Conflict is an essential part of life. It happens to us in every situation, whether it is within us or in our external zone. We are constantly bombarded with conflicting situations. Relationship conflict is what we are going to talk about, it could be with a friend, a relative, your child or spouse.
The conflict happening in our lives could be an ongoing situation, gnawing at the inside and creating a level of stress that continuously keeps mounting. This can affect health negatively and even affect longevity.
This type of conflict can lead to resentment and further on to more unresolved conflict.
Most of the time, people tend to suppress their anger or their conflicting feelings, they simply go along with the others, to keep peace within their sphere of life. This doesn't really help. It just keeps brewing under the surface.
People have a habit of shutting down a conversation, the moment it gets heated. They feel that by simply keeping quiet, things will get resolved. But we need to realize that by suppressing feelings, it does not lead to any answers.
Conventional thought guides us to a level which says that, good communication can improve relationships, increasing trust and support. But being receptive to each other is vital. Poor communication on the other hand can actually weaken bonds, creating mistrust and contempt.
Building knowledge and skills to handle conflicts can reduce a whole lot of stress, and also help us to strengthen relationships in a healthy way.
This is a topic we all need to focus on very intensely, as relationships are the foundations of our personalities. If they are sorted, life is sorted on a very different level.
Our innate desire is happiness, and being inherently a social being is completely reliant on relationships, to keep the level of happiness in balance.
I will talk a little bit about conflict resolution. Right now a little minimilistically, I will try to give my readers an idea of how to deal with their conflicts. But since our basic goal is handling stress, at its very base level, I will go into the topic more intensely in my next column.
Since we know and understand that conflict is a major cause for stress in our lives, it is very important for us to know how to resolve it.
GET IN TOUCH WITH YOUR FEELINGS
It is basically your own feelings which keep you from resolving conflicts. Once you know how to handle your own inner self, life is much more in balance.
Sometimes we are angry or resentful, but don't know why. Sometimes we also feel that the other person is not doing, what they ought to, but we don't really know how to resolve the issue. Writing everything, pouring our thoughts on paper, is one way of doing justice to understanding your feelings.
Good listening bridges the gap. One person needs to express themselves, while the other needs to assimilate well and respond accordingly.
Asking about feelings is most important, as it gives a good emotional release, and helps in focusing on a particular situation.
DON'T GIVE ADVICE
We normally want to fix people quickly, by giving advice. It might sound very condescending. Unsolicited advice, gives more stress than relief, so beware.
RE EVALUATE THE DYNAMICS
Being a good listener makes you a more stronger, more caring person, it brings a more supportive angle to the relationship. Relax before jumping too much into the other person's life. Handle it with super care.
This is a very essential quality. Saying the wrong thing, may add fuel to fire, and make the conflict situation much worse. Put forth a view which is clear, and didn't sound aggressive.
SEEK A SOLUTION
Once you know and understand the persons perspective, a resolution becomes easy, and this can lead to an amicably reliable solution.
Understanding the perspective of the other is the key, providing answers accordingly will lead us to a stress free path to walk on.
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