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The roar of jet engines erupt and I’m propelled back in my seat as I take off, leaving behind a life I once knew. A beautiful chapter has come to a close, a new one has just begun. My long haul to Europe represents a bittersweet goodbye to a girl I have loved dearly over the past few years, and will continue to love for some time to come. As the world I knew shattered and the ground fell out from underneath me, my first thought was I’d never find my feet again. Now with a bird’s-eye view I can see with clarity that as my relationship began to fall apart, my life was falling together.
Every day we navigate many different relationships, with ourselves, with others, and with our lovers. Our relationships are a journey, an ever changing mirror as the essence of our love and companionship is reflected back to us through the eyes of our partner. If we look closely into the windows of our soul, we can discover who we are, where we’ve been, where we’re going and what we’ve learned along the way. Relationships are markers in a lifelong journey that can provide us greater understanding to the ceaseless transformation of our ever-evolving self.
When the sun rises on a new romance we often think it will last forever, I know I did. But just as a beautiful day must come to an end no matter how immense the joy, so too must a bond we thought never could. The love we share with another is always in motion, a dynamic metamorphosis begins the second we lift off into the arms of another and become more than we were alone, making for a rough landing when we come crashing back to earth. Facing the hard truth of an inevitable end can be overwhelming, but if we take a deeper look at the spiritual agreements we make with ourselves and others, and by redefining our understanding of what it means to love and be loved, we will be better able to handle this loss with integrity, compassion and truth.
Looking through the tiny airplane window at the soft reflection in my eyes I feel a great sense of pride in my pain. Even though a profound loss overcame me, my admiration and respect for my former partner has only grown. By honoring a deeper truth present in our intimate bond, we found the courage to respect and support each other independently of our selfish wants and desires. This can be a monumental challenge, one that we are not always eager to rise above. All too often when the path gets rough it’s easier to blame and shame our partner in an effort to protect ourselves. Yet, as we embraced love’s twilight hours and honored our authentic feelings, we allowed ourselves to learn a valuable life lesson.
Sensing the end was fast approaching, we made the hard choice to accept a pivotal truth that the people we were when we first met, were no more. Throughout our shared experiences we each evolved in our understanding of who we were and what we desired in life. Then came the gut-wrenching realization that in order for both of us to thrive, to truly become the best possible versions of ourselves, we had to make the difficult choice to be brutally honest with our authentic feelings, and in doing so, were able to further our understanding of what it means to love and be loved.
With a bird’s-eye view, approaching my new destination, I can see just how important it is that we honor the integrity of our personal and shared identity in every relationship. As our journey together drew to a close, I came to realize that the conversations I chose to have with myself and my partner would define my understanding of this relationship and of those to come. Would I allow a mentality based on fear, anger and resentment to have the final say, or would I let love and compassion lead our last dance? I knew that the foot we chose to put forward as we took our first steps away from each other would have a lasting impact on our emotional, physical and spiritual well-being and influence how we would show up in future relationships.
So I ask you now, what kind of conversations are present in your relationship? Are you truly free to express your authentic emotions? Do you honor your partner with your truth, or do you stay silent in the face of fear and uncertainty, clinging to a life and love that no longer serves you? The lesson I learned from this difficult break-up is a lesson we must relearn time and again, that only the truth can set us free. With this knowledge I am grateful, for I know that in my moment of trial I found courage to share my truth, and in doing so, we set each other free to become who we are meant to be. Now, as I take my first steps into a new world, I encourage you to pause, think and reflect the next time a relationship falls apart, and live in the possibility that your life just might be falling into place.