We’re visited by negative states so often, most of us have come to take them for granted as an expected part of living. Such as:
“Yesterday wasn’t too bad, but today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and I’m in a bad mood. I feel a little down, probably because my boyfriend didn’t respond to the text I sent him at 3:00 in the morning. But,isn’t that natural?”
Having frequent bad moods is common, but that doesn’t mean it’s natural.
Blaming your boyfriend – or anything else – for the way you feel is also common. It’s the answer you give yourself to the question of why you’re in a bad mood this morning.
But here’s a more important question: What’s the real reason why I’m in a bad mood so often?
The Answer to Why Our Bad Moods Are So Frequent
Just as with anything else we spend a lot of time with, we spend a lot of time in negative states because we value them.
What? Why on earth would we value negative states?
We value negative states because of the strong sense of self we get from them. This is one explanation for why we have them so often; why instead of letting painful reactions pass, we give them explanations and justifications for hanging around longer.
This may be very difficult for us to see, but a strong light will show us the freeing facts. No one wants to believe that he or she values things like self-pity, anger, and depression. We would insist we don't, and as evidence we point to the fact that we fight against them. But the struggle gives us a false sense of life and importance. It focuses attention on us and makes us feel like the center of a great deal of activity.
The more we struggle, the more valuable these states become, because the more interesting and exciting they make us feel. We never feel ourselves so strongly as when we are furious, or hurt, or depressed. Of course, this self is a created self, a false self. But it feels real, and that's why we cling to it. The power in the state is that by giving it our life, it feeds back to us a false sense of life and power. And as a result, we miss out on the Real Life we could experience if we were not filling ourselves with the false.
How do we break free from the negativity that, in our heart of hearts we really don’t want, when an unconscious part of us is clinging to it? We need to become aware of what we are doing against ourselves instead of unconsciously going along with the disturbance that on the one hand we hate, yet on the other hand gives us a certain dark reward.
See These Facts as a First Step to Getting Free of Bad Moods
Fact 1: Negativity is opposition. When we're negative, we're opposed to life as it presents itself. No false reward in the sense of self that a negative state gives us can make up for the loss of a true engagement with life.
Fact 2: Every time we accept a negative state we compromise ourselves and increase the level of conflict for ourselves and everyone we meet. As we’ve seen, we accept the negativity because it gives us a powerful sense of who we are. We feel falsely energized by our sense of a separate self, apart from the wholeness of life. We even value our negativity because it makes the boundaries of our selves seem so strong and real. “I may be unhappy,” we think, “but at least I know who I am and I know what my life is all about.” But what we “know” is a false self-image, and what we think our lives are about is only an endless battle to protect something that was never real in the first place.
Fact 3: Everything in life tends to become more of what it is. So the parts of our presently unenlightened nature that convince us to resist life's natural changes become “fixed” in us as we continue to embrace the negative states they bring. As this fear-filled, downward-trending nature tricks us into accepting its conclusions, our captivity is deepened. We unconsciously accept the limited and painful life this in-the-dark nature produces. But we can do better! And we will when we see what’s really going on.
And here’s a final point that should hit home to the higher parts of you that really want to embody the beauty of life, and not be an instrument of negative states:
Almost everywhere you see unhappy faces reflecting anger, self-pity, defeat, and other dark states. What a paradox it is. We go to so much effort to make ourselves look good to others. But do we ever think about what the expression on our face says about us? Or how any negative spirit within us can undo all the good effects of everything we do to make ourselves physically healthy?
See negativity for the monster it is by seeing through its false rewards, and you'll want to be free of it forever. And you will be!
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