No matter how gently I offer it, sometimes the information is very difficult for the person to hear, such as, "Right now, you are pulling on everyone for love and approval. You have handed your inner child to everyone around you to take care of you. There must be a good reason you are doing this. Are you open to exploring this?" or "There must be a very good reason that there is no loving adult present here. There is just a wounded child. Are you willing to open to learning about this?" or "I cannot feel you when you cry like this. This pain is the pain of a victim, trying to get someone to take care of you. This is pain that you are causing by your own self-judgment and self-abandonment. This crying is a pull on others to take care of you. You hope others will feel sorry for you and have compassion for you because you have no compassion for yourself. There must be some very good reasons that you are abandoning yourself right now. Are you willing to open to learning about this?"
They think I am judging them rather than offering them a truth. They do not get that truth is love - authentic radical love. Without knowing the truth about their intention and their behavior, they cannot heal. The truth opens the door for them to start loving themselves instead of spending all their energy trying to get others to love them.
At one intensive, a few of the participants became angry at me. Fortunately, my assistant was able to remind them, "Margaret is an advocate for your inner child. She is being loving to you by standing up for your inner child, who needs your love and compassion and is not getting it." It was not easy for me to stay in the place of truth, but if I did not tell them the truth about their intention, where would they learn it? Everyone in their lives had been either caretaking them, getting angry at them, or resisting and withdrawing from them.
By the end of the intensive, they had moved past self-judgment and into self-acceptance. They were opening to spirit and bringing love to themselves. They were laughing and playing and sharing love with everyone. The truth had set them free.
If you find yourself angry with someone for telling you a truth, then you might want to notice that your intention is to get approval rather than to learn about loving yourself. If you respond to the truth as if it is a judgment, you might want to notice that you are not in the intent to learn. The loving adult hears information about oneself as a gift, while the wounded self hears information about oneself as an attack. If someone has the courage to offer you a truth about yourself, you may receive great benefit if you open as a loving adult with an intent to learn.
This does not mean that you need to agree with what the person is saying about you. When I offer what I am receiving from spirit, I have no investment in the person accepting it. If it does not resonate with them, then we move on. People are often afraid to open to learning for fear of being controlled by another person or by spirit. But being open as a loving adult does not mean just accepting everything others say as truth. If you are open to learning and have your inner loving adult present, you can go inside and see whether what is being offered feels right to you or not. But if your wounded self is in charge, you will just feel attacked or controlled by what is being offered, and you will defend or go into resistance, missing a wonderful opportunity to learn. Only if you are willing to be a spiritually connected, open-to-learning loving adult will you know whether what is being offered is really true about you, or whether it is the other person's projection onto you.
If you think you are open and loving but are really pulling on others for love and approval, you will stay stuck in self-abandonment and may end up feeling empty or depressed. Even if you have done years of work on yourself, you might still be pulling on others if you have never been confronted with this and have never done the Inner Bonding work of developing your loving adult.
Truth, which is a major part of authentic radical love, is one of the greatest gifts someone can offer to you. I hope you recognize it when it is offered and receive it with an open and grateful heart.
Join Panache Desai each weekday morning for support in reconnecting to the wellspring of calm and peace that lives within you and that has the power to counterbalance all of the fear, panic, and uncertainty that currently engulfs the world.
Designed To Move You From Survival and Fear to Safety and Peace. Available Monday - Friday. Meditation begins at 9 AM. Access early to hear Panache's monologue - around 8:30 AM.