Most of us have blind spots -- situations in our life that we can’t see clearly or, consciously or unconsciously, choose to avoid. Whether we realize it or not, on some level, we even fight to keep our avoidance alive. We justify our excuses and buy into our rationalizations of why we should or should not do something.
On a daily basis I hear stories from people who, despite what they say they truly want in life, remain in the cage of their comfort zone. They validate their justifications by telling themselves that they should:
- Not get into a relationship because they might lose themselves it,
- Avoid looking at their bank balance because it might impact their feelings of security,
- Or if they are like me, they convince themselves that they should not get on the scale because it may trigger their body and eating issues from the past.
That’s right. For the past ten or so years, I have not gotten on the scale. Having always struggled with body issues, emotional eating, and that cycle of bingeing, starving, over-exercising, and the feelings of self-loathing that accompanied it, I decided that it was unhealthy for me to get on the scale. For me, my narrative of the number on the scale was never a nice one. It could make or break my day. It determined how much self-love, acceptance, and freedom I would enjoy or it quickly became the excuse for my self-sabotage as well as the reason why I needed to play small, hide, and not go for what I truly wanted in life.
After decades of giving my power away to a number on the scale, I decided that it would be healthier for me not to get on it. My scale at home was used only to weigh suitcases, and when I went to the doctor’s office, I got on the scale backwards and warned them never to show me my chart.
Although I am a huge fan of “structures for success” and believe that not getting on the scale for over a decade gave me the space to develop a new relationship with my body, my emotions, and food, as circumstances would have it, I am now being led to weigh in on these issues at a deeper level.
Recently, I have developed some auto-immune issues. As a result, I have decided to take on my health. As part of this process, I signed up for a program where, as luck would have it, it is mandatory to get on the scale! Yikes! What if…
- Getting on the scale, brings up the narrative of negatives and those feelings of self-judgment and hatred?
- The number is so horrific that it sends me right to the refrigerator?
- “All this work I have done on myself” was not the effective and the number on the scale still has the power to make or break my day?
Although I can admit to being a bit apprehensive, I am actually excited about getting on the scale. It is time to see if “all of this work I have done” on these issues has been effective or if there are deeper levels of healing and growth I need to engage in.
Just like the person who avoids getting in a relationship out of fear of losing themselves in it or the person who procrastinates looking at their bank statement out of fear that it will impact their safety issues, just because we can soundly convince ourselves that not dipping our toe into certain situations is in our highest, often it is that conversation that is laced with fear and keeps us stuck.
Learning to avoid situations does not mean you have healed them!
Our boundaries can become our borders and they often imprison us in stories from our past and keep us from being aware and working out the issues that still need our attention.
As the saying goes, “The only way out is through!” Although we think choosing harmony over truth or remaining in the cage of our comfort zone will bring us peace, often it is the glue that keeps our dis-ease firmly in place.
If a wound is going to heal, if change is going to happen, then the bandage you have worn for years that is “holding things together” needs to be ripped off! That happens not by avoidance but with total honesty and action. It is time to operate in reality rather than continue to live in the trance of denial.
So this week I invite you to join me in weighing in on the truth. What in your life do you need to weigh in on? In what pond or ponds is it time for you to dip your toe?
The “worst” that can happen is you find an issue that you need still need to transform and the “best” is that you realize that you have taken back your power, truly healed a wound, freed yourself from a limiting story of the past, and are ready to step into unparalleled possibilities for the future!
Transformational Action Steps
(1) Think of an area or situation in your life you are avoiding.
(2) Dwell in:
- All of the excuses, justifications, and negative stories you tell yourself that validate your reasons for avoidance
- The costs your avoidance
- The possibilities that would be available to you if you stopped avoiding and committed to honesty and action
(3) Even if it is a baby step, identify one action you can take that will move you out of avoidance and into action.
The Integrity Advantage: Step into Your Truth, Love Your Life, and Claim Your Magnificence