My husband and I are in Santa Barbra for a week of Infinite Illumination, with Panache Desai. I have been looking forward to both the teachings and community. John was not completely sold on the whole idea of illumination. He confessed to having plans of an alternate experience if needed.
Just before the opening of the event we walked on the beach. It felt so good to just feel the sun and begin to get in a space that welcomes new experiences. We strolled for a bit before I decided to sit down and take it all in. My partner continued on.
Once seated, I discovered what had energetically pulled me; why I had stopped walking. There was a lone seal. It had recently suffered significant injuries and appeared thin. He struggled to move along on the sand. The water was slowly coming in. The seal worked hard to stay ahead of the rising tide.
More people stopped. Someone put a call into a marine life rescue center. The dark gray and white water neared the seal as we made eye contact . This image has stayed with me.
The following morning I went to check on the seal. I was surprised to find there was no beach, just powerfully strong waves moving everything in their way. The tide was so high and strong it disturbed the rocks and drift wood. Each wave brought further shifting. The ocean is an inspiring reminder of eternal energy. The pull of gravity, crashing of waves and creating new coastline has gone on forever.
I felt a sense of grief imagining the seal lost in the sweeping of the ocean. I was envisioning him loosing strength and succumbing to the cycle of life and death. In my mind the scene played out in colors of dark greys and browns. I couldn’t stop myself thinking about the gentle animal being taken out to sea. I witnessed him becoming smaller and smaller until no more.
The retreat offered the possibility of expansion or increased awareness. In one of the first meditations I saw the seal again. He was surrounded by the dark water. He tumbled through the churning darkness farther and farther from shore. As I watched him the color of the water began to lighten. I saw blues and greens and purples. Sunlight appeared. The light moved through the water. I noticed my guide the seal was not afraid. He was moving deeper into the flow of the ocean; the eternal flow of life. The current offered him help in removing what no longer served him. I witnessed his physical body was becoming lighter, moving with ease, and completely healed. It became difficult for me to distinguish the seal, from the light, water and even from myself. Everything flowed together. At this point I began to let go of my fear of dying alone. Really I had no idea that I was carrying this fear with me. I have a life partner, family and friends. I have great faith in eternal existence, and yet this fear was present.
We are half way through the week of Illumination and I have witnessed the unlimited potential for light where fear is stored. I am in a place of gratitude for the seal that reminded me of our eternal connection to each other, peace and all that is. My husband has discovered an even greater appreciation for the magic of life. This experience has brought us closer and will have lasting expression.
Know that it is safe to fully let go of all expectations and all thoughts, even let go of the origin of all thoughts. Allow your- self to soar at unimaginable heights experiencing the vastness of the ocean or night sky in you. Awareness of our physical selves is with us as we begin this new experience. We feel the cool air, or taste the salt of the ocean water. We might even feel a discomfort or fear that reminds us of our attachment to our physical selves. This discomfort is found at the edge of awareness. Shift deeper in to allowing full connection and experience the ocean of all that is, the expanded version of all. Each wave of awareness helps remove the confusion, pain or beliefs that are no longer needed. The awareness of you and your personal history is erased as you become lighter, all wounds healed . You are guided by sounds and colors that slowly become part of who you are. There is no separation between the ocean of intelligence and you. All parts of you have merged with grace. Thru the twisting and turning of this cosmic ocean you begin to shed the part of you that is no longer essential to live in a state of grace, or awareness. You have become a state of oneness that has always been you. It took the courage to wonder what was on the other side of pain/fear. What lies deep within. What am I shielding from others? As I slowly resolve to occupy a new self in awareness my life changes to include a comprehension of God or a understanding that we all are closer to this point of expansion than ever before . We are simply looking in the wrong direction. We must walk ourselves to the precipitous and risk losing ourselves, or what we believe is our self, before we all courageously find ourselves flying in new directions to new species , uncovering what was mislabeled as wrong. This new intelligence is far wiser then then you have given yourself credit for. This new intelligence is the mastermind or creator of all that you see and know. And yet with the willingness to move beyond all that you consciously know, your expanded intelligence, expanded self, will carry you into a new existence. A world devoid of time and space. We are limitless in the potential of all. We will travel beyond sound, sight, memories, and influences TO JUST BEING.