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I used to spend hours and even days ruminating about different things – a conflict with someone important to me, a work situation, finances, time pressures. I would obsessively worry or try to figure out the “right” thing to do or how to get the outcome I wanted. Of course, I would end up drained, anxious and confused, but this didn’t deter me from this addiction. It was in my blood, absorbed from my mother and grandmother.
In some wounded part of me, I believed that ruminating, obsessing, and worrying would somehow give me control over the outcome of things. I was afraid not to obsess – not to try to control others and outcomes.
But ruminating, obsessing and worrying created very low-frequency feelings of fear, anxiety, and depression…
I finally understood that not only was I not controlling the outcomes I wanted, I was creating the very outcomes I didn’t want! The ‘Law of Attraction’ states that, “like attracts like,” and by my obsessive thinking, I was bringing about the very things I didn’t want.
But even though I understood this many years ago, I couldn’t stop trying to control the outcome of things until I become able to let go to my spiritual guidance and to the faith that I was always being guided in my highest good. This faith did not come easily.
The paradox about control…
My ego wounded self came into being because, growing up, I needed to try to have control over getting love, avoiding pain, and feeling safe. The very basis of the ego wounded self is control, and this aspect of us has no connection with spirit. The wounded self often believes in God, but cannot know God because it’s frequency is too low to access the love, truth, compassion, joy and creativity that is God. Now, however, my wounded self knows that my loving adult does know God, and my wounded self has learned that when I, as a loving adult, am in charge, I become a co-creator with God. The paradox is that this gives me far more control over outcomes than obsessive worry!
Now that my wounded self knows that the Universe truly is co-creating with me, she no longer obsessively ruminates and worries. She knows that thoughts are creative and that negative thoughts attract negative things on all levels – poor health, lack of abundance, difficult relationships. She still wants to control, but now she chooses to try control with positive thoughts rather than with negative ones. And her positive thoughts create calm rather than anxiety.
Reinforcing Positive Forms of Control Helps the Wounded Self to Settle Down
In my morning walking meditation, before I do my Inner Bonding process, I reinforce the positive programs and beliefs that are in my left-brain by giving my wounded self a chance to speak of everything she wants. Then I, as a loving adult, move into deep gratitude for all that I have now and all that I know is coming in the future. This creates great joy in me and fills me with love for myself and others. It also creates quiet in my wounded self, who now feels safe that I, as a loving adult, am in charge and connected with God.
While I certainly would love to have the outcomes I want, at this point the outcomes are far less important than the joy of the moment. My happiness is now, not attached to what does or not happen in the future. My sense of safety and worth are now, not dependent on others or outcomes.
Gone are the fear, anxiety and depression that came from obsessive ruminating and worry. In its place are love, peace and joy, and these are more than enough!
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