or even absent parent of the anxious attachment style partner. It is, however, a familiar style, and love avoidant people often mask their true behaviors in the early parts of a romantic relationship. Keep in mind, the love avoidant style still needs human contact and relationships. Still, they are uncomfortable when confronted with this. In other words, they want to be close but dislike the thought of being close or dependent on another. To reinforce this, they distance themselves both emotionally and physically.

A love avoidant individual may be charming, happy, and spend time with you, even initiating this time spent together. Unavailable partners know they must demonstrate some level of intimacy at the beginning of the relationship. At the same time, the needs of the anxious and avoidant attachment types are opposites, and there is little chance of these types of relationships being healthy. Instead, avoidant and anxious attachment style partners create a toxic relationship with a high risk of emotional damage.

Continue reading

The New SINGLE Reframe: Be a Solo

Life is changing faster than ever, and this includes the world of partnership.

Do you desire a traditional, legal marriage to raise children together?

Do you wish to remain single but in a committed relationship?

Do you want to share your life with your BFF from grade school, sans sex and romance, and raise kids while you both can still date others for fun?

Or, how about never using the word single again and just embrace the adventurous world of being a solo?

Baby, you’ve got options!

Continue reading

Choose To Love

What does your heart say?

The Practice:
Choose to Love

Why?

Many years ago, I was in a significant relationship in which the other person started doing things that surprised and hurt me. I’ll preserve the privacy here so I won’t be concrete, but it was pretty intense. After going through the first wave of reactions – What?! How could you? Are you kidding me?! – I settled down a bit. I had a choice.

Continue reading

Are They Your Soulmate?

Happily. Ever. After.

These are the three most dangerous words for women in love.

Even the smartest women fall into a love trance thinking that now that they have found their soulmate, the love of their life, he/she will naturally know how to make them happy, satisfied and content.

Sure, you’ve heard that relationships take work, and yet you believe that your “soulmate love” will be effortless.

You’ve found a love that is rare and precious, an unimaginable love.

A love that will conquer everything.

And then a year, or ten, or twenty later you may find yourself restless, or worse, angry, frustrated, disappointed and ready to give up and head for divorce court.

One of the most common questions I am asked is:

“How do I know if he/she is my soulmate?”

Continue reading

Mark Nepo's Weekly Reflection: Being A Romantic

Throughout history, those afraid of the life of feelings have undermined their power and dismissed their rightful role in experiencing truth. For much of my life, I’ve been called a Romantic, which is true, but not complete. It’s like defining the sea by its surface. Romantic is a term that has been diminished through the years. Today, it denotes a sentimental outlook on life fueled by unwarranted optimism. At heart, though, it has always been an outlook that assumes there’s something larger than the individual. All the energy surrounding such a view arises from a belief in the interconnectedness of all Life and the experience of Wholeness.

At its core, Romanticism suggests that we can become whole through inwardness, by feeling and inhabiting our “inscape,” as Gerard Manley Hopkins calls it. “Feeling is all,” as the German poet Goethe says.

Continue reading

Are You Ridiculed for Your Spiritual Beliefs?

Are you in a relationship with someone who judges you for your spiritual beliefs?

I work with many people whose spiritual connection is very important to them, but who are in a relationship with a partner who ridicules them, or whose family ridicules them. My client, Shelly, ask me: “I'm in a relationship with a man who is very kind and loving but does not have any form of faith, and he regularly ridicules religion. I am not religious, but I do have spiritual beliefs which he describes as ‘fanciful’. I don’t feel close and connected with him, or respected by him when he judges me, so I no longer share my beliefs with him. But why does he ridicule me? And how should I respond to this?”
 

It's my experience that when someone judges another for their spiritual beliefs, it's because on some level they feel threatened by them.

People who don't open to having a personal experience of Spirit are often afraid of being duped or controlled. They feel safe when they are in their head rather than in their heart, and they may feel afraid of being used or taken advantage of if they move into their heart. When such a person takes a one-up position, like Shelley's partner who is judging her spiritual beliefs as 'fanciful,' it's often because they are afraid of losing control over the other person. Perhaps Shelley's partner fears that if she follows her own guidance, he may lose control over her.

Continue reading

Are You Unrealistically Hoping Your Partner Will Change?

Is there someone in your life whom you love and whom you keep hoping will change if you love them enough?

One of the main reasons people stay too long in a relationship is that they unrealistically hope that, miraculously, their partner will change. This is the situation Marisa describes:

"I've been investing my entire heart in a narcissistic man over the past ten months. During this time, I've had the life sucked out of me - I've not been tending to myself and instead have abandoned myself to try to make him feel better in the hopes he'll change, care for and respect me right back. Deeply depressed of late he refuses to seek psychiatric or therapeutic help. I couldn't stand by watching him drown and finally two weeks ago said he should call me when he finds outside help and is feeling better. It's been so relaxing not to be insulted, criticized or bullied or be walking on eggs constantly. I miss him even so and am shocked and hurt that I've not heard from him to date. I accept that I was so busy rescuing him that I abandoned myself in doing so. If he contacts me, I'd like to try putting myself first. I’m probably kidding myself, but should I even contemplate giving him another chance? A narcissist is never wrong and is always right as you know. I'm miserable in the meantime."

Continue reading

Once You Let Go

This month my wife, Jan and I celebrated our thirteenth wedding anniversary. I have to say I am more in love with Jan today, than the day I decided to marry her! It’s amazing how when you are patient, and you allow relationships to come to you, and you allow life to unfold, that you will eventually meet someone who will love you for being you. 

It is an amazing blessing. For those of you who are looking for love, hoping for love, praying for love, love has not given up on you. Once you give up the need for something, it comes into your life. 

Continue reading

The Best New Year Gift Ever

Many of us grew up feeling very alone. When our feelings were not accepted and attended to with caring, understanding, and compassion, we might have felt deeply abandoned and perhaps terrified at the level of aloneness we felt within. If you were abused physically, sexually, or emotionally, or you were neglected, then this aloneness was overwhelming and you had to find ways to numb this pain, which is how the wounded self was developed.

Today, this deep aloneness and fear can get triggered in our relationships. This triggering is common in dysfunctional relationship systems such as the one between Janice and Marcus.

Janice, an only child, had a mother who suffered from borderline personality disorder (BPD), a mental disorder where the person is often blaming, threatening, and rageful. Janice’s mother took her rage out on Janice, and when she would cry, her mother would ridicule her. Janice’s father was an alcoholic who sometimes beat her and her mother. There was never a time growing up when Janice felt safe. She had developed a deep fear of rejection. 

Continue reading

Green Flags to Know THEY are the ONE!

During the dating process we are often on high alert for “red flags,” the things they say or do that trigger fear that they could be trouble. We’re looking for our deal-breakers in a fierce need to protect our tender hearts from potential heartbreak.

While it’s smart to be paying attention, and when you see or hear something un-settling or disturbing, be SURE to do these two things:

  1. Never make assumptions.
  2. Ask clarifying questions before coming to any conclusions that will have you throwing out the baby with the bath water.

I recently came across a wonderful list of “relationship green flags” from therapist Sara Kuburic.

Continue reading

Creating And Sticking To Intentions To End A Toxic Relationship In The New Year

A toxic relationship is destructive on so many levels. Not only is there the loss of self and self-worth, but there is also the loss of enjoyment in life, the ability to be with a loving, positive partner, and the loss of your own sense of joy and purpose,  

This New Year, creating the intention to walk away from a toxic relationship is the best possible gift to give yourself. Like any type of change it is not always easy. There will be times when you may be tempted to give the partner another chance, to make those old excuses, or finding yourself being pulled back into the relationship throughout their manipulation and lies.

Creating a way to stick to your intentions to get out of the unhealthy relationship allows you to develop a plan to address these feelings as they arise. Building on your strengths and learning how to thrive in your own independence starts with accepting help and support from others.  This  is the best way to make the changes you want to see in your life.

Continue reading

Sharing Holiday Love - Even If You Are Alone!

Are you single, newly divorced, and without family around you? Are you dreading being alone for the holidays? Your holiday can be joyous and fulfilling!

Being alone is a challenge for many people. This challenge may loom especially large during the holidays if you are single or newly divorced and without family around you. Holidays are a time to share love, and many people end up feeling depressed when they do not have people around with whom to show their love. If you are in this situation, what can you do to make the holidays joyous rather than depressing?

The key phrase here is SHARE LOVE.

Continue reading

Discover the Ultimate Love Experience by Creating a Self-Love Ceremony

If you were provided with an opportunity to deepen your self-love, would you do it? Would you say yes, to creating a sacred ceremony that required vows to cherish and love yourself?

I am in the middle of a three-month intentional focus on increasing my self-love, respect and experiencing healing in the process. Lately my mind has traveled the many paths of how we show love and commitment to others. I have noticed we are lacking in social and cultural ways of celebrating true self-love.

I began to contemplate the power of words in marriage vows and all the traditions that are woven into one big, beautiful moment, where we promise to honor and care for another person. What if we created a similar ceremony that recognized the union of your higher self, physical self and one’s soul?

Continue reading

Post Traumatic Growth And Resiliency After Toxic Relationships

A toxic relationship is highly destructive. It creates a loss of sense of self through verbal and emotional abuse that tears down the person at a very basic level. Toxic relationships are often hard to see for the individual, as the toxicity or the negativity and abuse builds slowly. Even when there is no physical abuse, the constant degrading comments, the control over every aspect of your life, the gaslighting and blame associated with these types of relationships causes damage that is hard to see but highly devastating to experience.

The good news is that people can leave toxic relationships. Taking the time to work with a therapist or a counselor or joining a supportive community like my Inner Circle helps to identify the key signs of a toxic relationship and to rebuild your sense of self-worth, self-compassion, and self-love.
Continue reading

Addiction to Getting Others To Change

If you find yourself often focused on healing others or hoping you can get others to change, it is likely that you don't think of this as an addiction. I define an addiction as anything we do to avoid taking responsibility for our own feelings. When you are focused on getting others to change, or hoping others will change, is this a way for you to avoid taking loving care of yourself? Are you trying to fix others and get them to change so that you don't have to learn to take responsibility for your own feelings?

Judy finds herself caught in this addiction:

Continue reading

How To Maintain Sanity and Peace During The Holiday Season

The holiday season can be an interesting time for many of us. As we spend time with friends, family and loved ones, it can be a time of great joy, but also a time of deep emotion, as feelings, sensitivities can often get triggered during this time as we spend time with those we love.

There is also so much of a focus in our Western culture on gift giving, that it can create tremendous pressure, stress and anxiety. So I decided to make a video sharing some thoughts on how to maintain your sanity and peace during this holiday season.
Continue reading

Saving The Holidays From A Narcissist

The holidays are a special time of year for most people. They are a time of friendship, of giving, of sharing, and of being around the people you love and those who love you. Unfortunately, what makes the holidays so special for most people makes them intolerable for a narcissist.

The narcissist must be the center of attention. In the holiday season, there are a lot of things to attend to, and trying to become better than everyone else at the family gathering, the concert, the staff party, or any other event can be impossible. Rather than trying to accept this, the narcissist moves to devalue and destroy the happiness of those they are around, showing their complete inability to express empathy and to simply enjoy the fact those around them are having fun.

Continue reading

Actions of Love

Many people suffer daily from anxiety, depression, stress, guilt, shame, anger and inadequacy. Taking loving actions can heal this.


Myrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help because she often felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, she did not value herself in her important relationships with friends and family. In addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving relationship but she took no actions to meet available men.

In the course of our work together, it became apparent that Myrna rarely took loving action on her own behalf with her friends and family. For example, Jessica, one of Myrna's friends, would often get angry and blame Myrna when Myrna was not available for dinner with Jessica. Myrna would feel guilty and responsible for Jessica's feelings and meet her for dinner even when she was exhausted from work. Myrna would feel drained after these dinners and depressed for a few days after, never realizing it was because she had abandoned herself.

Continue reading

Weekday Personal Support

Join Panache Desai each weekday morning for support in reconnecting to the wellspring of calm and peace that lives within you and that has the power to counterbalance all of the fear, panic, and uncertainty that currently engulfs the world.

Designed To Move You From Survival and Fear to Safety and Peace. Available Monday - Friday. Meditation begins at 9 AM.  Access early to hear Panache's monologue -  around 8:30 AM. 

30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

Join Soulspring for conscious insights...

...on all things life, wellness, love, transformation and spirituality...

 PLUS! Get your FREE Guide: 12 Mindfulness Practices to a Peaceful Mind